The 'Mind the Paint' Girl Part 22

COOLING.

"--which I will never forgive you for, Morris Cooling-- neither you nor Lal Roper. As true as I am alive, I have a jolly good mind not to show, but to put on my old rags and go straight home. You are two cads. So take it out of that and believe me, Always yours affectionately, Lil."

ROPER.

[_Walking about._] Well, I'm blessed!

COOLING.

[_Returning the letter to his pocket._] Haw! Tasty doc.u.ment!

ROPER.

Lying worm and a cad! And from Miss Lily Margaret Upjohn! [_To COOLING._] Done anything about it?

COOLING.

No; waited for you. [_Going on with his arrangements at the tables._]

_You're_ responsible. What _I_ did last night was simply to oblige a pal.

ROPER.

[_Irresolutely._] I'd better run round to her, and try to smooth her down, hadn't I?

COOLING.

Perhaps you _had_. [_Placing a card._] Mr. Stewart Heneage. [_To ROPER._] Why you wanted to mislead the girl I can't understand.

ROPER.

d.a.m.n it, you agreed that that sulky brute Jeyes 'ud be a wet blanket!

You blow hot and cold, you do!

COOLING.

There you go! More filthy temper!

ROPER.

If ever I a.s.sist in getting up another party----! [_As he reaches the door on the left, he encounters CARLTON SMYTHE, who is entering at that moment, and puts on his humourous manner._] Hul-lo! Here we are again! All change for Oxford Circus!

SMYTHE.

[_A bulky, sleepy-looking man with grey hair, a darker moustache and beard, and a heavy, rolling gait._] Ha, Lal!

ROPER.

I'm just going to have a word with Lil Parradell.

[_He disappears and SMYTHE advances._

COOLING.

[_Approaching SMYTHE._] How are you to-night, Chief?

SMYTHE.

[_A silk hat on the back of his head, an overcoat on his arm-- regarding the preparations with disgust._] Puh! Here's a muck and a muddle!

COOLING.

Don't worry; we'll clear it away in no time. Shall I tell you who are coming?

SMYTHE.

No; I shall know soon enough. What was the house to-night?

COOLING.

[_Producing a long slip of paper and handing it to SMYTHE._] Big.

[_SMYTHE scans the paper through half-closed lids and gives a growl of contentment._] Haw! And the weather dead against us.

SMYTHE.

[_s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g up the paper, and cramming it into his waistcoat-pocket._]

There's no bad weather for a good play. [_Looking at his hands._] I'll go and have a wash and brush up. [_LUIGI returns, entering at the door on the left, and goes behind the counter. The waiters follow him, carrying some melons lying upon ice in plated dishes. They deposit the dishes upon the counter and LUIGI proceeds to cut the melon into slices. COOLING resumes, at a table on the left, the placing of the cards. As SMYTHE is moving towards the right-hand door at the back, STEWART HENEAGE and GERALD GRIMWOOD-- two exquisitely dressed youths with blank faces-- enter from the landing. SMYTHE shakes hands with them._] Ha, Mr. Heneage! Ha, Mr. Grimwood! [_HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD murmur some polite expressions._] Excuse me; I'm just going to wash my hands. [_DE CASTRO enters, also at the double-door, and SMYTHE shakes hands with him. HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD drift over to COOLING, who hails them warmly._] How do, Sam! Back in a moment; just going to wash my hands.

DE CASTRO.

[_Detaining him._] I thay, Carlton.

SMYTHE.

Eh?

DE CASTRO.

[_Lowering his voice._] I've been in front again to-night.

Magnifithent! Marvellouth!

SMYTHE.

[_Resignedly._] It'll do; I shall get a couple o' years out of it.

DE CASTRO.

There'th jutht _one_ little improvement I'd like to thee, if I may thuggetht it.

SMYTHE.