The Lost Fleet - Courageous Part 8

After a short interval, he heard a dry voice. "Congratulations on another victory."

Geary's eyes shot open. Victoria Rione stood in the entry. As she saw him gaze at her, she stepped inside, the hatch sealing in her wake, and came to sit across from Geary. Unlike Desjani, Rione leaned back, almost casual, but in the manner of a cat who could spring at any moment. "What's the occasion?" Geary asked.

"I told you. I came to congratulate you."

"Like h.e.l.l." Geary gestured angrily. "You've spent weeks avoiding me. Why'd you decide to finally show up here again?"

Rione looked away. "I have my reasons. We lost a ship from the Callas Republic in that battle you just fought."

"I know. Glacis. I'm sorry. We lost about half of her crew but were able to rescue the rest. The survivors were distributed among other ships from the Callas Republic."

"Thank you." Rione's jaw clenched. "I should have seen to that myself. It's my responsibility."

"No, it's mine, as fleet commander, but I would have welcomed your a.s.sistance in the matter. And, to put it bluntly, Madam Co-President, the ships of the Callas Republic are wondering why you haven't been in closer contact with them."

"I have my reasons," Rione repeated after a long moment of silence.

"You could share them," Geary suggested. "Didn't you once advise me to talk about my problems?"

"Did I? Have you been lonely?" she added abruptly.

"I missed you, yes."

"I'm not the only woman on this ship, Captain Geary."

"You're the only one I can touch," Geary replied sharply. "You know that. Everyone else in this fleet works for me."

She gazed at him, her feelings hidden as usual. "You had no one else to talk to?"

"A few times. Captain Duellos. Captain Desjani."

"Oh?" It was still impossible to tell what Rione was feeling. "Captain Desjani? Did you discuss various ways to slaughter Syndics?"

That almost sounded like Rione's old, acerbic teasing. Geary weighed his response, then decided to be open about it. "Mostly just operational things, yes. But we did talk about Kosatka once. I told her I'd like to visit there when we get back."

Rione raised one eyebrow.

"Why not? It's a nice place. Maybe I couldn't stay there, but I'd like to see it again."

"It's changed, Captain Geary."

"That's what Desjani said." Geary shrugged. "Maybe I want to see how it's changed, to help me absorb the fact that a century has pa.s.sed since I last was there."

"You'd scarcely be allowed to wander around, you know." Rione twisted her mouth. "Black Jack would be mobbed."

"Yeah. Desjani offered to show me around. She could help me avoid the crowds, maybe. Her parents are still alive. They'd help us keep a low profile, I think."

Victoria Rione stayed silent again for a moment, her face unmoving. "So," she finally observed, "Tanya Desjani has invited you home to meet her parents."

It hadn't even occurred to him that Desjani's offer could be read that way. "What's the matter? Are you jealous?"

This time both of Rione's eyebrows arched upward. "Hardly."

"Good. Because the last thing I want is anyone thinking I'm interested in her or vice versa." Had Rione heard the baseless rumors about him and Desjani that Duellos had referred to? How could she not have heard them with her spies keeping track of events inside the fleet?

This time Rione smiled slightly. "Oh, surely not, John Geary. Think of the advantages of having a woman who believes you were sent by the living stars to save us all. Many men pray for a woman who would worship them. You've got one ready and waiting."

Geary stood up, anger stirring. "I don't find that funny at all. Tanya Desjani is a fine officer. I don't want anyone thinking she would engage in unprofessional behavior. My enemies in this fleet are already trying to stir up trouble and undermine me by alleging that Desjani and I have an unprofessional relationship. I don't want any more rumors that we're involved with each other. I won't do that to her."

Rione's smile vanished, and she looked down for a moment. When she raised her head again, her face was composed. "I'm sorry. You're right."

"Well, d.a.m.n," Geary couldn't help saying, "I've got a woman who just admitted I was right. A lot of men pray for that, too."

"Just because I'm being a b.i.t.c.h doesn't mean you have to be a b.a.s.t.a.r.d."

It was Geary's turn to look away and nod. "That's true."

"Besides," Rione continued, "I'm much better at it than you are." She sagged back in her seat, her expression a mix of weariness and unhappiness.

