The Phoenix Pack: Feral Sins Part 24

The one thing Taryn had always known would be annoying about being mated was that having such an intense connection to someone meant there were no secrets. Not that Taryn had any huge dark secrets or anything, but there were little itty bitty ones that she would have preferred to keep to herself.

Like this for example Taryn had to come to love waking up with Trey's big body practically coc.o.o.ning her. It made her feel safe, sheltered, secure. It also made her feel a little dumb and feeble. She was an Alpha for G.o.d's sake and yet she loved being cuddled and protected. It felt like a weakness. If Trey woke up now and tapped into what she was feeling, he would know that. By G.o.d, if he teased her about it she'd kick his b.a.l.l.s so hard they ended up in his throat.

It was still hard getting her head around the fact that they were true mates. In fact, it wasn't so much that. It was just the way everything seemed to have happened at once; realizing she loved him, hearing he cared about her, and then suddenly discovering that what she'd grown up believing was bulls.h.i.t and that she and Trey were true mates all in the s.p.a.ce of twenty-four hours.

And now she was mated. Now she had that deep connection to someone that she had always dreamt of having that every shifter dreamt of having. Casting a shadow over that, however, was the heavy sensation that was saddling her chest. Guilt. Guilt that she could be so happy to be wrong about Joey.

She had sensed that Trey wasn't experiencing that guilt. Finding out that Taryn was his true mate had brought him nothing but masculine satisfaction and a sense of peace. She knew what she needed to do if she was to have that same peace, and she planned to do it after breakfast. The feel of him nuzzling her hair broke into her thoughts.

"Hey baby," he greeted in a sleep-croaky voice. Without having to look, Trey had known she was awake. Just like he had known she enjoyed his body crowding her but would never admit it. Just like he had known she was feeling slightly guilty. "Do you wish I wasn't your mate?" It startled him just how much it would pain him if she said yes.

Taryn shook her head. "No. Look deeper, behind the guilt. I'm happy about it, about you. Really, I am."

He relaxed a little when he sensed it was the truth. "Then why the guilt?" It wasn't an emotion he'd had an awful lot of experience with and it had never made much sense to him even when he did. It seemed dumb that you could feel a rush of happiness but that a negative emotion would be attached to it. Wasn't happiness supposed to be just that, happiness?

"When I think about it, I'm not sure I know how to think about Joey without having guilt ruling me. Guilt that I should have been in that car and died in the accident with him and our mom's, but didn't. Guilt that I survived losing him when most people expected me not to. Guilt that I wasn't spending every single day grieving him. Guilt that I could be attracted to other guys and still want to mate with somebody someday. h.e.l.l, when I lost my virginity I cried the whole time." She twisted in Trey's arms so that she was facing him. "And now I find out that this person had never been my true mate at all, and a part of me thinks I should be lamenting that. But I don't. I can't. It makes me feel guilty that I'm glad I was wrong."

He sighed. "I get what you mean, but I can't say I feel the same. I don't feel any guilt whatsoever to know that Summer wasn't my true mate. If that makes me a bad person, well, that's because I am a bad person."

"You're not a bad person. You're just an a.s.s." She smiled when he chuckled. "I'm sorry if I'm hurting you with the guilt thing. I don't mean to."

He ran his fingers through her hair. "It's okay, you can make it up to me."

When he rolled Taryn onto her back and began sliding down her body she knew exactly what his intention was the same intention he had every single morning. This was Trey's version of breakfast. Being the kind, generous mate that she was, she lay still and let him feast.

It always felt so good when he tasted her, but it was so much more amazing having him do it while the mating bond was partially formed. She could feel that although it gave him a bone deep satisfaction that she belonged to him, he wasn't just trying to answer his possessive urges by carrying her taste in his mouth. He was completely engrossed. The combination of her taste, the moans she made, and the knowledge that he was pleasuring his mate all had him totally gripped. As usual, when she came in his mouth he didn't let a single drop of it go to waste. Then he swatted her a.s.s and, whistling, strolled into the en-suite bathroom. c.o.c.ky b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

Rather than waiting for him as she always did, she quickly dressed and made her way to the kitchen. Yesterday most people had seemed accepting enough of their mating, but she couldn't help wondering if their acceptance and offers of loyalty were for Trey's benefit. As such, she wanted to go alone for breakfast this morning to see if their att.i.tudes were different while he wasn't around. That plan pretty much flopped, since the only person in the kitchen was Grace. The second she saw Taryn a beaming smile took over her face.

