The Nothing Girl Part 35

Subsequent events are a little blurred in my mind. I know I refused to go to hospital until I saw Thomas safely into his box. After that, Russell swept me away and we pulled into the hospital car park, clattering like an old sewing machine. There was a lot of shouting from Russell, obviously. I just closed my eyes and let them all get on with it.

Everyone was very kind, but I soon discovered that if I opened my eyes then lots of people wanted to talk to me about lots of things, so it seemed better for everyone if I just lay quietly with my eyes shut, so I did.

I used the time to think.

I thought about what had just happened. I thought about our dinner party. Russell had been at the other end of the table. Not exactly miles away, but certainly I had been out of his reach. Then I thought about Kevin upsetting the water jug and the ensuing confusion. Everyone lifted up plates and gla.s.ses while things were mopped up. It would have been easy to slip something in a gla.s.s any gla.s.s and then put that gla.s.s in front of me when the table was put back together. We were all drinking the same wine and, in the state I was in, I certainly wouldnt have noticed. It would have been easy. And if Kevin hadnt knocked over the water some other opportunity would have occurred, I was sure.

I thought about falling down the stairs. I remembered my foot, sliding away from me and my frantic grab for the banisters. I remembered the sickening impact as I fell backwards. It was a miracle I hadnt cracked my head open. And so I would have if the little pool of oil had been spilled on a lower stair. My head would have crashed back onto the bare wooden staircase and at the speed I was going, it would have been nasty.

Just two normal household incidents. A stomach upset and falling down the stairs. Both easily explained away.

But this this was different. This was a tangle of wire left across a path where I rode. And not just me. It was Thomas too. My precious Thomas, who had looked to me to get us home and who stood so patiently while I untangled that filthy wire with cold, shaking fingers.

Yes, this last incident was very different. An escalation. Much more difficult to explain away. Especially since Id kept the wire.

The question was, what was I going to do about it? Love and loyalty can only take you so far. The safest place for me would apparently be Uncle Richards house. Aunt Julia would ostentatiously throw a Total Exclusion Zone of about a hundred miles around the house and Russell Checkland wouldnt be allowed anywhere near me. Ever again. And if Russell was far away then I would seem to be safe. But that really wasnt what I wanted. That wouldnt solve anything. And it wasnt just me any more.

More than ever, I missed big, golden Thomas, who would have stood beside the bed, swishing his tail and who would certainly have had something to say about all this. But hed gone. Hed left me. Because, supposedly, I was grown-up now and able to deal with this on my own. I wondered if hed foreseen all this. Of course he had. Yet, still hed left me. Because he thought I could do this by myself. So Id better get on with it then.

They let me go the next day. Russell went charging off to bring the car to the patient loading bay and I was awaiting his return. The doctor, whose name I have now forgotten, came to stand alongside me.

'You take care now, Mrs Checkland.

'I will. Thanks for everything. I appreciate it.

We both watched Russell pull up on double yellow lines and smile blindingly at the parking attendant.

'Yes, she said, in amus.e.m.e.nt. 'Do you think hes disastrously charming or just charmingly disastrous?

What I would have said to this was never known, because the subject of the conversation was suddenly with us, grabbing my bag, thanking the doctor and whirling me away before I could properly gather what pa.s.sed for my wits these days.

Russell chattered all the way home, but drove (comparatively) slowly back to Frogmorton, where I ignored his instructions and went straight to see Thomas.

Poor old Thomas. The sight of him brought home to me the seriousness of what had happened in a way that my own injuries hadnt. Theyd piled up his bedding and he was well rugged, but he still looked cold and miserable. His head hung low and his eyes were half-closed.

'Thomas?

He lifted his head and made a little sound of greeting that nearly had me in tears. But he didnt move towards me. I stared anxiously.

'Which part of go straight into the house and keep warm didnt you understand? Why wont you do as I tell you? I swear you are the most troublesome wife Ive ever had, said Russell, materialising unnervingly beside me.

