The New Pun Book Part 40

PROFESSOR--Take a train of thought, my boy.

SMITH--They say that after a time the engineer of a limited flyer loses his nerve.

JONES--The engineer, perhaps, but not the Pullman porter!

"What do you mean by referring to Miss Elderly as a pall-bearer?"

"She sits around all day long with a green parrot on her shoulder. I don't like such Poll-bearers."

COURTNEY--When you proposed to Miss Dexter did you get down on your knees?

BARCLAY--No, I couldn't; she was sitting on them.

KICKSY--Wife, can you tell me why I am like a hen?

MRS. KICKSY--No, dear, why is it?

KICKSY--Because I can seldom find anything where I laid it yesterday.

"Did you ever hear about the two holes in our back-yard?"

"Well! Well!"

"Old Jones was killed last night by a dew-drop."

"Must have been a very heavy one."

"About four hundred tons."

"Horrible!"

"You see he was standing under the trestle, and a freight train ran off the track and dropped on him."

"But how about the dew?"

"Why, the train was due!"

FIRST DOCTOR--Well, doctor, I had a peculiar case to-day.

SECOND DOCTOR--What was it, please?

FIRST DOCTOR--I attended a gra.s.s widow who is afflicted with hay fever.

FRED--Did you hear of The Western Furniture Co. advertising for models.

d.i.c.k--What for?

FRED--To try on Parlor suits.

"Yes, there is one part of the dough-nut that wouldn't give you dyspepsia."

"And what part is that?"

"The hole in the middle!"

FANNIE--Why do people always apply the name of "she" to a city?

GEORGE--I don't know. Why is it?

FANNIE--Because every city has outskirts.

"And you really believe that Friday is an unlucky day?"

"I know it is."