The Nanny Part 31

"And ice cream," said Ca.s.sandra. "And I'm going to glow."

"Great." Jo smiled. She looked sadly at the kitchen.

"I'll tidy it all up, promise," said Vanessa. "I know how a.n.a.l you nannies are about your works.p.a.ce!"

Jo sighed. "We're just gonna use the shower," she replied.

"What? Together?" squeaked Toby.

Josh laughed loudly at this. He suddenly saw all the uses a younger brother could have. He would have pondered the same question, too scared of making a stupid a.r.s.e of himself to ask. He now fondly handed over the mantle of stupid a.r.s.e to Toby and considered bringing him along on dates.

Pippa joined in the laughter and approached the kitchen table.

"No, of course we won't shower together," she said, leaning over the kitchen table and whispering. "Then we wouldn't be able to work up such a lather, would we?"

Toby swallowed.

"How old are you, handsome?" asked Pippa.

"Thirteen," Toby mumbled into his mug, wishing Pippa had stayed over there.

"And how old's your gorgeous big brother?"

Toby snorted his way through three octaves.

"Hi!" said Josh, extending his hand across Toby, who seemed suddenly fascinated by the oven. "Josh Fitzgerald."

"Oh, I know who you are. I've heard all about you."

Jo found herself by the drinks cabinet and moved to the kettle, where she got busy making her and Pippa some tea, wishing she was somewhere else and listening avidly.

"So!" said Pippa, looking at Toby's and Josh's somber faces. "What's making the brothers grim?"

Toby snorted again.

"Toby's got a dilemma because he's got the hottest date in his cla.s.s tonight," said Josh.

"Jo-osh!" whined Toby.

"What's wrong with that?" asked Josh. "It's true. You're too d.a.m.n hot for your own good."

Toby tried not to smile and failed.

"That true?" said Pippa. Toby grunted.

"Why's that a problem?"

"Can I?" Josh asked Toby. Toby grunted again, the Esperanto of adolescence.

"This t.o.s.s.e.r in his cla.s.s is jealous, so he's threatening to follow them and beat Toby up tonight."

"Oh my G.o.d," said Pippa. "Where are you going for your date?"

"Dunno yet," said Toby. "I'm gonna call her later. But her older brother is mates with the older brother of the bloke who's threatened to get me, so she's got to keep it a secret from him. Might not be able to 'cos her mother wants to know where she's going."

"So you mean," said Pippa slowly, "that you might be beaten up during your dream date tonight?"

"We were just trying to work out where would be a safe place to go," said Josh. "I might follow."

"No!" said Toby.

"From a safe distance," insisted Josh. "Believe me, I don't want to watch. I just don't want you getting into trouble."

"I'll be fine," said Toby.

"I've got an idea," said Pippa. "Let me just make a call."

As she went to get her mobile from her bag, Jo finished making the tea.

"Right!" Jo exclaimed. "I'll just have my shower." She noticed that no one answered.

When Jo returned to the kitchen, clean and dry and dressed, she found Pippa on her mobile phone and Toby and Josh grinning identical schoolboy grins at her.

"That's fantastic!" Pippa was saying into the phone. "We'll owe you one." She giggled and winked at Toby, before clicking off and replacing her phone in her bag. "Right," she said. "It's a deal. We'll go to the same film as you and if there's any trouble, Nick and Gerry will kick the s.h.i.t out of anyone who touches you. Except your date of course, 'cos we want her to touch you."

"Wicked!" said Toby.

"And Josh will chaperone us so that his mind is put at rest and so he can drive my date wild with jealousy," finished Pippa, holding up her mug of tea as if to make a toast. "It's the perfect plan!"

Josh held his mug up, too. "Much as I hate the thought of being a gooseberry to three separate dates," he interrupted himself, "-does that make me three gooseberries?-especially with two blokes who've beaten me up, it's all gonna be worth it to see those a.r.s.eholes who are picking on my kid bro s.h.i.tting themselves with terror."

"Mine isn't a date actually," said Jo, but no one seemed to hear her.

"So thanks, Pippa!" finished Josh.

"Yeah, thanks!" Toby managed, eyes darting to her before returning to the safety of the floor.

"My absolute pleasure!" grinned Pippa. "And now I must peel these damp clothes off and have my shower," she said as she left the room.

Jo followed Pippa into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

"Is he really going to come with us?" she hissed.

"Of course," replied Pippa, brushing her hair. "You don't expect him to stay at home and miss all the fun, do you? Especially when he is s.e.x on legs."

"He's got a very ugly side," muttered Jo.

"They all do," said Pippa. "But I bet it'd be fun looking for his."

"He's putting on the charm," said Jo. "The famous Josh Fitzgerald charm. He can turn it off very quickly if you p.i.s.s him off. And he's toxins on legs when he does."

"Why? What's he's done?"

