The Light of Asia Part 4

Half risen from her soft nest at his side, The chuddah fallen to her waist, her brow Laid in both palms, the lovely Princess leaned With heaving bosom and fast falling tears.

Thrice with her lips she touched Siddartha's hand, And at the third kiss moaned: "Awake, my Lord!

Give me the comfort of thy speech!" Then he-- "What is with thee, O my life?" but still She moaned anew before the words would come; Then spake: "'Alas, my Prince! I sank to sleep Most happy, for the babe I bear of thee Quickened this eve, and at my heart there beat That double pulse of life and joy and love Whose happy music lulled me, but--aho!-- In slumber I beheld three sights of dread, With thought whereof my heart is throbbing yet.

I saw a white bull with wide branching horns, A lord of pastures, pacing through the streets, Bearing upon his front a gem which shone As if some star had dropped to glitter there, Or like the kantha-stone the great Snake keeps To make bright daylight underneath the earth.

Slow through the streets toward the gates he paced, And none could stay him, though there came a voice From Indra's temple, 'If ye stay him not, The glory of the city goeth forth.

Yet none could stay him. Then I wept aloud, And locked my arms about his neck, and strove, And bade them bar the gates; but that ox-king Bellowed, and, lightly tossing free his crest, Broke from my clasp, and bursting through the bars, Trampled the warders down and pa.s.sed away.

The neat strange dream was this: Four Presences Splendid with shining eyes, so beautiful They seemed the Regents of the Earth who dwell On Mount Sumeru, lighting from the sky With retinue of countless heavenly ones, Swift swept unto our city, where I saw The golden flag of Indra on the gate Flutter and fall; and lo! there rose instead A glorious banner, all the folds whereof Rippled with flashing fire of rubies sewn Thick on the silver threads, the rays wherefrom Set forth new words and weighty sentences Whose message made all living creatures glad; And from the east the wind of sunrise blew With tender waft, opening those jewelled scrolls So that all flesh might read; and wondrous blooms Plucked in what clime I know not-fell in showers, Coloured as none are coloured in our groves."

Then spake the Prince: "All this, my Lotus-flower!

Was good to see."

"Ay, Lord," the Princess said, "Save that it ended with a voice of fear Crying, 'The time is nigh! the time is nigh!'

Thereat the third dream came; for when I sought Thy side, sweet Lord! ah, on our bed there lay An unpressed pillow and an empty robe-- Nothing of thee but those!---nothing of thee, Who art my life and light, my king, my world!

And sleeping still I rose, and sleeping saw Thy belt of pearls, tied here below my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, Change to a stinging snake; my ankle-rings Fall off, my golden bangles part and fall; The jasmines in my hair wither to dust; While this our bridal-couch sank to the ground, And something rent the crimson purdah down; Then far away I heard the white bull low, And far away the embroidered banner flap, And once again that cry, 'The time is come!'

But with that cry--which shakes my spirit still-- I woke! O Prince! what may such visions mean Except I die, or--worse than any death-- Thou shouldst forsake me or be taken?"

Sweet As the last smile of sunset was the look Siddartha bent upon his weeping wife.

"Comfort thee, dear!" he said, "if comfort lives In changeless love; for though thy dreams may be Shadows of things to come, and though the G.o.ds Are shaken in their seats, and though the world Stands nigh, perchance, to know some way of help, Yet, whatsoever fall to thee and me, Be sure I loved and love Yasodhara.

Thou knowest how I muse these many moons, Seeking to save the sad earth I have seen; And when the time comes, that which will be will.

But if my soul yearns sore for souls unknown, And if I grieve for griefs which are not mine, Judge how my high-winged thoughts must hover here O'er all these lives that share and sweeten mine So dear! and thine the dearest, gentlest, best, And nearest. Ah, thou mother of my babe!

Whose body mixed with mine for this fair hope, When most my spirit wanders, ranging round The lands and seas--as full of ruth for men As the far-flying dove is full of ruth For her twin nestlings--ever it has come Home with glad wing and pa.s.sionate plumes to thee, Who art the sweetness of my kind best seen, The utmost of their good, the tenderest Of all their tenderness, mine most of all.

