The Lost Years Part 15

"I am seriously going to punch you in the face."

"Okay, I'm just kidding, chill out."

"I need to tell Michael, we have to gather a search party to go out and look for her."

"But her letter said not to come looking for her," Haim pointed out casually.

"Her letter said a lot of stuff and I think I deserve a few answers. Michael will know where we should start," Uri stated.

"What will I know?" Michael asked, approaching the two.

"Thank G.o.d. It's Seraphine," Uri began.

"Who?" Michael asked furrowing his brow.

"The one who saved me after Rampart," Uri answered, annoyed his mentor was unaware of the woman who had recently captured his attention.

"Oh, yes, of course. What about her?" Michael inquired.

"She's missing," Uri exclaimed.

Michael's expression quickly turned to one of concern. "How long has she been missing?"

"I don't know, a day maybe."

"Did anyone see what happened?" Michael probed.

"Well, no-" Uri started.

"She left a note," Haim interjected.

"Wait a second, what? So, she left of her own accord?"

"Yes, but something must be wrong. Her letter was cryptic and none of it makes sense. I know she wouldn't just leave like that," Uri argued.

"We leave her alone, Uri, is that understood? If the girl chose to leave, it was her choice to make and we don't pursue her," Michael commanded, turning to walk away.

"Like with Gabe?" Uri snapped.

Michael slowly turned back, glaring at the young man he had nurtured for so many years, now standing tall and challenging him. Puffing out his chest and moving in close to his face, Michael sternly replied, "Yes, exactly like Gabe. We do not make the choice for other people. They can either be a part of what we are here or not."

"Well, I don't accept that," Uri replied, not shifting his stare.

"I don't care whether you accept it or not, it's simply how it is. A war has begun, Uri, and we do not have the time or the man power to seek out people who do not want to be here. The same goes for you. You're either on board with us or you can leave."

Uri suddenly shifted from anger and frustration to a look of hurt. Michael could see his words had wounded him.

"We need you, son, but this fight's going to go on even if you're not here. I know it's hard to let people go. I miss Gabe more than any of you could possibly realize, and now I have to bury poor Raimie. I don't want to lose anyone else, but this is how things are. Can we count on you?" Michael asked, extending his hand.

Uri looked to Haim, who offered a shrug, unsure if anything he could say would help the situation. Looking back to Michael, Uri answered, "I'll fight for the Guardians, but I will never stop looking for her."

"You do what you need to," Michael said before once again turning and walking away.

"What are you going to do?" Haim asked once their leader was out of ear shot.

"It looks like right now there's not much I can do. I'll find her though, one day."

"I'm sorry, man," Haim added, seeing the unfamiliar pain on his friend's face.

"Don't be. I'm not giving up on Sera; I know I'll find her again," Uri added confidently.

Sophie ran her fingers across the array of beauty products on the desk. After Michael had found out about what happened with Raimie, he had a room set up with some belongings he thought would bring Dina comfort. Dina was not one to apply a lot of make up to her face, but she did like to have all of the essentials that a beauty queen would require at her disposal, just in case. She had once confided in Sophie that her mother was in a Miss America pageant when she was little. One of the things she remembered about her was how much she enjoyed looking beautiful. Sophie always a.s.sumed that the overly frilly atmosphere she immersed herself in was a way to stay close to her mother.

"You need to eat something," Sophie insisted, pushing the tray of food closer to Dina.

Dina didn't answer; she simply rolled over in her bed, turning her back on her friend.

"Come on, I'm serious, you can't keep going on like this. I know you're hurting, sweetheart, but you have to eat."

"I'm not hungry," Dina moaned in a soft voice.

"Well, that's impossible; you've barely eaten anything in days. You have to be hungry."

Dina remained quiet, curling tighter into the fetal position. Standing and walking around to the other side of the bed, Sophie was determined that she would snap her friend out of this spiraling, self-destructive decent she was currently in. Taking a seat directly in front of Dina, Sophie reached forward and placed a hand on her arm to keep her from turning away so easily.

"We all loved him, Dina."

"Just don't, please."

"I'm serious. Do you think you're the only one hurting right now? Raimie's death has left a huge hole in all of our lives. Uri's a wreck."

"Uri? Yeah, you all lost so much," Dina scoffed.

"That's not fair," Sophie defended her words. "All I was trying to say is that you're not the only one hurting right now. It would make all of us feel a lot better if we at least knew you were taking care of yourself," Sophie explained.

"Let me tell you exactly what I'm going through. Raimie wasn't just some boyfriend. We were together for years and we were going to get married one day. No one understood me like he did. Everyone sees pink and fluffy, but he knew my shadows. In the entire world, only he saw me for who I really was and he loved me for it."