'Well, never mind. Not much longer now.

Was there the slightest pause?

'No. No, as you say, not much longer now.

The silence thickened.

'What does Andrew say?

'Andrew says h.e.l.l be fine in a week or so. Stop changing the subject.

'What subject?

'Us. Our future. What were going to do.

I remembered that arguing about our future was what had sent me flying out of the house in the first place.

'Cheer up, Russell. If this ... keeps up, Im not going to have much of a future. Ill probably be struck by lightning next Tuesday and all your troubles will be over.

He stepped back, suddenly very tight around the mouth.

'What?

'If anything happens to me while were still married then you get everything. House. Money. Francesca, if you still ... want her. Everything.

He grew, if anything, even tighter. I braced myself.

'What are you saying?

'Im saying that you need to be very, very careful, Russell. Ive worked out whats going on. You know what Im talking about.

'How long have you known?

I pulled out the coil of wire and laid it gently on the table in from of him. He stared at it, picked it up, turned it over, and laid it back down again. His eyes were very watchful.

'What are you going to do?

'Nothing. I dont want anyone else involved in this. Theres enough gossip about us already. I think, and Im sure you will agree, that this was one "accident" too many. I dont think there will be any more of them now. If you think about it carefully, Im sure you will agree.

He picked up the wire again, seemingly unable to leave it alone.

'I do.

'As things stand at the moment, youre in much more danger from them than I am.

'Well, he said lightly, balancing the coil of wire on the palm of his hand, 'wed better make sure nothing happens to you then, hadnt we? Now for heavens sake, come inside and let Mrs Crisp start looking after you.

They were so pleased to see me. I couldnt believe it. Mrs Crisp forgot my bruises, hugged me tightly, apologised, and hugged me again. She was warm and soft and smelled of sherry.

Sharon, remembering my bruises, hugged me not so tightly. She was warm and soft and smelled of vanilla.

Kevin shook my hand in a very manly way, so I hugged him anyway. He smelled of horses.

The cat unwound himself from the range, jumped into my arms, and head-b.u.t.ted me. He smelled of tinned salmon.

'b.l.o.o.d.y animal, said Russell. 'Every time I go near him he bites me. I dont know why hes still here, Jenny. I gave particular instructions he was to be shown the door. Why does no one ever take any notice of anything I say? You lot do realise you work for me, dont you?

His workforce regarded him stoically. He changed the subject.

'Im hungry.

They left us to have a quiet meal together. Afterwards I snoozed on the sofa and he went out. I woke up hours later, just in time to go to bed.

Of course, having slept most of the day, I was restless and couldnt get off again. The painkillers had worn off and the ibuprofen theyd given me really wasnt cutting the mustard. I shifted painfully around the bed, and, unable to get comfortable, picked up a book.

I heard Russell come home, heard him clumping quietly (for him) up the stairs, and heard his footsteps along the pa.s.sage. He must have seen the light under my door, because he paused and then tapped.

'Jenny?

He stuck his head around the door. 'Everything all right?

I nodded. 'Not sleepy.

'Do you want some tea? Ive got something to show you.

I nodded and he disappeared, coming back with a tray containing the wrong mugs, the leaky teapot, no spoons, and a photo alb.u.m. He dropped the whole lot on the table, poured out two mugs and made himself comfortable on the bed.

'Move over a bit.

I shunted over and he stretched out beside me.

'Dont spill it. Here you are. Good G.o.d, whats the matter with your feet?

'The cat.

'He sleeps in here?

'Absolutely not. Never. At all.

'Well, if you catch some dreadful disease and your feet fall off, dont come running to me.

I promised I wouldnt.

We sipped tea together, just like a normal married couple.

'So what have you got for me?

'Oh. Yes. Andrew dug this out the other day. Theres something in here I think will interest you. He began to leaf through. 'Yes, here we are.

He pa.s.sed over a very elderly photo alb.u.m.

