The Puddleford Papers Part 33

Up went the canvas, and the show prepared to open. The hurry to enter was most marvellous--such a crowd Puddleford never saw before. Even Squire Longbow could not wait until the doors were actually opened. He was bewitched to see the great African lion. The Squire, as a peace-officer, ordered the crowd to keep back, in reality for the purpose of giving him and Mrs. Longbow a better chance; but the Squire's commands were entirely disregarded; he had sunk down to the level of a mere citizen; he was stripped of all his power; it was the great caravan day, and who cared for a justice of the peace on such an occasion?

Aunt Sonora having repaired the disasters of the forenoon, had determined to see the fun out. She had put on her "'t'other frock," and looked as well as she did before she had been peeled through the morning mult.i.tude.

The doors were opened at last, and the "rush" entered, and in a few moments the canvas was alive with human beings. The grand caravan now on exhibition was originally the f.a.g-end of a large concern, which had been bought up by sharpers to swindle the people. I say, originally, because this f.a.g-end had been divided up into three smaller f.a.g-ends which were out in different parts of the new country scouring around for money. The Puddleford f.a.g-end had a runt of a lion, who was very evidently on his last legs; for he had been travelled until his hair was worn entirely off, and his spirits exhausted. It was very clear that he was showing himself for about the last time. The elephant was diseased, and the tiger was about four times the size of a cat. There were three dirty-looking monkeys in a cage eating crackers and hickory nuts, and chatting and throwing shucks through the bars at the gaping crowd--an ichneumon--a black bear, the only hearty fellow in the concern--and a mussy-looking ostrich, who had lost his tail-feathers in his peregrinations through the globe. This was _the_ caravan.

Aunt Sonora entered, trembling.--"Dear me! dear me! dear me!" she uttered to herself as she went in; "and so this is really the great caravan; if the animals should get loose--and there--O, there--is that the lion!" she exclaimed involuntarily to those around her, starting back, as she saw the bars of a cage in the distance,--"are them bars iron?" she exclaimed, looking frightened.

"Walk up! walk up!" exclaimed the keeper, as he saw several persons standing back; "the lion is one of the most docile animals we have, ladies and gentlemen; he never bites, ladies and gentlemen; got him in a strong cage; walk up, ladies and gentlemen, and see the _li_-on, the monarch of the forest, as he is called."

"How his eyeb.a.l.l.s glare!" exclaimed Aunt Sonora, disregarding the peaceful proclamation of the keeper, as the great African lion looked up lazily, and brushed a fly from his nose with his fore-paw.

"This African lion, ladies and gentlemen," continued the keeper, "is fourteen years old; was caught in the great jungles of Ethiopia, by throwing a _large_ rope around _his_ neck when he was _a_-sleeping, ladies and gentlemen; he floundered a good deal, ladies and gentlemen, but he was caught and brought away to the sh.o.r.es of Ameri-_ca_, where he has been ever since. n.o.body need be afear'd, for he never breaks out of his cage, and always minds his keeper. Walk up _clo_-ser and look at the animal, ladies and gentlemen." Here the keeper struck the iron bars of the cage a heavy blow with a stick which he carried, but the great African lion took no notice of it.

"Don't be skeer'd," exclaimed Mrs. Swipes, who had listened attentively to the a.s.surances of the keeper, addressing herself to Miss Lavinia Longbow, whom she held between herself and the great African lion, as a precaution; "don't be skeer'd, he's one of the most docil_est_ animals in the whole caravan, the keeper says; push along. Don't be skeer'd; go right up to where he is a-lying."

"This," exclaimed Squire Longbow, in a loud tone of voice, to a host of Puddlefordians who had gathered around him for protection; "this is the great lion I tell'd you about; he ain't so large as the one I onct saw down onter the Susquehannas. Can he roar any, Mr. Keeper?" continued the Squire, turning solemnly, and addressing himself to that august personage with his usual dignity.

"He's a perfect roarer, ladies and gentlemen!" answered the keeper; "but the lion don't roar at this time of the year--you don't understand the nater of the animal--he loses his voice during the latter part of the season. You ought to have heard him last spring, when he was in the roaring mood, ladies and gentlemen."

