The Life She Wants Part 3

"We were just talking about you a few weeks ago, wondering if you had made it back home. We were remembering the old days."

"We?" she asked before she could stop herself.

"Me. Mom. Riley. This is a coincidence, running into you here, like this."

A tall, skinny kid came over to the table. "Taking a break, Ms. Shay?" he asked.

"Just answering a couple of questions for a customer, Justin."

"Can I help?" Justin asked, turning to Adam.

"I don't believe so," Adam said authoritatively. "I'll just take a moment of Emma's time. If you'll excuse us."

Justin looked taken aback, but then he turned and left them.

"He's a despot," she quietly informed Adam. "But jobs are in short supply, it seems."

"Could you use a letter of recommendation?" he asked.

She stood. "I could use a do-over," she said. "But thanks for asking. Do you teach around here?"

He shook his head. "Napa. High school science. I'm playing a little hooky with Maddie today. We were at the DMV so she could take her test for her learner's permit. Riley wanted to do it but the truth is, Riley and Maddie don't do well in the car together so Maddie prefers driving with me or with Jock, and he's working this afternoon. Of course Maddie couldn't wait. When do you get off work?"

"Not until nine, why?"

"We should have a cup of coffee or gla.s.s of wine, talk about how you'd like me to word that letter of recommendation."

Maddie was back, sliding into their booth.

"Oh...ah... Listen, you don't know what you're suggesting..."

"I don't? Why not? We're still friends, right?"

"It's not that... Well, it's partly that since, you know..." She took a breath. She wasn't going to say in front of this sweet fifteen-year-old, That's my boyfriend's baby and probably the major reason I went off the rails in the first place. She leaned closer to Adam. "Take a whiff of this place. This is what I smell like after work."

He threw back his head with a hearty laugh. "See you later," he said.

She meandered back behind the counter, kind of dazed. Half of her wanted to run and hide-being around Adam would only serve to remind her of the past and all she'd lost. But the other half was elated. Could she and Adam be friends? They'd talked a few times after Maddie was born, but their conversations had been so superficial, both of them afraid to let the standoff she had with Riley taint the relationship she had with Adam, who she had always so admired. Truth was, she'd always wondered if Adam had kept in touch out of guilt over what his sister had done.

She'd done all right in the friends department during college and her first years as a single woman in New York, but she'd always kept people at a safe distance, afraid to trust again.

That was perhaps the deepest wound of all.

Emma's earliest memory of Adam was him standing by the fence outside the school playground to make sure Riley got home all right. Even before she realized she liked Riley, she wished she had a big brother like Adam. When she left Burger or Bust that night, he was across the parking lot, leaning against the hood of his SUV, arms crossed over his chest. Waiting. He looked like an older version of that twelve-year-old boy. Except he looked a lot happier now, like maybe the chip on his shoulder was gone.

Yeah, that's what it had been-that serious, stubborn, perhaps fearful boy in his scuffed shoes and torn jacket, left to take care of the family after his father had died. Emma had worried about this faux date all afternoon until she saw him and then realized she was always thinking about herself, her troubles. She was always afraid of being found out, exposed, blamed. But Adam had been only a kid when he lost a parent, but a kid old enough to understand and remember his loss. And he'd been so brave, always looking out for his mother and sister. He was right there at St. Pascal's until high school, but even when he was older and went to a different school, he was so often on hand to watch over Riley. And Emma, as well.

"I can't believe you're really here," she said. "You have a date with someone who smells like burgers and fries."

"I think we'll get through it. How do you feel about a gla.s.s of wine or a drink?"

"I'd love a gla.s.s of wine."

"Great. Where do you hang your hat these days?"

"A little spot in Sebastopol. Not too far from Lyle's."

"Perfect. I know just the place, right on the way to your place. Follow me?"

"I'm parked right over there. The Prius."

"Let's do it," he said.

She followed him along some of the back roads toward her little town, but he turned down an alley and she got a little confused. Concerned. But then he parked behind what she thought, by the twinkle lights strung between the boughs of trees, must be the patio of a restaurant. The Cellar, the sign on the back gate said. He got out of his car, she got out of hers and he opened the gate to a patio. There were a half dozen tables; a couple of women sat at one, wine and fruit before them, but it was otherwise deserted. "They're going to close soon, but we're friends. I'll get us some wine, something to snack on and they'll say good-night before they leave."

"Huh?"

Adam chuckled. "Would you like to see a wine list?"

