The London-Bawd: With Her Character And Life Part 2

A Certain Citizen in _London_, in the late times had a very fine Woman to his Wife; and had but her Vertue been equal to her Wit and Beauty, she might have deserved the first rank among Women: But l.u.s.t had so great an Ascendant in her, that her Husband was unable to Satisfie her over strong desires to the Delights of _Venus_: And therefore having Communicated her Thoughts to an Old Bawd that kept a House of Private Entertainment for the Accommodation of Persons of Quality of both s.e.xes, she told her that for a Guinea in hand to her, and two Guinea's for the drawing of her Picture, she might be enter'd into her Accedamy; whereby (says the Bawd) you may both receive the Satisfaction you want, and gain Money likewise; for the first Charge is all you will be put to, which will be but three Guinea's, and Ten Shillings to the Attendants, who by the Services they will do you, will very well deserve it: Then she enquir'd of the Bawd what the Custom of the House were, and how she must manage herself in that Affair? And then she cou'd the better tell her whether she cou'd order Matters so as to comport therewith.

To this, the Bawd return'd this Answer:

_I have as genteel a House as most in _London_, with several Chambers very well furnish'd for accomodation of Gentlemen and Ladies: and a Looking-gla.s.s in each Chamber so conveniently plac'd, that those who have a mind to't, may see what they do: For some take as much delight in seeing as in doing: My House goes under the Notion of being Let out in Lodgings, and every Gentlewoman than is enter'd, has her Picture drawn, which hangs up in the Dining Room; where when Gentlemen come, they chuse which Person they please by the Picture; and for a Guinea paid to me, they are admitted to her, with whom they make what Bargain they can agree upon. And by this means we are sure that none but Persons of Quality can be admitted: and the Ladies Honours are thereby secur'd._

But for ought I perceive (said the Citizen's Wife) here is constant Attendance requir'd, to be in the way; or else how shall a Gentleman do, that chooses the Picture of a Person that en't there? As to that replied the Bawd, the more any Gentlewoman is there, so much the better 'tis; and so much the more Money they get; but those that can't attend always, have their certain hours; and if a Gentleman has a Fancy to such a one, when he knows her hour, he will come accordingly.--Now you your self can best judge what hour will be fittest for you--That I am at a Loss how to resolve, says she.--Tell me how you spend your time, all Day, says the Bawd and then I'll tell you what you shall do--Why, says she, many times I rise at five a Clock in the Morning, and having got my self drest by Six a Clock, I go to the Lecture at St. _Antholines_, which is done a little before Eight, and then I return home; and at Ten--Hold, says the Bawd, you need say no more; There's nothing in the World blinds a Man like a pretence of Devotion; and therefore if you can get out at Six a Clock to go to the Lecture, 'tis the only time you can take; and by that time the Lecture's done, you may be at home again: Nor need you stand much upon Dressing; for if you come in a Loose Morning-Gown, you're the fitter for Business. She lik'd the Bawd's contrivance very well, and accordingly paid her Entrance Money, and Deposited two Guinea's for the Drawing of her Picture. And in the mean time went constantly to the Lecture every Morning: Which her Husband was very well pleas'd at. But her being of late more constant at the Lecture than she us'd to be, caus'd some suspicion in her Husband, who rising one morning (which happened to be the Day before her Picture was ready,) he follow'd her unseen, to know whither she went to the Lecture or no; and she going directly thither, and staying there all the time; her Husband had a mighty Opinion of the Devotion and Piety of his Spouse: And began to blame himself for having entertain'd an ill thought of her.

All things being now ready at the Old Bawds, and her Picture done to the Life, so great was her Beauty, that she wanted no Customers, each Person that came generally made Choice of her to do the Trick with; Whereby she not only satisfied her l.u.s.tful Desires, but was supplied with Money likewise, without robing of her Husband of his Coin, tho' she wrong'd him more nearly another way: Which he not knowing, nor believing, thought himself as happy in her, as any Man in _London_ was in a Wife: So true is that Proverb, Than _What the Eye sees not, the Heart rues not_.

But there were other Citizens Wives that were as full of Leachery as this, tho' not so handsome: And they found Trading very sensibly Decay, since this Fair Sinner was enter'd into the Colledge. And she by her Beauty having Monopoliz'd the Topping Customers to herself, was look'd upon with an Envious Eye by all the rest, Who consulting together, found it was absolutely necessary to give her a remove, but how to do it, was the Question: At last one of 'em told the rest it shou'd be her Province; and she wou'd do it effectually, so she as shou'd never know who hurt her: Upon which, without asking her the means, they left the matter intirely to her.

The Jilt, to whom the Business was left was very Witty, but had but just Beauty enough to keep her from being Ugly, and consequently one that suffer'd most by this new _Interloper_; which rendered her so Malicious, that she had rather the whole House shou'd be blown up, than that Upstart shoul'd run away with all the Trading: And therefore she Writes the following Letter to her Husband.

