The Nanny Diaries Part 19

"Buthe's adorable. He's smartandarticulate. He's funny. Heshareswell. I justdon't get.i.t." I mean,lose thetie,what's nottoloveaboutthiskid?

"I've beengoingover everything all morning,justtrying tomakesenseofit."Shelooksoutthewindow.

"Ourapplicationcoachtoldushewas a shoo-inforCollegiate." "My father did say this was the most compet.i.tive year they've ever had. They were inundated with qualified applicants and probably had to make some really tough choices." Keeping in mind that the applicants are four and you can't exactly ask them if they have any thoughts on the federal deficit or wheretheyseethemselves infiveyears.

"I thought your father liked Grayer when he met him," she asks pointedly, referring to the rainy afternoonI tookhimover tomyhousetopet Sophie.

"Hedid.Theysang 'RainbowConnection'together."

"Hmmm. Interesting."

"What?"

"No,nothing.Justinteresting,that's all."

"Mydad's notreallyinvolvedat all withtheadmissions process." "Right. Well, I wanted to talk to you because I'm concerned that dressing him in that Collegiate sweatshirt may have set Grayer's expectations in a certain direction and I want to ensure that? She's interrupted by the phone. "Hold on." She answers it. "h.e.l.lo? Oh, hi, Sally .. . No, our letters haven't come yet... Oh,Collegiate. Congratulations,that's excellent...Well, Ryan's a veryspe-- cial little boy . . . Yes, that would be great. I know Grayer would love to go to school with Ryan ... Yes, dinner would be lovely . .. Oh, the four of us? I'll have to check my husband's schedule. Let's talk after theweekend...Great. Bye!" Shetakes a deepbreathandclench.e.s.h.er jaw. "WherewasI?"

"Grayer's expectations?"

"Oh, yes. I'm concerned that your encouragement of his fixation on Collegiate may have set him up for a potentiallydeleterious self-esteem adjustment."

i(T___?

"No, please don't feel bad. It's really my fault for allowing you to do it. I should have been more on top ofyou."Shesighsandshakesherhead. "ButIspoketomypediatricianthismorningandhesuggested a Long-term Development Consultant who specializes in coaching parents and caregivers through this transition. She'll be coming by tomorrow while Grayer's in piano and she's asked to speak with you separatelytoa.s.sess yourroleinhis development."

"Great. That sounds like a good idea." I go through the doorway. "Urn." I stick my head back in.

"ShouldI notlethimwearit today?"

"What?" Shereachesforhercoffee.

"Thesweatshirt."

"Oh. Well, he can wear it today and then we'll let the consultant tell us how to handle this situation tomorrow."

"Okay, great." I go back out to where Grayer, seated in the banquette, is watching Connie polish the stove, while absentmindedly playing with the tie around his neck, and wonder if perhaps we're not focusingonthewrongpieceofapparel.

I sit in the chair next to Mrs. X's desk, waiting for the consultant, and surrept.i.tiously try to read, upside down,thenotesscrawledonMrs. X's notepad.Eventhoughit's probablynothingmorethana glorified grocery list, the fact that I have been left alone in here makes me feel as if I should be covert.

If I had a camera hidden in a b.u.t.ton on my sweater I would frantically try to photograph everything on thedesk.I'm startingtomakemyself laughattheideaofitwhenthewoman enters,briefcasefirst.

"Nanny." She reaches out to firmly shake my hand. "I'm Jane. Jane Gould. How are you today?" She speaks just a little too loudly, eyeing me over her gla.s.ses as she puts her briefcase down on Mrs. X's desk.

"Fine,thanks. Howare you?" I am suddenlyverycheerfulandalso a littletooloud.

"Just fine. Thank you for asking." She crosses her arms over her cranberry-colored blazer and nods rhythmically at me. She has very big lips made up in the exact same cranberry, bleeding into the lines aroundher mouth.

I nodbackather.

She looks down at her watch. "So, Nanny. I'm just going to get my pad out here and we'll get started."

Sheproceedstomentioneachactiona.s.shedoes ituntilshe's seatedinMrs. X's chair,penpoised.

