The Merry Wives of Windsor Part 47

_There is a noise of hornes, the two women run away._

_Enter sir Hugh like a Satyre, and boyes drest like Fayries, mistresse Quickly, like the Queene of Fayries: they sing a song about him, and afterward speake._

_Quic:_ You Fayries that do haunt these shady groues, Looke round about the wood if you can espie A mortall that doth haunt our sacred round: If such a one you can espy, giue him his due, And leaue not till you pinch him blacke and blew: Giue them their charge _Puck_ ere they part away.

_Sir Hu._ Come hither _{P}eane_, goe to the countrie houses, And when you finde a s.l.u.t that lies a sleepe, 25 And all her dishes foule, and roome vnswept, With youre long nailes pinch her till she crie, And sweare to mend her s.l.u.ttish huswiferie.

_Fai._ I warrant you I will perform your will.

_{H}u._ Where is _Pead?_ Go and see where Brokers sleep, 30 And Foxe-eyed Seriants with their mase, Goe laie the proctors in the street, And pinch the lowsie Seriants face: Spare none of these when they are a bed, But such whose nose lookes plew and red. 35

_Quic._ Away begon, his mind fulfill, And looke that none of you stand still.

Some do that thing, some do this, All do something, none amis.

_Hir Hu._ I smell a man of middle earth. 40

_Fal._ G.o.d blesse me from that wealch Fairie.

_Quic._ Looke euery one about this round, And if that any here be found, For his presumption in this place, Spare neither legge, arme, head, nor face. 45

_Sir Hu._ See I haue spied one by good luck, His bodie man, his head a buck.

_Fal._ G.o.d send me good fortune now, and I care not.

_Quick._ Go strait, and do as I commaund, And take a Taper in your hand, 50 And set it to his fingers endes, And if you see it him offends, And that he starteth at the flame, Then is he mortall, know his name: If with an F. it doth begin, 55 Why then be shure he is full of sin.

About it then, and know the truth, Of this same metamorphised youth.

_Sir Hugh._ Giue me the Tapers, I will try And if that he loue venery. 60

_They put the Tapers to his fingers, and he starts._

_Sir Hu._ It is right indeed, he is full of lecheries and iniquitie.

_Quic._ A little distant from him stand, And euery one take hand in hand, And compa.s.se him within a ring, First pinch him well, and after sing. 65

_Here they pinch him, and sing about him, and the Doctor comes one way and steales away a boy in red. And Slender another way he takes a boy in greene: And Fenton steales misteris Anne, being in white. And a noyse of hunting is made within; and all the {F}airies runne away. Falstaffe pulles off his bucks head, and rises vp. And enters _M._ Page, _M._ Ford, and their wiues, _M._ Shallow, sir Hugh._

_Fal._ _Horne_ the hunter quoth you: am I ghost?

Sblood the Fairies hath made a ghost of me: What hunting at this time at night?

He lay my life the mad prince of _Wales_ Is stealing his fathers Deare. How now who haue we here, what is 70 all _Windsor_ stirring? Are you there?

_Shal._ G.o.d saue you sir _Iohn Falstaffe_.

_Sir Hu._ G.o.d plesse you sir _Iohn_, G.o.d plesse you.

_Pa._ Why how now sir _Iohn_, what a pair of horns in your hand? 75

_For._ Those hornes he ment to place vpon my head, And M. _Brooke_ and he should be the men: Why how now sir _Iohn_, why are you thus amazed?

We know the Fairies man that pinched you so, Your throwing in the Thames, your beating well, 80 And what's to come sir _Iohn_, that can we tell.

_Mi. Pa._ Sir _Iohn_ tis thus, your dishonest meanes To call our credits into question, Did make vs vndertake to our best, To turn your leaud l.u.s.t to a merry Iest. 85

_Fal._ Iest, tis well, haue I liued to these yeares To be gulled now, now to be ridden?

Why then these were not _{F}airies?_

_Mis. Pa._ No sir _Iohn_ but boyes.

_Fal._ By the Lord I was twice or thrise in the mind 90 They were not, and yet the grosnesse Of the fopperie perswaded me they were.

Well, and the fine wits of the Court heare this, Thayle so whip me with their keene Iests, That thayle melt me out like tallow, 95 Drop by drop out of my grease. Boyes!

_Sir Hu._ I trust me boyes Sir _Iohn:_ and I was Also a Fairie that did helpe to pinch you.

_Fal._ I, tis well I am your May-pole, You haue the start of mee, 100 Am I ridden too with a wealch goate?

With a peece of toasted cheese?

_Sir Hu._ b.u.t.ter is better then cheese sir _Iohn_, You are all b.u.t.ter, b.u.t.ter.

_For._ There is a further matter yet sir _Iohn_, 105 There's 20. pound you borrowed of M. _Brooke_ sir _Iohn_, And it must be paid to M. _{F}ord_ sir _Iohn_.

_Mi. For._ Nay husband let that go to make amends, Forgiue that sum, and so weele all be friends.

_For._ Well here is my hand, all's forgiuen at last. 110

_Fal._ It hath cost me well, I haue beene well pinched and washed.

_Enter the Doctor._

_Mi. Pa._ Now M. Doctor, sonne I hope you are.

_Doct._ Sonne begar you be de ville voman, Begar I tinck to marry metres _An_, and begar 115 Tis a whorson garson Iack boy.

_Mis. Pa._ How a boy?

_Doct._ I begar a boy.

_Pa._ Nay be not angry wife, {I}le tell thee true, {I}t was my plot to deceiue thee so: 120 And by this time your daughter's married To M. _{S}lender_, and see where he comes.

_Enter Slender._

Now sonne _Slender_, Where's your bride?

_{S}len._ Bride, by G.o.ds lyd _I_ thinke theres neuer a man in the 125 worell hath that crosse fortune that _I_ haue: beG.o.d I could cry for verie anger.

_Page._ Why whats the matter sonne _{S}lender?_

_{S}len._ Sonne, nay by G.o.d _I_ am none of your son.

_Pa._ No, why so? 130