The Night Horde SoCal: Shadow And Soul Part 17

"Michael." She touched him then, laid her hand lightly on his back. He couldn't deal. Barely managing not to flinch away, he threw the covers back and got out of bed.

"I need the bathroom." He turned and headed toward the door at the side of the room, catching in the corner of his eye the image of Faith, in one of his t-shirts, sitting in his bed.

What he'd wanted for years was coming true. He had Faith. She was his. Even knowing who he was, she was his. And he was leaving her alone in his bed. Moving away from her again.

He went into the bathroom and closed the door. Then he walked through, into Tucker's room, and closed that door, too. Pulling up the big stuffed dog to use as a pillow, he lay down on the floor next to his sleeping son's crib.

"What about this one?"

"MOOOO!"

"That's right, buddy. Cows go 'moo.' Can you say 'cow'?

"MOOOO!" Tucker pursed his lips and sat up straight on Demon's lap, really getting into the word. Demon laughed and kissed the back of his head. This morning, having breakfast and playing with his boy, he felt almost normal. As long as he didn't think about who was sleeping in his bed.

"You're a good moo-er, Tuck." He turned the page. "How about this one?"

"Fay!"

It was a picture of a sheep, and 'fay' wasn't even close, so Demon looked at his son, preparing to correct him. But Tucker wasn't looking at the book. Faith was in the room, leaning against the wall at the point where the family room led into the kitchen. Tucker was greeting her.

"Hey, buddy," she said, but she didn't move. "Where's Bibi?"

"She went to see your mom."

Faith nodded. She was still wearing his t-shirt, swimming in it, and she'd put her leather pants back on. When he'd first seen her last night at the clubhouse, before everything went to s.h.i.t, he'd taken a moment just to look at her-still marveling at the ways she could be so different and so familiar at the same time. She'd been wearing those black leather pants, fitting like a second skin, a black lace top, and high-heeled shoes with straps covered in studs. She was gorgeous. And then he'd seen that Connor had hugged her in that full-body way he'd always hugged her, and Demon's face had gotten hot.

He knew they'd been practically brother and sister-or, at least, he knew that was what they said. But he also knew Connor, who chased p.u.s.s.y like the resource was running low. It was hard not to feel hostile when he saw a horndog like that lifting Faith off the ground. Or anybody, for that matter. That was for Demon, no one else.

He met Faith's eyes. She looked like she hadn't gotten that much sleep, even though it was after ten in the morning.

"You want me to go? I can stay at my mom's. I have to move in there when she comes home, anyway, and there's stuff I need to do."

He set his son off his lap. "Tuck, you want to play with trains?"

"Ook!" Tucker pushed the book at him. He wanted to finish the story. Demon was torn. He had to make Faith feel better. He'd been a monster last night, and then a jerk. But now, in the bright sun of a Sat.u.r.day morning, things were maybe not so bleak. Maybe. But he didn't know if he could say the things he'd need to say to help Faith understand him. He had to lock that box back up, or it would swallow him whole.

And he didn't want to put his son off, either. In the past week, he hadn't been paying Tucker the attention he needed. He'd been leaning on Bibi even more than usual.

"It's okay," Faith said, in the same lackl.u.s.ter tone. "I get it."

"No, you don't!" Tucker and Faith both frowned at Demon's sharp tone, and he took a breath. "I don't want you to go. Please don't go." Looking at the book still on his lap, he had an idea. "Let's take Tucker out."

Her surprise was as clear on her face as her fear had been last night. "What?"

"Let's go out-the three of us."

She smiled, but her forehead creased. "How? Dante doesn't have a back seat."

"I have a truck, too. Extended cab. I've been a dad a while, Faith. I don't strap him on the back of my bike."

That made her chuckle quietly. "Okay. I'd like that. Where?"

"I know a place. Hey, Tuck. Want to go someplace fun to play?"

Tucker clapped his hands. "Yeah! Pway!"

Demon parked his truck along the side of the barn. Tucker was already excited, having screamed MOOO! at every cow they'd pa.s.sed on the road.

Faith was simply smiling at him, bemused.

Demon had enjoyed the ride tremendously. His old truck had a bench front seat, and he'd pulled Faith over to sit right at his side. He'd driven with his arm over her shoulders, like they had in the time before. Her touch made him feel quiet. He wondered whether that might have been true last night, too, whether she could have calmed him after the dream if he hadn't run away so quickly.

He had to learn to hold. In most parts of his life, it would never occur to him to run. In club business or facing club justice, he never thought to run. He'd done time rather than run. He'd bled rather than run.

