The Nanny Part 18

"Yep," he added, taking some more wine. "If your dad's gonna up-sticks and start again, you couldn't hope for a nicer brood."

Jo's brain scanned all the possible things to say in response and then stopped. She decided to change tack.

"Has your mum remarried?"

As Josh shook his head, Jo scoured his face for any hints of the woman with the hard eyes and dry voice who had dropped Toby off.

"So is this the first time you've left home?" asked Josh.

Jo pushed some loose strands of hair behind her ears. "Is it that obvious?"

Josh shrugged and she felt compelled to fill the silence. "I suppose it is all a bit scary," she confessed. "Everything's so different." Josh didn't answer. "Maybe that's why I overreacted last night." She took some more wine. When she looked back at him, Josh was staring at her with an intensity that made her feel aware of the hairs on her skin. She glanced at the grains in the wood floor.

"I think you were very brave," he said.

"I phoned the police from under my duvet," she grimaced. "I could hardly dial for shaking."

Another pause. This time Jo braved it out.

"Exactly," said Josh eventually. "You were terrified and you still did it."

Jo took some more wine and felt its warmth ooze through her body.

"People don't like it when you're brave, do they?" she asked suddenly. "It's as if they want you to be scared, because it permits them to not have to take any risks either."

Josh tilted his head at her, his forehead puckering.

"My decision to leave home wasn't exactly a popular one," she explained, taking another sip and wondering if she'd had enough to drink.

"Ah," he said. "With anyone specific?"

Jo re-heard Shaun telling her off and shrugged her sudden anger away. "Just everyone," she said grumpily.

"Really? Wow," said Josh.

Jo eyed him suspiciously, convinced he was mocking her. But his face showed no signs of mockery.

"You must have been very strong to have gone ahead with it then," he continued.

She tried to speak, failed, so shrugged and drank some more wine instead.

"Between you and me," Josh went on, "I wish I could be that brave."

"You'd like to move away?" asked Jo.

He shook his head. "I'd like to change career. But I don't know what I'd like to do instead and both my parents would kill me."

Jo gasped. "Tell me about it," she said with feeling. "Guess whose idea it was for me to be a nanny?"

"Your parents?"

"Ten out ten."

"What did you want to be?"

"Oh noth-It's stupid-"

"Go on."

"They were probably right."

"Tell me."

Jo took a deep breath. "I wanted to be a...don't laugh-"

"I won't-"

"I wanted to be an anthropologist."

She gulped down more wine.

"Wow," said Josh. "Brilliant."

Jo shrugged. "When you're young you're full of silly ideas."

"What's silly about that?"

"Anyway, I'm a nanny. And it was hard enough being a nanny who'd moved away from home."

Josh leaned toward her and poured more wine into her gla.s.s.

"No thanks," she said, when he'd finished.

"So how come you did it anyway?" he asked.

She cushioned each word with a thoughtful pause. "The need to know that my choices so far in life weren't just the easiest ones."

They locked eyes, Josh nodding thoughtfully. "Yeah," he whispered. "I know what you mean."

Most of her hair slipped out of the plait and she put down her gla.s.s, shook the rest loose and looped it into a lazy ponytail. When she finished, she glanced all round the room and eventually at Josh and again found him scrutinizing her. She was just about to announce that she really needed to get some sleep when he gave her a big, warm smile and held up his wine gla.s.s to her.

"So," he murmured. "To the right choices."

She felt vaguely conscious that she'd just witnessed a decision being made. She picked hers up, returned his smile and they clinked gla.s.ses. "To the right choices," she agreed and finished her wine.

That night she fell asleep to the sound of Josh's slow padding round his room and slept right through till morning for the first time since she'd arrived.

Chapter 10.

Over the next week, Jo discovered that the average accountant does approximately half the amount of work that an average nanny does. Josh would get up early and do two hours before she got back from dropping all the children off at school. Then he was ready for a two-hour tea break. They soon got into a routine where he'd make them both a cup of tea and, while idly tapping away at his laptop, chat while she ironed. At first she found his presence intimidating, but gradually the conversational pauses grew shorter and the tension evaporated until she didn't mind at all. In fact, she was amazed at how much difference it made to her life having someone to chat with during the day.

After a while, he stopped asking if she was going to phone the police every time he stood up quickly and stopped asking when the laptop dancing was due to begin. He'd also started hobbling around after her as she tidied the children's rooms-"good practice for my foot." She didn't mind slowing down for him to keep up, especially as part of her still felt guilty that she had been the cause of his obvious pain. And it certainly wasn't a hardship as it meant she spent most of her time laughing. One morning, she didn't know how it even came up, they ended up talking about how Josh's parents had split up. It turned out d.i.c.k had had an affair with his secretary, and Josh's mother had been unable to forgive him.