"I get it. He loved you and you loved him. I love Gabe, but sometimes we have to let go of the things we love because it's what's best."

"Gabe? Did you turn Gabe into a horrible monster and then have to shove a blade through his skull?"

"No-I mean, I know it's not exactly the same, but-"

"You're right, it's not the same! I loved him so much I was willing to die to save him and instead I had to shove a blade through his skull. When I talk about him it feels like there's a steel knife in my windpipe. I can't breathe."

"You did what you had to do, Dina," Sophie tried to alleviate her friend's raging guilt, but to no avail.

"Jesus, you don't get it, do you? Had he tried to eat me instead of going after Seraphine I would have let him. I only killed him because I couldn't let someone else die from what I had created. I wish he would have attacked me."

"Don't say that!"

"Why not? I probably would have liked the way it hurt. I would have welcomed death by his hands. To know my life was ending so I could be with my beloved again. You wouldn't understand."

"You have to quit talking like that, Dina. You're scaring me."

"That's not my problem."

"I'm just trying to help," Sophie pleaded.

"Well, stop it, just stop! I desecrated the body of the man I love; I created a monster that murdered someone. It doesn't matter what you say, Neru's death will always be my fault. Did you know I found out she had a little brother?"

"No, I didn't."

"Everyone's talking about what I did. When I told him I was sorry for what had happened to his sister, he p.i.s.sed his pants. The crazy b.i.t.c.h that used dark magic and got his sister killed scares the h.e.l.l out of the kid, and I don't blame him," Dina laughed; it was the only reaction she had left.

"I'm-" Sophie tried to think of something comforting to say, but she had nothing to offer.

"I got his sister killed and now, apparently, I haunt the poor kid. This is so much more than you could ever understand, Sophie. My selfishness lost me a piece of my soul and I won't ever get that back. If all of those things weren't enough, I had to kill the only man I will ever love. So pardon me if I don't want to bounce back so the rest of you can feel better."

Sophie said nothing, there was nothing she could day. Dina sat up, twisting in the bed, shoving the tray of food and sending it flying across the room. "Now, get out!"

"Dina-" Sophie began, her voice laced with heartbreaking pity and sympathy.

"I said get out! Now!" Dina screamed, her face turning a bright red.

Sophie fled from her friend's sight, pulling the door closed behind her. She cried, heaving for breath as she ran down the corridor, not making eye contact with anyone she pa.s.sed. She rushed up the familiar small stairwell, finding a refuge in her small room of secrecy.

Her thoughts were flooded with Dina and Raimie. She closed her eyes, remembering what they looked like when they were together. They were happy. Always laughing and joking with each other. The more Sophie thought about things, the more she realized that when they were apart, it was almost like they had been in off mode. They would simply move through their lives, get through the day until they were reunited. But when they were together, they would both light up, their eyes would sparkle, and they made the people around them warm. Sophie wondered if their group would ever have warmth again.

It didn't take long for her thoughts to shift to Gabe. Was he that for her? Would she never find happiness after him? Sophie's heart began to race. Perhaps she would turn out just like Dina, alone and miserable in her bed, never wanting to eat or look at anyone else's face ever again. When you lose someone that is like oxygen to you, how do you continue to breathe? Sophie knew what had to be done. She would go and tell Gabe that she had her memories back and that she wanted him to come back to Iron Gate with her.

Sophie already knew where he was, she didn't even need the locater spell. She would slip in, find him, and in an instant she would have complete and total happiness again. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and was gone, whisked away to the tiny town Gabe was currently finding refuge in. Sophie stood behind the home of the blacksmith. Quickly realizing she was still holding her breath, she began panting.

Over her own heaving, she heard laughter pouring from the small building. Pushing her body against the hut, she made her way to the opened window. Being careful to hide herself, she peered in. On the bed across the room sat Gabe and the girl she had heard them refer to as Clarite. Gabe was leaning back, feet elevated, quite comfortable with the company he held.

"I can imagine how Kryn sounded when he asked him," Gabe said, laughing.

"I know, right?" Clarite began, shifting her voice in a deep mimicking tone, "I don't think so. I'm not taking in some street hood; you need to find that pest somewhere else to live."

Gabe clutched his side he was laughing so hard. "Exactly! Oh, my G.o.d, you have him dead on."

"It's not hard, he acts like such a grouch, but he's just a big old softy. He'd kill me if I told you, but did you know he keeps his mom's jewelry box under his bed?"

"What?" Gabe exclaimed, a shocked look on his face.

"I'm serious! He was a complete momma's boy, so after she died he kept her jewelry box. Sometimes, at night, I can hear him listening to it play music and he's crying."

