The Magnificent Montez Part 30

"We learn with sorrow," said an eye-witness, "that on Thursday last the lady introduced, if not American, certainly not English, manners into one of our most venerable cathedrals. When, accompanied by a masculine escort, she entered the sacred edifice, the gentleman (?) demurred to removing his hat. While in dispute on this point of etiquette, Madam's pet dog attempted to join her. On being informed by the s.e.xton that such canine companionship was inadmissible, her anger was aroused and she withdrew in considerable dudgeon."

The provincial tour was an extensive one; and, during it, she encountered a certain amount of compet.i.tion. Thus, at Bristol she was sandwiched in between Barnum and a quarterly meeting of the Bible Society. None the less, "the fair Lola had a very cordial reception from a number of respectable citizens." But she was to have a set-back in one town that must have held many memories of her girlhood. This was Bath, where she appeared in the a.s.sembly Rooms. The att.i.tude of the press was distinctly inimical. "We must say," was one acid comment, "that a greater _sell_ we have not met with for a very long time. All the audience got for their money were some remarks of the most commonplace and twaddling description. They lasted about an hour, and even this was an hour too much." Still, Brighton, where the tour finished, more than made up for Bath; and she was so successful there that "the Pavilion was crammed to the doors, and additional lectures had to be given." Thus, all was well that ended well.

A provincial triumph was worth having. Lola, however, had set her heart on conquering London. With this end in view, accordingly, she despatched an emissary ahead to make the preliminary arrangements.

Offers of theatres were showered upon her. One was from that remarkable figure, Edward Tyrell Smith. She would probably have done well under his management, for n.o.body understood showmanship better than this British Barnum. In this direction he had nothing to learn from anybody. Beginning his career as a sailor, he had soon tired of a life on the ocean wave, and, abandoning the prospect of becoming another Nelson, had joined the police force as a humble constable. But he did not remain one long; and became in turn a Fleet Street publican, the proprietor of a Haymarket night-house, an auctioneer, a picture dealer, a bill discounter (with a side line in usury), and the editor of a Sunday organ. Next, the theatre attracted his energies; and in 1852 he secured a lease of Drury Lane at the moderate rental of 70 a week. On Boxing-night he offered his first programme there. This consisted of _Uncle Tom's Cabin_ (with "fierce bloodhounds complete"), followed by a full length pantomime and a "roaring farce." Value for money in those palmy days. But, as an entrepreneur, Mr. Smith was always ahead of his period. Thus, he abolished the customary charge for booking; and, instead of increasing them, he lowered his prices when he had a success; and it is also to his credit that he introduced matinees.

Such a manager deserved to go far. This one did go far. Having discovered his niche, the pushful Smith soon had his fingers in several other pies. Thus, from Drury Lane he went to the Alhambra, and from the Alhambra to Astley's, with intervening spells at the Lyceum and the Elephant and Castle. He also took in his stride Her Majesty's and Cremorne. All was fish that he swept into his net. Some, of course, were minnows, but others were Tritons. Charles Mathews and the two Keans, together with Giuglini and t.i.tiens, served under his banner, as did also acrobats, conjurers, and pugilists. He "ran"

opera, circuses, gambling h.e.l.ls, and "moral waxworks" simultaneously; and, these fields of endeavour not being enough for him, he added to them by standing for Parliament (opposing Samuel Whitbread) and editing the _Sunday Times_. Always a man of resource, when he was conducting a tavern he put his barmaids into "bloomers." This daring stroke had its reward; and, by swelling the consumption of beer, perceptibly increased his bank balance. Hence, it is not perhaps unnatural that such widely spread activities should have inspired a lyrical apostrophe:

Awake, my Muse, with fervour and with pith, To sing the praise of Lessee Edward Smith!

Yet, shrewd as he was, Mr. Smith was himself once bitten. During his money-lending interval, he happened to discount (at what he considered a "business" rate) some bills for 600 out of which Prince Louis Napoleon, then sheltering in London, had been swindled by some card-sharpers at the notorious Judge and Jury Club. The next morning, the victim, coming to his senses, went to the police, and the police went to the sharpers. As a result, the members of the gang were arrested and the bills were cancelled. Feeling that he had a genuine grievance, since he was out of pocket by the transaction, the acceptor waited until a turn of Fortune's wheel had established Louis Napoleon at the Tuileries. He then wrote to him for permission to open some pleasure gardens in Paris on the lines of those he had conducted at Cremorne. The desired permission, however, was withheld.

