The Notorious Impostor and Diego Redivivus Part 2

Business he finds will thicken upon him, and therefore flusht with his late Successes, he resolves to throw out his winning hand as far as it will run.

But now to know what Portion this Damsel had, for without a spill of yellow Boys, naked White and Red has but indifferent Charms with him.

This Intelligence was quickly made, without asking the question; for there was a Jest in the Family of one of the Drawers being Suitor there, who belike wanted a t.i.te sum of 80_l._ to set up withal (a small Portion of hers formerly left her by a Grandfather, and now at use.) This Drawer forsooth was a Rival, but not an over-formidable one. For truly our Inn-keepers Daughter had so often been tickled with the Addresses of Quality, that (_Foh!_) her Fathers Drawer was scarce worthy to hold up her Train. A Gentleman, or nothing for her. Nay, if she has not the happiness to strike in for a Lease for Life at Bed and Board with some honourable Person, rather than dye in ignorance, keep a stale Maiden-head, and so lead Apes, she has long since resolved not to stand out at a lower game, and en'e admit a Tenant at Will to an Inmate of Fashion and Quality; and was grosly suspected she had tried the Const.i.tution of her Body, under a load of Honour long before her present year of twenty five. But true or false, that's a small Blot, in her Scutchion.

Our _Don John_ is absolutely captivated, and plies her home with all the Rhetorick that Love can afford. Our man _Tom_ in the meanwhile but very modestly, is whispering amongst his Mates, the lower Tire of the Family, the Servants, what a Worthy Gentleman his Master is, being a Rich _Norfolk_ Gentleman (a pretty large stride from _Bathe_) of 500 a year. This Narrative pa.s.ses pretty well amongst the shallower pates, the Chamberlain, the Tapster, the Hostler, and the rest of the inferior Domesticks; but our hardfaith'd young Mistress of the house, whither bit before, or naturally not over-credulous, does as good as declare, That her Principles are to look before she leaps. Our _Norfolk_ Suitor finds his Addresses very acceptable, but still with a reserve, Provided he be the Man he appears. He plainly sees, that the Girl, upon good Grounds is very pliable, but she's a little past the years of being dandled and kist out of her Reason: He or any man else (any Tooth good Barber) with Honour and Estate may go far with her; but Demonstration is the only Argument that must carry her Cause. As many years as she has lived (or at least past for) a Maid, she is not so hard set, but she can tarry till Substantial Testimony (as far off as _Norfolk_ lies) can make out the Lands and Tenements, before she consents to an Inclosure. Our Spark therefore put to his last Trumps, finds this last a craggier and more difficult Enterprize than any he had ever yet encountred; however, thinking it a very great scandal to his Wit, to lie down before her, and shamefully for want of Ammunition, be forced to raise the Siege, he sets all his Brains at work for one last Mine to blow her up; or if that take not, he is resolved to quit the Field. In a day or two after, he begins to be Melancholly and indisposed; during this fit, he is very cold in his Love, and applies him to Religious Books, talks much of very odd Dreams he has had, till at last he takes his Bed. Physitians are sent for, whether they found any real indications of sickness or no, or acquiesced to his own Declaration of the Pains he felt, no Medicinal Application was wanting. His Distemper increasing, he desires a Man of Law to be sent for, accordingly a Scrivener of the Town is called, who draws up his Will, in which he gives away about Three Thousand pounds in several Legacies, leaving his Nephew his full and sole Executor. The Will is sealed up, and delivered to his Man _Tom_; and all the cognizance taken of his Mistress, is only 10_l._ to buy her Mourning. Next a Man of G.o.d is sent for, and all the necessary preparations for a Man of another World are made. His Conscience setled, and his Viatic.u.m for his long Journey most devoutly furnisht. But it pleases Fate, or the Sick man rather, in some few days after, to give some small symptoms of amendment, and to shorten the matter, in Eight or Ten days time he is pretty well recovered, and the next talk is of fancying his own Native _Norfolk_ Air for perfecting his Health; all this while the young Damsel, who, tho not call'd to the Will-making, knew all the Contents of it, and finding from all hands, the great uprightness and devotion of her humble Servant, could not fancy that so much Religion and Piety could be an Impostor, and therefore she doubted not in the least, but the Estate in _Norfolk_ was unquestionable; and tho indeed her Prudence would still incline her to a full inquiry and satisfactory account, yet 'tis now too late, her cooling Admirer talks of speeding to _London_; and tho he professes he will leave his heart behind with her, She is afraid that new Faces and better Fortunes will soon shake her hold there, and therefore taking her Pillow upon the business, she resolves not to slip so favourable an opportunity, but to lay hold of the forelock, and take a good offer whilst she may have it: For with all her natural Pride, she considers her self but the Lees of a Tap; and 'tis not every Rich Gudgeon will bite at a Bait so blown, and so stale.