Therefore, whatever after this betide, Bethink thee of that lordly bull which lowed, That jewelled banner in thy dreams which waved Its folds departing, and of this be sure, Always I loved and always love thee well, And what I sought for all sought most for thee.

But thou, take comfort; and, if sorrow falls, Take comfort still in deeming there may be A way of peace on earth by woes of ours; And have with this embrace what faithful love Can think of thanks or frame for benison-- Too little, seeing love's strong self is weak-- Yet kiss me on the mouth, and drink these words From heart to heart therewith, that thou mayst know-- What others will not--that I loved thee most Because I loved so well all living souls.

Now, Princess! rest, for I will rise and watch."

Then in her tears she slept, but sleeping sighed-- As if that vision pa.s.sed again--"The time!

The time is come!" Whereat Siddartha turned, And, lo! the moon shone by the Crab! the stars In that same silver order long foretold Stood ranged to say: "This is the night!--choose thou The way of greatness or the way of good To reign a King of kings, or wander lone, Crownless and homeless, that the world be helped."

Moreover, with the whispers of the gloom Came to his ears again that warning song, As when the Devas spoke upon the wind: And surely G.o.ds were round about the place Watching our Lord, who watched the shining stars.

"I will depart," he spake; "the hour is come!

Thy tender lips, dear sleeper, summon me To that which saves the earth but sunders us; And in the silence of yon sky I read My fated message flashing. Unto this Came I, and unto this all nights and days Have led me; for I will not have that crown Which may be mine: I lay aside those realms Which wait the gleaming of my naked sword My chariot shall not roll with b.l.o.o.d.y wheels From victory to victory, till earth Wears the red record of my name. I choose To tread its paths with patient, stainless feet, Making its dust my bed, its loneliest wastes My dwelling, and its meanest things my mates: Clad in no prouder garb than outcasts wear, Fed with no meats save what the charitable Give of their will, sheltered by no more pomp Than the dim cave lends or the jungle-bush, This will I do because the woful cry Of life and all flesh living cometh up Into my ears, and all my soul is full Of pity for the sickness of this world; Which I will heal, if healing may be found By uttermost renouncing and strong strife.

For which of all the great and lesser G.o.ds Have power or pity? Who hath seen them--who?

What have they wrought to help their worshippers?

How hath it steaded man to pray, and pay t.i.thes of the corn and oil, to chant the charms, To slay the shrieking sacrifice, to rear The stately fane, to feed the priests, and call On Vishnu, Shiva, Surya, who save None--not the worthiest--from the griefs that teach Those litanies of flattery and fear Ascending day by day, like wasted smoke?

Hath any of my brothers 'scaped thereby The aches of life, the stings of love and loss, The fiery fever and the ague-shake, The slow, dull sinking into withered age, The horrible dark death--and what beyond Waits--till the whirling wheel comes up again, And new lives bring new sorrows to be borne, New generations for the new desires Which have their end in the old mockeries?

Hath any of my tender sisters found Fruit of the fast or harvest of the hymn, Or bought one pang the less at bearing-time For white curds offered and trim tulsi-leaves?

Nay; it may be some of the G.o.ds are good And evil some, but all in action weak; Both pitiful and pitiless, and both As men are--bound upon this wheel of change, Knowing the former and the after lives.

For so our scriptures truly seem to teach, That--once, and wheresoe'er, and whence begun-- Life runs its rounds of living, climbing up From mote, and gnat, and worm, reptile, and fish, Bird and s.h.a.gged beast, man, demon, Deva, G.o.d, To clod and mote again; so are we kin To all that is; and thus, if one might save Man from his curse, the whole wide world should share The lightened horror of this ignorance Whose shadow is chill fear, and cruelty Its bitter pastime. Yea, if one might save!

And means must be! There must be refuge!"

"Men Perished in winter-winds till one smote fire From flint-stones coldly hiding what they held, The red spark treasured from the kindling sun.

They gorged on flesh like wolves, till one sowed corn, Which grew a weed, yet makes the life of man; They mowed and babbled till some tongue struck speech, And patient fingers framed the lettered sound.

What good gift have my brothers but it came From search and strife and loving sacrifice?