To Mr. _R----d S----n_, _These:_

SIR,

_Tho' I never was ambitious of the Honnour of being an Informer, yet the Sense I have of the Wrongs you suffer from a Wife that abuses your good Nature, and under a Pretence of Devotion prost.i.tutes her Chast.i.ty, to every libidinous Stallion, thereby breaking her Marriage Vow, and Dishonouring the Marriage-Bed; has prevail'd with me to let you know so much. And tho'

an Information of this kind may perhaps hardly be believed; Yet if you will but give your self the Trouble of following her _Incognito_ any Morning, you may easily satisfy your self, whether the Account I have given you be true or no: And the better to enable you to detect her in her Lewd Practices, when you have seen her Hous'd a little while, you may go in after her; altho' without a Particular Recommendation, you will hardly be admitted; and therefore if you please to ask for the Gentlewoman of the House, and tell her you was directed thither by _Tom Stanhop_, to take a Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room, she will straight let you see 'em; and after that, you may proceed as you please; and can no longer doubt of the Truth of what I say, if you will but believe your own Eyes. And if you find it so, I am sure you will be satisfied that I have performed the Office of,_

Your unknown Friend,

_A.B._

This Letter she sent by a special Messenger, with order to deliver it only into his own hand, which was done accordingly. But, when he had read it, he was so extreamly surpriz'd at such an unexpected piece of Intelligence, that he new not what to think of it: Sometimes he was of opinion that it was only an Artifice of some that envy'd his Happiness in so Vertuous a Wife, to sow Dissention between 'em; but when he was reffer'd to so easie a Trial, he cou'd not but think there was something more in it then so: Upon which he resolv'd to suspend his Judgment till he had made a farther Trial.

And therefore that afternoon, pretends to have Receive'd a Letter obliging him to meet a Gentleman the next Morning between Four and Five a Clock at _Westminster_ to treat with him about a parcel of Goods which he was to go and see, and should not be back again till nine a Clock. And in the mean time get's him a very Beauish Suit, Wig, and Hat, and plants 'em at a Friends House; ready to put on in the Morning when he came thither. The next Morning rises very early, pursuant to his Design; and having gone to his Friends House, and accouter'd himself in his new Habilments, which had so disguis'd him, that even his Friend had much ado to perswade himself 'twas the same Man. In this Garb, about six a Clock, he calls for a Gla.s.s of Purl at an Ale-House, within sight of his own Door, waiting till his Wife came out; who as soon as he had seen past by, he pays for his Gla.s.s of Purl, and follows her: And she going towards St. _Antholin's_ Church, he began to think she had been abus'd, and he impos'd upon; but he was quickly convinc'd to the contrary, when he saw her go by the Church, and cross over the way to the Back-side of St. _Thomas Apostles_, and there go into a House: After she was gone in, he staid about half a quater of an hour, and then according to the Directions of his Letter, he went in himself, and ask'd far the Gentlewoman of the House; at which the Old Bawd appearing, Are you the Gentlewoman of the House, Madam, said he? Yes, Sir, says she, for want of a better I am: Pray what wou'd you have with me? Why, Madam, says he, I want a certain sort of a Fleshly Convenience, and I am inform'd you can help me to one. At which the Bawd look'd a little strangely upon him; I help you to one, Sir, said she? I hope, you don't take me for a Bawd; if you do, I a.s.sure you, you are come to the wrong House; And I'd have ye to know, Sir, I'm another sort of Person. Madam, replyed he, if I have offended you, I beg your Pardon; but I was directed hither by _Tom Stanhop_, to take a Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room. As soon as the Bawd heard him say so, she began to look more pleasingly upon him, and desir'd him to walk up Stairs, and according to his desire had him into the Dining-Room, where he soon espyed his Wives Picture, drawn to the Life. And making Choice of that, Pray, Madam, says he, what must I give you for the Enjoyment of this Lady? for she pleases my Eye better than any of the rest?

Why truly, Sir, (says she) I have a Guinea for any of 'em; but there's another Gentleman has promis'd to Visit that Lady this Morning, and I wonder he isn't come yet; but because I expect him every Minute, I cann't recommend any one to her this Morning. Is he with her now, says he? No, Sir, says she, but I don't know how soon he may be: Nay, Madam, said he, you ought to observe the same Rule here, as in a Barber's-Shop, _First come, first serv'd_: Come here's a Guinea and a half for you: This wrought so effectually upon the Bawd, that he was immediately conducted to the Chamber where his Wife was. And Counterfeiting his Voice as much as he cou'd, Madam, says he, Invited by your Shadow, which I saw below, I am now come to be made happy with the Enjoyment of the Substance. To which she answer'd (not knowing 'twas her Husband,) Sir, you are very welcome to all the Pleasure I can give you:--What must the Purchase be of so much happiness, reply'd he to her? To which, she straight return'd, I am no Mercenary Person, Sir; nor do I make a Bargain with any one before-hand; but take what Gentlemen are freely pleas'd to give me; to whose Generosity I always leave it: But what you do, do quickly Sir, (continued she) for I am limited to such an hour. Upon which invitation, the Disguis'd Beau fell to, _sans_ further Ceremony, And whilst they were a Dancing and Acting the delights of _Venus_, the Bells of St. _Antholins_ Rung very sweetly, which made her say, whilst she was thus incountring her suppos'd Gallant, _O how sweetiy St. _Antholin_'s Bells Ring_! Which she Repeated over as oft as they renew'd their Pleasures.--As soon as they had finish'd their Encounter, her Husband that he might appear like what he Personated, seem'd well Satisfied and made her a Present of a Guinea; and so withdrew without Discovery. And she, a short time after, St. _Ant'lin_'s Lecture being done, according to her Custom return'd home, as if she'd only been at her Devotions.