"No grat.i.tude," said the disappointed applicant.

IV

Tempting as were the prospects he offered, Lola, after some discussion, felt that she could do better, from a financial point of view, without the help of Mr. E. T. Smith. Accordingly, making her own arrangements, she hired the St. James's Hall, where, on April 7, 1859, she delivered the first of a series of four lectures.

Although a considerable interval had elapsed since she was last in London, the public had not forgotten the dramatic circ.u.mstances under which she had then appeared at Marlborough Street police court. This fact, combined with the lure of her subject, "Beautiful Women," was sufficient to cram every portion of the building with an interested and expectant audience. They came from all parts. Clapham and Highgate were no less anxious for guidance than Kensington and Belgravia. If an entertainment-tax had been levied at that period the revenue would have benefited substantially. "The appearance on the platform of the fair lecturer," said one account, "was responsible for the most extensive display of opera gla.s.ses that has been seen in London since the Empress Eugenie visited the Opera."

By an unfortunate coincidence, the St. James's Hall _premiere_ clashed with another attraction elsewhere. This was the confirmation that evening of the dusky King of Bonny by the Bishop of London. Still, a considerable number managed to attend both items; and, of the two, the lecture proved the greater draw.

Striking a note of warning at the outset, Lola began by telling her hearers that, "It is the penalty of Nature that young girls must fade and become as wizened as their grandmothers." But she had a message of hope to offer, for, she said, "wrinkles can be warded off and autumn tresses made to preserve their pristine freshness." The cure was merely careful dieting and the "abolition of injurious cosmetics and the health-destroying bodice." Taking the measure of her audience, she laid on flattery with a trowel. "You have," she a.s.sured them, "only to look into the ranks of the upper cla.s.ses to see around you the most beautiful women in Europe; and where this is concerned, I must give the preference to the n.o.bility of England." Among the examples held up for admiration by her were the d.u.c.h.ess of Sutherland--"the paragon and type of Britain's aristocracy"--and "the very voluptuous Lady Blessington." Approval for the d.u.c.h.ess of Wellington, however, was less p.r.o.nounced, since, while admitting her physical charms, Lola declared her to be "of little intellect, and as cold as a piece of sculpture."

Claiming to have visited Turkey (but omitting to say when), Lola offered an item unrecorded in the archives of the British Emba.s.sy there:

"In Turkey I saw very few beautiful women. The lords of creation in that part of the world treat the opposite s.e.x as you would geese--stuff them to make them fat. Through the politeness of Sir Stratford Canning, English Amba.s.sador at Constantinople, I was kindly permitted to visit the Sultan's harem as often as I pleased and there look upon the 'lights of the world.' These 'lights of the world' consisted of five hundred bodies of unwieldy avoirdupois. The ladies of the harem gazed upon my leanness with commiserating wonder."

The lecture finished up on a high note:

"It has been my privilege to see some of the most celebrated beauties that shine in the gilded courts of fashion throughout the world--from St. James's to St. Petersburg, from Paris to India--and yet I am unaware of any quality that can atone for the absence of an unpolished mind and an unlovely heart. A charming activity of soul is the real source of woman's beauty. It is that which gives the sweetest expression to her face and lights up her _personnel_."

In the matter of publicity Lola had nothing of which to complain; and the next morning descriptive columns were published by the dozen.

The debut of Madame Lola Montez (announced the _Star_), in the presence of a large and fashionable gathering, was a decided success. Every portion of the s.p.a.cious and elegant building was completely filled. Madame presented herself in that black velvet costume which seems to be the only alternative to white muslin for ladies who aspire to be considered historic. Not Marie Stuart herself could have become it better than Lola Montez. Her face, air, att.i.tude, and elocution are thoroughly and bewilderingly feminine.

Perhaps her smartest and happiest remark was the one in which, with a pretty affectation, she says, "If I were a gentleman, I should like an American young lady to flirt with, but a typical English girl for a wife." This dictum was received with much applause.

One can well believe it.