"Wait, it's musical?" Gabe laughed.

"Oh yeah, it has a dancing ballerina that twirls around in it, too," Clarite said, leaning into Gabe as she giggled through the story.

"Wait, you have to stop," Gabe bellowed. "I can't take anymore, it's too much."

The girl collapsed onto Gabe. They lay there together, laughing hysterically, Clarite propped on his arm.

Sophie watched him; there was no pain in his eyes, no suffering. There was no ache in him for something lost like there was for her. She thought about Dina and the misery she was in, then about Uri and how he was handling the disappearance of Seraphine. Flashes of the battle at Rampart clouded her mind. The Guardians were about to embark into a war. There would be no safety for any of them.

As Sophie sat there thinking, she realized she couldn't do it. She couldn't take him away from this. He was already finding some piece of normalcy. She cared too much for Gabe to rip him away from this and bring him back into the den of misery. She knew she loved him, at least enough to let him go and have a chance at a life. She could now see that letting Raimie go, ending his suffering the way Dina had, was the hardest thing she could have ever done. Now, it was her turn.

Time pa.s.sed for the Guardians. The seasons turned, one into the next. Dina finally began to consume food, though very little, when she did find the strength to eat. The guilt of Neru's death weighed on her so heavily that the only way she found peace was to devote her life to a cause. The spell she had cast on Raimie had in fact taken its toll on Dina in many ways. She was weakened physically, now unable to fight in hand to hand combat like she once had. Instead, she devoted herself to curing the sick and to teaching others how to create the spells they would need to fight. It didn't take long before she was the professor of potions.

She loved her friends, and as time began to heal her wounds, she was able to be close to them again. Though she was able to mend those relationships, she never allowed herself to become close to many others. In the late hours of the night she would lie in her bed, talking to the ceiling, wondering if Raimie might be able to hear her wherever he was. The fear that she had somehow d.a.m.ned both of their souls by using dark magic always lurked in the back of her mind, though.

Uri never stopped searching for Seraphine. He withdrew into the world of warfare, his closest companion being Haim, whom he trusted implicitly. The loss of Raimie was almost unbearable for him, but the search for Sera gave him something to hold onto. The distance between him and his mentor grew, and Michael doubted their relationship would ever be as it once had been.

The others tried to move on, to find a new normal, though it wasn't easy for any of them. Some told themselves the lies they needed to hear in order to find the peace they needed. Years strung together, and many managed to accept their choices, their circ.u.mstances, but some could not.

Battles were intense and many were lost. Humans began disappearing with great frequency, but there was nothing the Guardians could do to stop the attacks. One fall afternoon, Uri was called upon in great secrecy. Behind closed doors he listened as his leader offered a mission filled with danger; a mission that had once been meant for his long lost friend, Gabe.

Without hesitation, he accepted, thrilled to be taken away from all the people playing make believe around him. Over the years, Uri began to see things in a new light. As a boy, everything had been tinted with rose colored gla.s.ses, but as a man, things were different. He came to realize that love was not something easily found, and a happily ever after was next to impossible.

Everyone around him continued smiling, laughing, and praising how blessed they were. He couldn't see it; everything seemed so pointless to him. The things he did now for the cause were out of a sense of duty, almost all hope had been removed from the equation for him. Almost, because Uri still held on to the dream that maybe one day, somewhere along the way, he might be fortunate enough to find Sera.

"Uri, wait," Sophie called out, chasing her friend who was nearly sprinting to increase the distance between them. "Please, stop!"

Halting suddenly, he turned, waiting for the panting girl to approach. "What is it?"

"Are you p.i.s.sed at me?" she asked with a confused look on her face.

"Why would I be p.i.s.sed?"

"You haven't said two words to me since we announced the engagement." Sophie had wanted to express her frustration for days now. Taking a moment, she absorbed the liberation of actually saying the words and then braced herself for his reaction.

Uri deeply wanted to unload all of the contempt he had for the situation on her. She was a perfect example of the absurd way people were behaving around Iron Gate. In the years after they relocated, a lot of time was spent trying to re-home the refugees. Over time, many of the guardians from Rampart became permanent residents of Iron Gate. For Uri, living there would never make it home. But Sophie had embraced the change, forgotten about the life she had and created a new one.

He couldn't explain why it made him so angry, but it did. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know, maybe congratulations?" Sophie suggested, furrowing her brow.

"You're kidding, right?"

"What is your problem? Why can't you just be happy for me?"

Happy? Uri thought. He'd had enough of hiding his feelings, "You can't honestly be telling me this is what you want."

"Why would I say yes if I didn't want to marry him?"

"Sophie! We both know Peter's just a distraction for you."