The New Yorker Stories Part 41

"What did you do?" I say.

"You mean about the dog, or about the two of us?"

I shake my head. I don't know which I mean.

"I backed out, and the dog let us go. It just stood there. I got to look at it in the rearview mirror until the road dipped and it was out of sight. Robin didn't look back."

"What are you going to do?"

"Get ice," he says, starting the ignition. "But that isn't what you meant, either, is it?"

He backs up, and as we swing around toward our own tire tracks I turn my head again, but there is no dog there, watching us in the moonlight.

Back at the house, as Howard goes in front of me up the flagstone pathway, I walk slower than I usually do in the cold, trying to give myself time to puzzle out what he makes me think of just then. It comes to me at the moment when my attention is diverted by a patch of ice I'm terrified of slipping on. He reminds me of that courthouse figure-I don't know what it's called-the statue of a blindfolded woman holding the scales of justice. Bag of ice in the left hand, bag of ice in the right-but there's no blindfold. The door is suddenly opened, and what Howard and I see before us is Koenig, his customary bandanna tied around his head, smiling welcome, and behind him, in the glare of the already begun party, the woman with red hair holding Todd, who clutches his green dinosaur in one hand and rubs his sleepy, crying face with the other. Todd makes a lunge-not really toward his father but toward wider s.p.a.ces-and I'm conscious, all at once, of the cigarette smoke swirling and of the heat of the house, there in the entranceway, that turn the bitter-cold outdoor air silver as it comes flooding in. Messiah Messiah-Kate's choice of perfect music for the occasion-isn't playing; someone has put on Judy Garland, and we walk in just as she is singing, "That's where you'll find me." The words hang in the air like smoke.

"h.e.l.lo, h.e.l.lo, h.e.l.lo, h.e.l.lo," Becky calls, dangling one kneesocked leg over the balcony as Deirdre covers her face and hides behind her. "To both of you, just because you're here, from me to you: a million-a trillion-h.e.l.los."

Home to Marie

My wife, Marie, has decided to give a party-a catered party-and invite old friends and also some new people and the neighbors on the left, the ones we speak to. Just before the caterer arrives there's a telephone call from Molly Vandergrift, to say that her daughter's temperature is a hundred and two, and that she and her husband won't be able to come, after all. I can see my wife's disappointment as she consoles Molly. And then, a few seconds after the call, Molly's husband's car peels out of the drive. My thought, when I hear a car streaking off, is always that a person is leaving home. My wife's explanation is more practical: he's going to get medicine.

My wife herself has left home two times in the three years we've been reconciled. Once she left in a rage, and another time she extended her visit to a friend's house in Wyoming from one week to six, and although she did not really say that she wasn't coming back, I couldn't get her to make a plane reservation, couldn't get her to say she missed me, let alone that she loved me. I've done wrong things. I've bought myself expensive new cars and pa.s.sed off my old ones on her; I've lost money gambling; I've come home late for dinner a hundred times. But I never left my wife. She was the one who moved out the time we were going to get divorced. And after we reconciled she was the one who tore off in the car as a finale to a disagreement.

These things bubble up from time to time; some little thing will remind me of all the times she's left, or threatened to leave. Or she'll want something we can't afford and she'll look at me with what I call her stunned-rabbit eyes. For the most part, we try hard to be cheerful, though. She's been looking for work, I come straight home at the end of the day, and we've worked out the problem with the remote control for the TV: I give it to her for an hour, she gives it to me for an hour. We don't tend to watch more than two hours of TV a night.

Tonight there won't be any TV at all, because of the c.o.c.ktail party. Right now, the caterer's car is double-parked in front of our house, and the caterer-a woman-is carrying things in, helped by a teenage boy who is probably her son. He's as glum as she is cheerful. My wife and she give each other an embrace, all smiles. She darts in and out, carrying trays.

My wife says, "I wonder if I should go out and help," and then answers by saying, "No-I hired her to do it." Then she's smiling to herself. "It's a shame the Vandergrifts can't come," she says. "We'll save something for them."

I ask if I should put some music on the stereo, but my wife says no, it'll be drowned out by the conversation. Either that or we'd have to crank it up so loud that it would bother the neighbors.

