The Nothing Girl Part 15

He put his mug down and said, without looking at me, 'I saw Francesca. The night before we were to be married. She told me she loved me. That she never should have agreed to marry Daniel. That it was me. Had always been me. Everything Id always wanted to hear. She offered herself.

I could feel Thomas close beside me, doing everything he could. I leaned towards him for strength and comfort, not wanting to hear any more.

He told me anyway, his voice thick with exhaustion, grief, and, I think, shame.

'It was what Id always wanted. Id wanted her for so long. She was coming back to me. I grabbed her. She smelled just the same. I ...

For G.o.ds sake, dont tell me this. What did he think he was doing?

I rose from the chair to run away.

He grabbed my wrist again. His voice cracked. 'No, dont go. You have to know.

'No, I dont, I said, and struggled with him.

Thomas laid back his ears and bared his teeth. The atmosphere in the room suddenly got very ugly indeed.

Russell was aware of it without knowing why. I was never alone. He let me go, holding up his arms in a gesture of surrender.

'Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. A flash of the old Russell came back. 'As you see, Jenny, Ive made a bit of a mess of things. Then it was gone again. His eyes clouded and his mouth set in a harsh, ugly line.

'I ... I said no. She laughed. I pushed her away. She hit me. It wasnt pretty. She cried. She was nearly hysterical. I wouldnt ... She spat at me. I held her until she was calm. I was crying myself. I gave her some water. She left. I didnt sleep.

'The next morning she came back. In that dress. She took my breath away. I rang Andrew. Said Id meet him there. I didnt want him coming here and seeing her.

'You see, he always meant to go through with it, said Thomas. 'Thats encouraging.

'She said Id never marry you. That you werent never mind. She thought it was a scheme to make her jealous. She mocked. I got angry and threw her out. Literally. I pushed her into the car and told her never to come back. I may have hurt her. I was sorry afterwards. She begged me. I said I had a new life now. She drove away. I went into town. Parked somewhere. Had a drink to calm down. It didnt help, so I had another. And then some more. Then I got married.

'Afterwards I ... After we were married, I didnt know what to do. I told myself to go somewhere and sober up and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the wildly misnamed honeymoon suite and you had gone. I thought youd gone back to your aunt. I wouldnt have blamed you.

I topped up his tea.

'If you want to go, Ill understand and Ill do everything I can to help you. Between us, we can fix this. You know what I mean.

He wanted me to go.

I panicked. Full-blown, flat-out panic that robbed me of all speech, thought, movement, almost life itself. Everything just came apart and I was falling.

'Breathe, said Thomas, softly. 'Breathe, my darling girl. Just breathe.

I did and the world came back into focus again.

Russell pa.s.sed me his tea. 'Here. Drink some of this.

Things began to rea.s.semble. My first thoughts were full of fear.

I was to be divorced. Annulled. Whatever. I couldnt go back to live with Aunt Julia. Shed never let me out of her sight again. I wouldnt even be able to go to the library on my own. They might even decide it was time for 'that special place.

My next thoughts were angry. This marriage was his idea. Hed pushed it through. Hed made a deal. Wed made a deal. I provided the cash. He provided the home. And now, because of that ... because of Francesca, who only had to lift her beautifully manicured little finger, he was going to throw his bright, new start to the four winds and pull what little remained of his life down around his own ears. And mine.

My next thoughts were of others. Francesca wouldnt live here. This wasnt designer dilapidation. This was the real thing. Shed hate it. Shed make him sell. Without my money, hed have to. Even if he got a reasonable price for it which he wouldnt Francesca was expensive and sooner or later, the money would be gone. And then Francesca would be gone. Again.

And if he did induce her to live here, she would have Mrs Crisp out in a flash. An eccentric housekeeper who drank a bottle of sherry a day was not Francescas style at all. Shed make her go. Or, more likely, shed make Russell do it and that would break both their hearts.

And Kevin, granted a brief cruel glimpse of normal life before being shunted back on to the streets again where he certainly wouldnt survive.

And Boxer; what would become of a neurotic ex-racehorse who could be terrorised by a line of washing flapping in the breeze?

I looked at the state of him and wondered whether to talk to him now or go back to my room, which was what every bit of me clamoured to do. Perhaps it would be better to wait until morning when everyone was calmer.

Even as I watched him, he opened his eyes. 'Jenny, are you able to speak to me?

I nodded.

'The most important thing at the moment is that you dont suffer from my stupidity. I will sort all this out. Ill make sure youre all right, youll see.

I felt a spurt of unaccustomed anger run through me.

'Oh, for G.o.ds sake, Checkland, just stop with that ... b.o.l.l.o.c.ks, will you?

That pulled him up short.

'Ive lost count of the ... number of times youve said that to me. Lies then. Lies now.

It was probably a bit like being savaged by a wet tissue, but it was effective in its unexpectedness. He looked completely taken aback. I remembered Tanya, who dealt with Andrew simply by announcing what she was going to do and then going right ahead and doing it. I took advantage of his surprise.

'Exactly what do you want, Russell?

He gaped at me. 'What?

