The Nothing Girl Part 24

'Well, she was upset.

'She was upset? Ive just faced down that man and you werent there?

'Yes, the important part of that sentence was "Ive just faced down that man" ...

'No, the important part of that sentence was, "You werent there." I was all prepared to wallop him with that hideous purple thing and Sharon was there with the Le Creuset and where were you? Oh, yes, in the stables with Marilyn who was in no danger at all.

'Well, she didnt know that. She was most distressed, poor thing.

'And so was I.

' No, you werent. Once you got into your stride, you were well away. Actually, Jenny, I think you might be turning into a bit of an adrenaline junkie. You might want to watch yourself.

Before my adrenaline had time to spike even further, Russell came back into the kitchen, looking very pleased with himself.

He put his arm around Sharon, saying, 'You were wonderful. Therell be a little something extra in your pay packet this week with my compliments and best wishes.

Now was the moment for Mrs Crisp to snort and say she would be lucky if there was anything in her pay packet at all, let alone a little extra, but, unaccountably, she said nothing. She was unpacking her shopping and putting things away quietly, not meeting anyones eye. I would have liked a little time to think about this, but Russell grasped my wrist and pulled me into the chilly dining room.

'What were you thinking? he demanded.

Great. Sharon gets a bonus and I get a b.o.l.l.o.c.king.

'Why didnt you just tell him to go away?

By now, reaction was setting in. And I remembered Id just had one of those twentyfour-hour bug things.

I kicked him.

'Ow! What the h.e.l.l ...

'I was frightened. I didnt know what to do. And you werent here. Which, as far as I was concerned, was the crux of the matter. 'And he shouted. And he had horrible breath. And you werent here.

He stopped dead and put his arms around me. 'Im here now.

I really should have struggled or at least put up some sort of resistance. Instead, I leaned against him and buried my face in his jacket. He smelled of after-shave, fabric conditioner, and soap.

'Its all right, he said, again. 'Im here now.

I sniffed a couple of times.

'I really should try and take better care of you, shouldnt I?

I nodded.

'Tomorrow. No, not tomorrow, I have to see someone. The day after tomorrow. Well go into town, have a nice lunch, and go to the art shop. How does that sound?

'Actually, it sounds very unlikely. On your form to date, well set off for Rushford and be attacked by a ... dragon which you will immediately bring home and well be followed by the dragons owners, the three witches who will demand a large sum of money or theyll turn us into toads and youll be in the ... pub.

He was laughing. 'Jenny, when youre wound up you really are a delight. He bent his head and kissed me very lightly, which I think surprised both of us.

He cleared his throat. 'Shall we go and have a cup of tea?

Good idea.

'Im out all day today, said Russell, finishing his breakfast the next morning, and getting to his feet. 'All of you, just try and stay out of trouble while Im gone. Jenny, youve got my number, but trust me, he wont be back. Ever.

He slammed the door on his way out. Kevin, who had made his tea last as long as possible so he could look at Sharon, wrung the last few drops from his mug and disappeared too. Sharon smiled blindingly, collected the hoover, and could be heard crashing about in the dining room.

'So, just you and Mrs Crisp, said Thomas, stating the obvious.

I sipped my cup of tea very carefully, but everything seemed stable. She handed me a plate of delicate toast fingers. She'd even cut the crusts off. For some reason it brought a lump to my throat.

I nodded my thanks and nibbled carefully. She finished what she was doing, folded her tea towel and said, 'I wonder if I might have a word with you, Mrs Checkland. My heart sank.

She slid an envelope across the table to me.

'My resignation.

I pushed it back again and shook my head. I didnt know what to say so I said nothing, feeling my way.

'I dont think you understand, she said, twisting her fingers together. 'You see ... I think what happened to you ... your sickness ... might be my fault.

I shook my head again, but she was determined.

'Let her say it.

'I dont know if youve noticed, but sometimes I have ... a little something in the afternoons because sometimes, when I get a little anxious, its helpful. I swear to you its never been a problem ... it just helps me get through the day ... but I wondered if ... because I was nervous about the dinner ... although I didnt think I drank so much, but of course not knowing is a sign that there is a problem, and so ... I mean, seafood and chicken, what was I thinking?

She sat at the table head bowed, her fingers working, crying quietly.

'I always said I would go when Russell married. You know, new broom and all that, except I thought it would be that red-headed She remembered suddenly that Francesca was my cousin.

Id never felt so helpless. I wanted to make some long eloquent speech that would put everything right. To do something to ease her obvious unhappiness, but there was a log-jam of words and because it was important, vital even, that I say something, nothing happened.

I took her hand, concentrated on the pattern in the tablecloth, and said, 'No.

'I dont think you understand ...

'No.

'No, really, Mrs Checkland you dont understand.

Theres more to this than meets the eye, said Thomas. 'Id just hang on a minute, if I were you.

She wiped her eyes on her tea towel, an action that would have brought instant death to anyone else and continued, 'I drink, you see.

'Yes, I know.

'Not a lot, but more than enough.