There was only one particular exception, when he'd made an already frightened little boy afraid of him.

But with Faith, running seemed always to be his first impulse. No-his second. His first impulse, to pull her to him so tightly she became part of him, was the thing that scared him almost more than anything else. It was so strong. It felt like it would hurt her if he let it loose, like his very love would hurt her. Like the beast inside him wanted her as badly as he did.

But then, when he touched her, when she touched him, she made him quiet. The paradox was f.u.c.king with his head. Obviously.

His arm still around her, Demon looked into the rearview mirror at his son. "Okay, Motor Man. You want to pet a cow?"

"MOOO!" he shouted from his car seat.

Laughing, Demon got out, put his kutte on, and helped Faith down. Then he went around and released Tucker.

As they came around the back of his Ford, Demon holding Tucker's hand, Tucker lifted his free hand to Faith, and she took it. They walked that way toward an older, heavyset black man in dusty jeans and a Caterpillar cap.

Malachi Jerrolds, J.R.'s father, ran this cattle ranch about fifty miles east of Madrone. In addition to a large Angus herd that supported his family, he kept a small herd of Holsteins and a flock of chickens for a side business selling raw milk and free-range eggs at the farmer's markets. He also had goats for foliage control. The place was practically heaven on earth for Tucker. Demon should have thought of it before.

Demon held out his hand. "Malachi."

"Demon. How you doin', son?"

"I'm good. This is my old lady, Faith." The words 'old lady' gave him a thrill of happiness and pride and fear. He could see that she liked to hear him say them.

"Good to meet ya."

Faith shook his hand. "And you. Thanks for this."

"You bet. And this's gotta be Tucker, then." Malachi squatted down to Tucker's level and held out his hand. "Hey, there, young man."

Tucker ducked behind Demon's leg, so Demon squatted, too, and Tucker hid his face behind his kutte. "Buddy, Mr. Jerrolds is a friend of Pa's. He's gonna let you pet his cows and goats. Can you be nice and say hi?"

"Hi," Tucker whispered, peeking out from the kutte.

Malachi reached out and patted Tucker's back. "Good to know you, son." He stood. "C'mon. The girls are all inside. Melissa is milking-maybe Tucker can give it a try."

He led them into the barn. When Tucker got a load of the array of black and white cows looking over their stalls at him, he froze, his blue eyes huge and his mouth wide open.

Demon felt a p.r.i.c.kle behind his eyes. He'd made his boy happy. Really happy. Maybe this made up a little for scaring him with his temper lately.

He looked at Faith, who was smiling down at Tucker. He'd made her happy, too, but there was something else behind her smile, something that darkened her expression a shade or two. Demon figured that was his fault, and he wanted to make it up to her.

"You want me to take him?"

Faith shook her head and answered him quietly. "No. I like it." Tucker was sound asleep on her shoulder. He'd made it about halfway through his Happy Meal before he'd gotten grumpy and whiny. Demon had been surprised that Faith had picked him up and held him in her arms, but Tucker had been perfectly content with that and had fallen quickly asleep.

His little b.u.t.t was still brown with dust. He had had a blast at the Jerrolds' farm. He'd petted all the cows and the goats. He'd 'milked' one very patient old girl, and he'd fed the chickens. He'd helped gather eggs. And there had been a derelict old John Deere tractor rusting out behind the barn. Both Faith and Tucker had enjoyed climbing around on that.

Demon had had a blast, too. More than ever before in his life, he felt like he was with his family. Not a family that had accepted him, like Hoosier and Bibi or the club, though that was wonderful. A family that he'd made. That was his.

They were eating fast food on a plastic table outside a McDonalds, right in front of the truck, because on the back seat, behind the driver's seat, was a box containing four kittens. One of Malachi's mousers had dropped a litter. The kittens were weaned, and Malachi didn't want so many cats overrunning his barn. So he'd said they could have the kittens if they wanted.

Tucker wanted. Faith wanted. So Demon wanted.

Hoosier was badly allergic to cats, but they weren't taking the kittens to their house. On Faith's word, they were taking the kittens to Margot's house, for Sly to look after.

Demon didn't know if that was such a great idea. Margot wasn't his favorite person on the planet, and he didn't trust her to be kind to anyone or anything. But he wasn't clear to what extent Margot would even know the kittens were around. Having not seen her himself in months, he couldn't quite conjure up an image of what she was like now. Faith, however, said it was perfect, so the kittens were going to Sly.

