The Lost Manuscript Part 42

"Misery!" cried Laura; "if they thought as I do, they were proud of the death of their loved ones, and like them wore garlands in their sorrow.

What is the purpose of our life if we cannot rejoice in giving ourselves up for higher things?"

"For higher things?" asked Ilse. "What men value higher than wife and child, is that higher for us also? Our duty is to devote our whole hearts to them, our children, and our home. When, therefore, they are taken from us, our whole lives are desolated and nothing remains but endless sorrow. It is natural for us to view their vocation differently than they do themselves."

"I would like to be a man," cried Laura. "Are we then so weak in mind and spirit, that we must have less enthusiasm, less feeling of honor, and less love for our Fatherland than they? It is a fearful thought to be one's whole life long only the waiting-maid of a master who is no stronger or better than oneself, and who wears overshoes, that his feet may not get wet, and a woollen m.u.f.fler the moment a breath of cold air blows."

"They do wear these things here in the town," replied Ilse, laughing.

"Yes, nearly all of them do," said Laura, evasively; "but believe me, Frau Ilse, these men have no right to expect us to devote our whole heart and lives to them. It is just the most thorough of them that do not give us their full heart. And how should they? We are good enough to entertain them, and darn their stockings, and perhaps become their confidants, if they should accidentally be at a loss what to do; but the best of them look beyond us to the great All, and in that is their special life. What is right for them should also be fitting for us."

"And have we not enough in what they give us of their life?" asked Ilse. "If it is only a portion it makes us happy."

"Is it happiness never to experience the highest of emotions?"

exclaimed Laura. "Can we die like Leonidas?"

Ilse pointed to the door of her husband's room. "My h.e.l.las sits there within and works, and my heart beats when I hear his step, or only the scratching of his pen. To live or die for the man one loves is also an elevating idea, and makes one happy. Ah, happy only if one knows that one is a source of happiness to him also!"

Laura threw herself at the feet of her friend, and looked entreatingly into her anxious face. "I have made you serious with my prattling, and that was wrong of me; for I would gladly conjure a smile to your lips every hour, and always see a friendly light in those soft eyes. But do bear with me; I am a strange, unaccountable girl, and often discontented with myself and others, and frequently without knowing why. But Xerxes was a good for nothing fellow, to that I stick; and if I had him here I could box his ears every day."

"At all events he received his due," replied Ilse.

Laura started suddenly. "Was that a proper retribution for the wretch who had destroyed or made miserable hundreds of thousands, to return home without a scratch? No punishment would be severe enough for such a wicked king. But I know right well how he became so; his mother and father spoiled him; he had always lived at home, had grown up in luxury and all men were subject to him. And so he treated all with contempt.

It would be the same with others if they were in the same position. I can well imagine myself such a monster, and many of my acquaintances too."

"My husband?" asked Ilse.

"No, he is more like Cyrus or Cambyses," replied Laura.

Ilse laughed. "That is not true. But how would it be with the Doctor over there?"

Laura raised her hand threateningly towards the neighboring house. "He would be Xerxes, just as he is in the book, if one could think of him without spectacles, in a golden dressing-gown, with a sceptre in his hand, without his good heart (for Fritz Hahn undoubtedly has that); somewhat less clever than he is, and still more spoilt, as a man also who has written no book, and learnt nothing but to treat others badly; he would then be Xerxes out and out. I see him sitting before me on a throne, by a brook, striking the water with a whip because it made his boots wet. He might have become a very dangerous fellow if he had not been born here close to the city park."

"I think so too," replied Ilse. In the evening, in the course of her hour of study. Ilse said to her husband: "When Leonidas died with his heroes, he saved his countrymen from the rule of foreign barbarians; but after him many thousands of these glorious men fell in the civil wars of the cities. In these quarrels the people became deteriorated, and before long other strangers came and deprived their descendants of their freedom. For what end did these many thousands die?--of what use was all the hatred, and enthusiasm, and party zeal?--it was all in vain, it was all a token of decay. Man is here like a grain of sand that is trodden down into the earth. I find myself facing a terrible mystery and I am afraid of life."

"I will endeavour to give you a solution," replied her husband, seriously; "but the words which I am now about to speak to you are like the key to the chambers of the wicked Bluebeard: do not open every room too hastily, for in some of them you will discover what, in your present frame of mind, may raise anew your fears."

