The Nothing Girl Part 22

The two of us lingered in the vestibule while Andrew examined the front door, claiming he couldnt remember the last time it had opened. In fact, we spent so long that Russell came looking for us.

'What are you doing? he demanded, suspiciously.

'Checking out the door, said Andrew, vaguely, peering at the hinges.

'Why?

'What?

'Never mind, I said hastily, suspecting a cousinly contretemps brewing. 'Lets have a drink.

'Oh, Jenny.

'You keep saying that. However, before I could investigate his utterance any further, sweeping headlights announced the arrival of Aunt Julia and Uncle Richard.

'Theyre here, announced Russell, Poltergeist style. 'Line up the troops. Wife front and centre.

They were charming. Uncle Richard always was, of course, in his own understated way. There was a suggestion of gritted teeth about Aunt Julia but you couldnt fault her efforts.

They barely flinched at the shrieking front door but Marilyns response took them back more than a little.

'Goodness me, said Aunt Julia. 'What the what on earth was that?

'Marilyn, explained Russell, not making things clear at all.

'Our donkey, I said, hastily, before she could accuse him of keeping women in the stables against their will.

'Our sick donkey, he added helpfully.

She made a huge effort at a tiny joke. 'Then I think you have a problem, Russell. If she can do that now, what sort of noise will she be capable of when shes recovered?

Fortunately, before Russell could enquire if shed had a few before she came out, Mrs Crisp took her coat and she was gently but firmly ushered into the living room.

She halted on the threshold and we braced ourselves, but she said, 'Oh, Jenny, its charming.

Right. So, obviously yesterdays visit was to be wiped from everyones memory. On the other hand, it did look lovely. Gentle lighting hid many defects, the fire crackled merrily, the saggy sofas were comfortable, and all the books made us look respectable.

She turned to Russell. 'No offence, Russell, but I fancy much of the credit for this goes to Jenny?

Behind me, Andrew muttered, 'Who is she and what has she done with the real Julia? and I was inclined to agree.

What had brought about this transformation was anyones guess. Perhaps even she realised that yesterdays visit had crossed a line. Perhaps she was unwilling to relinquish visiting rights. Whatever it was, she smilingly insisted that of course she remembered Andrew and Tanya, accepted a drink from Russell, and reminded Uncle Richard theyd brought wine as a gift for the evening.

I think Russell was a little miffed, feeling perhaps that his own choice was being disparaged, but he took in the spirit it was meant and Mrs Crisp bore it away.

We had a few minutes small talk. The weather was closely examined and found to be appropriate for the time of year. Andrews function was politely ascertained and not found wanting. Uncle Richard informed the breathless company that he and Miss Bauer were professionally acquainted, albeit only slightly, and before we had time to run out of things to say to each other, Mrs Crisp, under instructions from Russell to move things along as quickly as possible, announced that dinner was served.

Mrs Crisp and I had not messed about with the table arrangements. Russell, at the head of the table, was flanked by Aunt Julia on one side and Tanya on the other, on the grounds that his legendary women-handling skills would see him through and the whole d.a.m.n thing was his fault anyway. He accepted with good grace, contenting himself with twinkling at me as I seated Uncle Richard and Andrew with me at the other end. Russell opened the wine, Mrs Crisp brought in the first course, and away we went.

'Oh, this looks delicious, said Uncle Richard appreciatively, gazing at Mrs Crisps seafood salad, which did indeed look lovely. Further up the table I could hear Aunt Julia saying the same.

Russell topped up her wine gla.s.s.

Uncle Richard peered closely. 'Jenny, my dear, which sauce would you like?

'Mayonnaise please, Uncle Richard.

We all served each other and got stuck in. Mrs Crisp retired anxiously to the door, but she was worrying unnecessarily. It was delicious. I looked up to see Russell give her a small smile and the thumbs-up. She melted away.

We chatted away at our end. Andrew was a Checkland and therefore never short of a word or two, and Uncle Richard, after an anxious glance towards the head of the table for approval, happily joined in.

