The Nanny Part 55

Josh turned and left the room.

She stared at Shaun. He was grave and pale. She wondered why he hadn't phoned to say he was coming. She wondered why he'd chosen tonight. She wondered where Sheila was. She wondered what had happened when Josh had answered the front door to him.

"Hi," said Shaun.

She nodded.

"Can we talk?"

"It's not a great time, Shaun. You should have phoned."

"Sorry."

"Not here," she said, shutting her bedroom door behind her. "We'll go to the park."

As they pa.s.sed the living room, Jo popped her head round the door. Josh was staring at the television.

"Um," she started. "We're just off to Waterlow Park."

He kept his eyes on the television. "Don't have to check with me."

She clenched her teeth. "If Vanessa gets back before I do, please tell her I'll be back soon."

"Sure."

"Obviously, start dinner without me. Obviously."

"Obviously."

She paused.

"Right," she said.

No answer.

"See you soon," she told him.

Silence.

Then as she left the room she heard a sly, "Have a good time."

Her mind flitted through all the possible answers this deserved. "Oh don't worry," she said softly. "I will."

As she sped up the hill, Shaun following fast behind, she hoped Josh stewed in it. Meanwhile, Josh sat staring at the TV, stewing in it.

Shaun and Jo reached the park in ten minutes flat and sat down at the first bench they reached.

"So," she said. "You've got half an hour."

Shaun sighed.

"I know she told you everything."

"Yeah, that's right," said Jo. "She even reminded me of how long it took you to 'screw' me."

"It wasn't like that, Jo."

Jo shrugged. "Who cares?"

"I do."

Shaun leaned forward, clasped his hands together, and gave his side of the story in a fast monotone. He explained that he had never been serious about Sheila right from the start, and a.s.sumed Sheila hadn't been serious about him. When she mentioned that she was Jo's friend, he couldn't believe his luck. He'd had such a crush on her from nursery school-he was determined to meet her again. Yes, he may have told Sheila it was every boy's fantasy to sleep with his first crush, but that was before he'd met her again, and, anyway, it was true. Of course he couldn't remember saying it now, but if he had, he'd probably said it to put Sheila off him. How was he to know she was staying for good and was taking notes? Sometimes we say things about people before we really know them.

Anyway, when he did meet Jo again, she was everything he'd ever imagined she'd be. He'd wanted to go out with her, and of course, yes, he'd wanted to make love with her, he didn't see anything wrong with that; in fact, there'd have been something wrong with him if he hadn't. When Sheila found out that they'd started dating, she was furious and told him that she'd tell Jo everything, including what he'd said about her before he'd met her again. He was terrified he might lose her. And so began Sheila's power over him, which she went on to wield for the next six years. And the truth was he got used to it. In a way she was the antidote to the niceness of their relationship-and the occasional fling with her was always incredibly pa.s.sionate, although it always filled him with remorse.

Yes, he had wanted to marry Jo. But when she went to London, he and Sheila suddenly had nothing to hide. And he found himself confiding in her. He discovered that the original l.u.s.t he'd had for Sheila in the early days was still there, plus something else, an honesty about his darker side he'd never wanted to show Jo. Plus he and Shee knew what it was like to love someone too much, and they found themselves able to understand each other. Before he knew it, they were as good as dating. But they were in a stalemate situation. She wanted him to finish with Jo, yet part of him still wanted to marry Jo. So he persuaded Sheila that if he proposed again, Jo would most definitely refuse him again and he'd have the perfect escape clause. What he never told Sheila was that maybe this time Jo would say yes.

Jo listened with a sober detachment.

"So you're marrying Sheila when part of you wanted to marry me?" she checked.

"Well, if I'm completely honest"-he gave a big sigh-"I don't think I could have given Shee up even if I had married you."

Jo started laughing.

"Me and Shee-we're two of a kind," he said simply. "It makes much more sense marrying her instead of you." He looked up at her, squinting in the evening sun.

"Anyway," he added quietly, "I couldn't get you, could I?"

She shook her head. After a few moments, she looked at her watch.

"I have to get back," she said.

"Right."

They walked to the house in silence, Jo an anxious step ahead the whole way. They'd taken an hour. When they reached the front door, Shaun took both Jo's hands in his.

"What are you thinking, Jo?" he asked.

She walked him away from the living room window, braced herself, and went for it.

"Did I lead you on, Shaun?" she asked. "Was I a tease?"