"I was too embarra.s.sed to tell you," confessed Jo, plonking herself down on her bed. "It was excruciating, Pip."

Pippa sat down too. "Go on."

Jo sighed. "The night before Shaun arrived, I got home p.i.s.sed from our night out...and...I thought we were going to kiss. I really did and so I just..."

"What?"

"I blurted out all about Shaun."

"Oh my G.o.d. You waited all this time to find the right time to tell him and then told him when he was moving in for the kiss?"

"Yes."

"And there I was thinking it was the nannying you needed help with." Pippa sighed.

Jo leaned forward. "It seemed like the right thing to do. I've never two-timed Shaun, and I actually cared about not hurting Josh."

"So?"

"He just..." She shook her head. "It was so weird. Even as p.i.s.sed as I was, I could feel the atmosphere completely change. It was like the kitchen suddenly had frost. He turned into a different person."

Pippa's eyes were wide. "Blimey."

"He went completely cold and I kept saying sorry and he kept saying it was fine."

"Bleagh."

"He spent the whole weekend being absolutely horrible to Shaun-and me-and hinting that I was easy-"

"b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"

"-which did not help things with me and Shaun. Then I tried to apologize to him again." Jo shut her eyes.

Pippa whispered. "What did he say?"

Jo knew it by heart. She spoke in a monotone. "He said, If it's on tap, I'm going to go for it, what bloke wouldn't, and you were certainly on tap that night, but anything more than that and you're living in a chicklit fantasy world, you've seen too many Hollywood films, sorry to disappoint you."

Pippa's eyes were saucers.

Jo stood up suddenly. "And since then he's been a complete b.a.s.t.a.r.d," she continued. "Anyway, he's so immature. He's twenty-five and not paying a penny in rent even though he earns stacks as an accountant. And he goes on about his dad leaving his mum, which was absolutely years ago. My first impression was right-when he spoke to me on speakerphone, with his entire office listening to him take the p.i.s.s-that was the real Josh Fitzgerald."

Pippa whistled long and low.

There was silence for a while, as Jo started to do her makeup.

Pippa was the first to speak. "It's just so easy to forget when he looks like that."

"Well, it's hard for me to forget because he's a b.a.s.t.a.r.d to me."

"He doesn't pay any rent?" asked Pippa.

Jo shook her head. "Nope. Vanessa told me."

"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l," whistled Pippa. "Life is so unfair, but now we don't have to feel guilty using him to make the boys jealous tonight."

"I don't want Gerry to be jealous of him," moaned Jo. "I don't want Gerry being jealous of anyone. I don't want Gerry, period. I've got Shaun."

"Alright, sorry. We'll just work at Nick being jealous of him then."

"I don't want him coming with us tonight," whined Jo, slumping onto her back. "He makes me a nervous wreck."

"Does he?" asked Pippa. "Why?"

"Because he watches me like a hawk all the time."

"Who said he'll be watching you?" quipped Pippa, before sauntering into the bathroom.

While Pippa showered, Jo phoned Shaun. He was out, so she left a message on his voice mail and tried Sheila. She was also out, so she left a message on Sheila's voice mail. Then she phoned her parents. They were also out, but didn't have voice mail. By the time Pippa wandered out of the bathroom, wearing a small towel and a big smile, Jo had given up wondering where on earth everyone could be.

Pippa had had such a hot shower that steam billowed behind her into Jo's room. Loath to open her window on to the building site next door, Jo asked Pippa to open her bedroom door into the kitchen a crack. Pippa did so, but instead of leaving it, she stood, transfixed. Watching her, Jo became transfixed, too. And then Pippa frantically beckoned her over to behind the door.

At first Jo shook her head, but when she thought Pippa's eyes might actually fall out of her head, she rushed to the door and tried to see into the kitchen. Pippa was in the way, so Jo nudged her over a bit and the two of them strained to listen. All the children had vanished, as had Vanessa. Through the crack in the door, they could see Josh and d.i.c.k whispering urgently to each other in the kitchen.

"Is that why you're back so early?" they heard Josh hissing.

"Of course it is," hissed back d.i.c.k. "Do you think I'd be here otherwise? She just didn't turn up."

"Why not?"

"How the h.e.l.l do I know? I phoned, but there was no answer."

"You don't think Vanessa might get a little bit suspicious about you coming back so early on a Sat.u.r.day afternoon? She thinks you're being rushed off your feet in a busy shop every week."

They heard d.i.c.k let out a short, sharp laugh.

"Jesus, Dad," came Josh's voice. "You can't keep this double life up for much longer."

"You think I don't realize that?" d.i.c.k raised his voice.

"Shhh! She'll hear you!" There was silence. Then, "Dad, you've got to do something."

"I could always leave," came d.i.c.k's voice.

"Oh, like last time? Dad, why didn't you listen to me? I told you not to fall for her-"