"I am your wife," cried Ilse, "and if you have any answer for the questions which torment me I demand it of you."

"My answer is no secret to you," said the Professor. "You are not only what you consider yourself--a human being born to joy and sorrow, united to individuals by nature, love, and faith--but you are bound body and soul to an earthly power, of which you think but little, but which, nevertheless, guides you from the first breath you drew to the last gasp of life. When I tell you that you are a child of your people, and a child of the human race, the expression will come so naturally to you that you will not a.s.sign any deep meaning to it. Yet this is your highest earthly relation. We are too much accustomed from childhood on to cherish in our hearts only the individuals to whom we are bound by nature or choice, and we seldom stop to think that our nation is the ancestor from whom our parents are descended, that has produced our language, laws, manners, that has given us all we possess, given us everything that const.i.tutes our life, and almost all that determines our fortunes, and elevates our hearts. Yet not our nation alone has accomplished this; the peoples of the earth stand to one another as brothers and sisters, and one nation helps to decide the life and fate of others. All have lived, suffered, and worked together, in order that you may live, enjoy, and do your part in life."

Ilse smiled. "The bad king Cambyses, and his Persian also?"

"They also," replied the Professor; "for the great net of which your life is one of the meshes, is woven from an infinite number of threads, and if one had been lost the web would be imperfect. Take first a simple ill.u.s.tration. You are indebted to the people of a period, of which every record is now wanting, for the table by which you sit, the needle which you hold in your hand, and the rings on your fingers and in your ears; the shuttle was invented by an unknown people in order that your dress might be woven, and a similar palm-leaf pattern to that which you wear, was devised in the manufactory of a Ph[oe]nician."

"Good," said Ilse; "that pleases me; it is a charming thought that antiquity has provided so considerately for my comfort."

"Not that alone," continued the scholar. "What you know, and believe also, and much that occupies your heart, has been delivered to you through your nation from its own and foreign sources. Every word that you speak has been transmitted and remodelled through hundreds of generations, to receive thereby that sound and significance which you now so easily command. It was for this object that our ancestors came into the country from Asia, and that Arminius struggled with the Romans for the preservation of our language, that you might be able to give Gabriel an order which both could understand. It was for you the poets lived, who, in the youth of the h.e.l.lenic people, invented the powerful rhythm of the epic verse, which it gives me such pleasure to hear from your lips. Furthermore, that you may believe, as you do, it was necessary that three hundred years ago there should take place in your Fatherland a great and mighty struggle of opinion; and again, more than a thousand years earlier, a mighty conflict of the soul in a small people of Asia; and again, fifty generations earlier still, venerated commandments given under the tents of a wandering people. You have to thank a past which begins with the first life of man on earth for most that you have and are, and in this sense the whole human race has lived in order that you might be able to live."

Ilse looked excitedly at her husband. "The thought is elevating," she exclaimed, "and is calculated to make man proud. But how does that agree with this same man being a nonent.i.ty, and crushed like a worm in the great events of history?"

"As you are the child of your nation, and of the human race, so has every individual been in every age; and as he has to thank that greater human fabric, of which he is a portion, for his life and nearly all its content, so is his fortune linked to the greater fortune of his nation and to the destiny of mankind. Your people and your race have given you much, and they require as much from you. They have preserved your body and formed your mind, and they demand in return your body and mind.

However lightly and freely you move about as an individual, you are answerable to these creditors for the use of your freedom. Whether, as mild masters, they allow you to pa.s.s your life in peace, or at some period demand it of you, your duty is the same; whilst you think that you live and die for yourself, you live and die for them. Contemplated in this way, the individual life is immeasurably small compared with the great whole. To us, the individual man who has pa.s.sed away can only be discerned in so far as he has influenced others; it is only in connection with those who preceded him, and those who come after him, that he is of importance. But in this sense great and little are both of value. For every one of us who brings up his children, or governs the State, or in any way increases the welfare, comfort, and culture of his race, performs a duty towards his people. Countless numbers do this without any personal record of them remaining; they are like drops of water, which, closely united with others, run on as one great stream, not distinguishable by later eyes. But they have not on that account lived in vain; and, as countless insignificant individuals are preservers of culture, and workers for the duration of national strength, so the highest of powers in individuals--the greatest heroes and the n.o.blest reformers--only represent in their lives a small portion of that national strength. Whilst man struggles for himself and his own ends, he unconsciously influences his own time, and his own people for all futurity. By enn.o.bling the ideals and duties of future generations, he pays his own debt to life. You see, my beloved, how death vanishes from history in such a conception. The result of life becomes more important than life itself; beyond the man is the nation--beyond the nation is mankind; every human being that has moved upon earth has lived, not only for himself, but for all others, and for us also; thus our life has been benefited by him. As the Greeks grew up in n.o.ble freedom and pa.s.sed away, and as their thoughts and labors have benefited later generations of men, so our life, though it moves in a small circle, will not be useless to future generations."