When her Husband had unrigg'd, and put himself into his proper Habit, he return'd home according to the hour he had appointed, and took no Notice of what had pa.s.s'd between 'em. But when at Night they went to Bed, he had a mind to try whether he cou'd with the same briskness manage things at home as he had done abroad: But finding it on both sides much more Dull, he told her St. _Ant'lin_'s Bells didn't Ring half so sweetly then as as they did i'th' Morning: But however, says he, as long as here it is much cheaper, I like it full as well: His Wife was so confounded at the Words, she knew not what to say at first; nor cou'd she guess how he shou'd know that she had spoke such Words in the Morning: At last she was resolv'd he shou'd explain himself; and therefore ask'd him what he meant by those expressions--Nay, what did you mean by 'em, says he, when you repeated them so often in the Morning? How, says she, in a scornful way, I repeat 'em in the Morning?

Yes, Madam, says he somewhat angrily, 'Twas you repeated 'em in the Morning, when I lay with you at the Bawdy-House disguis'd like a Gallant, in such a place, and gave you a Guinea for your Mornings Work. Was it you then, said she, that was with me in the Morning? Yes, Mrs. _Impudence_, says he, that it was. Can you talk of being with you in the Morning, without blushing? To what purpose is it to blush, reply'd she, very confidently? For if I do, you cann't see it: Nor do I know any reason why you shou'd call me _Impudence_; I am sure I treated you very civilly: and as for my being there, you were there as well as I: And we were both about one Business, and wher's the difference then? Besides, I see 'tis your own Fault; for if you wou'd be but as brisk at home as you are abroad, I should be very well Satisfy'd without going abroad, with your own performances at home. I see you can do better if you will, and if you don't, blame your self and not me, if you are made a Cuckold. The contented Man hearing his Wife's Allegations, Promis'd that he wou'd do better for the time to come; and she on that condition promising him to go no more to St. _Antholin's_ to hear how sweetly the Bells ring, they forgave one another, and were both Freinds.

_Thus Bawds with Wives of Citizens gets in,_ _And then keeps up a Publick House of Sin:_ _And whilst men do maintain their Wives so high_ _Their l.u.s.ts are more than they can satisfie._

CHAP. IX.

_How a Gentleman that fell in Love with another Mans Wife, through the Advice of a Bawd enjoy'd her, and upon what Terms, and what happen'd thereupon._

An Amorous Spark having observed a very fine Woman sitting in a _Goldsmiths_ Shop behind the Counter, was so much taken with her, that nothing wou'd serve him but enjoying her; which yet he was altogether at a Loss how to accomplish, having no manner of Acquaintance either with her or her Husband. In this hopeless condition he goes to a Bawd, who had several times a.s.sisted him in his Love Intreagues, and tells her at what a non-plus he was how to accomplish his Design: The Bawd at first persuades him off of her, and promises to help him to one that shall not only equal but surpa.s.s her: But all that was in vain, for nothing wou'd Satify but, only this very Person. Well, says this Mistress in the Mystery of Iniquity, I'll tell you how you shall obtain your Purpose, if you are resolv'd to pursue it: Do but that, says he, and you'll oblige me for ever,--Well then, says she, you must take an opportunity to go into the Shop when she's there, and buy some little Trifle or other of her, or her Husband, and repeat this so often, buying sometimes one thing, and sometimes another, till by degrees you have brought your self acquainted with her and her Husband, and in so doing, you cann't miss of an opportunity to sound her Inclinations: If Pleasure has the Ascendant over her, you'll gain your Point the sooner; but if money be the Idol she adores, you must attack her with Gifts, and making Presents to her, and you cannot fail of Prevailing: The Gentleman lik'd her counsel very well, and was resolv'd to take it: And accordingly took an opportunity to buy a Silver _Snush-Box_; and having before bought some fine French Walnuts, he presented his Mistress with some, and by cracking of them, had an opportunity to tarry longer in the Shop, and gaze more on that Beauty which had already overcome him. In two or three days after, he comes again and buys half a dozen Silver Spoons and Forks, and then brought some peaches to his Mistress and presents her with them; and a Week after buys some other odd things; and still brought something or other which he presented to his Mistress; who always look'd upon it as the Effect of his good-nature, and Affable Temper, and had no apprehension of his being her humble Servant. After he had drove this Trade of being a constant Customer to the Shop for several Weeks together, and had made no farther progress of his Amours save to be look'd on as a Friend and Acquaintance, and once or twice invited to Dinner; at one of which times her Husband was call'd down into the Shop, to a Customer; in which Interim, he took an opportunity to acquaint her somewhat darkly with his Pa.s.sion, which she either did not, or wou'd not understand; So that he begun almost to Despair, and complain'd to the Bawd how much charge he had been at, and what little likelihood there was of attaining his end.

