The Nanny Part 38

"Blimey."

"But..."

"But?"

"I don't know."

"What's to know? You're single, he's single."

"That doesn't change what he said to me, about only wanting a s.h.a.g because I was on tap. And he's a hypocrite because he hates infidelity but is helping his dad have an affair. And he's living at home rent-free in his midtwenties. And-"

"He looks like Hornblower-"

"-he..." Jo came to a halt. "I've forgotten what the fourth one was."

"How you feel about him?"

Jo groaned. "Don't confuse me."

"How do you think it'll be when you go back?"

"I've no idea. It feels more and more like it was all a dream, and I'm never going back. Like Dorothy-you know, I went looking for an answer, it was all Technicolor, but the answer wasn't really there, and now I'm back home again. Where everything's black-and-white."

"Oh my G.o.d. Profound."

"I think I've had too much time to brood."

"Listen," said Pippa, "as my mum always says, it'll all come out in the wash. You just have to believe it; otherwise, you'll go mad. How's your mum?"

After the call, Jo stood at the kitchen sink for a while. When the tea and coffee were both nicely stewed, she took them into the lounge on a tray. She felt a lot better after talking to Pippa. She realized that it was a new experience, talking openly and honestly to a friend who actively listened and who genuinely cared about making her feel better. Yes, Sheila had always been fun, and always been there, but Jo knew she could never have told her any of the things that she'd just told Pippa.

Too many new thoughts were shooting through her brain, and it felt like it was in danger of short-circuiting. She knew she was in a mood that needed a long walk by the river. She poured her parents' tea and her coffee and decided that her walk would be full of what she called Menu Moments; small but important decisions that always took her ages to make. She hadn't been to the river for a long time, it would probably do her a world of good.

Meanwhile, Vanessa felt like a bird released. Terrified that her wings wouldn't work and struck by her own frailty in the suddenly vast world. She put her head round Ca.s.sandra's door. Ca.s.sandra was silently dressing.

"How we doing?" asked Vanessa.

Ca.s.sandra smiled. "Fine."

"Give your old mum a hug before she goes in to her horrid office."

Ca.s.sandra squeezed her hard as they sat on her bed together.

"Why do you have to go to work?" she asked quietly.

Vanessa kissed her daughter's uneven parting. "Because it makes me feel good about myself." She redid Ca.s.sie's hair. "It makes me feel right. And it helps me be a nicer person."

There was silence.

"When will I feel like that, Mummy?" whispered Ca.s.sandra.

Vanessa clasped her child to her. "Ah, sweetheart. That can take a lifetime to work out."

Five minutes later, she rushed downstairs to give Josh some last-minute tips. He had surprised them all by announcing that he'd happily take time off to look after the children.

She couldn't work out whether she was pleased to see d.i.c.k so determined to work at his business and Josh so unusually generous, or whether she was furious that d.i.c.k had got away with it again. She decided to plump for the former for the sake of her marriage.

When she got downstairs, Josh was standing in the kitchen, frowning at the timetable on the fridge door. He looked at her like a hunted rabbit.

"Where's the pizza?" he asked.

"In the freezer."

"Where's the nursery?"

"Address is in the diary."

"Where's the diary?"

"Next to the telephone in the dining room."

"Do I have to make chips from scratch?"

"Only if you want to set the house on fire. Microwave ones are their favorites."

"Where are-"

"In the freezer."

"When do I give them their packed lunches?"

"Now."

"Superman one for Zak, Tweenie one for Tallulah, Buffy one for Ca.s.sandra."

"Correct. Well done." Vanessa smiled. "Thanks Josh, you're a star."

"It's a pleasure. Thanks for trusting me with them."

"If you swear in front of them, hit them, or let them die, I will hunt you down and kill you."

"Have a nice day yourself."

Vanessa took one look round the kitchen.

"Wish me luck," she said.

"Likewise."

As the front door slammed, Josh took a long, slow breath. He scoured the fridge door, his eyes resting for a moment on Zak's drawing of Jo as Catwoman before spotting Jo's phone number. His fingers itched to phone her, and his stomach squirmed at the idea. No. He could cope with this job. He was a man who had climbed the slippery slope of corporate accountancy, he could manage this rocky terrain. It was survival of the fittest, and he was going to win. This was not Survivor, The Krystal Maze and The Krypton Factor-this was Real Life, the toughest game of all. He rolled up his sleeves, flexed his proud muscles, took a deep, manly breath, and opened the dishwasher.

