The Merry Wives of Windsor Part 17

_Mrs Ford._ Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know turtles from jays. 35

_Enter FALSTAFF._

_Fal._ 'Have I caught' thee, 'my heavenly jewel?' Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

_Mrs Ford._ O sweet Sir John!

_Fal._ Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, 40 Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the best lord; I would make thee my lady.

_Mrs Ford._ I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady! 45

_Fal._ Let the court of France show me such another. I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance.

_Mrs Ford._ A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become 50 nothing else; nor that well neither.

_Fal._ By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe 55 were not, Nature thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.

_Mrs Ford._ Believe me, there's no such thing in me.

_Fal._ What made me love thee? let that persuade thee there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a many of these 60 lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it.

_Mrs Ford._ Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page. 65

_Fal._ Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln.

_Mrs Ford._ Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it. 70

_Fal._ Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind.

_Rob._ [_Within_] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's Mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and 75 looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.

_Fal._ She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.

_Mrs Ford._ Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman. [_Falstaff hides himself._ 80

_Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN._

What's the matter? how now!

_Mrs Page._ O Mistress Ford, what have you done?

You're shamed, you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!

_Mrs Ford._ What's the matter, good Mistress Page?

_Mrs Page._ O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an 85 honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

_Mrs Ford._ What cause of suspicion?

_Mrs Page._ What cause of suspicion! Out upon you!

how am I mistook in you! 90

_Mrs Ford._ Why, alas, what's the matter?

_Mrs Page._ Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that he says is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence: you are undone. 95

_Mrs Ford._ 'Tis not so, I hope.

_Mrs Page._ Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one.

I come before to tell you. If you know yourself clear, 100 why, I am glad of it; but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

_Mrs Ford._ What shall I do? There is a gentleman 105 my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house.

_Mrs Page._ For shame! never stand 'you had rather'

and 'you had rather:' your husband's here at hand; bethink 110 you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: or,--it is whiting-time,--send him by your two 115 men to Datchet-mead.

_Mrs Ford._ He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?

_Fal._ [_Coming forward_] Let me see't, let me see't, O, let me see't!--I'll in, I'll in. --Follow your friend's 120 counsel. --I'll in.

_Mrs Page._ What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?

_Fal._ I love thee. --Help me away. --Let me creep in here. --I'll never-- 125

[_Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen._

_Mrs Page._ Help to cover your master, boy. --Call your men, Mistress Ford. --You dissembling knight!

_Mrs Ford._ What, John! Robert! John! [_Exit Robin._

_Re-enter _Servants_._

Go take up these clothes here quickly. --Where's the cowl-staff?

look, how you drumble!--Carry them to the laundress 130 in Datchet-mead; quickly, come.

_Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Ford._ Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest; I deserve it. --How now! whither bear you this?

_Serv._ To the laundress, forsooth. 135

_Mrs Ford._ Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing.

_Ford._ Buck!--I would I could wash myself of the buck!--Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall appear.

[_Exeunt Servants with the basket._] 140

Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. [_Locking the door._] So, now uncape. 145