The Bawd told him he had no reason yet to complain; for having got an Acquaintance there, and once discovered his Pa.s.sion, he had brought things to a pretty good forwardness: My advice therefore now is, said she, that you let her absolutely know your Mind, and solicite her for the last Favour; and let me know your success, and then I'll tell you how you shall proceed.

He once more takes her Counsel, and going to cheapen some _Knick knacks_ there, he finds her all alone; and having bought something of her, letting it lie upon the Counter, Madam, says he, I have made many Errands. .h.i.ther, but 'tis for your sake; for you are my chief Business, and your incomparable and Peerless Beauty, has made that Impression in my heart as will put a sudden Period to my Life unless your Compa.s.sion will grant me a Reprieve: for nothing can retrieve it, but the Enjoyment of your Love, and Beauty.--I can't believe, Sir, says she, that that poor Stock of Beauty I am Owner of, can ever produce any such fatal Effects as those you speak of.

But 'tis the common Theam that you are pleas'd to entertain our s.e.x withal, tho there be nothing in it. However, 'tis methinks a great Peice of Folly to love at that rate, where you can have no hopes of Enjoyment: for I am otherways dispos'd of: And there are young Ladies enough that are single, that are more worthy of you. I question not Madam, _replyed he_, but I might have choice of Mistresses: But, 'tis you only that have wounded me, and therefore 'tis you alone that can effect my Care.--What wou'd you have me do to cure you, Sir, said she? Do, Madam, said he! Grant me the Enjoyment of your Love, for that alone can give me Ease. Why, said she, wou'd you have me wrong my Husband's Bed? Shou'd I do so, how do you think he'd take it? E'en bad enough, I do believe, said he; if you shou'd let him know it; but sure there's no necessity of that. And if you keep your Counsel, I shall take nothing from him he can miss.--Hold, Sir, says she, you talk as if we were already both agreed; but you shall find there will be two Words to the making of that Bargain. Besides you dont--But here's my Husband coming, says the Jilt--Indeed Sir; I have sold you a Pen'worth in it: I'll be Judg'd by my Husband. (Her Husband coming then into the Shop) the Gentleman perceiving how cunningly she turn'd off her Discourse, told her he did believe she had'nt wrong'd him much, and he was satisfied. And then shewing her Husband what he had bought, and what he paid for it, he told him his Wife had us'd him very well: And so he took his leave of 'em; and went to his old Crone the Bawd, and told her what had past. You may depend upon it, says the Bawd, that sh'll comply; but you must Fee her pretty high, or it won't do. This made him Shrug; for tho he had a great mind to enjoy her, he was not willing to be at too much charge Which the Old Bawd perceiving, told him he cou'd not hope to carry her under a Present of at least Fifty Guinea's; but yet, says she, if you will give me but Five, I'll warrant you shall gain your Point without being at any Charge at all: Make but that out, says he, and I'll promise you the five Guinea's as soon as e'er I have enjoy'd her: No, Sir, says the Bawd, I'll have my Money in hand; for you know, we never trust. Well, says he, here's your Money, and giving it into her hand, Now let me know your Method. Upon which the Bawd thus began.

Before I proceed, pray tell me the Price of that Diamond Ring you wear upon your Finger: Why what wou'd you do with that, replies the Beau; I woud'nt part with my Ring for an hundred Guineas, for it cost me above Four-score, and I had a great Peniworth in it; and if you'd have me to give her that, this is all Trick and Cheat; and I am only Funn'd out of five Guineas for nothing. Why so hasty, says the Bawd? I design no such matter; but you won't hear me out. Go to the Goldsmith, and tell him you are disappointed of a Bill that you expected out of the Country, and that you have a Present occasion for fifty Guineas, which you must desire him to let you have, and you'll leave him that Ring as a pledge in the mean time; and that as soon as your Bill comes to Town, which you expect every day, you'll pay him again. This is a kindness he won't deny you, because he runs no hazzard in it, and thereby he obliges a Customer. When you have got these fifty Guineas, take the first opportunity to discourse your Mistress; if you find she'll do't for Love, your Money's sav'd, and you have nothing else to do but enjoy her: But if the Jade be mercenary, as I dare say she is, you must tempt her with Gold; and that you may be sure to make her bite, give her the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of her Husband.--A Pox take ye, for an Old b.i.t.c.h, says he, in a kind of Pa.s.sion; is this the way to bring me off for nothing?--You are too hasty still, replyes the Bawd; let me have done first, and then talk your Pleasure: Do, as I say; give her the fifty Guineas; and when you have enjoy'd her stay with her, either in the Chamber, or the Shop, until her Husband does come in: And when you see him, tell him you have receiv'd the Bill that you expected, and have brought the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of him, and paid it to his Wife; and so desire him to let you have your Ring again. His Wife (to save her Honour) can do no less than own she has receiv'd the Money; and so her Husband must restore your Ring. And then do you be judge whether or no you don't come off for nothing. Well, thee'rt a dear sweet Rogue for this Contrivance, says he, and I could almost kiss thee, but that thy Mouth's so strongly guarded by thy Nose and Chin, that there's no coming at it: I like thy Plot extreamly well; and I'll go presently and put it in Execution.

