The Queen's Confession Part 37

"This pa.s.sport is not in order," he said, and although he spoke to Madame de Tourzel, he was studying me intently.

"I a.s.sure you it is in order," protested Madame de Tourzel.

"I am sorry, but I must take it to the town's solicitor, and I must ask you to accompany me to his house."

"What!" cried Madame de Tourzel in dismay. "All of us!"

"Yes, Madame, all of you. You will be led to the house of Monsieur Sausse."

I looked out of the window and saw that the berlin was surrounded by young men and that all wore the badge of the Revolution.

The berlin moved slowly on and drew up before a house. The King showed no sign of alarm. He whispered: "It is nothing. Merely a check on the pa.s.sport. It is in order. Fersen will have seen to that."

Monsieur Sausse was not only the solicitor but a keeper of a shop and mayor of Varennes. A mild comfortable man, I recognized him at once as one who would want to keep out of trouble.

He examined the pa.s.sport and proclaimed it to be in order. We had his permission to leave at once.

But Drouet was a fierce revolutionary. He cried out: "This is the King and Queen. Are you going to be a traitor, Monsieur Sausse, and let them slip through the people's fingers?"

Monsieur Sausse was alarmed, for even now the crowds were gathering outside his door.

He looked at us apologetically and I recognized that respect in his eyes. He knew us ... even as Drouet did.

"I must regret," he said, "that you cannot leave Varennes tonight. I offer you what hospitality I have."

It was over, I knew. Desperation overwhelmed me. People were gathering about the house. I could hear the shouts. It was going to be that terrible October all over again.

I could hear the mob screaming. From the window I could see their scythes and pitchforks.

Not that again! I thought. Why did we attempt this? Why did we not know that G.o.d was against us.

Not G.o.d, I thought, we have brought this on ourselves.

The Sausses were our friends, however. They had prepared a good meal for us, and that made it clear that they wished us nothing but good luck. If they could have prevented our detention, they would. As it was, in their humble home they treated us as their sovereigns. They dared not help us escape, though. That would have been more than their lives were worth. And what would be the use of attempting escape when the mob surrounded the house?

Throughout Varennes, Drouet was gathering his revolutionaries together. He was doubtless visualizing the great honor which would come to him. The man who prevented the escape of the King and Queen!

I was surprised how the King could eat in the face of all this. Appet.i.te in such circ.u.mstances astonished me. While he was eating, two soldiers fought their way into the house and when I saw them my spirits rose, for they were the loyal dragoons.

Their names were de Damas and Goguelat and they told us they had brought a company of soldiers with them to the town, but when their men had seen the revolutionaries gathering and knew that the King and I were prisoners, they deserted. They had no wish to anger the leaders of the Revolution by helping the King and Queen escape.

It was not long after when Choiseul himself arrived; he had a small company of men with him and had also had to fight his way to us.

He told us that the battle had been fierce and that he had been obliged to inflict wounds on some of those who sought to deter him.

The plan had gone awry, he said, and now they must plan afresh from here.

"I have sent warning to Bouille and it cannot be long before he joins us. I suggest, Sire, that we fight our way out of Varennes and take the road to Montmedy, we cannot then fail to meet Bouille. He will have his loyal troops and none will dare attack us then. We can carry Your Majesties to safety."

"This is an excellent idea," I cried. "We must do it."

But the King shook his head. "I have said all along that I will not be responsible for shedding the blood of my people. If we tried to fight our way out of here, many would be killed. Those people out there are determined not to let us go."

"They are the mob," said Choiseul. "They have their pitchforks, but pitchforks are no use against our weapons."

"As I said, there would be slaughter. Who knows, the Queen or the Dauphin might be hurt."

"We could protect the child," I said. "I am ready to take a chance."

"I would never permit it," said the King. "For even though we were all safe, some of my people would surely be killed. No, no. We must wait for Bouille to come. When the people see him, they will realize that it is no use to fight against him and his army. They will go back to their homes and allow us to depart peacefully."

"It is possible, Sire, that the revolutionaries may decide to take Your Majesties back to Paris before Bouille gets here."

"It is a chance we must take. I will not have bloodshed on my account."

I saw the stubborn look in his face and I knew he meant it.

I knew too that everything depended on Bouille's reaching Varennes in time.

I did not sleep through that terrible night. I was aware of the voices outside the house, of the light of torches.