If one, then, being great and fortunate, Rich, dowered with health and ease, from birth designed To rule--if he would rule--a King of kings; If one, not tired with life's long day, but glad I' the freshness of its morning, one not cloyed With love's delicious feasts, but hungry still; If one not worn and wrinkled, sadly sage, But joyous in the glory and the grace That mix with evils here, and free to choose Earth's loveliest at his will: one even as I, Who ache not, lack not, grieve not, save with griefs Which are not mine, except as I am man;-- If such a one, having so much to give, Gave all, laying it down for love of men.

And thenceforth spent himself to search for truth, Wringing the secret of deliverance forth, Whether it lurk in h.e.l.ls or hide in heavens, Or hover, unrevealed, nigh unto all: Surely at last, far off, sometime, somewhere, The veil would lift for his deep-searching eyes, The road would open for his painful feet, That should be won for which he lost the world, And Death might find him conqueror of death.

This will I do, who have a realm to lose, Because I love my realm, because my heart Beats with each throb of all the hearts that ache, Known and unknown, these that are mine and those Which shall be mine, a thousand million more Saved by this sacrifice I offer now.

Oh, summoning stars! Oh, mournful earth For thee and thine I lay aside my youth, My throne, my joys, my golden days, my nights, My happy palace--and thine arms, sweet Queen!

Harder to put aside than all the rest!

Yet thee, too, I shall save, saving this earth; And that which stirs within thy tender womb, My child, the hidden blossom of our loves, Whom if I wait to bless my mind will fail.

Wife! child! father! and people! ye must share A little while the anguish of this hour That light may break and all flesh learn the Law.

Now am I fixed, and now I will depart, Never to come again till what I seek Be found--if fervent search and strife avail."

So with his brow he touched her feet, and bent The farewell of fond eyes, unutterable, Upon her sleeping face, still wet with tears; And thrice around the bed in reverence, As though it were an altar, softly stepped With clasped hands laid upon his beating heart, "For never," spake he, "lie I there again!"

And thrice he made to go, but thrice came back, So strong her beauty was, so large his love Then, o'er his head drawing his cloth, he turned And raised the purdah's edge.

There drooped, close-hushed, In such sealed sleep as water-lilies know, The lovely garden of his Indian girls; Those twin dark-petalled lotus-buds of all-- Gunga and Gotami--on either side, And those, their silk-leaved sisterhood, beyond.

"Pleasant ye are to me, sweet friends!" he said, "And dear to leave; yet if I leave ye not What else will come to all of us save eld Without a.s.suage and death without avail?

Lo! as ye lie asleep so must ye lie A-dead; and when the rose dies where are gone Its scent and splendour? when the lamp is drained Whither is fled the flame? Press heavy, Night!

Upon their down-dropped lids and seal their lips, That no tear stay me and no faithful voice.

For all the brighter that these made my life, The bitterer it is that they and I, And all, should live as trees do--so much spring, Such and such rains and frosts, such wintertimes, And then dead leaves, with maybe spring again, Or axe-stroke at the root. This will not I, Whose life here was a G.o.d's!--this would not I, Though all my days were G.o.dlike, while men moan Under their darkness. Therefore farewell, friends!

While life is good to give, I give, and go To seek deliverance and that unknown Light!"

Then, lightly treading where those sleepers lay, Into the night Siddartha pa.s.sed: its eyes, The watchful stars, looked love on him: its breath, The wandering wind, kissed his robe's fluttered fringe; The garden-blossoms, folded for the dawn, Opened their velvet hearts to waft him scents From pink and purple censers: o'er the land, From Himalay unto the Indian Sea, A tremor spread, as if earth's soul beneath Stirred with an unknown hope; and holy books-- Which tell the story of our Lord--say, too, That rich celestial musics thrilled the air From hosts on hosts of shining ones, who thronged Eastward and westward, making bright the night Northward and southward, making glad the ground.

Also those four dread Regents of the Earth, Descending at the doorway, two by two,-- With their bright legions of Invisibles In arms of sapphire, silver, gold, and pearl-- Watched with joined hands the Indian Prince, who stood, His tearful eyes raised to the stars, and lips Close-set with purpose of prodigious love.

Then strode he forth into the gloom and cried, "Channa, awake! and bring out Kantaka!"