"Bless us!" exclaimed Aunt Sonora.

"Frightened the children half to death," said the keeper.

"The great--African lion," muttered Aunt Sonora.

"But he won't _roar_ now, ladies and gentlemen--walk up, walk up!"

"Com'd from the jungles, I s'pose," inquired the Squire, with much gravity.

"Caught right _in_ a jungle," said the keeper.

"Jest as I told you!" said the Squire, turning around to his friends.

"Has he got _claws_?" inquired Aunt Sonora.

"_Claws!_" exclaimed the keeper, looking astonished; "the great--African lion--got claws? Bless you! why he's _all_ claws and teeth; let me show them to you;" and the keeper ran his arm into the cage, in the act of pulling out one of the paws of the ferocious beast; when all Puddleford started with a rush for the door, mingled with screams that were most heart-rending.

"Never mind," said the keeper, who had become affected by the terror around him; "we won't show the lion's claws now."

Order being restored, Mrs. Bird wanted to know why the lion "hadn't got any _har_?"

"Any _what_?" inquired the keeper, peering through the crowd to find where the voice came from, and what it said.

"Any _har_, Mr. Keeper."

"Ah! O, yes--any _hair_--I see--it is a _lady_ who makes the inquiry. Why the animal hasn't got any hair? Yes, yes, very proper inquiry. We like to answer such questions, or _any_ questions. These animals are great curiosities; and we travel for the instruction of the people. Why the animal hasn't got any hair? Put all the questions you can think of, ladies and gentlemen. The animal _hasn't_ got any hair just now. Well, ladies and gentlemen, he has just shed his coat--the lion is the monarch of the forest--_he_ sheds _his_ coat in the fall of the year, ladies and gentlemen; _he's_ from Africa, where the animals shed their coats at a different season from the animals in this country; and the lion does just as he would do if he were in Africa now, ladies and gentlemen. A very proper question that, ladies and gentlemen; the lion is a wonderful beast--the most wonderful beast, ladies and gentlemen, we have. Any more questions? He has shed his coat, you see; looks bad just now. A sight at the lion alone is worth the whole admission money. Any more questions?"

Mrs. Bird wanted to know of the keeper if he couldn't make him "snap and snarl a little."

As the lion could scarcely stand upon his legs, the request of Mrs. Bird rather took the keeper aback for a moment. But he recovered himself and proceeded. He said he _could_ do it--_did_ do it sometimes--but he didn't like to do it. "You see, ladies and gentlemen, that he is very docile now; resting _very_ quiet; nothing disturbs him; but if he should get once roused up, there is no knowing what he would do; I have stirred him up upon particular request, but I never do it of my own accord, ladies and gentlemen. We don't propose to do any such thing on our bills; we don't like to do such a thing; but we always mean to satisfy the public, ladies and gentlemen." Here the keeper started for a long pole with a sharp spike in the end of it, and returning with it in his hand, announced, "I will now make the great African lion foam and rage, and gnash his teeth."

A scream of terror went up from the whole mult.i.tude, filled with broken e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.ns. "Murder!" "Don't!" "Let me out!" "Stop him!" and everybody rushed in the wildest confusion a second time for the door.

The keeper laid down his pole, and calmed the crowd.

The exercises connected with the lion now closed. Turtle took advantage of the interregnum to make an inquiry of his own. He had in his possession the flaming poster that had so long hung at the Eagle, and amused and astonished the Puddlefordians, and slowly unfolding it, he caught the eye of the keeper, as he held it out at full length, and wished to know where "all the monkeys were that were put on to that 'ere bill?"

The keeper pointed to the monkeys' cage, where the three were, still chewing nuts and crackers, and chattering and bobbing from one side to the other.

"Je-hos-a-phat!" exclaimed Turtle, "them _ar'_ ain't these 'ere monkeys--there ain't but three on 'em, nuther, and they ain't climbing trees, as these are--Je-hos-a-phat!--are _them_ your monkeys, Mr. Keeper?"