Away goes the Fop, as well pleas'd to think he shou'd put a Trick on his Mistress as he shou'd enioy her, which for the Lucre of the Fifty Guinea's he no longer question'd. And coming to the Goldsmith's Shop, he pulls his Ring off of his Finger, and asks him what he'll give him for't: The Goldsmith having look'd upon it, told him he'd give him Seventy Guineas for it. It cost me more than Eighty, says the Beau, but I won't part with it; only because I'm short of Money, being disappointed of a Bill that I expected to receive, I must desire the kindness of you to let me have fifty Guineas on it till I receive my Bill, which will be in a Fortnight or three Weeks time at farthest; and I'll allow you what you shall think reasonable for it. The Goldsmith very readily gives him the fifty Guineas be desir'd, and takes his Ring as a Security. And so taking his leave, goes home very well satisfied; he had proceeded thus far prosperously.

In two or three days after, he goes to make a Visit to the Goldsmith's Wife; and it fell out in such a lucky minute, that her Husband was from home; whereby he had an opportunity with the more freedom to renew his Suit; and tho' he arm'd himself with all the Charms he cou'd, taking the Auxiliary helps both of the _Tayler_, _Barber_, and _Perfumer_; yet it all wou'd not do: Fain he'd ha'd sav'd running the hazard of his fifty Guineas; but when he found he cou'd not without such a Present obtain his wish'd Enjoyment, he as his last Effort, address'd her thus: Well, Madam; I do perceive you are of kin to _Danae_, whom _Jove_ himself could not prevail upon until he courted her in Showers of Gold, an that dissolv'd her quickly into Love; & I intend to follow his Example, and to Enjoy your Favour I make this Present to you, and, therewithal gave her the fifty Guineas. And this had so soon molified her Stubborness, and made her maleable, that she straight made him this agreeable Return; Well, Sir, I see you are so much a Gentleman, that I scarce know how to deny you any longer: Your Amiable Person and good Humour, has over-come me so, I can no longer make Resistance, but offer my self to your Embraces. The Gallant then enquir'd if all were safe below, and if they shou'd not be in danger of meeting any Interruption from her Husband. To which she bid him never fear, all was secure enough. And then conducting him into the Chamber, she let him have what he so much desir'd. When he had thus debauch'd her, and satisfy'd his l.u.s.tful Appet.i.te, he ask'd her how long 'twould be before her Husband wou'd be at home again, she told him he was gone out of Town; and wou'd not be at home this Ten-days. At which he seem'd to be surpriz'd, for he was loath to be without his Ring so long; but since there was no Remedy, he was resolv'd to wait till he came home. His Mistress seeing him so indifferent at the hearing of her Husbands Absence, cou'd not tell what to think shou'd be the reason of it; and ask'd him what 'twas troubled him? Nothing, my Dear, said he, but I was thinking how crosly things fell out; because my own Affairs obliges me to be some Days out of Town just at this happy Juncture, when I might have been blest so oft with your Embraces. The cunning Baggage (now she had got his fifty Guinea's) was as indifferent as he for that, and told him Time might present 'em with another opportunity which might be full as favourable. And so they parted.

The Spark was satisfied with the enjoyment of his Lady, and that Itch now was Cur'd; he only wanted back his Ring, or else his fifty Guineas, that he might demand it of her Husband; and now reflecting on his short liv'd Pleasure, he truly judg'd that he had bought it at too dear a Rate, altho'

he should be only at the Five Guineas Charge he gave the Bawd.

But since the Goldsmith's being out of Town was such a Disappointed as cou'd not be fore-seen, & yet had been extreamly serviceable to him in the Enjoyment of his Mistress, he goes to the Old Bawd, and gives her an Account of what had pa.s.s'd, and asks her further how he must proceed in getting of his Ring again, without repaying of the Fifty Guineas? Give me the other Fee, says the Old Jade, and I'll inform you; for I am like a Lawyer, and don't know how to speak without a Fee. No, no, says he, I have Feed enough before, nor would I give so much again, for all the Pleasure her Enjoyment gave me.--The Bawd, (since she saw nothing more was to be got by him) advises him to wait the Goldsmiths coming home, and then take a fit opportunity to go to her alone, and to pretend he was just come to Town; and to desire another a.s.signation from her, which being made, and you having once more Enjoy'd her, stay till her Husband comes, and do as you were first directed. And when you have got your Ring again, I hope you'll then present me with two Guineas more.--No, not a Farthing more, says he, you know I paid you very well before-hand: And so left her.