Geary leaned forward. "What the h.e.l.l's going on, Victoria? I can tell something is bothering you, and I don't think it's me. I've been trying to imagine why you'd neglect your duties to the Alliance and the Callas Republic and, quite frankly, I'm baffled." She sat silent, her expression revealing nothing. "Is it me? You haven't touched me since Ilion. We never made any promises, but I honestly don't understand what happened to change things."

Rione shrugged, her face averted. "I'm a b.i.t.c.h. You knew that. It was only physical, anyway."

"No, it wasn't." Rione didn't look up, so Geary continued. "I said it before, and I'll say it now. I like talking with you. I like being around you."

"I notice you're not denying that I'm a b.i.t.c.h."

"And you're trying to change the subject." He caught her frown. "Is this related to why you and Captain Desjani are at sword's point whenever you're together?"

She laughed mockingly. "Such an observant man. If Desjani and I were two formations of Syndic warships you'd have figured out what we were doing a long time ago."

Geary refused to rise to the bait. "I respect you both. I like you both, though in different ways. I also respect the way both of you think. That's why it worries the h.e.l.l out of me that I don't know why you two seem to hate each other since Ilion."

Rione looked away for some time before answering. "Captain Tanya Desjani is afraid that I will hurt the man she idolizes."

"Dammit, Victoria-"

"I'm not joking, John Geary." She sighed heavily and finally looked back at him. "Use your head!" Rione demanded harshly. "What did we pick up at Sancere?"

"A lot of things."

"Including an outdated but large listing of Alliance prisoners of war." To Geary's shock, Rione seemed to be trembling slightly as she spoke. "You know the Syndics stopped sharing lists of prisoners with us long ago. You know many of the names on that list were presumed dead. You should have realized that some of the names on that list would be people that were thought to be certainly dead!" She almost shouted the last.

He finally got it. "Your husband. His name was on the list?"

Her fists were clenched, and she was visibly shaking. "Yes."

"But you said you knew he was dead."

"Those who escaped from the ship said he had died!" she yelled, though Geary somehow knew Rione wasn't yelling at him. She calmed herself, taking long, slow breaths. "But the list we captured gives his name and ident.i.ty number. It says he was badly injured but alive when captured."

Geary waited a moment, but she said nothing more. "That's all?"

"That's all, John Geary. I know the Syndics captured him alive. I know he was seriously hurt. I don't know if he lived for even another day. I don't know if he survived whatever medical treatment the Syndics offered. I don't know if he was sent to a labor camp. I don't know if he died after that." She paused. "I don't know."

Victoria Rione, normally so in control, was radiating pain. Geary moved over and held her close, feeling the tremors inside her. "I'm sorry. d.a.m.n, I'm sorry."

Her voice was slightly m.u.f.fled now. "I don't know if he's alive. I don't know if he's dead. If he somehow survived, if he's in a labor camp somewhere, the chances that I'd ever learn of it, the chances that I'd ever see him again, are so tiny as to be zero. Yet he could be alive. My husband, the man I still love."

And, Geary realized, she had learned this within weeks of coming into his bed for the first time. The ugly irony of it left him wondering why the living stars had done such a thing to Rione. "Okay. You don't have to say any more."

"Yes, I do. After ten years of staying true to his memory, I gave myself to you, and then learned he might still live." Rione pushed Geary away and stared off to the side. "Fate had its joke, didn't it? I thought I had done the right thing, John Geary. I thought I had honored my dead husband and done as he would have wished. Now I find I may have dishonored him. Myself as well, but mostly him."

"No." His reply came out without thinking. Geary paused to order his words. "You've dishonored no one. Tell me the truth. If he showed up at a labor camp in the next star system we visit, would you go with him or stay with me?"

"Go with him," she answered without hesitating. "I'm sorry, John Geary, but that is the truth, and it will not change. I've told you where my heart would forever lie." Rione breathed deeply again, trying to control her emotions. "Desjani knows that, too. She found my husband's name on the list and came to tell me out of a sense of duty. Your Captain Desjani is very dedicated in her sense of duty. She was also hurt for me, though I didn't give her enough credit for that at the time, and shocked when I revealed that I already had seen the same thing and not told you." Rione locked eyes with Geary. "She didn't think I should keep it from you. She didn't want you hurt when you found out."

There wasn't any reason to doubt Rione. It sounded just like what Desjani would do. "And when you refused to tell mea"

"She wouldn't divulge my secret. Not the n.o.ble, honorable Captain Desjani." Rione grimaced and shook her head. "She doesn't deserve to be spoken of by me that way. She was just trying to protect you. Tanya Desjani has honor. If anyone deserves you, she does."