He neednt have worried. Russell was opening another bottle of wine and they were going at it full throttle. Even as I watched, she laid a hand on his arm and laughed. He didnt even flinch.

Uncle Richard blinked a little, and then turned back to me and said in a conspiratorial whisper, 'What do you think, my dear. Shall we ...? and he poured me half a gla.s.s of wine, an action that would normally have led to our instant annihilation. He topped up his own and said, 'What about you, Andrew?

'Designated driver, he said with regret. 'And Im on call, too.

'Oh, what a shame. 'He threw another disbelieving glance at his wife. 'Its just you and me then, Jenny. I sipped away. Sadly, wine tastes like furniture polish to me, but I was happy to be included and smiled benignly upon my guests.

Sharon and Kevin cleared the table and disappeared. I waited a little anxiously for any sounds of breaking crockery but quite honestly, I dont think I would have heard them over the increasing noise levels at the other end. Russell was telling a story, waving his arms about, and Aunt Julia was smiling at him. As I stared, Tanya turned and said, Good party, Jenny.

'Thank you, I said, pleased and relieved it was going so well.

'Chicken with white wine sauce and grapes, murmured Mrs Crisp, 'Served with baby vegetables and new potatoes.

'Oh my, said Aunt Julia. 'You certainly know how to look after your guests, Russell.

'My wife chose the menu, he said, still smiling but leaving no one in any doubt that hostilities could break out at any time he wanted them to. His hair was flopping over one eye and they were opening yet another bottle of wine. I couldnt take my eyes off them.

Tanya flashed me a quick smile then turned her attention back to Russell. I felt a small relief. Theyd split the duties between them. Andrew was designated driver. She was on Russell-watch. I wasnt sure which of them had drawn the short straw.

Uncle Richard and Andrew got on like a house on fire. We talked about donkeys because if youve got one they tend to dominate the conversation the latest James Bond film, the proposed pedestrianisation in Rushford, football, wine, and all points in between. We were laughing so hard over Andrews story of Mrs Aldershots Yorkies attempt at family relations with Mr Fittertons Staffie and the subsequent medical attention required by both dogs and their owners that when Kevin upset the water jug, it wasnt the embarra.s.sing disaster it might have been.

Uncle Richard lifted the wine gla.s.ses out of the way, Andrew moved the plates, I mopped, and we replaced everything with barely a break in the by-now-quite-loud conversation.

Kevin fled in shame, but Sharons hazelnut tarts were a triumph and we ended on a high.

Everyone was having too good a time to move so we had coffee at the table and a substantial amount of brandy went round as well.

I think I was beginning to sway slightly when Mrs Crisp put a very welcome gla.s.s of water in front of me and Uncle Richard, casting a glance at Aunt Julia, announced they should probably be going.

She seemed quite reluctant, despite having missed her ten oclock bedtime, but eventually moved slowly and majestically to the door.

'Stately Spanish Galleon, whispered Andrew behind me and I giggled. Russell shot me a very strange look I didnt understand at all, although actually, things were a bit blurry ...

'Oh, Jenny, said Thomas, in some amus.e.m.e.nt.

... and I realised very suddenly that although Id quite enjoyed the wine, a substantial amount was about to make the return trip.

I didnt know what to do. They wouldnt go. Just standing. Talking. Go, will you. Oh G.o.d, I felt bad. I was never drinking again.

'Youve never drunk before, said Thomas.

'Not helping, I said.

Russell saved me. Turning to say something, he fixed me with an experienced and not unsympathetic stare and said, 'Dont come out into the cold, Jenny. Ill see our guests out.

'Thank you, I said, suddenly liking him better than I ever had before, and fled for the stairs.

There was no time to get to my room. The family bathroom was the first door at the top of the stairs and I barely made it. I dumped a substantial amount of the evening meal in the nearest receptacle the bath decided Id never drink again, or eat either, and waited for everything to subside.

It didnt. If anything, I felt worse. My stomach cramped painfully and off I went again. And again. And again.