The Bawd perceiving nothing more was to be got from him, resolv'd she wou'd be even with him, and take another Course to make a Penny of him: And thereupon goes the next Morning to the Goldsmith's Shop, and asks the Prentice if his Mistress was within; He answers, Yes, and she reply'd she must needs speak with her, who coming down, the Bawd Whispers her in the Ear, that she had something to acquaint her with, of great Importance to her; which was not fit to be discours'd of Publickly: And thereupon the Mistress ask'd her to walk up, and leading of her into a with-drawing Room, desir'd her to sit down, and then intreated her to tell her Business; upon which the Bawd began as followeth.

Madam.

_Altho' I am a Stranger to you, I doubt not but you will excuse the rudeness of this Visit, when you shall know 'twas only the Concern I have to see a lady of your Worth and Beauty, so much Design'd upon and Trick'd, as you are like to be, that has occasion'd it: I Know therefore, Madam, that there's a Gentleman, who has been for some time a great Admirer of your Matchless Beauty, which truly does deserve all those Encomiums that I have often heard him justly give it. This Gentleman, under the Notion of a Customer, has made you many Visits: And has been pleas'd (I know not for what reason) to make me his Confident; of which I need give you no further Instant, then that he has acquainted me that but a few Days past he gave you fifty Guineas, for which by way of Grat.i.tude, he was admitted to enjoy your last Favours_:--_Here the Young Lady interrupted her, all Blushing and Confus'd_; Madam, you've fully satisfy'd me, _said she_, that that false man has let you know my Weakness, and most ungratefully expos'd my Honour, and betray'd me to the world.--_Nay, Madam_; said the Bawd, _be not so pa.s.sionate; I don't believe he has acquainted any with it, but myself. Nor let the thoughts of that at all disturb you; for, that's a Crime that I have known, for more than thirty-Years, the rest of all our s.e.x has scarce been free from. But that which more stirs up my Spleen against him, is for the Trick he designs to put upon you still; which is the only reason of my giving you this trouble_. You will oblige me in it very much, _reply'd the Goldsmith's Wife_. _Then this_ says the Bawd, _it is. He understands your Husband is now out of Town; and will be so for Seven or Eight Days time. As soon as he comes home, your Gallant will be with you to appoint him a time in which he may again enjoy your Favour; which when he has enjoy'd, he does intend to tarry till your Husband shall come in, and then accquaint him that he has paid to him the fifty Guineas that he borrow'd of him on his Ring; and so desire that he may have his Ring again; which is the thing he aims at. For he well knows, that when you shall be askt whether or no you have receiv'd the 50 Guineas, your Honour is so far concern'd, you can't deny it_. O Treach'rous Villian _said the She Goldsmith, with some indignation_, Is this the Generosity he so much boasted of? _Yes, Madam_, says the Bawd, _this is what he designs to do; But I am so concerned to see a Lady of your Worth so basely and ingratefully impos'd upon, I could not but discover it: And if you wou'd be rul'd by me, you shou'd out-Trick the Fop, and catch him in the Snare he'd lay for you._--O I'd do any thing to be reveng'd on him, _cry'd the young Lady with some eagerness_: And do but tell me how, and Keep my Counsel, and I'll so well reward you for your Pains, that you shall say I'm grateful.--_Then Madam_, says the Bawd, _as soon as your Husband comes to Town, before he comes to know of it, send one to tell him that you must needs speak with him about earnest Business, and when he's come, tell him that you expect your Husband the next day; and therefore beg the Favour of him to let you have his Company that Night, and as an Earnest of your Love to him, & that he should not think you mercenary, you'll both return him Fifty Guineas, and give him back the Ring he gave your Husband for a p.a.w.n: And tell him likewise you have engag'd the Maid to Secresie; for which if he presents her with a Guinea, 'tis all he needs to do: This will, I'm sure engage him; for he's as Covetous as he is l.u.s.tful: And when he's thus engag'd, in the next place acquaint your Husband how you cou'd scarce have any quiet in his absence from this young Spark's continual Solicitations to unlawful Love. Then tell him that you have appointed him to come that Evening, of which you thought fit to acquaint him, that he might give him that Correction which he saw necessary, to cool his too hot Blood: This will so much confirm your Husband in his opinion of your inviolable Chast.i.ty, that all your Treacherous Gallant shall offer to the contrary will be look'd upon as the Effect of Malice and Revenge. Thus you'll confirm your Reputation to the World, and keep these Fifty Guineas he designs to cheat you out of, and be sufficiently reveng'd on an ungrateful Man._

_Well_ (says the injur'd Gentlewoman) _I'm pleas'd with your Contrivance; keep but my Counsel, and you shall see my Vengeance on this ungrateful Wretch, and with how just a Retribution I shall use him for his intended Villany. And that you may be sensible you have not lost your Labour, accept of this_; and therewithal she put Ten Guineas in her hand, and promis'd her a further Token of her Grat.i.tude: And so dismist her.--The Bawd was well pleas'd with the Mornings Work she'd made; and finding that the Goldsmith's Wife was like to be the better Customer, she hugg'd her self for her contrivance, and her Treachery to the Cully Beau.