"Nanny, our objective over the course of the next forty-five minutes is to a.s.sess Grayer's perceptions and expectations. I would like you to share with me the understanding you currently hold of your role andresponsibilitiessurroundingGrayer's criticalpathwith regardtothenextstratumofhis schooling."

"Okay,"I say, replayingherstatement inmyheadtolocatethequestion.

"Nanny, in your first quarter at the X residence, how would you characterize your performance in relationtoGrayer's academicactivity?"

"Good. I mean, I was picking him up from school. But, honestly, there wasn't a lot of academic activity to?

"I see,soyoudonotconsideryourself anactive, dynamicpartic-- ipantinhis process. Howwouldyoudescribeyouragendaduringhis scheduledplaytime?"

"Right... Grayer really likes to play trains. Oh, and dress up. So I try to do activities that he enjoys. I wasn't aware thathehadanagendaforplaytime."

"Doyouengagehim inpuzzles?"

"Hedoesn't likepuzzlessomuch."

"Math problems?"

"He's alittle young?

"Whenwasthelasttime youpracticedcircles?"

"I'm suresometime inthelastweekwehadthecrayons out?

"DoyouplaytheSuzukitapes?"

"Onlywhenhetakes a bath."

"Haveyoubeenreadingtohimfrom theWall Street Journal?"

"Well, actually?

"TheEconomist.7"

"Not really?

"TheFinancialTimes?"

"ShouldI be?"

She sighs heavily and scribbles furiously on her pad. She begins again. "How manybilingual meals are youservinghim aweek?"

"We speakFrench onTuesdaynight,but I usuallyserveveg!gieburgers."

"AndyouareattendingtheGuggenheimonwhatbasis?"

"We gototheMuseumofNaturalHistory. eloves therocks."

"Whatmethodologyareyoufollowingtodress him?"

"Hepicks outhis clothesor Mrs. Xdoes.Aslongashe'll be comfortable?

"You don't utilize anApparelChart,then?"

"Not really?

"AndI supposeyouarenotdoc.u.mentinghis choiceswith him on aClosetDiagram." "Yeah,no."

"Norareyouhavinghim translatehis colorandsizesintotheLatin."

"Maybe later this year." She looks back at me and nods for a while. I shift in my seat and smile. She leansacrossthedeskandtakesoffher gla.s.ses.

"Nanny,I'm goingtohavetoraise a flaghere."

"Okay."I leanintomeether.

"I havetoquestion whetheryou're leveragingyour a.s.sets to escalateGrayer's performance." Having let the cat out of the bag, she leans back and rests her hands in her lap. I sense that I should feel insulted. 'Leverage mya.s.sets?'Umm, anyone?

"I'm sorrytohearthat," Isayearnestly,astheonethingabundantlyclearisthatI shouldbefeelingsorry.

"Nanny, I understand you are getting your degree in arts-in-edu-cation so, frankly, I'm surprised by the lackofdepthsurroundingyourknowledgebasehere."Okay,nowI knowI'm insulted.

"Well, Jane."Shestraightensatthesoundofhername. "I am trainedtoworkwithchildrenwhohavefar fewerresourcesattheir disposalthanGrayer."

"I see,soyoudon't perceivethisopportunitytobeinanarenainwhichyouare a value-add."What?

"I wanttoaddvalue toGrayer,buthe's reallystressedoutrightnow?

Shelooksskepticallyatme. "Stressed?"

"Yes, he's stressed.AndI feel. ndI am only anundergradhere, Jane,soI'm sureyou'll takethis with a grainofsalt. hebestthingI cangive himis somedowntime sothathis imaginationcangrowwithout being forced in one direction or another." Blood rushes to my face and I know I've gone too far, but beingmadetofeellikeanidiotbyyet anothermiddle-agedwoman inthis officeis just a bitmorethanI canhandle.

She scribbles a few more notes and smiles evenly at me. "Well, Nanny, I advise you to integrate time forreflectionasyoucontinue to work with Grayer. Here are a series of Best Practices from other caregivers thatI suggestyou review and internalize. This is explicit knowledge, Nanny, explicit knowledge from your peers that must become tacit for you if Grayer is to reachhis optimal state." She hands me a bunch of papers with a big clip atthetopandstands,slidinghergla.s.ses backon.

