The Original Sinner: The Saint Part 33

He pulled away and they gazed at each other.

"You can say it now," she said, her voice low and reverent.

"I love you, Little One."

She relaxed into his arms and closed her eyes. He held her close, held her tight. She could have died in that moment and regretted nothing.

"What now?" she asked.

"There are things you need to know."

"Are you going to tell me?"

S0ren laid a hand on her knee and slid it up her leg, stopping only when he encountered her hip.

"Eleanor, you have to understand that what I need to tell you will change everything. This is not some sort of melodramatic exaggeration on my part. It will change how you see me, perhaps even how you see the world. Once you learn the truth it can't be unlearned, can't be unheard. Please do not make this decision lightly."

Eleanor raised her hand to S0ren's face and touched his lips. The kiss had torn down whatever was left of the wall he'd tried to build up between them. From his lips she moved her hand to his cheek dusted with the slightest stubble, to his forehead, where she ran her thumb softly over the tips of his eyelashes. She lowered her hand and spoke two words-not a question but a command.

"Tell me."

21.

Eleanor ELEANOR WAITED BUT SREN DIDN'T SPEAK. NOT AT first. He stared out the window into the moonlight as if trying to find comfort in that white light.

"You asked me questions," he finally said. "I'll answer them now."

"About G.o.dd.a.m.n time."

"Eleanor."

"Sorry."

"We'll start at the end of your questions. Those are easier," he said.

"You remember all of them?"

He nodded. "All of them."

She didn't quite believe he had all her questions memorized. She didn't even remember them all. Once again he proved himself when he raised his hand and with one finger drew a number twelve in the air.

"Number twelve. Am I in love with you? I already answered that question tonight. If you need to hear it again, then yes, I am in love with you, Little One, and have been since the day we met."

"Since we met?"

"It would almost be accurate to say I loved you before we met. But that's another story for another night."

Eleanor took a few breaths.

"I thought ..." She stopped and shrugged. "I fell in love with you the second I saw you. Glad I'm not the only one."

"No. You're certainly not the only one. Now question eleven-who am I? By the time I'm finished answering all these questions, you'll know."

He drew a ten in the air.

"When will I keep my end of the deal?" he said, reciting her question. "The deal that I'll give you everything, including but not limited to s.e.x, I a.s.sume."

"s.e.x specifically, but I'll take what you've got."

"Not tonight," he said. "I know it seems parochial to you, but I would prefer we wait as long as possible. There's so much you still need to experience, so many decisions you need to make. I'll try to make the waiting as easy as possible. But you're not even out of high school yet. You should focus on graduating, getting into college. Once you're on that path, we'll talk about this again."

Eleanor sighed heavily. Disappointment warred with the joy of finally getting her answers.

"Fair enough. I can't say I want to wait. I've wanted to be with you from the beginning. But I'm not surprised, either. I know that it's not easy-you're a priest and I'm a-"

"Constant temptation."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It is. Also, there's a very good reason for waiting. We'll come to that with questions four and two. But now question nine, where you confess you're a virgin and ask me if I'm, and I quote, 'okay with that'?"

"Are you? I mean, I still am."

"Yes, Little One. Your virginity is no impediment and if you'd been s.e.xually active before we met it would also be no impediment. I feel possessive of you now, however."

"I don't want to be with anyone but you."

"Are you certain of that?"

"Entirely," she said. "And maybe Sam. She is seriously ..."

"Eleanor."

"Sorry. Continue."

"Your eighth question-am I a virgin?"

"You said you were with someone when you were a teenager so I'm guessing no," she said, not sure how she felt about that no. She wanted one of them to have some experience, but then again, being his first would have been something special.

"You would guess correctly. Many priests are. Most are not. We weren't born priests, after all."

"How old were you your first time? Or am I not allowed to ask extra questions?"

"I promise we'll get to that. But now onto question seven. Why do I want you to obey me forever?" He paused and seemed to weigh his words. "Let me give you the simple answer. In your Esther story, the king tied Esther to the bed. Is that something you think you would enjoy?"

She hoped the dim light masked her blush.

"I think so. It seems really s.e.xy being tied up during s.e.x. Is that weird?"

"Not at all. Many people, men and women, enjoy giving up control during s.e.xual encounters and putting their bodies and even their lives in the hands of their partners. It's called s.e.xual submission. Others, like me, enjoy the opposite. Taking total control of someone and dominating them."

Eleanor shivered at S0ren's words. She didn't expect such a personal revelation from him about his s.e.xual desires-he wanted to take control of her? To dominate her?

"Makes sense," she said, trying to keep her voice neutral.