"So...you're true mates after all," she drawled, handing Taryn a mug of coffee. "I'm so thrilled. I must say, you look just as shocked this morning as you did yesterday."

As usual, Taryn settled on the counter. "Yeah. I knew I'd come to care for him, but I didn't expect him to feel the same. I certainly didn't expect all this."

"He's cared about you from the beginning. He's just not good with showing he cares."

"Well, he never had many examples of it." She hated that he'd had such an awful childhood.

"That's true. His mom...she was a good person, but she wasn't affectionate. It wasn't part of who she was, like Greta. Kids...they need hugs, kisses, praise and words of love. She never gave him that. His dad gave him pretty much the opposite."

"It's no wonder he doesn't know what love is."

Most likely in response to Taryn's sudden frown, Grace asked, "What is it?"

"Nothing." At Grace's 'tell me now' expression, she sighed. "It's just...I can't help feeling a little hurt that he doesn't care about me as much as I do him. I know it should be enough to be mated to someone I love even if they don't love me back especially when I'd never thought I'd have the mating bond at all. But the idea of spending my life with someone I love who doesn't feel the same....I'm worried it'll eat away at me over time."

"Of course it hurts. You want to be the center of his everything just like he's the center of yours. But, honey, I'm pretty sure you already are. He cares about you about as much as he's capable of doing. It's up to you to show him what love is, to wrap him up in it until he comes to recognize it and feel it himself."

"I don't know if that's possible. Trey...he's so guarded. h.e.l.l, we both are. I'm not sure that the mating bond will ever be fully complete."

Grace gave her a gentle smile. "You know what the answer is, don't you? Chocolate. It's always the answer, no matter the question."

Taryn's chuckle died as Selma entered the room wearing what might as well have been a tissue. Clearly the female was set on continuing to flaunt herself in front of Trey. "He's not here yet."

Scowling, Selma took a seat at the table and, naturally, the tissue rode up her thighs to the point of indecency. "I'll bet you're feeling very smug. Well, be as smug as you want, but I have to say I feel kind of sorry for you if you think this is over. He's still not yours. The mating bond is only in the early stages. The link can be quite easily broken."

"So can your nose. Don't test me, Selma. Right now I don't have the patience required to deal with people whose IQ level lands on the right side of the decimal point. Trey didn't want to mate with you before I was here, and even if I left he still wouldn't want you as his mate."

"Oh he wanted me just fine all those times he had me in his bed. Just think...Those silk sheets you sleep on at night he f.u.c.ked me on those."

Grace snorted. "Oh have some pride, Selma. It happened all of one time and that was years ago in your room! If it's really that important to you to be some guy's Alpha female then go seduce one at a club or something."

"Trey's mine! This pack is mine!" Her eyes flashed wolf as her attention turned back to Taryn. "You'll never be accepted here as Alpha female. Never. You might have gotten most of them to pledge their loyalty to you, but you're nave if you think they all meant it."

"Amen," muttered a witchy voice.

Taryn returned Greta's glare. "Hey Widow Tw.a.n.key. Still alive? Hmm. Guess those voodoo dolls don't work after all."

"Yes, yes, make your jokes, hussy."

"Who said I was joking?"

A cruel smirk played around the edges of Selma's mouth. "I'll bet it hurts knowing you'll never run together with Trey in your wolf form."

It did, actually, but Taryn wouldn't let her see that her hit had met its target. "You know, I can't understand why you'd spoil such gorgeous blonde hair by dying your roots black." Selma's smirk died and was replaced by a snarl. She probably would have said more if Trey, Dante and Tao hadn't then entered the kitchen. Dante and Tao both greeted Taryn with smiles and respectful nods of the head.