I stand up, too, feeling 1 need, somehow, to clean this up. "I didn't mean to seem defensive. I care very deeply for Grayer and follow all of Mrs. X's instructions. The past few months he's insisted on the Collegiate sweatsuit almost every day. And Mrs, X even got him a few more so he would have one to wearwhentheotherswere inthewash.SoI justwanttobesurethatyouknowI?

Sheputsouther handformetoshake. "Right.Thankyouforyourtimethis afternoon,Nanny."

1 shakeher hand. "Yes, thankyou. I'll readthesethroughtonight. I'm surethey'll beveryhelpful."

"Come on, Grove, finish up so we can go play a game." Grayer has been pushing around his last tortellini for about five minutes. Thanksto Jane,it's already been a longafternoon for both of us. I look downathim, restinghis blondheadonhis arm andstaringhorizontally atthelastofhis dinner. "Whatsa matter? Not hungry?"

"No."I reachforhis plate. "No!" Hegrabstheedge,causinghis forktodrop tothetable.

"Okay,Grayer,just say 'Nanny,I'm notfinished.'I canwait."I sitbackdown.

"Nanny!" Mrs. X comes bustling in. "Nanny." She's about to speak when she sees Grayer and the lone tortellini. "Didyouhave a gooddinner,Grayer?"

"Yes," hesaysintohis arm.

Butshe's alreadyfocusedher attentionbacktome. "Couldyou come out here for a minute?" I follow her into the dining room where she turns and stops so abruptly I accidentallysteponherfoot.

"I'm sorry,areyouokay?"

She grimaces. "I'm fine. I just finished with Jane and it's paramount that we have a family meeting, to break the news to Grayer together about the r-e-j-e-c-t-i-o-n. So I'll need you to call Mr. X's office and findoutwhenhecouldbescheduledtoattend. Thenumber's inthepantry?

"Mrs. X?" Janecalls a.s.shecomes intothehall.

"Sure. No problem. Right away."I quickly slip back intothekitchen. Grayer is still making slowcircles with his fork,thetortellini inorbit. 1 hoverover himfor a moment while listeningtoJaneandMrs. Xin thehallway.

"Yes, I've just spoken with Nanny. I'm going to see how soon my husband can come home for this meeting,"Mrs. Xsays, waxingprofessional.

"His presenceis reallyunnecessaryas longasGrayer perceives his primary caregiver tobepresent.You should just go ahead andspeakwith him yourself." Jane's voice moves toward thefront door and I head forthephone.

"Mr. X's office,Justinespeaking.HowmayI helpyou?"

"Justine? Hi,it's Nanny."

"Hi. Howareyou?" sheasksover thedinof a printer.

"Hanginginthere. Howaboutyou?"

"Busy," she sighs. "The merger is making things crazy around here. I haven't been home before midnightintwoweeks." "Thatsucks."

"Well, hopefully Mr. X'll get a huge retention bonus and spread a little of it around." Don't count on it.

"So,is Mrs. Xlikingtheflowers?"

"What?"

"Theroses. thought.i.twasoverkill, but Mr. Xjusttoldmetoputin astandingorder."

"Yeah,itkindof feelslike astandingorder," I confirm.

"I'll makesuretomorrow's bouquethas morevariety.What's herfavoriteflower?"

"She likespeonies,"I whisperasMrs. X breezespast Grayertostandinfrontofme,expectantly.

"Where am I goingtofindpeoniesinMarch?" Justinesighsagainastheprinter makes a clackingsound.

"Ugh,I can't believe thisthingis brokenagain.Sorry,never mind, I'll do it.Anythingelse?"

"Oh,right. Mrs. X wantstoschedule a family meeting about...". glanceover her shoulderatthepasta pusher?thelittle one.Whencouldhebehere?"

"Let's see ... I couldpush a meetingup ..."I canhearher flippingpages. "Tuh,tah,tah . .. Yeah, I canget himback toNewYork byWednesdayat four. I'll havehimthere."