'A ... simple question. Until three days ago, you wanted ... me. My money, anyway. You wanted this house. To paint again. To have a fresh start. Now you say you dont want me. Now its Francesca ... Make up your ... mind, Russell and ... let ... me ... know.

I got up. Id shot my bolt. I needed to go somewhere quiet. Thomas came forward and stood between us. My shield.

'Well, that was unexpected but satisfactory. Lets go now while hes still trying to regain his wits. Always have the last word.

We headed towards the door.

'Wait, Jenny, come back a minute.

'Dont go back. Stand by the door and look as if you cant wait to get away. Yes, thats very good.

'I dont want you to leave.

I looked at the tray. 'Youve got tea and toast. Everything you need.

'No, I mean I dont want you to leave Frogmorton. I told you I sent her away. I was just trying to tell you what happened. To offer you the option. Where did you get the idea I wanted you to go? I meant what I said about a new beginning. We did get married, didnt we?

'You call this a ... marriage?

My shout surprised all of us.

'You were drunk. You turned up with your mistress. You 'Shes not my mistress.

His shout bounced off the walls.

'Youre not sleeping with her?

'No.

'But ...

'Oh, I dont deny I would have and there have been some steamy sessions that drove me insane, but no. Until she turned up here ... He stopped.

'So her plan is that I move out, she leaves Daniel, and you install her in my place?

I have to say, put that baldly, it did sound bad, but that wasnt the real reason for the look on his face. He was rummaging through his probably very hazy memories of the last few days and realising ...

' She never told him she would leave Daniel. Shes never going to leave Daniel. Or his money. Or his nice house. Or his useful contacts. She just wanted Russell to call off the wedding. She wants sole ownership of Russell Checkland. I tell you, Jenny, if you dont stand your ground now, sh.e.l.l get it. Think of the damage she can do. If you let her.

'What can I do?

'Youve got to fight for him, Jenny. If you think hes worth it.

I looked at Russell again, worn out, emotionally and physically. I thought of those few golden weeks and contrasted them against the bitter humiliation of this marriage. How had I managed to get myself into this? Had I really been so stupid as to fall for the unorthodox charm of Russell Checkland?

Apparently, yes.

Idiot!

I turned to the door again. The emotional strain of the last three days had taken its toll on everyone and I just wanted to get away.

'Jenny.

I went back to the bed, took his empty mug from him, and set it down.

'Go to sleep, Russell. Talk tomorrow.

He struggled to sit back up again. 'Will you still be here?

'I have to be. I left my home for you. Unlike you, I dont have choices.

'Excellent exit line, said Thomas.

Mrs Crisp was coming down the corridor with a mug of hot chocolate.

'I thought you might like this, Mrs Checkland. She peered into my face. 'Oh, my dear.

I allowed her to help me to my room. She settled me on the bed and spread a soft blanket across my legs.

'Dont you come down again tonight. Ill lock up and see to everything. You just rest now. Things will seem better in the morning.

I nodded, still clutching the too-hot mug.

She said sadly, 'Hes just a lost boy, you know.

After shed gone, I got up and locked the door. Not that there was the slightest reason to do so, but I felt I was making a statement.

I sat in the window seat and stared out over the dark garden.

'I was proud of you, Jenny. You really stepped up there.

I shook my head.

' Dont you remember? When we first met, you asked me why I was here and I told you that you were special. Well, you just proved it. Ive always known and now others will know it too.

I was angry. 'Thomas ...

'I know, he said, gently. ' But as always, you underestimate yourself. The rest of the world does too, including that idiot in the next room, and thats fine because by the time they realise their mistake, youll have everything you want. But dont you fall into the same trap.

'But ...

'If life was easy then everyone would get it right first time. A few do. You might be one of them.

Hed changed. In this last hour hed become tougher.

So had I, I think. We had a future to fight for.

I slept a little and was up early. My instinct was to stay in my room until Russell had gone out, but Thomas wasnt having any of that.

'Its your house, he said, firmly. 'Get out there and mark your territory.

'You want me to spray?

' If you feel its necessary, but why not try a more conventional approach first? See how that works out. However, if youre h.e.l.l-bent on spraying then Im right behind you. Figuratively speaking, you understand.

As he intended, my world lightened a little. He was right. If I was going to navigate my way safely through the rocky reefs of Francesca and Russells relationship, I wasnt going to be able to do it from my bedroom.

I went downstairs to speak to Mrs Crisp. Kevin was just finishing his breakfast. He nodded a brief good morning, grabbed his mug, and departed.

I chose toast because it was quick and easy and I wanted to talk to Mrs Crisp. I wanted to ask her if she would teach me how to cook. It was all very well Thomas talking about staying and fighting, but I wanted to acquire skills that would enable me to live in the world I could see myself being evicted into before very long. I had a feeling Francesca would be back and Russell couldnt say no for ever.

'Yes, of course, she said when I asked her if she would teach me to cook. 'What a good idea. If she had any idea why I wanted to learn, she kept it to herself.

'I did ... cooking at school, I said, trying to show willing. 'But I wasnt very good.

'Thats no problem, she said, briskly. 'Well start with the basics. How about I show you how to poach an egg? To put on your toast.