Her departing Lover still pressing for his Journey, the good-natur'd Girl watches the next amorous sally of her Gallant, and takes him at his word, and without asking advice, thinks her own wit sufficient, and in two days time enters into _for better, for worse_. The Town-Bells soon rung All Joy; and the best Hogshead in Daddy's Cellar run _Claret_. His Honourable Guest and Son-in-Law was the little Idol of all the Virgins of the Town, and the envied preferment of sweet Mrs.

_Betty_ had fill'd all Tongues; and scarce a Prayer offered up for a Husband, but Mrs. _Betty_'s felicity was made the Pattern of their Devotion.

But now, as the Devil would have it, our dignified Bride is for having her Dear Spouse, by all means, doing her and her Father the honour of staying out the whole Bathe Season (now coming on) amongst 'em, and nothing can divert her from that resolution. This is a very unwelcome proposal; for the mult.i.tude of Faces from all quarters of the Kingdom, may not only be very dangerous to his circ.u.mstances, but likewise his _Norfolk_ Abilities, long before that time, may be examin'd too narrowly; and therefore not being able to make any harsh refusal of his fair Brides request, lest it should look like design, and to marry a young Girl, and be ashamed of her parentage, would appear so unkind, that he has no Artifice to wean her from _Bathe_, and drill her out of Town, but by pretending a small relapse of his Indisposition, which he acted so well, that he denied himself the very pleasures of Love, and fell off even from Family-Duties. This Curtain-failure began to moderate her pa.s.sion for staying at _Bathe_, for her tame Bedfellow still preaching up the virtues of his own Native _Norfolk_ Air, his poor defeated Bride could not but have a womanly longing for so necessary a Restorative, and thereupon for so important a Medicine to her feeble Yokemate, she consented to go along with him.

All her fine Cloaths were Boxed up, together with several Bed and Table-Linnen, _&c._ (for she had pretty good Moveables, all the Legacies of Deceased Aunts and Grannies, and other good Kin) and all sent by her Man _Tom_ to the Carriers, and two days after places took in the flying Coach for their speeding to _London_.

But one main thing was almost forgotten. She had call'd in her Portion, which for a Guinies Gratification the Scrivener had ready at an Hours warning, having at that time some other peoples Money by him undisposed, and hers being out upon Mortgage, the Owners were very well pleas'd to make an Exchange upon the same security. This Money was not to be trusted by the Waggon, but to be carryed up with her in the Coach box, for which her Man _Tom_ beg'd her acceptance of a little Gilt leather'd Trunk that happen'd to be just small enough to go into the Coach-box. The Day of setting out being the Morrow, her thoughtful Spouse had nicely consider'd that the Coach would be in _London_ half a day before the Carrier, which for some Reasons you'll find in the sequel was not altogether for his convenience, and therefore he made a shift to put off the Journey till next Coach-day.

Against that time the Gilt-leather'd Trunk, and the Key to it was deliver'd her, (tho by the by he had got two Keys) and the 80_l._ some Broad pieces, a Caudle-Cup, half a dozen of Silver Spoons, and some other Toys were all stowed in it; and the Kind Couple are trundling away for _London_, with the Man well mounted riding by.

Now as a Man of his Estate, he had freely given her all her own Portion, a small Privy Purse to buy her Pins with, having Marryed her only for Beauty, and much disdaining the addition of so small a sum to his plentiful Fortune. The first stage being done (for they had but one Night to lye by the way) the small Cabinet of Treasure was carefully taken out of the Coach, and lodged in a Closet in the Chamber, and next Morning deliver'd to _Tom_ to see safely laid in the Coach-box as before.