He glanced away for a moment. "Nah. You didn't need to. I was doing it enough myself."

They looked sadly at each other and finally shared a resigned half smile.

"I hope you and Shee are happy," Jo said.

"Do you?"

"Yes. And I think you will be."

"I do, too, actually," he said quickly. "It's been like getting off some damaging drug-when you went to London it was cold turkey, and now I'm through the worst and living a normal life again."

Jo stared at him. "Thank you, Shaun," she said.

"I didn't mean you-"

"It doesn't matter-"

"It does-"

"No," she said firmly. "It really doesn't. I have to go back inside now."

She let him hug her, feeling unmoved by his embrace, then watched him get into his car and drive off.

After a moment, she turned to the house and went inside.

Vanessa was home, and d.i.c.k and Ca.s.sie were putting dinner on the table. She counted to three, then counted to ten and on fifteen walked into the living room. It was empty. She went back into the kitchen and paced a bit.

"Where's Josh?" she asked the room lightly. "I thought he was watching TV." Vanessa glanced over from picking at d.i.c.k's new improved lasagna recipe.

"Oh, he got a call from a friend," she said distractedly. "He went out to the pub."

"Shame," d.i.c.k said to Vanessa. "I really wanted to celebrate with him."

"You can celebrate with him on the weekend, darling," said Vanessa, carrying the lasagna to the table. "Tonight you're celebrating with the women in your life." Jo joined them at the table and tried to partic.i.p.ate in the bonhomie. But from the plummet in her emotions about Josh's sudden disappearance, she knew conclusively that she was in serious trouble. It was h.e.l.l when he was there, but even worse when he wasn't. She stared as Vanessa dished out the salad. Thank G.o.d Josh was moving out; otherwise, she wouldn't be able to cope with this emotional roller coaster for much longer. This is my office, she told herself firmly. I cannot risk losing my job by being so emotionally vulnerable. She managed a smile when Ca.s.sie made a face at how much green stuff had been put on her plate.

"Josh and I popped into the flat this evening," said d.i.c.k through his lasagna.

"Oh yes?" said Vanessa.

"He hadn't realized how bad it was, even though I'd told him. Says he might as well do some construction work on it-won't be able to move in for months."

"That's okay," said Vanessa. "It's great to have him round the house. And the kids love him." She turned to Jo. "You're both over your little quarrel, aren't you?"

Jo nodded.

d.i.c.k and Vanessa smiled, and Ca.s.sie cheered.

And Jo decided it was time to move out.

Chapter 27.

Lunchtime a week later, Sebastian James sat bulkily on top of Pippa, almost visibly growing, while Pippa and Jo wolfed down a sandwich together. Jo had given Pippa her application form for her university course. When Pippa finished reading it, Jo calmly informed her that she had to move out of the Fitzgeralds'.

Pippa put down her pannini.

"Where will you live?"

"Well," said Jo. "I was wondering..."

"Move in with me!" cried Pippa. "I've got a spare room the size of a ma.s.sive cupboard!"

Jo smiled with relief. "Your family won't mind?"

Pippa laughed. "You've been there! It's the attic flat! It has nothing to do with their home-separate front door and everything."

"How much is the rent?"

"Nothing! I don't pay, and you being there won't add anything to my rent. It'll just be nice to have you there. I mean it is small, but I'm at Nick's on weekends, so you'd have the place completely to yourself."

Jo nodded, and Pippa returned to her pannini before Sebastian James had a chance to smear it on his face.

After a while Pippa looked up at her. "Not hungry?" she asked.

Jo shook her head.

"What's up?"

Jo looked away.

"It's Shaun isn't it?" whispered Pippa.

"I hate Josh," breathed Jo.

"Oh."

"I can't bear it." Jo wiped her tears. "I feel like I played it all so wrong."

"Stop blaming yourself, honey," said Pippa, holding Jo's hand over the table and squashing Sebastian James's face into her chest. "It takes two to tango."

"He was so wonderful in the beginning. I mean wonderful. I was seriously considering chucking Shaun."

"I know."

"And then he went so cold." She blew her nose. "And said all those horrible things. And then at the cinema it looked like we were friends again, and I even managed to get out what I wanted to say to him, and everything was brilliant. Then he came to see me and..." She shook her head. "I just don't understand. It all went sour again. I just don't understand."

"You know what the trouble is, don't you?"