The Merry Wives of Windsor Part 21

_Fal._ Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?

_Quick._ Eight and nine, sir.

_Fal._ Well, be gone: I will not miss her.

_Quick._ Peace be with you, sir. [_Exit._ 50

_Fal._ I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word to stay within: I like his money well. --O, here he comes.

_Enter FORD._

_Ford._ Bless you, sir!

_Fal._ Now, Master Brook,--you come to know what 55 hath pa.s.sed between me and Ford's wife?

_Ford._ That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.

_Fal._ Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her house the hour she appointed me.

_Ford._ And sped you, sir? 60

_Fal._ Very ill-favouredly, Master Brook.

_Ford._ How so, sir? Did she change her determination?

_Fal._ No, Master Brook; but the peaking Cornuto her husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after 65 we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love. 70

_Ford._ What, while you were there?

_Fal._ While I was there.

_Ford._ And did he search for you, and could not find you?

_Fal._ You shall hear. As good luck would have it, 75 comes in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's approach; and, in her invention and Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket.

_Ford._ A buck-basket!

_Fal._ By the Lord, a buck-basket!--rammed me in with 80 foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.

_Ford._ And how long lay you there?

_Fal._ Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have 85 suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave their master in the door, 90 who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have searched it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But mark the sequel, Master 95 Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths; first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell-wether; next, to be compa.s.sed, like a good bilbo, in the circ.u.mference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; and then, to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, with 100 stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease: think of that,--a man of my kidney,--think of that,--that am as subject to heat as b.u.t.ter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed 105 in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that,--hissing hot,--think of that, Master Brook.

_Ford._ In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffered all this. My suit, then, is desperate; 110 you'll undertake her no more?

_Fal._ Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have received from her another emba.s.sy of meeting; 'twixt eight and 115 nine is the hour, Master Brook.

_Ford._ 'Tis past eight already, sir.

_Fal._ Is it? I will then address me to my appointment.

Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be 120 crowned with your enjoying her. Adieu. You shall have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford.

[_Exit._

_Ford._ Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake! awake, Master Ford! there's a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford. This 'tis to 125 be married! this 'tis to have linen and buck-baskets!

Well, I will proclaim myself what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that guides 130 him should aid him, I will search impossible places.

Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame: if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me,--I'll be horn-mad.

[_Exit._

NOTES: III, 5

SCENE V.] SCENE XV. Pope.

5: _in_] _into_ Rowe.

9: _blind b.i.t.c.h's_] _b.i.t.c.h's blind_ Hanmer.

16: _mummy_] _mummy. Now, is the sack brewed?_ Theobald (from Q1 Q2).

22: SCENE XVI. Pope.

24: _pottle_] _posset_ R. G. White.

60: _sped you_] _you sped_ Rowe.

62: _How so, sir_] F1 Q3 F2. _How Sir_ F3 F4.

65: _me_] om. F4.

77: _in_] by (Q1 Q2) Theobald.

_distraction_] _direction_ Hanmer.

80: _By the Lord_] (Q1 Q2) Malone. _yes_ F1 Q3. _yea_ F2 F3 F4.

83: _smell_] _smells_ Hanmer.

96: _several_] _egregious_ (Q1 Q2) Pope.

106: _in_] _is_ F2.

107: _surge_] _forge_ Capell conj.

110: _have suffered_] _suffered_ F4.

130: _nor_] _not_ Q3.

134: _one_] _me_ Dyce.

[Exit.] Rowe. [Exeunt. Ff Q3.

ACT IV.

SCENE I. _A street._

_Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS QUICKLY, and WILLIAM._

_Mrs Page._ Is he at Master Ford's already, think'st thou?

_Quick._ Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but, truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly. 5

_Mrs Page._ I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look, where his master comes; 'tis a playing-day, I see.

_Enter SIR HUGH EVANS._