The next Night arriving both at _London_, (whither _Tom_ about _Brenford_ was commanded by his Master to speed a little before to prepare for their Reception) a very fair Lodging near St. _James_'s was ready to entertain her, but no _Tom_ had been there; and coming to open the Trunk, instead of the Gold and Silver Entrayls there was nothing but a Bag of Stones, and a piece of a Brickbat to supply their places, enclosed in a few Rags that stuft up the Trunk. This amazing sight threw the poor Lady into a most violent Distraction, and 'twas very hard to hold her from falling into a Fit, her Husband seeming as much amazed as her self, and joining in the complaint as loud as she. But to abate her Rage, he told her the wicked Rogue should not so scape, he had very sufficient security from able Friends for his honest and faithful service, and their Purses should make her Reparation, till when the Loss should be made up out of his own Pocket. Nor would he sleep till he had made her some farther satisfaction, and therefore beg'd her Excuse but for one half Hour till he took Coach, and made that search and quest that perhaps would bring her some considerable Light into the Villany. Her Zeal for her Loss never look'd any farther, and accordingly well pleas'd with the Kind Motion, she took leave of him for the half Hour aforesaid.

But, alas, a long half Hour, for half the Evening, nay the whole Night was gone, and neither Man nor Master to be heard of. So Husband and Portion all departed, she thought fit to secure her Goods and Cloaths at the Carriers, but the same Calamity attended there likewise, for _Tom_ had been there too, and swept all.

To describe the Distress and Anguish of our present Female Sufferer, or either of her two foregoing Sisters in Affliction, being a work beyond our power, we shall e'ne do as the Painter did of old, that is, draw a Vail before the Face of sorrow, the Lineaments of true Grief being above the Pen or Pencils skill.

And now to follow our Libertine through all his Rambles and Exploits in this wide Town of _London_, (for there lyes his next Scene) being matter we have not yet fully been inform'd in, we dare not venture to play the Historian any farther than certain Intelligence (which yet we have not received) can guide us, being resolved not to load our Rambles with Romance or Fiction, his Life being furnisht with matter sufficiently voluminous without the addition of Flourish or Fancy.

Let it suffice that some time after all these three successive Adventures, the poor _Ludlow_ VVife comes up to _London_, being the last place she has to make her quest after this Impostor and Monster, for those are the gentlest Names her Sufferings and Resentments can give him. She has a great Opinion that _Newgate_ or _Newgate_ Roll, or some other such Chronicles of his Renown will give her some light into his Life and Fortune, and perhaps the Justice of Heaven afford her a sight of him at least, if not a power to execute Heavens and her just Vengeance on so egregious a Reprobate.

Her Inn being at _Holborn_ Bridge, she lights into the Company of a good Motherly VVoman just come from _Oxfordshire_; the sorrow in so young a Face, and the swoln Eyes which were not yet dryed, the Fountain being indeed inexhaustible, the Curiosity of the Elder Traveller made bold to ask her the cause of so doleful a look, &c. The young one (who now had no Reserves) plainly told her whole sufferings, to which the Matron replyed, Alas young VVoman, what are your griefs to mine? I have been many years the VVife of the most Infamous Miscreant that the Earth ever bore; deserted and abandoned by the wickedest of Men, after long years of Honest and Loyal Fidelity to his Bed, and exposed to perish (which you, thanks to able Friends, need not fear) _&c._ with a great deal more bitter Invectives against him. Till at last upon further conferring of Notes, and describing of Characters and Persons they came to jump together, and found 'emselves both abused by the very same Monster, the eldest being indeed his old _Banbury_ Wife. What Amazement this Accident produced may easily be conjectured, it will be enough to tell you that the Anguish of both their Souls, and the Bitterness of Gall on each side made 'em Swear an inviolable Friendship, determining to search (if possible) the whole World, to hunt down this Devil.