'Thats our garden.

'Yes, these were taken in my grandfathers time. I never knew him, but I thought youd like to see what the garden used to look like. The photos are black and white, but youll get the idea.

It had been beautiful. Roses, lavender, geraniums, stocks, foxgloves, lupins, and many more that I couldnt name spilled untidily over gravel paths. Looking at it, you could hear the lazily droning bees and feel the summer sun beating down. In the centre of her fountain, the hussy clutched her clothes in vain.

'And, he said, setting down his tea and taking the book off me. 'Recognise anyone here?

He pa.s.sed it back. I saw a very old photo of four children sitting on the gra.s.s. Christopher glowered from the background. Francesca and Russell sat at the front, smiling at each other. She was making a daisy chain. I was off to one side, staring out of the picture, in my own world as usual.

'I dont remember this.

'Me neither, but thats us. Youve got short hair so youre what ten, eleven?

I nodded.

'And theres another.

He turned the page. And there we were, just the two of us. Russell was holding a bucket and I was peering in.

'Even then with the buckets, he said. 'An omen.

It was an effort to smile. I looked at my younger self, sighed, and gently closed the book. He put it on the floor. And his mug. And my mug.

'Jenny. Im just going to come right out and say this. Id rather kick myself for being an insensitive idiot now than kick myself in years to come for not saying what I ... The thing is, I dont want you to go. I would be very pleased and proud and honoured if you would stay. I know the last months have been pretty bad for you, but I think were both agreed thats finished now. I dont care about the money. Leave it to the cat for all I care. You can do the garden, fix up the house, learn to cook, ride with me, do the accounts, sc.r.a.pe egg off the walls, bring home dodgy livestock what woman could resist such a lifestyle?

Well not this one, certainly. I really didnt want to go. I thought of what I would leave behind. But if I stayed and there was another accident and they took Russell away what then? I knew what people said about him. Had always said about him. He was his own worst enemy.

I sighed with the weight of it all. I really wanted to stay. The situation was not beyond recall. Take a chance. Take a chance and stay.

'Yes, I said, 'Id like to stay.

He squeezed my hand, very tightly. 'Thats my girl.

To overcome the embarra.s.sment of the moment, I leaned back against the pillows and found his arm there. He made no attempt to move it.

'Im going to push my luck, now.

Of course he was. When wouldnt he?

'Id like to stay, too.

I didnt get it to begin with. Then I did. Or I thought I did. Maybe I was wrong. My heart began to thump. Was he saying ...?

'If you want me to leave, then I will. But I warn you, Ill be back tomorrow night and the night after, until one day, Jenny ... We know each other a little better now and the last weeks have been ... difficult for me. I rather hoped ... but if you dont want ... I mean Ill quite understand. Just say no and Ill ... he sighed heavily and continued in a voice that led me to believe he was labouring under some huge, dark, nameless sorrow. '... Ill drag myself back to my own room, trying not to think of you, here, soft and warm, without me ... Because Ill be next door, all alone, cruelly abandoned to the dubious pleasures of night-time manipulation and potential blindness. So no pressure then, Jenny.

Trying not to laugh, I buried my head in his shoulder.

'Is that a yes? I know Im a Checkland, and we like a challenge, but I need more to work with than just the top of your head. Look at me. Thats better. Now theres no cause for alarm. In the last ten seconds, Ive thought all this over very carefully indeed, and for the purposes of this exercise, I propose we divide into two groups: the kisser and the kissee. You, Jenny, are the kissee and all you have to do is stare up at me with your disturbingly trustful eyes. Yes, thats very good. The kisser, thats me, by the way, takes a deep breath, tries to remember who he is, lifts the kissees chin gently, like so, and has at it.

'Has at it?

'Yes. The kisser, having set the scene to his satisfaction, now makes his move.

He bent his head and kissed me, very gently. For a long time. His lips were warm and soft. My head swam. I put it down to concussion.