"Hey, why didn't you wait for me?" Trey asked against her lips as he stepped between her legs. He heard Selma a mostly naked Selma, his peripheral vision informed him call his name, but he didn't pay her any attention, he wasn't stupid.

"I needed caffeine." Taryn gratefully accepted the plate of food Grace handed her. Trey frowned when Grace didn't present him with a plate of his own.

"You don't have to start running round after her just because she's officially your Alpha female," Greta told Grace.

Trey groaned. The woman never let up.

Unable to resist needling her, Taryn said, "You know, Greta, you and I will get on a whole lot better once you accept that I'm a G.o.ddess."

At that moment Marcus entered and, obviously having heard her comment, bowed to her. "Oh beautiful G.o.ddess, how may I serve thee?" Trey slapped him lightly over the head.

"A G.o.ddess? Hmph. I gave you my loyalty because I'd never do anything to upset my grandson, but I'll never see you as my Alpha female."

"Yeah? Watch me pretend to care." In actuality, she could demand Greta's complete submission and even punish her for her disrespect, but Taryn wasn't interested in being one of those Alphas who were so d.a.m.n strict that they basically prevented the members from having a mind of their own. She didn't want the loyalty of her pack out of fear, but out of respect.

If a few members weren't prepared to give her that, then fine, whatever. Besides, she was so used to her relationship with Greta being like this that it would feel kind of weird if it was any different. And it was way too much fun to battle with her.

By the time Taryn had downed her breakfast and morning coffee, Trey had gone to his office as usual to check his e-mails and whatever else he did in there. Taking advantage of his absence, Taryn went outside onto the small clearing and then made her way into the forest, headed for the river. She hadn't been there since the anniversary of her mom's birthday and nor had she felt a need to. Until now.

On finally coming to the river she sat on the same bolder as she had on the previous visit, again enjoying the fresh crispy air and the various comforting smells. She wasn't sure how long she sat there trying to pluck up the courage to speak, to find the right words. Finally she took a deep breath, swallowed hard and straightened her posture.

Hey Joe. G.o.d, where do I start? Last time I was pretty miserable, huh. Remember I told you all about how the Alpha I'd mated with was basically ignoring my existence? His name's Trey I don't think I ever told you that. Well things are kind of totally the opposite now.

We've, um, well we've sort of...We sort of discovered that...It turns out we're true mates. I bit him yesterday and the bond clicked into place. I feel awful for saying this, but...well I'm happy about it. I'm so sorry if that makes you hate me, but I'd rather not lie to you.

You don't mean any less to me than you did before. It's like I said to Shaya you have your own s.p.a.ce inside me, and now so does Trey. And now he's filling it. And...and I love him. I'd like to think you can be happy for me, that you wouldn't want me being alone. I know I'd feel that way if the positions were reversed although I admit I'm petty enough that I'd have been a little jealous. But I wouldn't have wanted you to be lonely or to never find someone who cared for you. And that's what I have. Not love, no I'm not sure I'll ever have that so I'm not even sure our mating bond will ever be fully formed. But I'm actually happy. I hope you can be glad for me.

With tears clouding her vision, she rose and smiled. Love you, miss you.

Although her heart felt as heavy as it usually did after talking to Joey, she wasn't filled with that old sense of hopelessness or plagued by a feeling of loneliness. Yes she missed Joey, there was no way she couldn't, but now she knew that it wasn't because he had been her mate, but because of what close friends they had been. Now she had something good to go to back to, someone who had gotten rid of that emptiness she had once felt. Someone she loved. Her mate.

She had taken approximately ten steps when she realized she was no longer alone. Looking to her right she saw a very familiar whopping big grey wolf. "Hey there, Cujo." She knew that although the wolf would have picked up on her surface emotions, he wouldn't quite understand what her pain meant or what she had been doing by the river, but there was a strong possibility that Trey did.