"Ah!" cried Ilse, "that is a view of earthly life which is only possible to those who do great things, and in whom later times will take an interest; my blood runs cold at the thought. Are men, then, only like flowers and weeds, and a nation like a great meadow, and what remains, when they are mowed down by time, only useful hay, for later generations? Surely all that once existed and all existing at present have lived also for themselves, and for those whom they have loved, for wife and children and friends, and they were something more than ciphers among millions; something more than leaves on an enormous tree.

Though their existence is so insignificant and useless that you can perceive no trace of their work, yet the life and the soul of the beggar and the life and the soul of my poor invalid in the village are guarded by a power which is greater than your great net that is woven of the souls of men."

She arose and gazed anxiously into her husband's face. "Bow your human pride before a power that you do not understand."

The scholar looked at his wife with deep solicitude. "I do bow humbly before the thought that the great unity of human beings on this earth is not the highest power of life. The only difference between you and me is, that my mind is accustomed to hold intercourse With the higher powers of earth. They are to me revelations so holy and worthy of reverence, that I best love to seek the Eternal and Incomprehensible by this path. You are accustomed to find the inscrutable in the conceptions which have been impressed on your mind through pious traditions; and I again repeat what I before said, your faith and yearnings arise from the same source as mine, and we seek the same light, though in different ways. What the G.o.ds, and also the Angels and Archangels were to the faith of earlier generations--higher powers which, as messengers of the Highest, hovered about and influenced the lives of men--the great intellectual unity of nations and mankind are in another sense to us, personalities which endure and yet pa.s.s away, though according to different laws from what individual men do. My endeavour to understand these laws is one form of my piety. You yourself will gradually learn to appreciate the modest and elevating conceptions of the holy sphere in which I live. You also will gradually discover that your faith and mine are about the same."

"No," cried Ilse, "I see only one thing, a great gulf which divides my thoughts from yours. Oh, deliver me from the anguish which tortures me in my concern for your soul."

"I cannot do it, nor can it be done in a day. It can only be done by our own lives, by thousands of impressions and by thousands of days, in which you will become accustomed to look upon the world as I do."

He drew his wife, who was standing as if transfixed, nearer to him.

"Think of the text: 'In my father's house are many mansions.' He who so spoke knew that man and wife are one through the strongest of earthly feelings, which bears all and suffers all."

"But what can I be to you to whom the individual is so little?" asked Ilse, faintly.

"The highest and dearest being on earth, the flower of my nation, a child of my race in whom I love and honour what was before and will survive us."

Ilse stood alone among the strange books; without, the wind howled round the walls, the clouds flitted across the face of the moon; soon the room became dark, and then was lighted up by a pale glimmer. In the flickering light the walls seemed to spread and rise to an immeasurable height; strange figures rose from among the books, they glided by the walls, and were suspended from the ceiling, an army of grey shadows, which by day were banished to the bookshelves, now came trooping towards her, and the dead who continued to live as spirits on earth stretched out their arms to her and demanded her soul for themselves.

Ilse, with head erect, raised her hands on high, and called to her aid the beautiful images, which from her childhood had surrounded her life with blessing, white figures with shining countenances. She bent her head and prayed: "O guard the peace of my soul."

When Ilse entered her room she found a letter from her father on her table; she opened it hastily, and, after reading the first lines, sank down sobbing.

