The Live Corpse Part 14

LISA. Never! I only wish you to have done with it all as completely as I have.

Enter nurse, with baby. Lisa takes the baby on her lap.

KAReNIN. What wretched people we are!

LISA [kissing baby] Why?

KAReNIN. When you married, and I heard of it on my return from abroad, and was wretched because I felt that I had lost you, it was a relief to me to find that you still remembered me. I was content even with that.

Then when our friendship was established and I felt your kindness to me, and even a little gleam of something in our friendship that was more than friendship, I was almost happy. I was only tormented by a fear that I was not being honest towards Fedya. But no! I was always so firmly conscious that any other relation than one of purest friendship with my friend's wife was impossible--besides which, I knew you--that I was not really troubled about that. Afterwards, when Fedya began to cause you anxiety, and I felt that I was of some use to you, and that my friendship was beginning to alarm you--I was quite happy, and a sort of vague hope awoke in me. Still later, when he became altogether impossible and you decided to leave him, and I spoke to you plainly for the first time, and you did not say "No," but went away in tears--then I was perfectly happy; and had I then been asked what more I wanted, I should have answered "Nothing"! But later on, when there came the possibility of uniting our lives: when my mother grew fond of you and the possibility began to be realised; when you told me that you loved and had loved me, and then (as you did just now) that he no longer existed for you and that you love only me--what more, one would think, could I wish for? But no! Now the past torments me! I wish that past had not existed, and that there were nothing to remind me of it.

LISA [reproachfully] Victor!

KAReNIN. Lisa, forgive me! If I tell you this, it is only because I don't want a single thought of mine about you to be hidden from you. I have purposely told you, to show how bad I am, and how well I know that I must struggle with and conquer myself.... And now I've done it! I love him.

LISA. That's as it should be. I did all I could, but it was not I that did what you desired: it happened in my heart, from which everything but you has vanished.

KAReNIN. Everything?

LISA. Everything, everything--or I would not say so.

Enter footman.

FOOTMAN. Mr. Voznesensky.

KAReNIN. He's come with Fedya's answer.

LISA [to Karenin] Ask him in here.

KAReNIN [rising and going to the door] Well, here is the answer!

LISA [gives baby to nurse; exit nurse] Is it possible, Victor, that everything will now be decided? [Kisses Karenin].

Enter Voznesensky.

KAReNIN. Well?

VOZNESeNSKY. He has gone.

KAReNIN. Gone! And without signing the pet.i.tion?

VOZNESeNSKY. The pet.i.tion is not signed, but a letter was left for you and Elisabeth Andreyevna [Takes letter out of his pocket and gives it to Karenin] I went to his lodgings, and was told he was at the restaurant.

I went there, and Mr. Protasov told me to return in an hour and I should then have his answer. I went back, and then ...

KAReNIN. Is it possible that this means another delay? More excuses! No, that would be downright wicked. How he has fallen!

LISA. But do read the letter! [Karenin opens letter].

VOZNESeNSKY. You do not require me any longer?

KAReNIN. Well, no. Good-bye! Thank you ... [Pauses in astonishment as he reads].

Exit Voznesensky.

LISA. What--what is it?

KAReNIN. This is awful!

LISA [takes hold of letter] Read!

KAReNIN [reads] "Lisa and Victor, I address myself to you both. I won't lie and call you 'dear' or anything else. I cannot master the feeling of bitterness and reproach (I reproach myself, but all the same it is painful) when I think of you and of your love and happiness. I know everything. I know that though I was the husband, I have--by a series of accidents--been in your way. _C'est moi qui suis l'intrus._[22] But all the same, I cannot restrain a feeling of bitterness and coldness towards you. I love you both in theory, especially Lisa, Lisette! But actually I am more than cold towards you. I know I am wrong, but cannot change."

[22] It is I who am the intruder.

LISA. How can he ...

KAReNIN [continues reading] "But to business! This very feeling of discord within me forces me to fulfil your desire not in the way you wish. Lying, acting so disgusting a comedy, bribing the Consistorium, and all those horrors, are intolerably repulsive to me. Vile as I may be, I am vile in a different way, and cannot take part in those abominations--simply cannot! The solution at which I have arrived is the simplest: to be happy, you must marry. I am in the way; consequently I must destroy myself...."

LISA [seizes Victor's hand] Victor!

KAReNIN [reads] "... must destroy myself. And I will do it. When you get this letter, I shall be no more.

"_P.S._ What a pity you sent me money to pay for the divorce proceedings!

It is unpleasant, and unlike you! But it can't be helped. I have so often made mistakes, why shouldn't you make one? I return the money. My way of escape is shorter, cheaper, and surer. All I ask is, don't be angry with me, and think kindly of me. And, one thing more--there is a clockmaker, Evgenyev, here. Can't you help him, and set him on his feet?

He's a good man, though weak.--Good-bye,

"FeDYA."

LISA. He has taken his life! Yes ...

KAReNIN [rings, and runs out to the hall] Call Mr. Voznesensky back!

LISA. I knew it! I knew it! Fedya, dear Fedya!

KAReNIN. Lisa!

LISA. It's not true, not true that I didn't love him and don't love him!

I love only him! I love him! And I've killed him. Leave me!

Enter Voznesensky.

KAReNIN. Where is Mr. Protasov? What did they tell you?

VOZNESeNSKY. They told me he went out this morning, left this letter, and had not returned.

KAReNIN. We shall have to find out about it, Lisa. I must leave you.

LISA. Forgive me, but I too can't lie! Go now--go, and find out ...