"What would my Lord?" the charioteer replied-- Slow-rising from his place beside the gate "To ride at night when all the ways are dark?"

"Speak low," Siddartha said, "and bring my horse, For now the hour is come when I should quit This golden prison where my heart lives caged To find the truth; which henceforth I will seek, For all men's sake, until the truth be found."

"Alas! dear Prince," answered the charioteer, "Spake then for nought those wise and holy men Who cast the stars and bade us wait the time When King Suddhodana's great son should rule Realms upon realms, and be a Lord of lords?

Wilt thou ride hence and let the rich world slip Out of thy grasp, to hold a beggar's bowl?

Wilt thou go forth into the friendless waste That hast this Paradise of pleasures here?"

The Prince made answer: "Unto this I came, And not for thrones: the kingdom that I crave Is more than many realms, and all things pa.s.s To change and death. Bring me forth Kantaka!"

"Most honored," spake again the charioteer,

"Bethink thee of their woe whose bliss thou art-- How shalt thou help them, first undoing them?"

Siddartha answered: "Friend, that love is false Which clings to love for selfish sweets of love; But I, who love these more than joys of mine-- Yea, more than joy of theirs--depart to save Them and all flesh, if utmost love avail.

Go, bring me Kantaka!"

Then Channa said, "Master, I go!" and forthwith, mournfully, Unto the stall he pa.s.sed, and from the rack Took down the silver bit and bridle-chains, Breast-cord and curb, and knitted fast the straps, And linked the hooks, and led out Kantaka Whom tethering to the ring, he combed and dressed, Stroking the snowy coat to silken gloss; Next on the steed he laid the numdah square, Fitted the saddle-cloth across, and set The saddle fair, drew tight the jewelled girths, Buckled the breech-bands and the martingale, And made fall both the stirrups of worked gold.

Then over all he cast a golden net, With ta.s.sels of seed-pearl and silken strings, And led the great horse to the palace door, Where stood the Prince; but when he saw his Lord, Right glad he waxed and joyously he neighed, Spreading his scarlet nostrils; and the books Write, "Surely all had heard Kantaka's neigh, And that strong trampling of his iron heels, Save that the Devas laid their unseen wings Over their ears and kept the sleepers deaf."

Fondly Siddartha drew the proud head down, Patted the shining neck, and said, "Be still, White Kantaka! be still, and bear me now The farthest journey ever rider rode; For this night take I horse to find the truth, And where my quest will end yet know I not, Save that it shall not end until I find.

Therefore tonight, good steed, be fierce and bold!

Let nothing stay thee, though a thousand blades Deny the road! let neither wall nor moat Forbid our flight! Look! if I touch thy flank And cry, 'On, Kantaka! I let whirlwinds lag Behind thy course! Be fire and air, my horse!

To stead thy Lord, so shalt thou share with him The greatness of this deed which helps the world; For therefore ride I, not for men alone, But for all things which, speechless, share our pain And have no hope, nor wit to ask for hope.

Now, therefore, bear thy master valorously!"

Then to the saddle lightly leaping, he Touched the arched crest, and Kantaka sprang forth With armed hoofs sparkling on the stones and ring Of champing bit; but none did hear that sound, For that the Suddha Devas, gathering near, Plucked the red mohra-flowers and strewed them thick Under his tread, while hands invisible m.u.f.fled the ringing bit and bridle chains.

Moreover, it is written when they came Upon the pavement near the inner gates, The Yakshas of the air laid magic cloths Under the stallion's feet, so that he went Softly and still.

But when they reached the gate Of tripled bra.s.s--which hardly fivescore men Served to unbar and open--lo! the doors Rolled back all silently, though one might hear In daytime two koss off the thunderous roar Of those grim hinges and unwieldy plates.

Also the middle and the outer gates Unfolded each their monstrous portals thus In silence as Siddartha and his steed Drew near; while underneath their shadow lay.

Silent as dead men, all those chosen guards-- The lance and sword let fall, the shields unbraced, Captains and soldiers--for there came a wind, Drowsier than blows o'er Malwa's fields of sleep Before the Prince's path, which, being breathed, Lulled every sense aswoon: and so he pa.s.sed Free from the palace.