The Monikins Part 29

An inquiring look extorted a clearer answer from the brigadier:--

"To admit the fact, we have a cla.s.s among us who buy up these articles with some eagerness. I can only account for it, by supposing they think differing in their tastes from the ma.s.s, makes them more enlightened and peculiar."

"I'll take them all. An article that catches these propensities is sure of sale. 'Opinions on Events': what can possibly be done with these?"

"That depends a little on their cla.s.sification," returned the brigadier.

"If they relate to Leaplow events, while they have a certain value, they cannot be termed of current value; but if they refer to the events of all the rest of the earth, take them for heaven's sake! for we trust altogether to this market for our supplies."

On this hint I ordered the whole lot, trusting to dispose of the least fashionable by aid of those that were more in vogue.

"'Opinions on Domestic Literature.'"

"You may buy all he has; we use no other."

"'Opinions on Continental Literature.'"

"Why, we know little about the goods themselves--but I think a selection might answer."

I ordered the bale cut in two, and took one half, at a venture.

"'Opinions of Leaplow Literature, From No. 1 up to No. 100.'"

"Ah! it is proper I should explain," put in the broker, "that we has two varieties of them 'ere harticles. One is the true harticle, as is got up by our great wits and philosophers, they says, on the most approved models; but the other is nothing but a sham harticle that is really manufactured in Leaplow, and is sent out here to get hour stamp. That's all--I never deceives a customer--both sell well, I hear, on the other side, 'owever."

I looked again at the brigadier, who quietly nodding a.s.sent, I took the whole hundred bales.

"'Opinions of the Inst.i.tutions of Leaphigh.'"

"Why, them 'ere is a.s.sorted, being of all sizes, forms, and colors. They came coastwise, and are chiefly for domestic consumption; though I have known 'em sent to Leaplow, with success."

"The consumers of this article among us," observed the brigadier, "are very select, and rarely take any but of the very best quality. But then they are usually so well stocked, that I question if a new importation would pay freight. Indeed, our consumers cling very generally to the old fashions in this article, not even admitting the changes produced by time. There was an old manufacturer called Whiterock, who has a sort of Barlow-knife reputation among us, and it is not easy to get another article to compete with his. Unless they are very antiquated, I would have nothing to do with them."

"Yes, this is all true, sir. We still sends to Leaplow quant.i.ties of that 'ere manufacture; and the more hantiquated the harticle, the better it sells; but then the new fashions has a most wonderful run at 'ome."

"I'll stick to the real Barlow, through thick or thin. Hunt me up a bale of his notions; let them be as old as the flood. What have we here?--'opinions on the Inst.i.tutions of Leaplow.'"

"Take them," said the brigadier, promptly.

"This 'ere gentleman has an hidear of the state of his own market,"

added the broker, giggling. "Wast lots of these things go across yearly--and I don't find that any on 'em ever comes back."

"'Opinions on the State of Manners and Society in Leaplow.'"

"I believe I'll take an interest in that article myself, Sir John, if you can give me a ton or two between decks. Have you many of this manufacture?"

"Lots on 'em, sir--and they DO sell so! That 'ere are a good harticle both at 'ome and abroad. My eye! how they does go off in Leaplow!"

"This appears to be also your expectation, brigadier, by your readiness to take an interest!"

"To speak the truth, nothing sells better in our beloved country."

"Permit me to remark that I find your readiness to purchase this and the last article, a little singular. If I have rightly comprehended our previous conversations, you Leaplowers profess to have improved not only on the ancient principles of polity, but on the social condition generally."

"We will talk of this during the pa.s.sage homewards, Sir John Goldencalf; but, by your leave, I will take a share in the investment in 'Opinions on the State of Society and Manners in Leaplow,' especially if they treat at large on the deformities of the government, while they allow us to be genteel. This is the true notch--some of these goods have been condemned because the manufacturers hadn't sufficient skill in dyeing."

"You shall have a share, brigadier. Harkee, Mr. Broker; I take it these said opinions come from some very well-known and approved manufactory?"

"All sorts, sir. Some good, and some good for nothing--everything sells, 'owever. I never was in Leaplow, but we says over 'ere, that the Leaplowers eat, and drink, and sleep on our opinions. Lord, sir, it would really do your heart good to see the stuff, in these harticles, that they does take from us without higgling!"