I nodded again.

She looked around, but Sharon had moved upstairs and Kevin was still in the yard. Not looking at me, she drew herself up and said firmly, 'I suspect, Mrs Checkland, that your recent illness was due to carelessness on my part and therefore, I beg you to accept my resignation.

Something more was called for than just saying: 'No. I focused on the pattern again, blue and cream, interwoven, took a breath and then another.

'Dr Williams said it was a twenty-four-hour bug. He said it wasnt the food. No one else is ... sick. You cannot leave Russell. Hed be heart-broken. You raised him. n.o.body can remember a ... time when you werent here. You mustnt go. Youre needed here. This is your home.

'Not bad. Not bad at all.

She shook her head. 'I should have gone years ago. Years and years ago.

I was mystified. 'Why?

She looked round again. I could hear Sharon coming back. I got up and went out.

'... Can you give Kevin a hand for half an hour or so? This seemed a good way of getting rid of her.

'Neat, said Thomas.

'Thank you.

'This next bit is not going to be good, though.

'No.

Back in the kitchen, she hadnt moved.

I sat down again and waited.

Hesitantly, folding and re-folding the tea towel, she began.

'I think in everyones life theres always something they wish theyd done. Or hadnt done. She looked at me and continued with difficulty. 'I did something. It was wrong. It was very wrong. I knew when I did it that it was wrong, but I was so alone and just for a few hours, the world went away and ... But it was wrong. So that was something else I had to forget. So I started taking a drink at night, just to help me to sleep and well, you can guess the rest.

She looked terrible. The weight of her past must be almost unbearable. She was in her what late fifties? Did Russell know what was going on here?

'Hard to say, said Thomas. ' Hes uncomfortably perceptive in some areas and a complete idiot in others. Im guessing this is one of his idiot areas.

With no idea what to do, I took her hand. She squeezed it and then pushed it away from her.

'Ill tell you, she said with sudden decision. 'Ill tell you and then youll see why I have to go.

'You dont have to, I said, panicking. 'Dont tell me if you dont want to.

But shed made up her mind. I dont think she was even listening to me. She sat up in her chair, squared her shoulders, and put her chin in the air.

'I killed her. I killed Russells mother.

Chapter Nine.

Long, long seconds pa.s.sed. I should do something. I should say something. The longer the silence lasted, the worse things would get. Neither of us was capable of speech. Thomas moved around to stand beside her, breathing gently into her hair. Calming and soothing.

I swallowed once or twice, and then, since she was still sobbing into her tea towel, got up and switched the kettle on. My legs felt wobbly. I was really out of my depth. Again. My first thoughts were to leave this for Russell to deal with, but that wouldnt be a good idea.

'Good thinking. Lets see what she has to say first. She might just be referring to another catering accident.

'Russells mother died in a car crash, Thomas.

'Well, I cant see her under the cha.s.sis tampering with the brakes, can you? Lets listen and then decide what to do.

I put a mug of tea in front of her, removed the tea towel, and subst.i.tuted the kitchen roll.

We looked at each other for a while and then she began.

'Dr Williams ... havent seen him in a long time. Did he call me Lizzie Crisp?

I nodded.

'That was my business name. She smiled back into her past. 'Ill start at the beginning. She seemed quite calm now. Determined too. I cuddled my tea in both hands and listened.

'Grahame and I met at junior school. We knew, both of us, almost from the moment we met. There was never anyone else. Childhood sweethearts.

She smiled again, but it was a sad and bitter smile this time.

'He was a mechanic and a good one. He worked for a while in his uncles garage and then set up on his own. He did well, but he was always busy so I looked around for something to do.

'I liked cooking. I was good at it, so when a friend asked me to cook for her dinner party I was thrilled. It was a success. Word got round. From being just something to keep me occupied, it went to being a neat little business. Grahame was happy, I was happy. Everything was going so well.

She drank some more tea. I was beginning to have a horrible feeling. Id wanted a life. Id wanted the sort of life real people have. We should be careful what we wish for. Suddenly, I wanted to be back in my attic where I wouldnt have to hear what happened to happy Lizzie Crisp and her childhood sweetheart Grahame.

She continued. 'And when Alice was born, it was just the icing on the cake. She was beautiful. I dressed her in blue to match her eyes.

She lost herself for a while and we waited patiently.

'Grahames dad found us some premises where I could cook and there was a small shop-front as well. People could either select from the freezer and take it home, or bring in their own dishes, Id fill them up, and they could pretend theyd cooked it themselves.

'It went really well. Grahame was busy too. I really thought it was going to be a case of "and they all lived happily ever after". Well, some of us did live, I mean. But there was no happily ever after for anyone. There never is, really, is there?

'Dont answer that.

'It was summer. I was hot, tired, and getting behind. Grahame finished work, collected Alice from play-school, and arrived to pick up the deliveries. I can still remember. There was a buffet meal for the Summers family they were having a do in their garden to celebrate their daughters exam results. There was a cake ... And Beef Wellington and poached pears for the Elliots. They were a nice couple.