The Prophet of Berkeley Square Part 24

"There is no such word as 'but' in my dictionary," retorted the lady.

"Ah, an abridged edition, no doubt," said the Prophet. "Still--"

"I am better now," interposed Madame Sagittarius, brushing some crumbs of toast from her pelisse with the orange handkerchief. "Jupiter, if you are ready, we can explain the test to the gentleman."

So saying she drew a vinaigrette, set with fine imitation carbuncles, from the plush reticule, and applied it majestically to her nose.

The Prophet grew really perturbed. He remembered his promise to his grandmother and Sir Tiglath, and felt that he must a.s.sert himself more strongly.

"I a.s.sure you," he began, with some show of firmness, "no tests will be necessary. My telescope has already been removed from its position, and--"

"Then it must be reinstated, sir," said Mr. Sagittarius, "and this very night. Madame has. .h.i.t upon a plan, sir, of searching you to the quick.

Trust a woman, sir, to do that."

"I should naturally trust Madame Sagittarius," said the Prophet, very politely. "But I really cannot--"

"So you say, sir. Our business is to find out whether, living in the Berkeley Square as you do, you can bring off a prophecy of any importance or not. The future of myself, Madame and family depends upon the results of the experiments which we shall make upon you during the next few days."

The Prophet began to feel as if he were shut up alone with a couple of determined pract.i.tioners of vivisection.

"Let's see, my dear," continued Mr. Sagittarius, addressing his wife, "what was it to be?"

"The honored grandmother one," replied the lady, tersely.

The Prophet started.

"I cannot possibly consent--" he began.

"Pray, Mr. Vivian, listen to me," interposed Madame Sagittarius.

"Pray, sir, attend to Madame!" said Mr. Sagittarius, sternly.

"But I must really--"

"January," said Madame, "is a month of grave importance to grandmothers this year, is it not, Jupiter?"

"Yes, my dear. In consequence of Scorpio being in the sign of Sagittarius. The crab will be very busy up till the third of February."

"Just so."

"At which date the little dog, my love, a.s.sumes the roll of maleficence towards the aged."

"I know. _Cane cavem_. When was the old lady born, Mr. Vivian, if you please?"

"What old lady?" stammered the Prophet, beginning to perspire.

"The old lady who's got ankles, your honoured grandmother?"

"On the twentieth of this month. But--"

"At what time?"

"Six in the morning. But--"

"Under what star?"

"Saturn. But--"

"That's lucky, isn't it, Jupiter?" said Madame, in an increasingly business-like manner. "That brings her into touch with the Camelopard--doesn't it?"

"Into very close touch indeed, my dear, and also with the bull. He goes right to her, as you may say."

"I cannot conceivably permit--" began the Prophet in much agitation.

But Madame, without taking the smallest notice of him, proceeded.

"Will the scorpion be round her on her birthday?"

"Close round her, my love--with the serpent. They work together."

"Together, do they? You know what effect they'll have on her, don't you, Jupiter?"

"I should rather think so, my darling," replied Mr. Sagittarius, with an air of profound and sinister information.

The Prophet's blood ran cold in his veins. Yet he felt for the moment unable to utter a syllable, or even to make a gesture of protest.

So entirely detached from him did the worthy couple appear to be, so completely wrapped up in their own evidently well-considered and carefully-laid plans, that he had a sense of being in another sphere, not theirs, of hearing their remarks from some distance off. Madame Sagittarius now turned towards him in a formal manner, and continued.

"And now, Mr. Vivian, I shall have to lay down the procedure that you will follow. Have you a good memory--no, a pencil and notebook will be best. _Litterae scriptus manetur_, as we all know full well. Have you a pencil and--?"

The Prophet nodded mechanically.

"Will you kindly get them?"

The Prophet rose, walked to his writing table and felt for the implements.

"If you will sit down now I will direct you," continued Madame, authoritatively.

The Prophet sat down at the table, holding a lead pencil upside down in one hand and an account-book wrong side up in the other.

"Let's see--what's to-day?" inquired Madame, of her husband.

"The seventeenth, my dear," replied Mr. Sagittarius, looking at his wife with almost sickly adoration.

"To be sure. Capricornus's day for Homer's Idyl. Very well, Mr. Vivian, to-day being the seventeenth, and the old lady's birthday the twentieth, you have three days, or rather nights, of steady work before you."

"Steady work?" murmured the Prophet.

"What should be his hours, Jupiter?" continued Madame. "At what time of night is he to commence? Shall I say nine?"

The Prophet remembered feebly that, during the next three nights, he had two important dinner-engagements, a party at the Russian Amba.s.sador's, and a reception at the Lord Chancellor's just opposite. However, he made no remark. Somehow he felt that words were useless when confronted with such an iron will as that of the lady in the pelisse.