She walked to the wolf and squatted beside him. He rubbed his jaw against hers and licked her ear. "I had to explain to him, Trey," she said, knowing he would hear her. "And I needed to find that peace. You get it, right?" For a split second the wolf's eyes flashed Trey's artic blue, and she knew he was letting her know he had heard. Smiling she shook his muzzle and pushed him away for her. "Fancy a race?" Then she was gone.

She and the wolf played for something like an hour; tagging and chasing each other, wrestling, mock fighting, and ambushing one another. Although he didn't hold back with those teeth or claws, he didn't once draw blood. Finally they collapsed near the lake beside Trey's discarded clothes, panting and huddled together. She hadn't at all meant to doze off, but it wasn't a great surprise that she had.

She woke to the telling sound of popping and snapping. Opening her eyes, she saw Trey beside her in his human form once again. His sharp eyes were glinting with a light-heartedness she had never seen there before. His usual scowl had all but disappeared and he wore a beaming smile.

Knowing she was wondering at his uncharacteristic cheeriness, he explained. "I never really made time for playing and fooling around. I became Alpha when I was just a teenager, remember. Had to grow up pretty quickly. There wasn't really fun or quirkiness in my life until you got here." He clipped her hair behind her ear and kissed her lightly before sucking her bottom lip into his mouth.

"So you never really went out and had fun with the guys?"

"Not really. There I was suddenly responsible for all these wolves and I wasn't in a great frame of mind after everything that had happened." He exhaled heavily. "I wasn't in control of my emotions. h.e.l.l, I didn't even know what the emotions were. There we were with no territory, no home, no money. I knew I needed to gain control fast or I'd never keep the pack alive."

"So you bottled it all up," she said in a whisper. "Turned yourself into a robot."

"I guess I did. It wasn't hard to rein it all in. I'd always been good at that."

It tugged at her heart to know that he had basically missed out on his youth. Teenage years were about personal growth and fun and finding your ident.i.ty. Trey had missed all that, and that was just unacceptable to Taryn. "Well now that I'm around, you'll be expected to have fun occasionally know that right now."

"We have plenty of fun." He grinned wickedly and licked over his mark while his hand cupped her breast.

"Not that kind of fun," she said a little breathlessly as he sucked and nibbled her neck. "But we'll do lots of that, too." And they did do lots of that. In fact, they spent the next hour doing plenty of it.

"Have I ever told you that you have an epic a.s.s?" she said, thanking G.o.d for the creation of Levis, as she watched him walk ahead of her toward the caves.

He laughed. "The epic a.s.s belongs to you, baby. I should know, I've bitten it often enough."

She snickered. "Where on my body haven't you bitten?"

Again he laughed. "If I think of a place, I'll correct the oversight."

"Maybe I'll retaliate."

"Oh I really hope you do."

"Great. How about now in your office?"

"Baby, does the word 'nympho' mean anything to you?" At that second, the cell phone in his jeans' pocket beeped. "It's a text from Brock," he told her. "Apparently Ryan's been trying to call me from the security shack and hasn't been able to get through."

"Is the signal c.r.a.p?"

"Doesn't seem to be. I'll go see Ryan, find out what he wants." He smacked a hard kiss on her lips. "See you at dinner, if not before."

She released a dreamy sigh at the sight of his b.u.t.t as he walked away at a leisurely pace. It was odd to see him do that usually he was always marching or running, too intense to be in any way relaxed. With his newfound sense of peace, however, that had changed. Not his personality, no, that hadn't changed. He would always be intense and menacing, and much too serious. But she loved him anyway.

She turned toward the stairs and ran her fingers idly along the mountain wall as she took each step. It tore at her to know that his life had always been so serious. He'd had so much responsibility, so much weight on his shoulders, from such a young age. The thought of him watching as all the others got to relax and have fun, of him always feeling on the outside, made her chest ache.

She could tell through their link that he hadn't realized how much it had actually bothered him until they had bonded and suddenly he had someone who was his. As Alpha, he had always been slightly apart from the others. Now he had an equal, someone who he could share everything with, and who was held to him by more than just pack loyalty.