I stand in the front room and look at the caterer and the boy. He comes through the door holding one of the trays at arm's length, carefully, like a child with a sparkler that he's half afraid of. As I watch, Mrs. May, the neighbor we don't speak to (she called the police one night when we went to bed and mistakenly left the light burning on the front porch), comes by with her toy poodles, Annaclair and Esther. She pretends not to notice that a caterer is carrying party food into our house. She can look right through you and make you feel like a ghost. Even the dogs have cultivated this look.

My wife asks me which person I'm most looking forward to seeing. She knows that I like Steve Newhall more than anybody else, because he's such a cutup, but just to surprise her I say, "Oh-it'll be nice to see the Ryans. Hear about their trip to Greece."

She snorts. "The day you care about travel," she says.

She's as responsible for fights as I am. She gets that edge to her voice. I try to keep a civil tongue in tone as well as in speech. She never minds giving one of those cynical little snorts and saying something cutting, though. This time, I decide to ignore it-just ignore it.

At first I can't figure out how come my wife and the caterer are so huggy-kissy, but as they talk I remember that my wife met the caterer at a shower in Alexandria a few months ago. The two of them are shaking their heads over some woman-not anyone I've met, so she must be a friend of my wife's from back when she had her job-and saying that they've never heard of a doctor who let labor go on for over sixty hours. I find out, as the foil is pulled back from the deviled eggs, that the woman is fine now, and that she had her tubes tied before she left the table.

The boy goes back to the car without saying goodbye. I stand in the hallway and look out the door. He gets in the car and slams the door shut. Behind him, the sun is setting. It's another one of those pink-to-orange sunsets that used to take my breath away. I move back from the door quickly, though, because I know the caterer is on her way out. Truth is, if I don't have to exchange amenities with her, all the better. I'm not good at thinking of things to say to people I don't know.

The caterer ducks her head into the room where I'm standing. She says, "You have a good party tonight. I think you're really going to like the fiery-hot bean dip." She smiles and-to my surprise-shrugs. The shrug seems to have no context.

My wife comes out of the kitchen, carrying a tray of sliced meat. I offer to carry platters with her, but she says she's fussy and she'd rather do it herself. That way, she'll know where she's placed everything. I wonder whether she couldn't just look at the table and see where she's put things, but when my wife is preparing for something it is not the time to ask questions. She'll snap and get in a bad mood. So I go out to the front porch and watch the sky darken.

The caterer honks as she pulls away, and for some reason-probably because he's sitting so straight-the boy reminds me of what happened when part of the highway into Washington was reserved for cars carrying at least three pa.s.sengers: people around here started buying inflatable dolls and sitting them in the car. They put hats and coats on them.

"Mary Virushi and her husband are having a trial separation, but she's coming to the party with him anyway," my wife says from the doorway.

"Why'd you have to tell me that?" I say, turning away from the sunset and coming back into the house. "It'll just make me feel uncomfortable around them."

"Oh, you'll survive," she says. She often uses this expression. She hands me a stack of paper plates and asks me to divide it in thirds and place the stacks along the front of the table. She asks me to get the napkins out of the cabinet and put piles of them down the middle of the table, between the vases of daisies.

"n.o.body's supposed to know about the Virushis," she says, carrying out a tray of vegetables. Fanned out around the bowl in the middle, their colors-orange and red and white-remind me of the sky and the way it looked a few minutes ago.

"Also," she says, "please don't make it a point to rush to refill Oren's gla.s.s every time it's empty. He's making an effort to cut back."

"You do it," I say. "If you know everything, you do everything."

"You always get nervous when we entertain," she says. She brushes past me. When she comes back, she says, "The caterer really did a beautiful job. All I have to do is wash the platters and put them out on the porch tomorrow, and she'll take them away. Isn't that wonderful?" She kisses my shoulder. "Have to get dressed," she says. "Are you going to wear what you've got on?"

I have on white jeans and a blue knit shirt. I nod yes. Surprisingly, she doesn't argue. As she walks up the stairs, she says, "I can't imagine needing air-conditioning, but do what you think best."