"What a waste," he said. "A family dissolved forever-he clicked his fingers-"just like that."

"How awful," said Jo.

"I was bitter for a long time," he said with a nod. "Fourteen's not a good age to lose your dad."

"But you're friends now, aren't you?"

Josh seemed to consider this.

"Yeah, we're cool. And these things happen."

Jo nodded.

"You've got to move on," he continued. "But it has made me realize how damaging infidelity is. Trust is everything," he said quickly before changing the subject.

The more they talked, the more conscious Jo became that Shaun had never come up in conversation. Over the days they managed to talk about pretty much everything, but somehow they never talked about their love lives. It was like an unspoken code, but the more they chatted and the closer Jo felt to Josh-and she felt increasingly close to him-the more she felt she was somehow misrepresenting herself. Yet she could never find the appropriate moment to mention Shaun without feeling that it might come out sounding gauche and pointed.

She brought this up at her weekend therapy session with the girls.

"So let me get this straight," clarified Pippa. "You've managed not to even skim over the fact-even in pa.s.sing-that you've had the same boyfriend for the past six years. And still very much have him."

Jo nodded.

"I keep waiting for the right moment," she insisted, "but it's hard to say 'Pa.s.s me the dishcloth, I've got a boyfriend.'"

"But if you're just friends," said Rachel, "surely it comes up in conversation?"

"I know," agreed Jo, "you'd think so, but somehow every time I want to say it, I feel like it would look like I'm trying to put him off or something, which would make me look really arrogant."

"Are you just friends?" asked Rachel.

"Of course," insisted Jo.

"Hmm," said Pippa. "How come you didn't seem to have any problem finding the right moment to tell me?"

"You asked," said Jo.

"That's true."

"And I didn't fancy you."

"Aha!" exclaimed the girls.

Jo grinned. "He hasn't even asked if I've got a boyfriend," she said, "so he's obviously not interested."

"Would it make a difference if he did ask?" asked Pippa.

Jo thought about this. Then she thought about Shaun. She shrugged miserably.

After a pause, Gabriella had a question.

"What does theez Josh the Dosh loook like?"

Jo closed her eyes. "Ioan Gruffudd."

The girls took a moment to show their appreciation.

"Oh my G.o.d!" cried Pippa. "You're living with Hornblower?"

"Yes," confessed Jo. "Without the breeches. And a bit more sultry."

There was a long silence.

"Well," said Pippa. "I think it's all very simple. As soon as you start blowing his horn you chuck Shaun."

"Oh G.o.d!" Jo said through the laughter. "I've got a boyfriend! A boyfriend who's coming to stay."

"Looks like that's when Josh will find out then." Rachel grinned.

Jo winced into her wine.

"Don't worry," said Pippa. "You've got days before Shaun gets here. You're bound to find an appropriate moment."

For the first time in their short acquaintance, Pippa was wrong. During the next few days with Josh, the subject was on the tip of Jo's tongue many times, but every time she could see the conversation veering in that direction, it somehow directed itself elsewhere. The last thing she wanted to do was offend Josh. And the thing just before the last thing she wanted to do was put him off, just in case he was interested.

The longer she left it, the harder it got, because every time she thought of Josh's belief that trust was everything she felt even more unable to tell him. She was caught in a stalemate and didn't know how to get out of it.

She started making all her calls to Shaun in the car and told herself it was because it was the only place she got any privacy. In many ways that was true. Josh was in and out of her room all the time; in fact they left the door open between their rooms until bedtime.

She hadn't really forgiven Shaun for acting like her teacher instead of her boyfriend when she'd told him what had happened the night Josh had arrived, but they'd reached an unspoken truce. He'd said he missed her, and she'd said she was looking forward to his visit. And she was sure it would all be better when she saw him. She started counting the days with nervous antic.i.p.ation.

One evening, when Vanessa was out working late and d.i.c.k was asleep in the lounge, Jo sat watching television in the conservatory wondering how long Josh would be in the bathroom. When the doorbell rang, she heard d.i.c.k answer it. She was very surprised when he came in and presented her with one of the policemen from that night.

"Look who I found on the doorstep!" said d.i.c.k. "One of those nice men who attacked my son."

"Oh yes," said Gerry. "Sorry about that."