Accordingly they take a Lodging a little higher in _Holborn_, where making no secret of both their hard cases, they open their whole Souls to their new Landlady to engage her a.s.sistance in the Quarrel. The Landlady Transported at both their Narrations fell upon her Knees, and blest G.o.d he had sent 'em to her House, for this _Lucifer_ they had described, was certainly the very Man that next Week was to Marry her Daughter. This surprize put 'em all into new Confusion, and the Daughter being called to the Council, it was evident that this very Fellow had made Love to the Daughter of the House, the day of Marriage concluded, the Ring and Wedding Cloaths preparing, &c. This last Deliverance made the poor old Woman, and the Daughter no less, melt into Tears at this happy Discovery.

Well, 'tis agreed between 'em all, that they shall not stir till he comes thither, which will be in twenty four Hours at most; and all their united Vengeance, Constables, Warrants, and what not, shall be prepar'd for his Reception.

This Resolution was heartily fix'd amongst 'em; only the _Banbury_ Wife would that Evening take a walk to a Cozens, a Citizen, where she had some important Affairs, but nothing should stay her abroad above an Hour; she had not walk'd half a Furlong but Destiny or some other ruling Power threw her full in the Mouth of her Husband; her Pa.s.sion at sight of him rose so high, that at first it could not find vent for words, which he perceiving desired her to walk into a Tavern which was just before 'em, and there recover her Confusion. You may conceive she was very ready to accept the Invitation, her Stomach being so full, that 'twas the only thing she wanted to have her full swing at him. The Discourse of her part you may well guess at; but his Answer was so tender, and his Confession so open, that at last she grew patient enough to hear him out. He plainly told her all he had done, or at least the greatest part: that it was only the Effects of his Wants and Necessities, that now he had rais'd enough to re-establish him in the World, that the Hony Moon of Love had been almost over between them, and that if he had made any Lapse in Disloyalty to her Marriage Right, it was not Infidelity but Interest that had enforced him to all. And so showing her handfuls of Gold and Silver, he humbly intreated a Reconciliation betwixt 'em. Which good Words and Address at last so perfectedly obtained, that he perswaded her to send for all her Houshold Goods, and to live with him somewhere in the Liberties of _Westminster_, where disguising his Name, and amending his Faults, he doubted not through his practice to recover a plentiful Being, and maintain her like a Woman.

The poor Creature absolutely mollified, promises Fidelity to him, and never returning to her new Lodgings, takes him along with her, defeating the whole Vengeance that was hatching against him, and not stirring from him till all her Goods were come up from _Banbury_, and a new House furnisht with 'em. She had not lived there three days, till finding a Gossiping Errand for her to keep her from home a whole day, at her Return at Night to Bed, she finds neither Husband nor Goods, Bed to lye, or Stool to sit upon; the whole House being utterly dismantled, and nothing but nakedness and empty Walls to receive her.

This last Cruelty of her Barbarian made her almost run stark Mad, and returning to her _Holborn_ Lodging to own her frailty in believing an Infidel, and the Just Judgment that had befaln her upon it, she found the poor _Ludlow_ Mourner departed, and all her Relief left was to return to _Banbury_ to live upon the Alms of the Parish.

This Libertine Life of our Renegade did not long continue till found at last by the _Ludlow_ Wife he was thrown into _Worcester_ Jail; from thence by _Habeas Corpus_ (at the Charge of a Parson in _Southwark_ whose Daughter he had likewise Married) removed to _Newgate_, & upon an Indictment of six Wives appearing against him, being then Tryed by the Name of _Morrel_ alias _Bowyer_ (a Name of a Worthy Person of Quality, for personating of whom he had stood in the Pillory) he pleaded Guilty to those six and twelve more, and thereby received only the punishment of a Squeeze in the Fist.

After this Escape of a Halter, what his following Adventures have been we are not informed: 'tis to be believed his Will was no ways wanting, though his power of managing such hardy Exploits might undoubtedly be a little retrencht: and therefore we have reason to conclude he fell into smaller Games, in which his Walks have lain something more obscure, and thereupon by reason of our unacquaintance with the Truth of that part of his Life, we shall over-leap some years, and bring him to his Conclusion.