I go back to the porch and stand there a minute. The sky is darker. I can see a firefly or two. One of the little boys in the neighborhood pa.s.ses by on his bike, all shiny blue, with training wheels on the back. There are streamers on the handlebars. The cat that kills birds walks by. I've been known to fill a water pistol and squirt the cat when n.o.body's looking. I've also turned the hose on it. It walks on the edge of our lawn. I know just what it's thinking.

I go in and take a look at the table. Upstairs, water is running in the shower. I wonder if Marie will wear one of her sundresses. She has a handsome back, and she looks lovely in the dresses. In spite of what she says, I do travel-and I often like it. Five years ago, we went to Bermuda. I bought the sundresses for her there. She never changes size.

On the table, there's enough food to feed an army. Half a watermelon has been hollowed out and filled with melon b.a.l.l.s and strawberries. I have a strawberry. There are what look like cheese b.a.l.l.s, rolled in nuts, and several bowls of dip, with vegetables around some and crackers in a bowl next to the others. I spear a piece of pineapple wrapped in prosciutto. I drop the toothpick in my pocket and push the pieces closer together, so the one I took won't be missed. Before the caterer came, my wife put out the liquor on the deep window ledge. There are candles with matches, ready to light. She might be wrong about the music-at least, it might be nice to have some music playing just as the first few people show up-but why argue? I agree that since there's a nice breeze we don't need air-conditioning.

In a little while, Marie comes down. She does not have on a sundress. She is wearing a blue linen dress I've never been fond of, and she is carrying a suitcase. She is not smiling. She looks, suddenly, quite drawn. Her hair is damp, and pulled back in a clip. I blink, not quite believing it.

"There isn't any party," she says. "I'd like you to see what it's like, to have food prepared-even though you didn't prepare it-and then just to wait. To wait and wait. Maybe this way you'll see what that's like."

As fast as I think You're kidding! You're kidding! I also know the answer. She isn't kidding. But the marriage counselor-no marriage counselor would agree that what she's doing is all right. I also know the answer. She isn't kidding. But the marriage counselor-no marriage counselor would agree that what she's doing is all right.

"You couldn't possibly be so childish," I say.

But she's out the door, going down the walk. Moths fly into the house. One flies across my mouth, tickling my skin. "What are you going to say about this to Dr. Ford?" I say.

She turns. "Why don't you ask Dr. Ford over for c.o.c.ktails?" she says. "Or do you think the sight of real life might be too much for him?"

"Are you quitting?" I say. But I've lost heart. I'm out of steam, nearly out of breath. I say it so quietly I'm not sure that she heard. "Are you ignoring me?" I holler. When she doesn't answer, I know she is. She gets in the car, starts it, and drives away.

For a minute I'm so stunned that I sink down in one of the porch chairs and just stare. The street is unusually quiet. The cicadas have started to send up their sound. As I sit there, trying to calm myself, the boy on the bike pedals slowly up the hill. The neighbor's poodles start barking. I hear her shushing them. Then the barking subsides.

What was Marie thinking of ? I can't remember the last time I was late for dinner. It was years ago. Years.

Katrina Duvall comes by. "Mitch?" she says, raising her hand over her brow and looking at the porch.

"Yes?" I say.

"Have you gotten your paper the last couple of Sundays?"

"Yes," I call back.

"We stopped it when we went to Ocean City, and we can't get it started again," she says. "I knew I should have just asked you to take it in, but you know Jack." Jack is her son, who is slightly r.e.t.a.r.ded. She either does everything to please Jack or says that she does. The implication is that he is a tyrant. I know very little about him except that he slurs his words and once, during a snowstorm, he helped me dig out my driveway.

"All right, then," she says, and walks away.

In the distance, I hear rock and roll. There is loud laughter in the Vandergrifts' house. Who is having such a good time, if the child is sick? I squint hard at the house, but where the windows are lit it's too bright to see in. A squeal, and more laughing. I get up and walk across the lawn. I knock on the door. Molly, breathless, answers.

"Hi," I say. "I know this is a silly question, but did my wife invite you for drinks tonight?"

"No," she says. She smooths her bangs off her forehead. Behind her, her daughter zooms by on a skateboard. "Take it easy!" Molly hollers. To me, she says, "They're coming to refinish the floors tomorrow. She's in heaven, being able to do that in the house."

