The Original Sinner: The Saint Part 36

Even in the dark she could see S0ren arching his eyebrow at her.

"I mean, yes, sir."

"Better. Now show me how you need to be touched."

Covering his hand with hers, she guided his fingers to her c.l.i.toris. Once they'd made their deal, she'd begun learning her own body and its responses. She'd snuck into the adult sections of the library and read every s.e.x manual she could find, hiding them behind books on fall foliage and European architecture. She considered herself the only virgin s.e.x expert in the world. She should win some sort of prize for that. This-S0ren's fingers on her c.l.i.toris-must be that prize.

With her fingers over his, she showed him how to rub her in the way she knew would bring her to o.r.g.a.s.m. Her hand fell from his as the pleasure built hard and high in her back. She'd been teetering on the brink of o.r.g.a.s.m simply from lying naked in a bed with him for the first time. All her senses were on highest alert. Her entire body buzzed with desire. Wetness stained her thighs and the sheets beneath her. Looking down, she watched his fingers on the most private part of her body. Blood pounded in her ears. Her heart slammed against her ribcage. Muscles deep inside her started to clench and release. She closed her eyes and felt her body rising off the bed.

"Come for me, Little One," S0ren ordered, and her body obeyed before her mind even registered the command.

She climaxed hard, gasping aloud as S0ren pushed a finger into her and pressed it against the contracting muscles. It trebled her pleasure as she felt herself spasming around him over and over again.

S0ren stayed inside her as she came down from the high. They kissed again, and the kiss stoked the fire still smoldering inside her. S0ren kneaded her c.l.i.toris again and she came a second time, nearly as hard as the first time. She collapsed onto the sheets, limp and spent.

"Stay here." S0ren slid off the bed and left the room for a minute. When he came back in, he locked the door behind him once more and sat on the edge of the bed. He ordered her to sit up with her back to him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her as he started to wash the slight residue of s.e.m.e.n off her back with a warm, wet cloth.

"I think my brain exploded."

He paused to kiss her naked shoulder.

"You'll have bruises tomorrow. On your thighs, on your back," he said, retracing the path of the pain he'd given her with his fingertips. "They'll start out pale and turn black soon after."

"I can handle bruises. I won't wear short skirts and backless dresses."

"Kingsley recommends his m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.ts take zinc. It helps the bruises heal faster."

"Is Kingsley like you?" She turned around and faced him, her knees pulled to her chest to cover her nakedness.

"A s.a.d.i.s.t, you mean?"

"Yes."

"He enjoys pain play enormously, although he can and does have s.e.x without it often. It's safe to say Kingsley enjoys ... everything."

"My kind of guy."

"There is something else you need to learn about Kingsley."

"What?" She wrapped her arms around her legs, suddenly chilly.

"There is G.o.d, there is you and there is Kingsley. Those are my three nonnegotiables. You understand?"

She nodded solemnly, wondering why Kingsley meant so much to S0ren, but decided not to ask. Kingsley had been his best friend in school and their friendship had survived the death of Kingsley's sister. S0ren called Kingsley a non-negotiable. She needed to know nothing more.

"I may have Kingsley instruct you about our world, the rules."

"It is that complicated?"

"It is. This world of ours is structured, hierarchical and ritualistic."

"Sounds like church."

S0ren smiled broadly.

"Perhaps that's part of the appeal for me. It takes eroticism seriously, treats it as the sacred thing it is, that it should be."

"This feels sacred to me. It didn't feel like a sin. Was it?"

S0ren turned her to face him. She should have felt embarra.s.sed being naked with him like this, especially since he still had his trousers on, but instead she felt pride in her naked body, pleased she could finally display it for him. He took her b.r.e.a.s.t.s in his hands and held them while he kissed her.

"Did it feel like a sin?" S0ren asked when he pulled back from the kiss and released her b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

"No. It felt like love," she said.

"Your friend St. Teresa of Avila who had the erotic encounter with the angel might have agreed with you."

"Really?"

"She said, 'It is here that love is to be found-not hidden away in corners but in the midst of occasions of sin.' Perhaps she was right."

"I think she was," Eleanor said. "I liked this, what we did. Loved it."

"I won't lie to you, Eleanor. It's been several weeks since I've hurt anyone. When you're starving nearly any food will do. When you're sated it takes much more to tempt you."

"Is that a fancy way of saying I got off easy tonight?"

"I'm saying I got off easy tonight."

Eleanor laughed. G.o.d, this felt good, being intimate with him. Naked. Talking. Laughing. Perfect.

S0ren dropped a kiss on her sore shoulder.

"Tonight I gave you bruises, Little One. Someday it will be welts. It will be cuts and burns. I would never do anything to you that you did not want to do. Unfortunately, you may not know you dislike a certain act until you've tried it."