Someone who was also going to ensure that he learned how to have 'fun', whether he liked it or not. She would bet he had never set foot in a bowling alley or a cinema. Well he would soon. And he would grumble the entire journey there, yes, she knew that. Still, she was set on him s.h.i.t! Abruptly she felt a sharp tug on her ankle and suddenly she lost her footing, hit the ground hard, and struck the right side of her forehead on the stone step. Motherf.u.c.ker. Then it was as if she was floating as spots began to dance before her eyes and there was a deafening, high pitched ringing in her ears. Everything was suddenly so distant and foggy, and it felt as though she was falling into a dream. She might have completely fallen into it right that second if there hadn't been a sensation of two hands grabbing her ankles from behind and beginning to drag her down the stairs.

She wanted to fight that against that unseen force, she wanted to gain some purchase with her hands, but it was as if her body was disconnected from her somehow, like her limbs weren't there at all. Her vision had gone blurry, everything seemed to be spinning, and she felt as though she was slipping away.

Distantly she realized that there was a voice shouting something her name? Abruptly her ankles were released and there was the sound of footsteps running away from her. There was more shouting and she recognised the voice. Trey, it was Trey. She tried calling his name but although her mouth formed the word, no sound came out at all. The shouting was nearer now, but she couldn't focus on the words, couldn't make out what they were she was slipping away again. Her wolf was howling, panicky and scared, and urging Taryn to fight that dreamy state. She tried, she really, really did, but things just became foggier and foggier. Then the blackness came.

Trey reached Taryn just before her body turned limp. He'd felt it the second she'd hit her head, felt just a hint of the pain, and he'd sensed it as the dizziness rushed over her and almost took her under. Instinctively he had rocketed through the forest and took the steps three at a time to get to her. Panic had speared him as he called her name over and over but received no response.

"What happened?" asked Dante as he rushed over with the enforcers, apparently having sensed his anxiety and Taryn's pain through the pack link.

"I don't know. Looks like she fell, hit her head, and pa.s.sed out."

"Is she breathing?" asked Marcus.

Trey placed an ear to her lips. "Yeah, she's breathing."

"Nothing's blocking her airway?"

He swept his finger into her mouth and shook his head. "No."

"Good. Everyone move so he can take her inside."

Dante winced. "Going by that b.u.mp on her head, she smacked the ground d.a.m.n hard."

Tao pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. "But did she pa.s.s out, hit the ground then b.u.mp her head, or did the crack to the head cause her to pa.s.s out?"

Trey shrugged. "How the h.e.l.l would I know? I wasn't here." He'd walked off toward the security shack and left her to make her way back to the caves by herself. The rational part of his brain told him that it wouldn't have made any difference if he had been there. If she was going to fall then she was going to fall and that was that. But all he could think was that his mate was hurt and he hadn't been with her.

At the door of the living area was a frantic Grace. "Lay her down and use something to elevate her legs so they're above the level of her heart. It'll help restore blood flow to the brain."

With Tao's help, Trey carefully placed her on her back on the rug and then gently rested her legs on the sofa. Ignoring Dominic's suggestion that he slap her to wake her up, Trey stroked a hand through her hair, willing her to wake. His wolf was growling and pacing, just as anxious and fretful as Trey was. If she had been anyone else he would said it was only a b.u.mp, calm the f.u.c.k down. But this was his mate, and b.u.mps and black outs were just unacceptable where she was concerned.

Quickly Grace came into the room with a bottle of spring water. "Dab some of that onto her lips." Then she handed him an ice pack. "And place that over that ugly b.u.mp on her head."

"It's bruising already," commented Trick. "She's gonna be p.i.s.sed, walking round with that egg on her head."

"Is she alright?" asked Greta. She shrugged when all eyes widened and focused on her. "Not that I care. I'm just wondering."

"Hi there gorgeous, you're awake," crooned Marcus. Instantly everyone crowded around the sofa.