Where was it all coming from? I didnt remember carrots. My head pounded. I couldnt see properly. I shivered, shook and hoped I would die before anyone found me.

I was vaguely aware of cars starting and driving away. The door screeched. I heard voices and then a familiar step on the staircase.

He knocked. I told him to go away but in shorter sharper words. He came in anyway. He seemed inappropriately cheerful about my death throes.

'Dont panic, Jenny, youre not the first Checkland to occupy that exact spot. The number of times Ive been there. And Andrew, back in his day. And, if youd been able to stomach me for a little longer, and wed had offspring, I daresay they would have carried on the proud family tradition, too.

I wouldnt be surprised if he could speak and vomit simultaneously. I cast him a look of loathing and proceeded to bring up everything Id eaten in the last six months.

'Poor old Jenny, he said, kneeling beside me and rubbing my back gently. 'Shall I go away?

Tears of mortification ran down my cheeks. I looked at the author of all my misfortunes and consigned him to the lowest circles of h.e.l.l.

'No, please stay.

'Of course I will. Ill get you some water and then well get you to bed.

But we didnt.

It went on all night. The slightest sip of water came back tenfold. I grew exhausted and still it didnt stop. I lay on the bathroom floor and rested my hot face against the cool tiles, shivering with cold. Russell fetched a blanket and I threw up on that as well. Finally, just a little before dawn, the cramps eased. An uneventful half hour went by.

'Im going to carry you to bed now. If you throw up on me, I shall call Andrew and have you put down.

I nodded and he picked me up, blanket and all and carried me to my room. He place me gently on the bed and went back for the basins, towels, flannels, gla.s.ses of water, and all the other paraphernalia Id acc.u.mulated.

'Close your eyes, Jenny, murmured Thomas, whod never wavered, even during the really unpleasant bits. ' Try and sleep.

I never thought I would, but I did. I was exhausted. It was broad daylight when I woke, still wrapped in my crusty blanket.

'Gently. Dont try and sit up in case you set yourself off again.

'This is your fault.

'Im sorry?

'Too late for that.

'No, I mean, how is this my fault?

'If you hadnt stopped me killing myself all those years ago I wouldnt be here now.

'How do you feel?

'Tired.

I found my arms, got them free of the blanket, and reached for the gla.s.s of water on the bedside cabinet.

'I wouldnt drink that, Jenny. Just in case. Mrs Crisp will bring some fresh.

And indeed, at that moment, she knocked and entered. She looked dreadful. Worse than Ive ever seen anyone look.

'In that case, you might want to avert your eyes when you clean your teeth, said Thomas.

'Oh, youre awake at last, she said. 'How are you feeling? Let me help you sit up.

I pulled myself up and she plumped the pillows behind me. And yes, she had brought fresh water.

'Just one or two sips, dear. No more. Ill go and tell Russell.

I lay back and took stock. Id vomited copiously all night. Id slept in my clothes and make-up. Well, if nothing else, once he clapped eyes on me hed be a great deal more reconciled to our divorce. It might even be all over by next Monday. If I lived that long.

He appeared in the doorway. 'Still alive, then?

I shook my head very gently and felt a familiar sensation. I grabbed the bowl, but it subsided. It had to. There really couldnt be anything left.

'Dont do that, he said, coming into the room. 'Dry-heaving is no fun. Take it from an expert. If I run you a bath, do you think it would help?

I nodded. A bath sounded wonderful. To be clean again.

'And, he said, 'Ive sent for your doctor so you need to get cleaned up or h.e.l.l never recognise you.

'No! I croaked.

'Too late, he said, and went into the bathroom. I could hear the sound of running water. He reappeared.

'I dont know which is your favourite bath lotion Ive never seen so many but Ive chucked a few into the mix. Youre not very fragrant, my love.

I blushed red with mortification again.

'Up you come, he said, lifting me again. He managed the steps down, no problem at all, and set me gently on my feet. He unwrapped the blanket and unzipped my dress.

I made a small sound.

'Stop panicking, he said cheerfully. 'Just making things easier for you. Dont start undressing yet, Im coming back with your PJs.