An anonymous leader, but which, from its florid touches, was evidently penned by George Augustus Sala, dwelt on Lola's personality:

Some disappointment may have been caused by the appearance of the fair lecturer. A Semiramis, a Zen.o.bia, a Cleopatra, in marvellous robes of gold and silver tissue, might have been looked for; but, in reality, the rostrum was occupied by a very handsome lady, with a very charming voice and a very winning smile.... Madame Lola Montez lectures very well and very naturally. Some will go to hear the accomplished elocutionist; others will be envious to see the wife of Captain James and silly Mr. Heald; the friend of Dujarier and Beauvalon; the _cara sposa_ of King Ludwig. Phryne went to the bath as Venus--and Madame Lola Montez lectures at St.

James's Hall.

Taking a professional interest in everything connected, however remotely, with the drama (and having more time in which to do it) the _Era_ offered its readers a considered opinion at greater length:

If any amongst the full and fashionable auditory that attended her first appearance fancied (with a lively recollection of certain scandalous chronicles in the newspapers touching upon her antecedents) that they were about to behold a formidable-looking woman, of Amazonian audacity and palpably strong-wristed as well as strong-minded, their disappointment must have been grievous; greater if they antic.i.p.ated the legendary bulldog at her side, and the traditionary pistols in her girdle, and the horse-whip in her hand. The Lola Montez who made a graceful and impressive obeisance to those who gave her on Thursday night so cordial and encouraging a reception appeared simply as a good-looking lady in the bloom of womanhood, attired in a plain black dress, with easy unrestrained manners....

The lecture might have been a newspaper article, the first chapter of a book of travels, or the speech of a long-winded American Amba.s.sador at a Mansion House dinner. All was exceedingly decorous and diplomatic, slightly gilded here and there with those commonplace laudations that stir a British public into the utterance of patriotic plaudits. A more inoffensive entertainment could hardly be imagined; and when the six sections into which the lady had divided her discourse, were exhausted, and her final bow elicited a renewal of the applause that had accompanied her entrance, the impression on the departing visitors must have been that of having spent an hour in company with a well-informed lady who had gone to America, had seen much to admire there, and, coming back, had had over the tea-table the talk of the evening to herself. Whatever the future disquisitions of the Countess of Landsfeld may be, there is little doubt that many will go to hear them for the sake of the peculiar celebrity of the lecturer.

To this, the _Era_ reporter navely added: "Her foreign accent might belong to any language from Irish to Bavarian."

Lola did not have the field entirely to herself. While she was telling the St. James's Hall public how to improve their appearance at very small cost, a rival pract.i.tioner, with a _salon_ in Bond Street, was, in the advertis.e.m.e.nt columns of the morning papers, announcing her readiness to furnish the necessary requisites at a very high figure.

This was a "Madame Rachel," some of whose dupes parted with as much as five hundred guineas, on the understanding that she would make them "Beautiful for ever!"

Like Lola Montez, "Madame Rachel" brought out a puff pamphlet, directing attention to her specifics. This production beat the effort of the Rev. Chauncey Burr, for it bristled with references, to the Bible and Shakespeare, to Grace Darling and Florence Nightingale.

Among her nostrums was a bottle of "Jordan Water," which she sold at the modest figure of 15 15s. a flask. Chemical a.n.a.lysis, however, revealed it to have come, not from Palestine, but from the River Thames. She also supplied, on extortionate terms, various drugs and "medical treatment" of a description upon which the Law frowns heavily. As a result, "Madame Rachel" left Bond Street for the dock of the Old Bailey, where she was sent to penal servitude for swindling.

In the lecture on "Wits and Women of Paris," Lola did not forget her old friends. She had a good word for Dumas:

"Of the literary lights during my residence in Paris, Alexandre Dumas was the first, as he would be in any city anywhere. He was not only the boon companion of princes, but he was the prince of boon companions. He is now about fifty-five years old, a tall, fine-looking man, with intellect stamped on his brow. Of all the men I ever met he is the most brilliant in conversation. He is always sought for at convivial suppers, and is always sure to attend them."

Discretion, perhaps, prevented her saying anything about Dujarier and the tragedy of his death. Still, she had something to say about Roger de Beauvoir, whom she declared to be "one of the three men that kept Paris alive when I was there." Her recollection of Jules Janin rankled. "He was," she said, "a malicious and caustic critic.