I was praying silently. Not that again! It is more than I can endure. Let Bouille come ... or let death come quickly, but not that. The horror of it came back to me ... that ride from Versailles to Paris ... the crowd ... the unclean crowd ... the smell of blood, the horrible leering savage faces, the obscene words on vile lips. I hated them, G.o.d help me; they were canaille; it was not love of country that prompted them; it was love of cruelty. I thought: I would rather die now than suffer it again. And the children, those innocent children to be submitted to this humiliation, this fearful knowledge of all that was b.e.s.t.i.a.l in the world to be thrust under the innocent eyes. Oh, G.o.d, spare us.

Louis slept. I could almost hate him. Was he a man ... to sleep while we were all in such danger? He must not have bloodshed ... he must not harm his dear children ... his children ... those screaming beasts out there; he called them his children. Why was not Axel with us? Axel would have fought his way through them.

How I lived through that fearful night I do not know. But the dawn came and with the daylight the noise outside the house increased.

I tried to close my eyes; I tried to sleep. If only I could sleep for a few minutes as Louis had all though the night.

A hammering on the door startled me; I heard heavy feet on the stairs, and two men burst in upon us.

I recognized one of them as a man named Romeuf who had guarded us in the Tuileries. The other was a man named Bayon.

They explained that they came on orders from the National a.s.sembly. One of them handed a doc.u.ment to the King. I read it with him. His rights were suspended and these two men had been sent to prevent his continuing on his journey.

I screwed it up and threw it into a corner of the room.

The men looked on helplessly. At least they had some shame.

The King said gently: "'The Marquis de Bouille is on his way to Varennes. If you try to force us to return to Paris, there could be bloodshed."

"On the Orders of Monsieur de La Fayette we are to take you back to Paris, Sire."

"And what of the orders of your King?" I asked indignantly.

"We are obliged to obey the a.s.sembly, Madame."

"I wish to avoid bloodshed," said Louis gently. "I do not wish to fight my people. When the Marquis de Bouille arrives, I shall leave here and, from a place to which we shall go, come to an understanding with those who are making this Revolution."

Romeuf looked at his companion. "We could wait for the Marquis to arrive," he suggested, "since we were given no orders as to when we were to return to Paris."

Bayon did not possess his loyalty. "Are you a fool?" he demanded. "Bouille is armed. What have the people but their pitchforks and a few knives? We must set out for Paris before Bouille arrives."

"We are exhausted," I said. "There are the children to consider."

Bayon did not answer. He left us and I heard him go out of the house and talk to the crowds.

Romeuf looked at us apologetically and said: "You must think of anything, Your Majesties, which will delay the departure. Once Bouille arrives, you are safe."

"Thank you," I said quietly.

Bayon came back. Already I heard the shouts of "a Paris!" outside the house.

"Prepare to leave at once," said Bayon.

"The children must not be frightened," I told him. "They are exhausted. They must finish their sleep."

"Arouse them at once, Madame."

Madame de Tourzel and Madame Neuville awoke them. The Dauphin looked at Bayon and Romeuf and shrieked with pleasure.

"Now we have soldiers!" he cried. "Are you coming with us?"

"Yes, Monsieur le Dauphin," said Bayon.

Even the soldiers agreed that we must eat before we left and Madame Sausse was told to prepare food. I saw the determination in her face to take as long as she possibly could doing so.

Bayon was impatient. He warned her that the people would not feel very kindly toward a dilatory housewife who was responsible for holding up their orders. Poor Madame Sausse, she did everything she could to help us. Such people as herself and Romeuf brought great hope to us in our difficulties.

I tried to eat but could not. In fact, the only ones who could do justice to the food Madame Sausse had been so long preparing were the King and the children.

"Come now," said Bayon.

And there was no sign of Bouille.

It is all over, I thought. We can find no excuse to stay longer. Oh, G.o.d, send Bouille. Please give us this.

"Come," said Bayon roughly. "There has been enough delay."

He was hustling us to the door when Madame Neuville gave a little cry and slipped to the floor; she started to throw her arms about and made strange noises as though in a fit.

I knelt beside her. I knew she was acting. I cried: "Fetch a doctor."

Bayon, cursing, gave the order; but everyone outside was determined that the doctor should be brought in record time.

All the time I watched Madame Neuville lying there on the floor I was praying: "Oh, G.o.d, send Bouille."