"I enjoy your obedience to me much the same way you feel certain you would enjoy being tied up during s.e.x."

"It turns you on?"

S0ren met her eyes and in them she saw the world set itself alight and burn to ashes.

"More than you can possibly imagine."

Eleanor pressed her hand to his chest and felt his heart rushing under her fingers.

"Which," he began again after taking a ragged breath, "answers question number five-whose feet should you be sitting at? I don't know whose feet you should sit at. But I know whose feet I want you to sit at."

He wasn't hinting. She knew that. She knew he'd simply answered her question. Entirely of her own volition she pulled away from him, slid to the floor and knelt at his feet. With her head on his knee and his hand in her hair, she felt what S0ren must have felt the first time he put on his priest's collar. She found herself at his feet. This was where she belonged. This was who she was. She would never look further to find herself than his feet.

"I wish you'd let go and be with me," she whispered against the fingers that brushed against her lips. "You wouldn't have to worry about self-control then."

"Eleanor, the first night we make love will be the greatest test of my self-control."

She wanted to speak, to protest, but he'd said make love and the beauty of those words rendered her mute.

"Now to question six. Why does everyone think my name is Marcus Stearns, but my Bible says S0ren Magnussen? This is a complex question and it will require a long answer. Get comfortable," he said and forced a smile.

"I'm sitting in a bedroom at your feet. This is the most comfortable I've ever been in my life. I never want to leave."

"I never want you to. But you may change your mind after I answer the rest of your questions."

"Never. Trust me with the truth. Please."

"As you wish. This answer to the question begins before I was born. My father was Lord Marcus Stearns, Sixth Baron Stearns."

"The what?"

"A baron, and a minor one at that. My father was impoverished English aristocracy. His father squandered the last of the family fortune, leaving my father with nothing but a name and t.i.tle."

"Your dad was a baron?"

"Madness, isn't it? Somewhere in Northern England there's a moldering estate called Edenfell I could claim if I desired. I have no desire."

"Your father's dead. So you're ..."

"Surrender the tiara, milady. I am a priest. That's all I am."

"But you could be a baron if you wanted?"

"My father legitimized me. I suppose I could, although I have no interest in it."

"So weird. Your father was a baron, and he left all that behind?"

"He had to. You see, my father did what generations of n.o.blemen had done when faced with poverty. He joined the army and became an officer. He quickly rose in the ranks. Intelligent, cunning, deadly ... In Northern Ireland they called my father the Red Baron for all the blood he left in his wake. When he left the army, he fled England. He'd made so many enemies in the IRA he feared for his life. He came to America, ingratiated himself into New England society and married a wealthy young woman, an heir to a great fortune."

"I thought your mother was Danish."

"She is. My father's wife was not my mother. My mother-her name is Gisela-was an eighteen-year-old Danish pianist who came to New Hampshire to attend a music conservatory on scholarship. Her scholarship covered only tuition. She needed a place to stay. She was hired as my sister's nanny. My father's wife nearly died giving birth to Elizabeth, and only an emergency hysterectomy saved her life. It left her barren. My father wanted a son. He got a daughter and no chance for more offspring. He was a cruel man before that incident. After, he became a monster."

"What did he do?"

"He raped my mother."

Eleanor gasped. She pulled back and looked at S0ren but found his face was blank, his eyes empty of emotion.

"She had you."

"Yes. I don't know if it was intentional, raping my mother so she could give him the son his wife couldn't. Deliberate or not, that's what happened. She had me and named me S0ren, a family name. My father named me Marcus after himself."

"That's why you hate the name Marcus?"

"For many reasons. My mother wanted to flee, and would have, except she loved Elizabeth like her own child and couldn't leave her with my father, couldn't leave her unprotected. So we stayed in that house. My father pretended I didn't exist. It was the only way to keep peace between him and his wife, jealous of the beautiful Danish girl who cared for her child. I think my father was waiting for something, waiting to see something in me. And he did see it."

"See what?"

"I spoke my first words six months earlier than my sister had. I started playing piano at age two. I mastered new skills quickly. My father decided I showed enough signs of high intelligence that I deserved to be acknowledged as his son. I pleased him enough that he paid the necessary bribes, had paperwork altered. His wife became my 'mother' and he my father."

"And here I thought my parents had a rough marriage. What happened to your mom?"

"I was shunted off to boarding school in England when I was five, and my mother summarily dismissed and returned to Denmark. We didn't see each again, not for a long time."

"How long?"

"Thirteen years."

Eleanor's eyes filled with tears at the sorrow in S0ren's voice.

"Thirteen years ..."

"School was difficult for me. I knew there was something different about me. My father had seen it. I saw it."