The New Guy (and Other Senior Year Distractions) Part 25

Alex grins at me. It's good he can't read minds. "And, yeah. I'm okay with it."

"I miss you," I say, and it's basically out of my mouth before it hits me that I said it and didn't just think it. It's hilarious I thought Alex not being telepathic would mean he wouldn't know what I was thinking. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Jules," he says, and I'm waiting for him to say, I miss you too. "It's okay."

Right now that feels good enough. Almost, at least. Actually, no! It doesn't at all. But it's nice he's grinning again.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE.

Now that the Crest and TALON are one, I thought the only thing I'd fixate on would be my impending news from Brown, but Alex is still taking up a lot of brain s.p.a.ce. We've had real conversations every school day since the merge. None have been romantic-one was about how I overheard Mr. Wheeler on the phone saying that he rocked out at a Belle and Sebastian concert downtown, two were about cafeteria food, and several have been about Topics in Economics-but I still hope they each mean we're slowly finding our ways back.

Even if we're not, it's good not feeling like he hates me. I don't know if he'll ever believe that my intentions were 100 percent pure-and considering TALON was involved, I guess they really weren't-but maybe that doesn't matter as much now. It's strange what a big deal the story was and then how quickly it's blown away, just like Em said it would.

I approach Natalie, because I now see her as my equal or am at least attempting to. I'm convinced she'll fight me or, worse, look incredibly smug as I talk, but she does neither. And maybe it's just because my whole plan might only serve to make me look bad and remind people of something better forgotten, but Natalie not only agrees to my plan, but offers to help.

By Friday morning I am feeling exactly the opposite of my emotional state the day our Chaos 4 All article hit the figurative newsstands. Considering how that turned out, hopefully the knot of anxiety in my stomach is a good sign.

"I meant to text you last night," Sadie says, sitting down right as the bell rings. I can't believe I'm only minutes away from appearing on screens across the entire school. Considering that the segment went a little differently than I'd planned, I have the urge to text Natalie-yes, I now occasionally have to text Natalie-and tell her to cut it, if there's still time.

If there's not time, maybe Carlos could show his b.u.t.t again.

"Are you listening to me?" Sadie asks.

"Sorry, what were you going to text?" I whisper back.

"Mom and I were talking last night." Sadie rolls her eyes, but I know her well enough to spot that there isn't much behind this gesture. I still make a sympathetic face. "We're going to tour NYU again on a long weekend trip soon, and she says you can come with us."

"Miss Sheraton-Hayes," Ms. Cannon says with a sigh. "Please be quiet."

The TV screen descends, but despite what's coming, I manage to sneak a look at Sadie and mouth, I'm in!

TALON kicks off with its usual welcome from Natalie, then Kevin's segment showcases the t.i.tular Eagle Rock that gives this part of town its name, and Alex speaks with members of the Los Angeles Historical Society.

And then, it's me.

"Oh my G.o.d, Jules!" Sadie shrieks.

"Miss Sheraton-Hayes. Please."

"I'm Julia McAllister-Morgan, editor of the Crest," I say on-screen. I'm still not sure I'm built for on-camera life, but I don't look as washed-out as I'd feared. Apparently lighting can do great things. "We recently printed an article about TALON's online stats, which we have since retracted. I wanted to extend a personal apology to all staff and faculty members of TALON-which the Crest has since partnered with-for casting doubt onto your success. The level of research and verification was not up to the Crest's usual standards, and I apologize for that as well, on top of pledging that our investigative journalism will never be printed without comprehensive confirmation."

I know what's coming next and am relieved to see that on-screen I'm not blushing the way I am positive I am right now. Luckily Sadie is watching my on-screen self too intently to notice and therefore point that out, loudly.

"Lastly, I want to deliver a personal apology to someone who was implicated most harshly in our piece, Alex Powell. There was no reason to tie your past into an article about TALON."

"Alex," I say, looking right at the camera, "I'm incredibly sorry for any false information we distributed about you. I never would have printed the story if I thought that it would hurt you."

The filmed me pauses for a split second. When this happened, I'd expected Natalie to bark at me for taking too much time or going off script. Amazingly, she didn't.

"I hope you'll forgive me because... I still Want 2 B Ur Girl."

Thankfully, I look embarra.s.sed for saying it. But I also look sincere.

"Um, back to you, Natalie."

The um may have killed whatever professionalism I had left after parodying a Chaos 4 All song t.i.tle, but I'm glad that it's out there. The apology and declaration, that is, not the um. I'll have to work on that before I go on camera again.