"Eventually you're going to have to realize I'm not scared of you."

"Eventually you'll have to realize that you need to be for both our sakes. Say 'yes, sir' if you understand."

"Yes, sir."

"Now put your clothes on before I change my mind."

"Change your mind about what?" She slid off the bed and found her pajamas. It amazed her how comfortable she felt being naked around S0ren. She didn't even like taking her shirt off at the doctor's office.

"About not taking your virginity in the bed where I lost mine without having any say in the matter."

Eleanor's heart plummeted at his words, spoken so simply and without any hint of the sorrow and shame she knew he must have felt that night. She came to him and wrapped her arms around him. He sat on the bed. She stood in front of him. Finally they were the same height.

"I want our first time in your bed at the rectory. Can we do that?" she asked.

"Yes. But it won't be any time soon. You may feel ready for it, but I know I'm not. Tonight shouldn't have happened. I don't regret it and I certainly don't want you to feel upset or ashamed about anything we did together. But the consequences for what we did could be enormous."

"We'll wait, then, as long as you think we should, until you feel safe."

"I'll feel more safe when you start feeling less safe."

"I'll work on that," she promised, kissing his neck.

"This is why I want you to let Kingsley show you a few things. You might understand the risk involved better."

"He won't try to lose his watch inside me, will he?"

"I'm not entirely certain he wears a wrist.w.a.tch."

"That's a relief."

S0ren raised a hand to her hair and brushed it off her face.

"You are too young for what I'll ask of you. The pain is one thing, but the time, the intense commitment to me I'll ask of you, is another. I love you too much to steal your youth from you no matter how much I want it for myself. You need to focus on your life. You need to go to college. You need to have a life outside of the church and away from me. You need to meet people...."

He paused then and let those words hover in the air between them. Meet people? What people? Before she could ask, he continued.

"The stronger and smarter and more independent the person, the better he or she is at submitting without losing themselves. I was with someone once a long time ago who would have died at my command. It terrified me to be loved that much. I'll need you to help me stay in control."

"I can do that. Order me to die for you."

"Eleanor."

"Try me," she said, digging her fingers into the back of his hair. She had no idea when she'd get the chance to be alone with him like this again, to touch him so intimately again. She wanted to drink in every precious second of him.

"Die for me," he ordered, his face a mask of seriousness.

"Go f.u.c.k yourself," she replied, and kissed the tip of his nose.

He laughed and pulled her close to him.

"Was that the right answer?"

"It was."

Eleanor relaxed into the embrace, tears ready to fall from her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she began. "I mean, I'm sorry about what happened to you when you were a kid."

"Don't be sorry. I'm not. I'm sorry for what happened to Elizabeth but not sorry for me. It took years to come to a sense of peace about it, but that I am here with you in my arms means I can repent of nothing in my past that brought me to this moment."

"Thank you. I guess I should say the same. We might not be here if I hadn't stolen those cars."

"Don't let that be an excuse to ever do it again."

"I promise. I'm a saint from now on."

"I don't believe a word of that."

She laughed softly and held him even closer.

"I'm glad you finally told me what you are," she said. "I like knowing I'm not the only one with a f.u.c.ked-up family and some embarra.s.sing stuff in my past."

S0ren tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.

"When I was eighteen," S0ren began, "I left the Jesuit school that had been my home for eight years. I was leaving for Europe, to seminary in the fall. Before I left, I came here one more time."

"Here? This house?"

"This house. I knew I would be gone for ten years. I didn't want my father beguiling another young woman into marrying him. I ..."

"What? Tell me. You can tell me anything."

"I came here at night. I knocked my father unconscious and castrated him. I couldn't bring myself to kill him, but I could prevent him from remarrying and having more children that he would damage. He never knew it was me. I was on my way to Europe by the time he woke up."

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked.

"You wanted to know who I was. That I have the capacity to cause that sort of harm is part of who I am. To my everlasting shame, I don't regret it."

She laid both hands on each side of his face and looked him in the eyes.

"I'm proud of you," she said. "If I were you, I would have done the same thing."

"Thank you for loving me, Little One. You restore my faith."

She pushed close to him again but she could sense him pulling back from her, and she wasn't ready to let him go yet.

"Go to bed, Eleanor. You need sleep. So do I."

"Can I sleep with you? Just sleep, I mean?"

"Not tonight. Not in this house."

"But someday?"

He slapped her hard on the bottom, hard enough she yelped. The yelp turned into a laugh. He pulled her even tighter to him.

"If you choose, Little One, I can own you. You would be my property, mine alone."

"Of course you can own me. You always have. You always will." She made the pledge without thinking. She no more needed to think about her words than she did about breathing. Yes, he could own her. Breathe in. Breathe out. He always had.

"But not yet," she said.