The discussion of what to do with their kitten windfall had brought up questions for Demon, questions he kept to himself. He might have brought them up before what happened with Kota, but now he was nervous. This second chance that he and Faith had was brand new. Only a couple of days into it, everything had slid sideways, and he felt like the floor under them still wasn't secure yet.

But if it was, how would they live? He wanted to be a family-her, Tucker, and him. Maybe, someday, a baby that was his and Faith's, too. That was something he'd thought about since the time before. But she had to take care of her mother. And Demon didn't have custody of Tucker. He was living with Hoosier and Bibi so he could be with his son. How did they make that work?

Too big a question to contemplate at dusk outside a roadside McDonalds. He smiled at Faith, holding his son. "I love you, babe."

She smiled and c.o.c.ked her head like he'd surprised her.

"What?"

"You haven't called me that since..." her smile faded a little, and he knew she meant 'before.'

"Is it okay?"

"I love it. And you." She shifted Tucker's sleeping weight in her arms.

"Little as he is, he gets heavy. You want to go?"

"I'm worried he'll wake up when we put him in his seat."

"If he wakes up at all, he'll go right back to sleep. We wore him out."

She grinned. "Yeah. He's totally 'tuckered.'"

Demon groaned a laugh at her terrible pun, then stood up and helped Faith to her feet.

Tucker didn't wake up in his car seat. Demon fastened him in while Faith checked on the kittens. With their charges settled, he helped her into the front seat, then climbed in behind her and got the truck moving back to Madrone.

They rode quietly for about fifteen minutes. The traffic grew heavier the farther west they drove. Demon was mildly agitated-just aggravated by stupid California drivers and frustrated to be stuck in traffic, trapped in a cage. On a bike, he'd have been leaving these idiots behind.

Faith's hand was on his thigh, and he must have been telegraphing his declining mood, because she started to rub his leg, sliding her hand up and down as if to soothe him. He liked it, it did soothe him, and he put his arm around her again and tucked her close.

And then her hand moved far up his thigh and slid between his legs. He brought his arm back from her shoulders and grabbed her hand. Not only was his kid sleeping behind them, but just no. After the night before, he needed a minute or two to get his brain screwed back in right.

She looked up at him, but she didn't say anything. Not at first. For a few more minutes, they drove quietly, and Demon changed his hold on her hand to something affectionate rather than controlling.

"Do you think you'll ever tell me about what happened to you?" Her voice was soft and hesitant, but the question still skewered him.

He looked in the rearview and saw that Tucker was still sound asleep, his mouth open and one arm dangling over the car seat. Then Demon swallowed and took a breath. Engaging the topic at all made his heart speed up and thud. "I don't know if I can."

"But you could tell her."

Jesus Christ. She was jealous. Faith was jealous of Dakota. That was completely ridiculous.

But was it? Dakota, who was a f.u.c.king corruption of everything good in his life-of Faith-had known his most deeply-held secret. He'd given her that trust, and she'd laughed in his face. He had to trust Faith more than he'd trusted the woman who was the negative image of her. But f.u.c.k, to talk about all that with her would really let it loose in his head. He was trying to stuff it all away where it belonged.

He had to trust her with it. He owed that to her. After everything, he owed her at least that.

He pulled off at the next ramp and parked in the lot of a Chevron station.

"What are you doing?"

"I can't drive and think about this at the same time." He checked to make sure Tucker was still sleeping. "And I can't talk about it with Tucker here. But I will tell you. If you need to know, I'll tell you. But it sets everything loose in my head when I talk about it or even think about it." She dropped her head, and Demon kissed her crown. "You should know. I love you. We shouldn't have secrets."

She made a sound like a sob. "I love you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't need to know. But it's driving me crazy that she knew. It's petty and stupid of me to feel like this. But she knew you better than I do. And she gave you Tucker." She sniffed raised her head. "You know what? It really is petty. f.u.c.k it. I don't need to know. I don't want you to have to deal with it. So forget I asked."

"Faith..." He hated the thought that she felt at any disadvantage in a comparison with Kota. It was so absurd that he might have laughed if the ground for the comparison hadn't been so treacherous.

"No. It's fine. I know enough. I know who you are, and I love you. It's fine."

He didn't believe her. He could tell it wasn't 'fine.' "Kota was like me. Grew up like me. I thought she'd understand. And I guess she did, which is how she knew how much it would hurt me to twist it up and broadcast the lie she made. She got off on making me lose my s.h.i.t."

"And you don't think I'll understand?"