"What?" The conversation had shifted too suddenly. "Deserves me? She's one of my subordinates. She's never given the slightest sign of-"

"Nor will she," Rione interrupted. "As I said, she has honor. Even if she was willing to compromise her own honor, she'd never compromise yours. I, on the other hand, am a politician. I use people. I used you."

"You gave me no promises," Geary repeated. "d.a.m.n, Victoria, am I supposed to feel abused here? When you're the one who's been torn apart?"

"You were enticed into publicly sharing your bed with a woman whose husband might still live!" Rione yelled, losing control again. "I have stained your honor and left openings for your enemies to exploit! Why can't you get angry about that?"

"Who else knows about this?" Geary asked, startled.

"Ia" Rione flung one hand out angrily. "You, me, and the n.o.ble Captain Desjani. For certain. Others may have found the same information and be waiting to employ it when it will harm you the most. You have to a.s.sume that's the case. You have to a.s.sume your honor will be questioned sooner or later because of me."

"I seem to recall you once telling me that you could look out for your own honor. I can do the same."

"Can you?" Rione took a long, deep breath. "If I'm supposed to be your example, you're not very convincing. Why are you trying to defend me?"

"Because any man worth anything wouldn't fault you for an honest mistake-"

"Any man? Will you speak for my husband now, John Geary?" Rione glared at him. "What would I tell him? What should I tell my ancestors? I haven't spoken with them since I learned of this. How can I?"

Geary looked silently back at her for a moment. "Do you want me to speak honestly?"

"Oh, why not? One of us should be honest," Rione answered bitterly.

"Then I'll tell you a few things." Geary kept his voice firm, speaking as if giving commands on the bridge. "First, my honor isn't stained. Neither is your honor. A stain requires knowingly doing a dishonorable thing."

"That is not-"

"I don't care how people see things now! A hundred years ago people understood that! Aren't your lives hard enough after a century of war? Do you need to make them even harder by holding yourselves to impossible standards?" Rione stared at him. "I don't have the right to tell you how to feel, but I'm telling you that's how I feel. Secondly," Geary continued, "you're not helping anyone by flaying yourself this way. Yes, in a perfect, ideal universe you could be held to some impossible standard of loyalty. Not here."

She shook her head. "That's unlikely to bring comfort to my husband or to my ancestors."

"What would you have wanted to happen if the situation were reversed?" Geary demanded. "If you'd been badly hurt, taken for dead, and perhaps forever separated from your husband? What would you have wanted?"

Rione spent a long time with her eyes lowered, saying nothing. Finally, she raised her gaze again and spoke calmly. "I would want him to be happy."

"Even if that meant finding someone else if he thought you were dead?"

"Yes."

"And if he then learned you could still be alive but still possibly forever lost to him? Would you want him to blame himself?"

"Do not use my husband against me, John Geary," Rione spat. "You don't have the right."

He sat back and nodded, trying to stay calm. "That's so. Why not talk to your ancestors? Maybe they'll give you some sign of how they feel."

"Such as the word adulteress appearing on my forehead?" Rione asked, still angry.

"Since you already think it's there, why not?" Geary shot back. "But maybe they won't condemn you. They're your ancestors, Victoria. They were human, too. They lived imperfect lives. That's why we talk to them, because they can remember and understand and maybe, just maybe, they can show us some wisdom that we've not yet learned."

She shook her head, looking away again. "I can't."

"Even the most dishonorable can talk to their ancestors! No one can take that from you!"

"That's not what I mean." Rione stared stubbornly toward the opposite bulkhead.

He studied her profile, the set of her jaw, and slowly began to understand. "You're afraid to talk to them? Afraid of how they might react?"

"Does that surprise you, John Geary? Of course I'm afraid. I've done many things I'm not particularly proud of, but I've never done anything that I thought would shame my ancestors."

He considered that for a while. "You don't have to face them alone. There are-"

"I will not share my shame with another!"

"You've already shared it with Desjani and now me!" Geary yelled back.

"And that is where it will end," Rione muttered, her face grim and stubborn.

"I could-"

"No!" Rione visibly tried to calm herself again. "That would have been my husband's role. I won't have you beside me when I face my ancestors."

That left only one option. "How about Desjani? Could you ask her to accompany you?"

Rione stared at him, plainly shocked.

"She already knows."