That Afternoon the _Wrathful Lady_ receiv'd a Letter from her Husband, that he intended to be in Town the _Thursday_ following, and desir'd her to meet him that day at _Hammersmith_ about noon, where he wou'd dine with her, and so come home together. She therefore sent a Messenger to tell her Treacherous Lover she must needs speak with him on _Thursday Morning_, for she had something of Moment to impart to him; who presently on the receiving of this Note, came to her, fearing there might be some Discovery of their Love-enjoyment.

As soon as he was come, she tells him she was extreamly Troubled she had not seen him since; and that she never had enjoy'd more pleasure than in his Embraces; and understanding that her Husband wou'd be at home on _Friday Night_, she had contriv'd things so, that he might freely, and without Interruption, lie with her on _Thursday Night_. Which she desir'd on the Account of that affection which she had for him, and of the Pleasure which she took in his Embraces; and that he might be satisfy'd 'twas so, she did engage the next Morning to present him with his Fifty Guineas, which, she was sorry that she had took of him: And as a further Testimony of it, if he could but procure things necessary for the picking of the Locks belonging to her Husbands Cabinet, she'd give him back the Diamond Ring he gave her Husband as a Pledge for fifty Guineas; and, as occasion offer'd, wou'd be very grateful to him otherways.

These _Generous Offers_ overcame the Spark to all Intents and purposes; and he wou'd fain have been a dabling with her then; But she forbid him, and told him 'twas not at that time convenient, but she had order'd matters so, that when he came on _Thursday-night,_ there shou'd be nothing that shou'd interrupt them. Telling him further, she had made the Maid acquainted with their Secrets, who was intirely in their Interests, and that it wou'd not be amiss to give her something as an Encouragement: And thereupon, calling the Maid to fetch a Bottle of Wine, he gave her half a Guinea, and told her, _that was but an Earnest of that which he intended her to Morrow-night_. And then drinking his Wine up, he gave his Mistress a Salute, and took his leave; she bidding him besure not to forget to bring the _Picklocks_ with him, that she might help him to the Ring.

The Plot being thus laid, on _Thursday-Morning_, she prepares to meet her Husband; having before acquainted her Maid with her Design, who mightily commended both her Honesty and Ingenuity, for she knew nothing of what had before past between 'em.

Being come to _Hammersmith_, and meeting with her Husband there, she told him she had something to say to him privately that did as much concern his Honour as her own: And then, as they were walking together in the Garden she thus began to tell him her Design.

My Dear,

_I doubt not but you are well satisfied that I have all along took care in all my Actions still to approve my self _(what you shall ever find me) a chaste and vertuous Wife_, and tho' I am not sensible I ever gave encouragement to any l.u.s.tful Eyes to cast a wanton Glance at me yet so it is, I have been solicited to commit Folly both against Heaven and you, with that young Gentleman to whom you lent the 50 Guineas on the Diamond Ring; & tho' I have as oft deny'd his Suit as he has made it, yet he continues his Solicitations still; and has been so importunate of late that I could scarce be ever quiet for him: And therefore being with me Yesterday, & urging me for my Consent to his unlawful Amours, I did appoint him to come to me this Night; having before receiv'd your Letter, by which I knew you wou'd be then at home. The l.u.s.tful Fool is extream Confident that I will yield to his Desires; & since he wants no Money I thought it best to seem to yield to him, that having caught him your Trap, you may deal with him as you please. And there's another thing that I have to acquaint you with, and that is, that he's as _Covetous_ as he is _Leacherous_, and did but Yesterday solicit me to let him have his Ring: And tho' (to put him off) I told him 'twas lock'd up in a Cabinet of which you had the Key: yet he reply'd that he cou'd bring a _Picklock_ with him that cou'd open it. So that I am afraid he does design as well to rob you of your Treasure as your Honour. But ere to morrow Morning, I hope you'll have it in your power to make him pay for his Attempting either. At least I have contributed what I can towards it, and leave the rest to you._

The poor _Contented Goldsmith_, (who thought his Wife far Chaster than _Diana_ of her _Nymphs_; and that the Wife of _Collatine_ wa'nt worthy to compare to her) was hugely pleas'd with his Wife's Policy; and therefore order'd her to go home first alone, whilst he came after her _Incognito_; and when her Gallant came, he bid her hasten him to bed; and whilst she stood before him, that the Maid shou'd take away his Sword, and then he thought he might the better deal with a Naked Man: All which she promis'd him shou'd be obey'd.