"Josh," came Tallulah's voice. "Will you wipe my bottom?"

The room went cold.

By the time Josh was driving toward Ca.s.sie's school, he was already running twenty minutes late and had sworn four times in front of the children. They were loving it. "What the...flippertygibbet is that driver doing, for...Fffreddy's sake?" he asked. It turned out he swore much more than he realized. "Doesn't he know there are children in this world who need to get to school?"

"Jo usually goes the other way," observed Tallulah.

"What?" cried Josh, looking in the rearview mirror. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask."

"Stop being a clever-d.i.c.k!" he cried. "How do we get out of this traffic jam?"

"I could walk," offered Ca.s.sie.

"Would it be faster?"

"No," said Ca.s.sie. "Just more pleasant."

"Right," said Josh, swerving suddenly. "I'm parking. Tallulah, you're going on my back; Ca.s.sie, you're going on Tallulah's back."

Vanessa, coffee in one hand and briefcase in the other, hurried to work. The sun was almost breaking out from behind the grey clouds, and Vanessa fast-forwarded ahead by a month and imagined the vitamin D and ultraviolet rays skipping like lambs on to her skin. And then her office appeared.

Until that moment, Vanessa had always believed that her job turned the world round through simple economics, and her home life was a sort of fantasy subplot that she felt rather ashamed of believing in. It dawned on her she might have got that wrong. She clacked her way over the marble floor to the lift, keeping her eyes down while she waited for it to reach her. She walked to her office and closed the door behind her.

Before she moved forward an inch, she tensed. Someone had been at her desk. It was a complete mess. Her desk diary was open and her in-tray looked like an ashtray. How on earth was she supposed to start her day in a mess? Then she got a camera shot of how she'd left the kitchen for Josh. Followed by the sickening memory of Jo's weary resignation every morning at the sight of the kitchen. She must, she would give that girl a raise. If she ever came back.

No sooner had she sat down behind her desk and caught the framed laughing faces of her children than there was a knock on the door.

"Come!" she shouted.

Anthony opened it.

"Nearly." He winked. "But it has been two weeks."

Vanessa's body started humming a familiar tune.

"Oh G.o.d," she muttered.

"Tell me about it," breathed Anthony, shutting the door behind him.

"No I mean, Oh G.o.d, Anthony. I'm a married woman who's just spent two weeks with her children."

"I hear you, baby-"

"No, I mean-Anthony don't."

She pushed him away.

"What?"

Suddenly her office door flung itself wide open and Max stood beaming at its center. He stood there, arms wide, belly out, legs apart.

"Vanessa baby! Welcome back!"

Vanessa baby almost fell at her boss's feet. Instead, she turned politely to Anthony.

"Anthony?" she said. "Can we have a moment?"

"Of course." He smiled charmingly and left the room.

Pippa and Nick sat in a traffic jam up Highgate Hill, Sebastian James's car seat strapped into the back.

"If any of my mates from the station see a baby carrier in the back of my car," muttered Nick, "I'll never live it down."

"Don't be ridiculous," said Pippa. "You lived down that haircut."

Nick stared at her.

"What's wrong with this haircut?"

"I'm just making a point." Sebastian James belched. "And Sebastian James concurs," she added.

"I swear you feed him Swarfega," muttered Nick.

"I spoke to Jo this morning," replied Pippa.

"Oh yeah? She finished with lover boy yet?"

"She has, as a matter of fact."

"Blimey! He was right! Jammy b.u.g.g.e.r!" Then a thought occurred to him. "s.h.i.t. Your friend's lost me serious money-"

"No she hasn't, if you're talking about Gerry."

"Why?"

"Because she doesn't fancy him, that's why."

"Course she does."

"No she doesn't. I am telling you," repeated Pippa. "Jo just doesn't fancy him."

"Maybe she doesn't realize she does yet," conceded Nick, "but tell me this. How come she finishes with her boyfriend of six whole years just months after meeting him?"

"It's got nothing to do with Gerry. Other things have changed in her life recently."