The Merry Wives of Windsor Part 42

_S. Hu._ By Ieshu if there be any body in the kitchin 85 Or the cuberts, or the presse, or the b.u.t.tery, _I_ am an arrant Iew: now G.o.d plesse me: You serue me well, do you not?

_Pa._ Fie M. _{F}ord_ you are too blame:

_Mis. Pa._ I faith tis not well M. _Ford_ to suspect 90 Her thus without cause.

_Doc._ No by my trot it be no vell:

_For._ Wel, I pray bear with me, M. _Page_ pardon me.

_I_ suffer for it, _I_ suffer for it:

_Sir Hu:_ You suffer for a bad conscience looke you now: 95

_{F}ord:_ Well _I_ pray no more, another time {I}le tell you all: The mean time go dine with me, pardon me wife, I am sorie; M. _{P}age_, pray goe in to dinner, Another time {I}le tell you all.

_{P}a:_ Wel let it be so, and to morrow I inuite you all 100 To my house to dinner: and in the morning weele A birding, _I_ haue an excellent Hauke for the bush.

_{F}ord:_ Let it be so: Come M. _{P}age_, come wife; I pray you come in all, y'are welcome, pray come in.

_Sir Hu:_ By so kad vdgme, M. _{F}ordes_ is 105 Not in his right wittes:

_Exit omnes:_

_Enter sir Iohn Falstaffe._ [SC. XI.]

_Fal:_ _Bardolfe_ brew me a pottle sack presently:

_Bar:_ With Egges sir?

_Fal:_ Simply of it selfe, {I}le none of these pullets sperme {I}n my drink: goe make haste.

Haue _I_ liued to be carried in a basket 5 And throwne into the Thames like a barow of Butchers offoll. Well, and I be serued such another tricke, Ile giue them leaue to take out my braines and b.u.t.ter them, and giue them to a dog for a new-yeares gift. Sblood, the rogues slided me in with as little remorse as if they had gone to drowne a blinde b.i.t.c.hes puppies in the litter: and they 10 might know by my sise I haue a kind of alacritie in sinking: and the bottom had bin as deep as h.e.l.l I should downe. I had bene drowned, but that the sh.o.r.e was sheluie and somewhat shallowe: a death that I abhorre. For you know the water swelles a man: and what a thing should I haue bene when I had bene swelled? By the Lord a 15 mountaine of money. Now is the Sacke brewed?

_Bar._ I sir, there's a woman below would speake with you.

_Fal._ Bid her come vp. Let me put some Sacke among this cold water, for my belly is as cold as if I had swallowed snow-balles for pilles. 20

_Enter Mistresse Quickly._

Now whats the newes with you?

_Quic._ I come from misteris _{F}ord_ forsooth.

_Fal._ Misteris _Ford_, I haue had Ford inough, _I_ haue bene throwne into the Ford, my belly is full Of Ford: she hath tickled mee. 25

_Quic._ O Lord sir, she is the sorrowfullest woman that her seruants mistooke, that euer liued. And sir, she would desire you of all loues you will meet her once againe, to morrow sir, betweene ten and eleuen, and she hopes to make amends for all.

_Fal._ Ten, and eleuen, saiest thou? 30

_Quic._ I forsooth.

_Fal._ Well, tell her Ile meet her. Let her but think Of mans frailtie: Let her iudge what man is, And then thinke of me. And so farwell.

_Quic._ Youle not faile sir? _Exit mistresse Quickly._ 35

_Fal._ _I_ will not faile. Commend me to her.

I wonder _I_ heare not of M. _Brooke_, _I_ like his Mony well. By the ma.s.se here he is.

_Enter Brooke._

_For._ G.o.d saue you sir.

_{F}al._ Welcome good M. _Brooke_. You come to know how matters 40 goes.

_Ford._ Thats my comming indeed sir Iohn.

_Fal._ M. _Brooke_ I will not lye to you sir, I was there at my appointed time.

_For._ And how sped you sir? 45

_Fal._ Verie ilfauouredly sir.

_For._ Why sir, did she change her determination?

_Fal._ No M. _Brooke_, but you shall heare. After we had kissed and imbraced, and as it were euen amid the prologue of our incounter, who should come, but the iealous knaue her husband, and a 50 rabble of his companions at his heeles, thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper. And what to do thinke you? to search for his wiues loue. Euen so, plainly so.

_For._ While ye were there?

_Fal._ Whilst I was there. 55

_For._ And did he search and could not finde you?

_Fal._ You shall heare sir, as G.o.d would haue it, A litle before comes me one _Pages_ wife, Giues her intelligence of her husbands Approach: and by her inuention, and _Fords_ wiues 60 Distraction, conueyd me into a buck-basket.

_Ford._ A buck basket!

_Fal._ By the Lord a buck-basket, rammed me in With foule shirts, stokins, greasie napkins, That M. _Brooke_, there was a compound of the most 65 Villanous smel, that euer offended nostrill.

Ile tell you M. _Brooke_, by the Lord for your sake I suffered three egregious deaths: First to be Crammed like a good bilbo, in the circomference Of a pack, Hilt to point, heele to head: and then to 70 Be stewed in my owne grease like a Dutch dish: A man of my kidney; by the Lord it was maruell I Escaped suffication; and in the heat of all this, To be throwne into Thames like a horshoo hot: Maister _Brooke_, thinke of that hissing heate, Maister _Brooke_. 75

_Ford._ Well sir then my shute is void?

Youle vndertake it no more?

_Fal._ M. _Brooke_, {I}le be throwne into Etna As _I_ haue bene in the Thames, Ere I thus leaue her: _I_ haue receiued 80 Another appointment of meeting, Betweene ten and eleuen is the houre.

_{F}ord:_ Why sir, tis almost ten alreadie:

_{F}al:_ Is it? why then will _I_ addresse my selfe For my appointment: M. _Brooke_, come to me soone 85 At night, and you shall know how _I_ speed, And the end shall be, you shall enjoy her loue: You shall cuckold Foord: come to mee soone at at night. _Exit Falstaffe._

_{F}or._ {I}s this a dreame? {I}s it a vision?

Maister _{F}ord_, maister _{F}ord_, awake maister _{F}ord_, 90 There is a hole made in your best coat M. _Ford_, And a man shall not onely endure this wrong, But shall stand vnder the taunt of names, _Lucifer_ is a good name, _Barbason_ good: good Diuels names: but cuckold, wittold, G.o.deso 95 The diuel himselfe hath not such a name: And they may hang hats here, and napkins here Vpon my homes: well {I}le home, _I_ ferit him, And vnlesse the diuel himselfe should aide him.