At Night the poor deluded _Cully_ comes to the _Goldsmith's_, according to appointment; and was conducted presently up Stairs; where, he might the less suspect foul Play, he finds a good Collation was proyided, which he and his false Mistress feasted at, _she urging him to make haste into Bed, that there they might have more delicious Dainties_, and she beginning to undress her self, he made most haste and first got into Bed; and then the Maid (as she was before directed) having privately carry'd off the Sword, comes running in upon a sudden, and cries out, _O Mistress, we are all undone! My Master's coming up Stairs_. Up gets the Quaking Beau immediately, and runs under the Bed, which he had but just done, before the _Goldsmith_ enter'd: Who seeing of his Wife, Accosts her thus, _My Dear I'm come a Day sooner than I expected_,--_You're very Welcome, Love_, said she again, looking as one surpriz'd, at which, cries he, _Why how now? What's the matter with you?_ And then looking about the Chamber, he sees a very Beauish Powder'd Wig; _Ah ha!_ says he; _What have we here? A Wig, new Powder'd! Pray whose Wig is this? I'm sure 'tis none of mine_; then looking on the Bed, he sees a pair of Breeches lie, _Hey dey!_ Cries he, _Pray whose are these?_ _They're yours_, said she, _for ought I know_, (speaking a little surlily) _whose shou'd they be, d'ye think?_ _They're none of mine_, says he, _I'm sure; But let me see, what is there in 'em?_--Then searching of the Pockets, he pulls out a Gold Watch, about Nine or Ten Guineas, a Silver Snush-Box, and several Pick-Locks: As soon as he perceiv'd the Pick-Locks, _So, so_, cries he, _here's a fine Trade indeed!

Cou'd you get none to serve you, but some Newgate-Stallion; One that us'd to Break up Houses, and Pick open Locks! Where is this Villain_, says he, _that Wrongs my Bed, and thus dishonours me, that I may run my Sword into his Heart, and send him of an Errand to the Devil?_

The Poor Dejected Wretch, that look'd each moment to be stuck to th' Floor, resolving now to venture on the Goldsmith's Clemency, came trembling out from underneath the Bed, & begg'd of him to save his Life, and he wou'd tell him all that e'er he knew. _Don't tell me_, says the Goldsmith _of what you know, but tell me what Satisfaction shall I have for the wrong you've done me, to come thus to defile my Bed?_ _Indeed_, said he, _I did it never but once before_. _How!_ says the Goldsmith, _have you lain with my Wife before?_ _Yes, if it please you, once, and never but once_. With that his Wife with open mouth came to him, _O Villain_, said she, _art not thou asham'd thus falsly to accuse me to my Husband, because thy own base wicked inclinations are now brought to light? Hast thou not been soliciting of me to act Uncleanness with thee, a long time, and I refus'd it always?

Nay, didst thou not intice me to it Yesterday, and I appointed thee to come to Night, because I knew my Husband wou'd be at home to give thee thy Reward? Let the Maid speak, I won't be my own Judge_--_Yes, Sir_, reply'd the Maid, _I know that what my Mistress says is true_--

The Goldsmith then seeming to look more wistly at him, _What, Mr._ Bramble__ says he, as if he'd been surpriz'd: _Is't you that did intend to claw me off thus? And then to mend the matter, go to accuse my Wife too, as if she had been Dishonest with you; when I am satisfied there e'nt an honester Woman in the Kingdom. Why to be plain with ye, 'tis she that has discover'd all your Roguery_: As soon as he heard that, lifting up his Hands and Eyes, _O the Deceit_, said he, _that is in Women!_ Pray give me leave to put my Cloaths on, and then hear me what I have to say--_No_, says the Goldsmith, _I'll not part with these Cloaths; but yet I'll lend you something to cover your Nakedness with all_; and then bid the Maid to reach him an old Suit of his. Which having put on, _Now_, says he, _give me but leave to speak, and I will tell you how false that Woman is_: Come, said the Goldsmith, let's hear what you have to say. Upon which _Bramble_ thus began.

I must confess my Fault; I do acknowledge I did oft-times solicite your Wife to let me lie with her, and I must do her that Justice to tell you that she still refus'd it; until at last I borrow'd fifty Guineas of you on a Ring, and that I gave her, and she thereupon permitted me to lie with her. And I ne'er thought of Lying with her more, until she sent for me yesterday morning; and told me how much she lov'd me, and that you were to come home on Friday-night, and she wou'd have me Lie with her on Thursday night; and that to let me know how well she lik'd me, she wou'd return me back again the fifty Guineas that I gave her, and also give me back the Ring I p.a.w.n'd to you for fifty Guineas. And that was the Occasion of my coming here to Night.

_But_ said the Goldsmith, _Pray resolve me one thing; What made you bring the Pick-locks in your Pocket?_

I brought these Pick-locks, _reply'd he_, at her desire, to open the Cabinet, wherein the Ring was put.

_By that_, answer'd the Goldsmith, _I know that what you have said is false. For what need she to have desir'd you to bring Picklocks to open the Cabinet withal, when as the Key of it was in her keeping? for I left it with her when I went out of Town._

'Tis very true, my Dear, _reply'd his Wife_, and here it is. And then going to her Chest of Drawers, she gave him out the Key of the Cabinet.