But it was the doctor who came, not Bouille, and Madame Neuville could no longer keep up her pretense. She was given a potion and helped to her feet She swayed and would have fallen again, but Bayon supported her and with the help of the doctor dragged her out to the cabriolet.

No sign of Bouille.

"a Paris!" shouted the mob. No more waiting.

There was no help for it. We must all follow Madame Neuville out of the house. A shout went up when we appeared. I held the Dauphin's hand tightly, too frightened for him to fear for myself.

It was coming again ... I knew so well. I should never forget. The humiliating ride ... a longer one this time, not merely from Versailles but from Varennes to Paris.

The journey to Paris lasted three days. I thought when we had come from Versailles that I had reached the nadir of humiliation, horror, discomfort, and misery; I was to learn that I had not done so.

The heat was intense; we could not wash or change our clothes, and all along the route were those shrieking screaming savages. I cannot call them people - for all semblance of human kindness and dignity seemed to have left them. They hurled insults at us - mostly at me. I was the scapegoat, as I had become accustomed to being.

"a bas Antoinette!" they screamed. "Antoinette a la lanterne!"

Very well, then, I thought, but quickly ... quickly. Gladly I will go rather than submit to life in these circ.u.mstances. Only let my children go freely. Let them live the lives of ordinary gentlefolk ... but let me die if that is what you want.

They had set two men of the National a.s.sembly to guard us - Petion and Barnave. I suppose they were not bad fellows; I know they were not now. There was a difference between the rabble and those who believed that the Revolution must come about for the good of France, whose creed was liberty, equality, fraternity; they would have been ready to bargain for it around a conference table and Louis would have been eager to grant them what they wished. Men such as these were far removed from those animals outside who shrieked obscenities at us, who demanded our heads ... and other parts of our bodies ... who wanted blood and who laughed with demoniacal joy at the thought of shedding it. Oh, yes, these men were different They talked to us, as they thought reasonably. We were only people, they told us. We did not deserve to be privileged because we were born in a different stratum of society than they were. The King listened gravely, inclined to agree with them. They talked of the Revolution and what they wanted from life, and the inequalities of it; it was not reasonable to suppose that a people would go on indefinitely in want while a certain section of society spent on a gown what would keep a family in food for a year.

The Dauphin took a fancy to the two men and they to him. He read the words on the b.u.t.tons of their uniforms. "Vivre libre ou mourir."

"Will you live freely or die?" he asked them gravely; and they a.s.sured him they would.

I felt that Elisabeth and Madame de Tourzel were near breaking point. I knew that it was for me to keep them sane. My way of doing it was to attempt a lofty indifference. It did not please the mob, but it forced some respect from them. When we were obliged to draw up the blinds of the berlin, which they demanded now and then, and Barnave or Petion would declare we had better do so, as this mob was getting violent, I would sit staring straight ahead. They would come up to the window and call obscenities at me and I would look straight ahead as though they were not there.

"Wh.o.r.e!" they shouted and I would not seem to hear.

They jeered, but it had its effect on them.

Food was brought to the berlin for us; the people shouted that they wanted to see us eat.

Elisabeth was terrified and thought we should pull up the blinds as the crowd demanded, but I refused to do so.

"We must keep our dignity," I told her.

"Madame, they will smash the berlin," said Barnave.

But I knew that to draw up those blinds was to degrade ourselves and refused to do so until I wished to throw out my chicken bones and this I did into the crowd as though they did not exist for me.

Petion was the fiercer of the two; I detected in Barnave an admiration for me. He admired my manner with the mob and I could see that he was changing his ideas of us. He had thought arrogant aristocrats were unlike human beings, but I noticed how astonished he seemed when I spoke to Elisabeth and called her "little sister," or she addressed the King as "brother." These men were astonished at the way we talked to the children and impressed by the obvious affection between me and my family.

They must have been fed for years on those absurd scandalous sheets which had circulated through the capital. They thought I was some sort of monster incapable of any tender feelings - a Messalina, a Catherine de Medicis.

Petion tried in the beginning to speak insolently of Axel. There had been many rumors about our relationship.

"We know that your family left the Tuileries in an ordinary fiacre and that this was driven by a man of Swedish nationality," he said.

I was terrified. They knew then that Axel had driven us!

"We should like you to tell us the name of this Swede," went on Petion, and I could see by the gleam in his eye that he enjoyed talking about my lover before my husband.