"You didn't speak to Marie on the phone tonight?" I say.

"I haven't even seen her in a week. Is everything all right?" she says.

"It must have been somebody else she invited over," I say.

The little girl whizzes by again on the skateboard, doing wheelies.

"Jesus," Molly says, putting her hand over her mouth. "Michael went to Dulles to pick up his brother. You don't think Marie asked Michael and he forgot to tell me, do you?"

"No, no," I say. "I'm sure I'm mistaken."

Molly smiles her usual radiant smile, but I can tell I've made her nervous.

Back in my house, I turn the light down a notch and stand at the front window, looking up at the sky. No stars tonight. Maybe in the country, but not here. I look at the candles and figure what the h.e.l.l. I strike a match to light them. They're in ornate, heavy silver candlesticks-a hand-me-down from my aunt, who lives in Baltimore. As the candles burn, I look at the window and see the flames, and myself, reflected. The breeze makes the wax bead and drip, though, so I watch the candles burn only a few seconds more, then blow them out. They smoke, but I don't lick my fingers and pinch the wicks. After looking again at the empty street, I sit in a chair and look at the table.

I'll show her, I think. I'll be gone when she gets back.

Then I think about having a few drinks and some food.

But time pa.s.ses, and I don't leave and I don't get a drink. I haven't touched the table when I hear a car coast to a stop. The blinking lights get my attention. An ambulance, I think-I don't know how, but somehow she hurt herself, and for some reason the ambulance is here, and...

I spring up.

The caterer is standing at the door. She is frowning. Her shoulders are a little hunched. She has on a denim skirt, a tube top, and running shoes. Behind me, the house is entirely quiet. I see her peer around me, toward the light in the front room. Her puzzlement is obvious.

"It was all a joke," I say. "My wife's joke."

She frowns.

"There isn't any party," I say. "My wife went away."

"You're kidding," the caterer says.

Now I am looking past her, at her car, with the lights blinking. The boy is not in the front seat. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Oh," she says, dropping her eyes. "I actually-I thought that you might need help, that I'd pitch in for a while."

I frown.

"I know that sounds funny," she says, "but I'm new in this business and I'm trying to make a good impression." She is still not looking at me. "I used to work in the bursar's office at the community college," she says, "and I hated that. So I figured that if I could get enough work as a caterer..."

"Well, come in," I say, standing aside.

For some time, bugs have been flying into the house.

"Oh, no," she says. "I'm sorry there's trouble. I just thought..."

"Come have a drink," I say. "Really. Come in and have a drink."

She looks at her car. "Just a minute," she says. She goes down the walkway. She turns off the lights and locks the car. She comes back up the walk.

"My husband said I shouldn't b.u.t.t in," she says. "He says that I try too hard to please and when you let people know you're eager you'll never get what you want."

"His philosophy aside," I say, "please come in and have a drink."

"I thought your wife seemed edgy," the caterer says. "I thought she was nervous about having such a big party. That she might be grateful for some help."

She hesitates, then steps in.

"Well," I say, throwing up my hands.

She laughs nervously. Then I laugh.

"Wine?" I say, pointing to the windowsill.

"That would be fine. Thank you," she says.

She sits, and I pour her a gla.s.s of wine and carry it to her.

"Oh, I could have gotten that. What am I-"

"Sit still," I say. "I've got to be the host for somebody, right?"

I pour myself a bourbon and take a few ice cubes out of the ice bucket with my fingers and drop them in the gla.s.s.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the caterer says.

"I don't know what to say," I say. I move the ice around in my gla.s.s with one finger.

"I came here from Colorado," she says. "This place seems odd to me. Uptight, or something." She clears her throat. "Maybe it's not," she says. "I mean, obviously you never know-"

"What's really going on with other people," I say, finishing the sentence for her. "Case in point," I say, raising my gla.s.s.

"Will she come back?" the caterer asks.

"I don't know," I say. "We've quarreled before, certainly." I take a sip of bourbon. "Of course, this wasn't a quarrel. It was sort of a prank on her part, I guess you'd say."