The keeper said "he would explain. They were the same monkeys that the gentleman found on the bill; the same monkeys in different att.i.tudes. That monkey, for instance, ladies and gentlemen," continued the keeper, pointing his stick at a gray-bearded one in the cage, who was just then intently at work pulling a sliver out of his foot, "that monkey is represented four or five times on the bill in different forms, ladies and gentlemen; jumping here, and climbing there, ladies and gentlemen; and in other places performing those wonderful and curious feats that the monkey only _can_ perform. Will the gentleman show the bill for the benefit of all? (Ike held up the bill over his head.) Now, ladies and gentlemen, look at the bill, and then look at the monkey. These bills are printed for the instruction of the people; it gives them a knowledge of natural history. That monkey can do anything that we have represented on our bill; or, rather, monkeys in their native woods do all these things; but the woods we cannot carry around with us, ladies and gentlemen; and so we give it to you on our bills. (Hold the bill a little higher, if you please, sir.) There you see the monkey as he is--next thing to a man, ladies and gentlemen. Study the monkey; he's an as-_ton_-ishing animal; very different from the lion there; wherever we go, the _mon_-keys are admired. Any more questions, ladies and gentlemen?"

Turtle said "he b'lieved he shouldn't ask any more questions."

Bigelow Van Slyck had not yet seen "that wonderful animal mentioned in Holy Writ, and now known as the Ichneumon." He had walked the whole caravan over and over a dozen times, but the Ichneumon was nowhere to be seen.

He inquired, at last, of the keeper, "where he kept his Ichneumon."

"Certainly," answered the keeper in the most amiable manner possible, leading the way to a little cage on the ground, where he had an animal housed about the size of a small dog.

"There," exclaimed the keeper, "is the sacred quadruped now known as the Ichneumon."

Bigelow ran his hands into his breeches-pockets and looked down very reverently upon the little fellow.

"Spoken of in Holy Writ?" repeated Bigelow.

"Often," said the keeper.

"Old Testament, probably," said Bigelow.

"Most probably," replied the keeper.

Bigelow took another long look.

"And he's alive, too," said Bigelow, drawing a long breath.

"But it costs a great deal of money," answered the keeper, "to preserve his life--most _expensive_ animal we have--bathe him in salt water three times a day."

"Mi-_rac_-ulous!" said Bigelow.

"Treat him very tenderly," continued the keeper; "liable to lose him any moment; cost a great sum; but we don't mind that--it is our business--we _will_ satisfy the public."

Bigelow introduced Mrs. Bird, Mrs. Swipes, and Mrs. Longbow to the Ichneumon, who did not happen to be present and hear the keeper's remarks, and repeated in low breath the information which he had just derived, with suitable and appropriate remarks of his own. For his part, he said, he was paid. He had seen the sacred animal called the Ichneumon; and he managed to weave him into a sermon which he preached some weeks afterwards, in which he identified him as clearly as he did when inspecting the poster at the Eagle.

Jim Buzzard was present during all the exercises. He crawled in under the canvas at rather a late hour, but appeared in time to see all that was to be seen. He made very few comments upon the animals. He took a very long look at the elephant, who seemed to just strike his fancy. Jim was a picture, and so was the elephant. As he stood in rags gaping at the monster, it seemed as if he was magnetized to the ground. He examined him up and down, looked under him, and over him, and at last, after having digested all there was about him, he scratched his head and said, "O, Gosh!"

But all things must have an end, and the grand caravan, in time, came to its end. The last performance, which was intended as the climax to the whole day's proceedings, and which had been looked forward to by the Puddlefordians with the most enthusiastic feeling, was the "ostrich and monkey ride." The poster had painted this affair in shining colors, and it was finally announced by the keeper, amid a tempest of applause. It is not in my power to describe this ride. The monkey rode the ostrich, as promised, carrying a whip in his hand--and then the monkey took another round on the ostrich, carrying something else--and then again and again, each time under renewed and stronger vociferations from the mult.i.tude, until I really began to think that the monkey and ostrich were certain to transport the crowd into hysterics, and cover themselves with immortal glory.

When the afternoon shadows began to lengthen over the green, the tent, which had so recently gone up by magic, as suddenly dissolved, and the people dissolved too. The show was over, and there were scores of people who were twenty or thirty miles from home, jaded and nearly out of money.