Everybody feared him, and everybody was civil to him through fear. I do not know anyone (even his wife) who loves him in Paris." But Eugene Sue was in another category. "He was an honest, sincere, truth-loving man; and it will be long before Paris can fill the place which his death has made vacant."

In the "Heroines of History" lecture the audience were told that "All history is full of startling examples of female heroism, proving that woman's heart is made of as stout a stuff and of as brave a metal as that which beats within the ribs of the coa.r.s.er s.e.x." But, feminist as she was, Lola had no sympathy with any suggestion to grant them the franchise. "Women who get together in conventions for the purpose of ousting men will never," she declared, "accomplish anything. They can effect legislation only by quiet and judicious counsel. These convention women are very poor politicians."

The last lectures in the series dealt with "Comic Aspects of Love,"

and "Strong-minded Women." Among the typical specimens offered for consideration were such diverse personalities as Semiramis, Queen Elizabeth, the Countess of Derby, George Sand, and Mrs. Bloomer. In the discourse on "The Comic Aspects of Love" the range swept from Aristotle and Plato to Mahomet and the Mormons. If the B.B.C. had been in existence, Lola would undoubtedly have been booked for a "talk." As it was, two of the lectures were reprinted in _The Welcome Guest_, "a magazine of recreative reading for all," with Robert Browning, Charles Kingsley and Monckton Milnes among its contributors. Thinking they had a market, an enterprising publisher rushed out a volume, _The Lectures of Lola Montez_. When a copy reached the editor, it was reviewed in characteristically elephantine fashion by the _Athenaeum_:

"We can imagine the untravelled dames of Fifth Avenue listening with wonder to a female lecturer who seems to have lived hand in glove with all the crowned heads of Europe; and who can tell them, not only Who's-Who, but also repeat their conversations, criticise their personal appearances, and describe the secret arts by which the men preserve their powers and the women their beauty."

CHAPTER XVII

THE CURTAIN FALLS

I

At the end of the year 1859, Lola, once more a bird of pa.s.sage, was on the way back to America, taking with her some fresh material for another lecture campaign. This, ent.i.tled "John Bull at Home," fell very flat; and instead of, as. .h.i.therto, addressing crowded halls, she now found scanty gatherings wherever she was booked. Even when the charge of admission was reduced from the original figure of a dollar to one of 25 cents, "business" did not improve. Uncle Sam made it obvious that he took no sort of interest in John Bull, either at home or elsewhere.

America, however, was, as it happened, taking a very lively interest in something else just then that did happen to be connected with John Bull's country. This was the visit of the Prince of Wales. It had been announced by an imaginative journalist that H.R.H. was to be "piloted"

during his tour by John Camel Heenan, otherwise the "Benicia Boy." It was, however, under the more rigid tutelage of General Bruce that the distinguished guest landed on American sh.o.r.es. Mere prose not being adequate to record the historic incident a laureate set to work:

He came! A slender youth and fair!

A courtly, gentlemanly grace--the Grace of G.o.d!

The tenure of his mother's Throne, and great men's fame Sat like a sparkling jewel on his brow.

Ah, Albert Edward! When you homeward sail Take back with you, and treasure in your soul A wholesome lesson which you here may learn!

While he was in New York a ball in honour of the Prince was given at the Opera House by the "Committee of Welcome." This inspired a second laureate, Edmund Clarence Stedman:

But as ALBERT EDWARD, young and fair, Stood on the canopied dais-chair, And looked from the circle crowding there To the length and breadth of the outer scene, Perhaps he thought of his mother, the QUEEN: (Long may her empery be serene!

Long may the Heir of England prove Loyal and tender; may he pay No less allegiance to her love Than to the sceptre of her sway!)

The visit of the Prince of Wales was not the only attraction challenging the popularity of Lola Montez at this period. There was another rival, and one in more direct compet.i.tion with herself. This was Sam Cowell, a music-hall "star" from England. A comedian of genuine talent, he took America by storm with a couple of ballads, "The Rat-Catcher's Daughter" and "Villikins and his Dinah." The public flocked to hear him in their thousands. Lola's lectures fell very flat. Even fresh material and reduced prices failed to serve as a lure. The position was becoming serious.