The Merry-Thought Volume Ii Part 4

_In a Bog-House at Hampstead._

There's Nothing foul that we commit, But what we write, and what we sh - - t.

_Three-Pigeons at Brentford._

Wer't not for _Whims_, Candles, and Carrots Young Fellows Things might ride in Chariots.

_Tom Long, July_ 17.

_Underwritten._

Heaven for all those Helps to Nature, Or else poor P---- could get no Quarter.

_Letter on a Window at Stony-Stratford, to Miss Mary V - - d - - le._

We shall B in better Q, When U have I, and I have U.

T. M. 1720

_From a Window in h.e.l.l, near Westminster-Hall._

Old _Orpheus_ tickled his Harp so well, That he tickled _Eurydice_ out of h.e.l.l, With a Twing come Tw.a.n.g, and a Twing come Tw.a.n.g; but, Some say _Euridice_ was a Scold Therefore the Devil of her took hold, With a Twing come Tw.a.n.g, &c.

S. S. 1714.

_Underwritten._

If my Wife had been e'er in the Devil's Hands, } You know it would loose all other Bands, } And I should been pleased with House and Lands. }

F. R. 1718.

PREFACE.

_From a Paper found in the Street at Twelve at Night, 1708. near Covent-Garden. Argument concerning a Greek Opera that was to have been set on Foot, when People liked to see and hear Operas first in Italian._

As Languages are introduced among us Christian People daily that we do not understand, by Way of _Italian_ Opera, _&c._ why may we not entertain the Publick with a little _Greek_, as natural as Pigs squeak.--

_And for _Latin_, 'tis no more dificile, Than for a Blackbird 'tis to whistle._ Hud.

I love dearly to quote my Authors.

I have been with both the Play-Houses, and one says d----n it, it won't do; and t'other says, Z----ds it will not take; then says I to myself, I'll have a _Greek_ Opera, by G - - d; and with this Resolution I set about it, and made a Specimen, and so went with it in a Chair to the Opera-House, to give it the better Grace. But that would not do neither; for one did not understand _Greek_; nor t'other did not understand _Greek_; and _Italian_ was all in Vogue: And I did not understand that; and so we could make no Bargain, and I returned Home.

Z----ds, thinks I, if I don't understand their barbarous Language, must I let them have any Thing of my ancient Language? No, Messieurs! I'll let my Opera remain in its Infancy, and you shall curse yourselves before you have it compleat; but that you shall know what Fools you have been, I'll stick a Needle through my Nose, that you may look sharp; and then you will say, why did not US take it, for in the first Scene I saw all the Audience laugh. But to the Point, _i.e._ the second Preamble or Argument,

OPERA.

Scene is the City of _Athens_, and an old Woman lives in a hollow Tree, where she sells Gin and Gingerbread to the Grenadiers; her Name is Gammer _Hocus_. Then there comes a G.o.ddess, who sells b.u.t.ter and Eggs at _Athens_ Market, upon her Uncle's bald Mare; and as the Mare is a stumbling Jade, so she falls down before _Hocus_'s Tree, and hurts her Rump, and then we begin.

_N. B._ When the G.o.ddess _Cinderaxan_ falls down before Gammer _Hocus_'s Door, or Tree, she begins in _Ricitativo_----_Greek_ Fashion.

_O! mega mar, hocus the baldmare has cantedme ontoss; * Philladram sukami, some Spirit offerme to suckon.

Dear _Hokey_ behasty, forb.u.m sufferssore by a Thumpon't; No baldmare my Gammon shall contuseagain by one moretoss._

* Fill.

_English'd_ thus for the Benefit of the Ladies, though 'tis much the same in the _Greek_.

_O my Gammer _Hocus_, the bald Mare has canted me one Toss; Fill a Dram, sick am I, some Spirit offer me to suck on.

Dear _Hokey_ be hasty, for b.u.m suffers sore by a Thump on't.

No bald Mare my Gammon shall contuse again by one more Toss._

Then out comes Gammer _Hocus_, when the G.o.ddess had called for a Dram in the second Line, and sings with an Air, seeing her G.o.ddessship as dirty as the Devil.

__Cinderaxan_'s sablehew'd Aspect,---- Fulloffun, though the Doxey can seemcoy._

And here we leave off. Is not the Devil in the People, that they will not encourage a good Thing, when they have it before them.

_Crown at Uxbridge,_ 1708.

_An Acrostick upon something or other._

Commodious for a Haven made, Under a rising Bank, Nature has fix'd a Place of Trade, To Men of any Rank.

_Underwritten._

Riddle my ree, _&c._ And read the four first Letters, and you'll see.

_R. M._

_A Man hanging for Love, drawn when Painting was in its Cradle, with his Dog barking at him, _viva voce_. From the three Pigeons at Brentford._

[Ill.u.s.tration]

The Occasion of this dangling Story, was from a Lady who hated him, and set him about it.

Go hang thyself, quoth cruel She, Go hang thyself I say.

The Man obey'd her presently, And made himself away. _Mary Worthless._

The Criticks do not make out whether he _walk'd_ off, or _went_ off, neither does the Figure determine which.

Hang me, if I will _hang_ for any Woman, For most of them alike are very common; I'd sooner trudge as I have done before, Than hang upon a d----d confounded Wh.o.r.e.