Her father had informed her of the death of an old friend. The good pastor had been borne away from the narrow valley to the place of rest, which he had chosen in the churchyard, near his wife. He had never recovered from the disquiet which the departure of Ilse had caused him; he had pa.s.sed the winter in lingering illness, and one warm spring evening death came upon him while sitting before his peach-tree in the garden. There the faithful servant found him, and ran with the terrible news to the manor. A few hours before he had requested Clara to write to his dear child in the city, that all was well with him.

Ilse had often been anxious about the life of her friend during the winter, so the account was not a surprise to her. Yet now she felt his loss as a terrible misfortune; it was a life which had been firmly and faithfully devoted to her; she well knew that in later years she had become almost exclusively the object of his thoughts and fond affections. She had abandoned one who had been part of her life, impelled by a stronger feeling, and it now appeared as if she had done wrong in parting from him. She saw the staff broken which had bound her firmly to the feelings of her childhood. It seemed as if the ground tottered beneath her, as if all had become insecure, the heart of her husband, and her own future.

The Professor found her dissolved in tears and bending over the letter; her grief moved him, and he anxiously begged her to think of herself.

He spoke to her tenderly, and at last she raised her eyes to him and promised to be composed.

But it was in vain. After a few hours he was obliged to carry her to bed.

It was a dangerous illness. There were days in which she lay unconscious in death-like weakness. When, at times, she opened her weary eyes, she looked into the careworn countenance of her husband, and saw Laura's curly head tenderly bending over her; then all would vanish again in vague insensibility.

It was a long struggle between life and death, but life was victorious.

Her first impression, when she awoke as from a painless slumber, was the rustling of a black dress, and the large curl of Mrs. Struvelius, who had popped her head through the closed curtains, and was gazing sorrowfully on her with her great grey eyes. She gently called her husband by name, and the next moment he was kneeling by her bed, covering her hand with kisses; and the strong man had so completely lost all self-control that he wept convulsively. She laid her hand on his head, stroked the matted hair, and said to him, gently: "Felix, my love, I will live."

There followed now a time of great weakness and slow convalescence; she had many an hour of helpless depression, but withal a faint smile would play at times over her thin, pale lips.

Spring had come. The buds had not all been destroyed by the frost of the previous night, and the birds twittered before her windows. Ilse was deeply moved to see what a good nurse her husband was,--how adroitly he gave her medicine and food, and would scarcely suffer anyone to take his place by her bedside; he stubbornly refused to take a few hours' sleep in the night, till she herself begged him to do so, and then he could not resist. She learned from Laura that he had been in great distress of mind, and when she was at the worst had been quite distracted and moody, and angry with every one. He had sat day and night by her bedside, so that it was wonderful how he had been able to endure it. "The physician was unable to manage him," said Laura; "but I found the right way, for I threatened him seriously that I would complain to you of his obstinacy. Then he consented to my taking his place for a few hours, and at last Mrs. Struvelius also, but unwillingly, because he maintained that her dress rustled too much."

Laura herself showed how devoted was her love; she was always on the spot, hovering noiselessly about the sick-bed like a bird; she would sit motionless for hours, and when Ilse opened her eyes, and her strength was a little restored, she had always something pleasant to tell her. She informed her that Mrs. Struvelius had come on the second day, and, after making a little speech to the Professor, in which she solemnly claimed the right of a friend, she seated herself on the other side of the bed. He, however, had not listened to what she said, and had suddenly started and asked who she was, and what she wanted there.

She had answered him quietly that she was Flaminia Struvelius, and that her heart gave her a right to be there; thereupon she repeated her argument, and at last he gave in. "Her husband, too, has been here,"

added Laura, cautiously. "Just when you were at the worst, he rushed up to your husband, who shook hands with him, but, between ourselves, I do not think he knew him. Then," related Laura, "that absurd fellow, the Doctor, came the very first evening, with a blanket and a tin coffee-machine, and declared he would watch also. As he could not be allowed in the sick-room, he placed himself with his tin apparatus in the Professor's room; the Professor took care of you, and the Doctor took care of the Professor." Ilse drew Laura's head down to her, and whispered in her ear, "and sister Laura took care of the Doctor." Upon this Laura kissed her, but shook her head vehemently. "He was not troublesome, at any rate," she continued; "he kept very quiet, and he was useful as a Cerberus to keep away the visitors and dismiss the many inquirers. This he did faithfully. If it were possible for you to see him, I believe it would give him great pleasure."