"I presume, brigadier, that you use them as an amus.e.m.e.nt--as a means to pa.s.s a pleasant hour, of an evening--a sort of moral segar?"

"No, sir," put in the broker, "they doesn't smoke 'em, my word on't, or they wouldn't buy 'em in such lots!"

I now thought enough had been laid in on my own account, and I turned to see what the captain was about. He was higgling for a bale marked "Opinions on the Lost Condition of the Monikin Soul." A little curious to know why he had made this selection, I led him aside, and frankly put the question.

"Why, to own the truth, Sir John," he said, "religion is an article that sells in every market, in some shape or other. Now, we are all in the dark about the Leaplow tastes and usages, for I always suspect a native of the country to which I am bound, on such a p'int; and if the things shouldn't sell there, they'll at least do at Stunnin'tun. Miss Poke alone would use up what there is in that there bale, in a twelvemonth.

To give the woman her due, she's a desperate consumer of snuff and religion."

We had now pretty effectually cleared the shelves, and the cook, who had come ash.o.r.e to dispose of his slush, had not yet been able to get anything.

"Here is a small bale as come FROM Leaplow, and a pinched little thing it is," said the broker, laughing; "it don't take at all, here, and it might do to go 'ome again--at any rate, you will get the drawback. It is filled with 'Distinctive Opinions of the Republic of Leaplow.'" The cook looked at the brigadier, who appeared to think the speculation doubtful.

Still it was Hobson's choice; and, after a good deal of grumbling, the doctor, as Noah always called his cook, consented to take the "harticle," at half the prime cost.

Judge People's Friend now came trotting down to the port, thoroughly en republican, when we immediately embarked, and in half an hour, Bob was kicked to Noah's heart's content, and the Walrus was fairly under way for Leaplow.

CHAPTER XXIII. POLITICAL BOUNDARIES--POLITICAL RIGHTS--POLITICAL SELECTIONS, AND POLITICAL DISQUISITIONS; WITH POLITICAL RESULTS.

The aquatic mile-stones of the monikin seas have been already mentioned; but I believe I omitted to say, that there was a line of demarcation drawn in the water, by means of a similar invention, to point out the limits of the jurisdiction of each state. Thus, all within these water-marks was under the laws of Leaphigh; all between them and those of some other country, was the high seas; and all within those of the other country, Leaplow for instance, was under the exclusive jurisdiction of that other country.

With a favorable wind, the Walrus could run to the watermarks in about half a day; from thence to the water-marks of Leaplow was two days'

sail, and another half day was necessary to reach our haven. As we drew near the legal frontiers of Leaphigh, several small fast-sailing schooners were seen hovering just without the jurisdiction of the king, quite evidently waiting our approach. One boarded us, just as the outer edge of the spanker-boom got clear of the Leaphigh sovereignty. Judge People's Friend rushed to the side of the ship, and before the crew of the boat could get on deck, he had ascertained that the usual number of prizes had been put into the little wheel.

A monikin in a bob of a most p.r.o.nounced character, or which appeared to have been subjected to the second amputation, being what is called in Leaplow a bob-upon-bob, now approached, and inquired if there were any emigrants on board. He was made acquainted with our characters and objects. When he understood that our stay would most likely be short, he was evidently a little disappointed.

"Perhaps, gentlemen," he added, "you may still remain long enough to make naturalization desirable?"

"It is always agreeable to be at home in foreign countries--but are there no legal objections?"

"I see none, sir--you have no tails, I believe?"

"None but what are in our trunks. I did not know, however, but the circ.u.mstance of our being of a different species might throw some obstacles in the way."

"None in the world, sir. We act on principles much too liberal for so narrow an objection. You are but little acquainted with the inst.i.tutions and policy of our beloved and most happy country, I see, sir. This is not Leaphigh, nor Leapup, nor Leapdown, nor Leapover, nor Leapthrough, nor Leapunder; but good old, hearty, liberal, free and independent, most beloved, happy, and prosperous beyond example, Leaplow. Species is of no account under our system. We would as soon naturalize one animal as another, provided it be a republican animal. I see no deficiency about any of you. All we ask is certain general principles. You go on two legs--"