"Oh my G.o.d," Sadie says, once Natalie's back on-screen. "Oh my G.o.d."

There are a lot of murmurs, not just Sadie's whisper-proof voice. I don't know where to look, so I just look straight down at my desktop.

"Cla.s.s," Ms. Cannon says with a heavy sigh. "Please pay attention."

We manage to get through the rest of TALON, and then the rest of cla.s.s. By now I don't know what to do with myself, so I just make a beeline for my locker and try not to notice that a lot of people are staring at me.

"That was amazing," Sadie says, right behind me. "You're so brave."

"I don't know why I said it, and then I don't know why Natalie kept it in."

"It's good for ratings!" Sadie laughs. "I'm kidding! It was perfect."

"I realized something," I say. "I want him back. If it's even possible."

"Obviously," Sadie says.

"So I'm being proactive," I say. "I'm proactive about everything else in my life. I should be on this too."

"He's coming over," Sadie whispers, and for the first time ever, it's a real whisper. The importance of the situation must have dialed her voice back. "Tell me everything later."

She slips away, and I try to casually finish switching out books from my locker. I'm not great at trying to act casual, so I have a feeling it might not be going over the way I intend.

"Hey," Alex says.

I turn around. "Hi."

He steps in close to me. "I want to tell you that... I believe you, Jules."

"About what?" I ask.

"You wouldn't have published that story if you thought it would hurt me."

"No," I say. "Never."

"I flipped out because... this is embarra.s.sing." He takes a deep breath, and then lets it out. "That song was the biggest thing I was ever a part of. So to find out it wasn't actually anything-"

"You didn't know?" I ask. "At all?"

"s.h.i.t, no. I thought we magically got famous because we worked so hard and had a great song. I was nave, I guess."

"You weren't nave," I say. "The whole world believed it. It sounds like only a few people knew the truth."

The bell rings, but we smile at each other in a way that says we both don't care about tardiness in this moment.

"I still don't know who I am," he says. "I already didn't know, and now I feel like I know less."

"You don't have to know everything right now," I say. "You're only seventeen."

"You're the same age as me, and you know everything," he says.

"Not everything. This year's been..." I laugh. "Weird. Because of you, and TALON, and... and just life. I thought this whole year would be the paper and getting into college."

I take a deep breath, and then I lace my fingers through his. "When the year started, I knew what I wanted, and now... well, I'm less sure. But you-"

"Yeah, Jules?"

"I want to be with you," I say. "I miss you, and I don't want to miss you anymore. And I might still screw up, and I'll probably still be crazy about the paper and now about TALON, and-"

"I feel like by now you should know that I like how crazy you are," he says. "I want to be with you too. Which is way more impressive, because I know way less what I want."

I slip my hands around his neck and rise up on my tiptoes. Everything I feel right now should be Alex, but I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. They sound suspiciously like teacher footsteps.

"Shhhh," I tell Alex, and we duck behind the end of the row of lockers until the footsteps are past us.

Amazingly, this works. I'm still on my tiptoes, and now Alex's arms are snug around my waist. We fit together as if we never didn't. A kiss shouldn't mean anything that words haven't already said, but when Alex's lips meet mine, I know that he still Wants 2 B My Boy.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS.

Thank you so much to the incredible Pam Gruber. You were the perfect editor to work with on Jules. A huge thank-you to the whole team at Poppy/Little, Brown, especially Jane Lee, Hallie Patterson, Leslie Shumate, Pam Garfinkel, and Farrin Jacobs.

Thanks, as always, to my amazing agent, Kate Testerman. You keep me as calm as I'm able to be, which is no small job, and your enthusiasm makes the scary parts of this process a heck of a lot easier.

Thanks to my amazing early readers and note givers: Robin Benway, Jasmine Guillory, Courtney Summers, Christie Baugher, and Sarah Skilton. Lots of extra grat.i.tude to Christie for writing Chaos 4 All's biggest hit! Thank you so much to Roch.e.l.le Hartson, Lauren Kalb, and Ashley Denault for information about Brown University. Thanks to everyone who responded to me via email or social media about taking smarty-pants cla.s.ses at your good high schools.

Thank you to my father, who pa.s.sed away while I was finishing this book, for so much love, as well as the frequent comparisons to Mary Tyler Moore. Lastly, thanks to my mom, Pat Spalding, for her constant support and friendship.

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