Some few days before _Christmas_ he came to one Mr. _Cullens_ a Baker in the _Strand_ to seek him a Lodging, his Habit but indifferent, and his Stock not above Two Shillings, pretending himself to be a Person of Worth and Honour, _viz. Humphrey Wickham_ of _Swaclift_ in the County of _Oxon_ Esq; a Person whose Name and Reputation was well known to Mrs. _Cullen_, being Born not far from him, which contributed much to the swallowing of the Imposture. His pretence for leaving his Family in the Countrey, and living here _Incognito_ was occasion'd (he said) to avoid the payment of 500_l._ which he stood engaged for, and for which the princ.i.p.al had left him in the lurch; and which he had made a rash Vow he would not pay.

Mr. _Cullen_'s Family thus imposed upon supplied all his wants, and paid him the due Respects to the Quality he Personated, till falling sick, on the 28th of _December_ he made a Will, as follows.

His WILL.

In the name of G.o.d, Amen. _I_ Humphrey Wickham _of_ Swatclift, _in the County of_ Oxon _Esquire; being sick and weak in Body, but of sound Mind and Memory, do make this my last WILL and TESTAMENT, revoking all Wills by me formerly made: And as touching such Worldly Estate as G.o.d hath been pleased to bless me withal, I do hereby give and bequeath the same in manner following._

Imprimis, _I do give, devise, and bequeath, to my Kinsman_ William Wickham, _of_ Gazington, _in the County of_ Oxon, _all that my Mansion House of_ Swaclift _aforesaid; and all the Lands, Tenements, and Hereditaments thereunto belonging, to hold unto him the said_ William Wickham, _and his Heirs for ever_.

Item, _I give and bequeath unto_ John Cullin, _Son of_ Thomas Cullin, _of the Parish of St._ Clement Danes, _in the County of_ Middles.e.x, _Baker, all that my impropriated Personage of_ Sowgrate, _in the County of_ Northampton, _with the Rents, Issues, and Profits thereof_.

Item, _I give unto Anne Cullin_, _Sister of the said_ John Cullin, _the Summ of Two hundred and fifty Pounds_.

Item, _I give unto_ Thomas Cullin, _Son of the said_ Thomas Cullin, _the Sum of Three hundred Pounds_.

Item, _I give unto_ Dorothy Halford _of_ Halford, _in the County of_ Warwick, _the Sum of two hundred Pounds_.

Item, _I give unto_ Richard Davis, _Son of_ William Davis _of the said Parish of St._ Clement Danes, _the Sum of Four hundred Pounds_.

Item, _I give unto_ William Davis, _Son of the said_ William Davis, _the Summ of Two hundred Pounds_.

Item, _I give unto_ Anne Fowkes, _for her Care and Diligence in Looking after me in my Sickness, the Sum of one hundred pounds_.

Item, _I give unto_ Robert Croker, _Son of_ William Croker _of_ Sanford, _in the said County of_ Oxon _(being my G.o.d-son) the Sum of Five hundred Pounds_.

Item, _I give unto the said_ William Croker, _the Sum of Five hundred Pounds_.

Item, _I give unto_ Robert Penniston, _Son of Sir_ Thomas Penniston, _and younger Brother to Sir_ Farmalis Penniston _of_ Cornhill, _in the said County of_ Oxon _the Sum of Three hundred Pounds_.

Item, _I give unto Mrs._ Jane Penniston, _Sister of the said Mr._ Robert Penniston, _the Summ of Two hundred Pounds_.

Item, _I do hereby give, devise, and bequeath, all my Lands, Tenements, and Hereditaments whatsoever, called by the name of_ Apple-tree Ducy, _in_ Cropridee, _in the County of_ Northampton, _unto_ John Brooking _of_ Rashly, _in the County of_ Devon, _Esquire, and the said_ William Davis senior, _and_ Thomas Cullin senior, _and the Survivor of them, and their Heirs, and the Survivor of them upon Trust and Confidence: Nevertheless, that they the said_ John Brooking, William Davis, _and_ Thomas Cullin, _shall sell and dispose of the same; and out of the Money thereby raised, pay, or cause to be paid, the respective Legacies herein before bequeathed unto the said_ Anne Cullin, Thomas Cullin Junior, Dorothy Halford, Richard Davis, William Davis Junior, _and_ Anne Fowkes. _And whereas I have herein before bequeathed unto my Kinsman_ Will. Wickham, _and his Heirs, all my Mansion-house at_ Swacklift _aforesaid, with the Lands, Tenements, and Hereditaments thereunto belonging; my true Will and Meaning is, That the same Devise is upon this special Trust and Confidence, That the said_ William Wickham _shall pay, or cause to be paid, the several Legacies herein before bequeathed unto the said_ Rob. Croker, _and_ Will. Croker, Robert Penniston, _and_ Jane Penniston; _and also pay and discharge one Bond for the Princ.i.p.al Sum of five hundred pounds, with Interest, which I became bound for with_ Thomas Walker, _to one_ Thomas Irons, _any thing herein before contained, to the contrary thereof in any wise notwithstanding; and also that he the said_ William Wickham, _shall out of his Legacy, and Lands, and Premises aforesaid, to him devised, pay, or cause to be paid unto my Executors hereafter named, the Sum of five hundred pounds, to be by them bestowed, distributed, or employed for the use and benefit of the Poor of the Parish of_ Swacklift _aforesaid, in such manner as they, or the major part of them shall think fit and convenient_.

Item, _I give and bequeath unto the said_ John Brooking _out of the Moneys that shall be raised of the Sale of the said Lands and Tenements, called_ Apple-tree Ducy _aforesaid, the Summ of Five hundred Pounds: And all the rest and residue of the Moneys that shall be thereby raised, I do hereby give and bequeath unto the said_ William Davies _Senior, and_ Thomas Cullin _Senior, to be equally divided between them and the Survivor of them_.

Item, _I give and bequeath unto_ Alice Cullin, _Wife of the said_ Thomas Cullin _Senior, the Sum of Six hundred Pounds to her own proper Use and Disposal_.

Item, _I give and bequeath in like manner the Sum of Six hundred Pounds unto_ Jane Davis, _the Wife of the said_ William Davis.

Item, _I give unto the said_ Robert Croker _and_ Will. Croker, _the Sum of Ten Pounds a piece to buy them Mourning: and also to each of them a Ring of Twelve Shillings_.

Item, _I give unto_ Jane Croker _and_ Mary Croker; _and also to the said_ Robert Penniston, _and_ Jane Penniston, _and all other my Legates herein before mentioned, and to every of them the Sum of Ten Pounds a piece to buy them Mourning, and a Ring of Twelve Shillings_.

Item, _Whereas I have the Sum of Seven hundred Pounds lying at Interest in the hands of Mr._ Ambrose Holb.i.t.c.h, _in the name of_ Oliver Charles, _my Servant, I do hereby give and bequeath the same to and amongst my Four Servants_, Oliver Charles, John Harber, Sarah Winn, _and_ Margery Smith, _and the Survivor of them, to be equally divided amongst them, share and share alike_.

Item, _I give and bequeath my Three Geldings, and all my Accoutrements belonging to them unto the said_ John Brookeing, William Davis _Senior, and_ Thomas Cullin, _Senior_, viz. _my Bright Bay Gelding to the said_ Thomas Cullin, _and my Black Gelding to the said_ William Davis, _and my Dapple-grey Gelding to the said_ John Brookeing. _All the Arrears of Rent in my Tenants Hands at the time of my Decease I do hereby freely acquit and discharge. And all the rest and Residue of my Personal Estate, not herein before devised, after my Debts, Legacies and Funeral Expences, paid and discharged, I do hereby give and bequeath unto my said Kinsman_ William Wickham.

_And, lastly. I do hereby nominate, const.i.tute and appoint the said_ William Wickham, John Brooking, William Davis senior, _and_ Thomas Cullin senior, _Executors of this my Will; hereby revoking and making void all other, and former Will or Wills by me made_.

_In Witness whereof I the said_ Humphrey Wickham _have to this my last Will, containing one side of a Sheet of Paper, and almost half the back, thereof, set my Hand and Seal this Twentieth day of_ Decemb. Anno Dom. 1691.

Humphrey Wickham.