"No," she said. "I usually just have a sauvignon blanc."

A woman wearing an ap.r.o.n came out of the back door. "Just in time, as usual," she said. "How are you, Adam?"

Adam leaned toward her to kiss her cheek. "Excellent. Kate, meet my friend, Emma."

"Nice to meet you. What can I get you?"

"Get us a bottle of Napa Cellars sauvignon blanc, a half wheel of Brie with some crackers and fruit, two waters. And thanks."

"Just give me two minutes," she said.

He held out a chair for Emma. "What kind of place is this?" she asked.

"Just a small wine bar. I've known the owners for a long time. For friends and relatives, they say good-night when they lock up, we take the bottle if there's anything left, leave the gla.s.ses on the table and slide the dishes and leftover food right through that little serving slot so the birds don't invade. They'll close in about..." He looked at his watch. "I'm sure they're cleaning up now and will be out of here in fifteen minutes."

Sure enough, Kate was back instantly with the wine, gla.s.ses, a tray of food. Right behind her a young man followed with a bucket of ice on a stand, placing it beside the table. Kate opened the wine and Adam indicated that Emma should taste. And she presented a bill. Adam signed off on everything and thanked her. Before Kate escaped into the bar the women bid her good-night and went out the back gate.

"Why couldn't I have found a job in a place like this instead of Burger Buster?" Emma said.

"This particular place is run by a family and I think you have to marry in, but it's perfect, isn't it?"

"I think I have to broaden my search, now that I have restaurant experience, if you use the term loosely."

"Listen, I want to hear all about it-your return, your job-hunting, anything you feel like talking about, but we have to get one thing out of the way first. Maddie. She doesn't know that you were Jock's girlfriend or that you and Riley were best friends and...that whole complicated mess. She's innocent of that."

Emma considered this for a second. "Jock and Riley never told her the details?"

"Emmie, I don't think I even know all the details, when you put it that way. I didn't have any trouble guessing. Riley and Jock never married. They weren't even together when Maddie was born."

Her mouth fell open. All these years she had this mental image of Riley and Jock, young and in love. Of course she knew they hadn't stayed together, that he'd gone on to marry and divorce another woman, but she thought that for at least a while they were a couple. "You're kidding!"

He shook his head.

"Doesn't that just figure?"

"What are you saying?" he asked her.

"Well, my half sister and stepsister, Drizella and Anastasia, couldn't wait to bring me the news that my best friend was pregnant and planning to marry my boyfriend, but they never mentioned the happy couple didn't stay together. I found out later, of course, but not while I was hurting over it. Because, hey, that might've made me actually feel less..." She stopped herself. "In fact, those few times we talked, you didn't mention they weren't a couple."

"I tried not to mention Riley and Jock at all," he said. "They were on and off for a little while. Maybe that's not accurate, either-they weren't together. They tried to create an amicable relationship for Maddie's sake, but they never even lived together. In fact, I think I'd need a chart and a graph to understand where Maddie came from because Riley and Jock were like oil and water. But I don't want Maddie to think badly of either of them. Well, let me be honest, I wouldn't be devastated to learn she thinks a little badly of Jock. He p.i.s.sed me off. He got my sister pregnant and didn't exactly step up to the plate. He was pretty useless back then, but he was just a kid. And he is her father. I'd rather we all get along. And I don't want Maddie blindsided by a lot of nasty gossip."

"I won't be saying anything, Adam. I'd prefer to forget it ever happened," Emma said. "At the time, it was awful."

"I think it's safe to say a lot of people were hurt."

"You're in luck. If anyone remembers me they will have much juicier stuff than my best friend and boyfriend getting together while I was away at school sixteen years ago. All the same, Riley and Jock should explain it to her before anyone else does."

"Of course. The minute she's capable of understanding at least a little bit. I'm kind of an expert on teenagers. Girls Maddie's age are filled with a kind of tragic drama and fatalism that can easily cast them in a dark place. I've watched it. We've had our challenges as a family and it hasn't always been easy, but one thing we did manage. We managed to make sure Maddie never felt like a mistake. She always felt loved and wanted. I think."

"It never came up?" Emma asked. "Didn't anyone ask how Riley ended up having Jock's baby when he was supposed to be my boyfriend?"

"I only recall once or twice. Riley said you and Jock had broken up when you went away to school, which was at least partially true. It's been a long time-I just want to be sure Maddie always feels secure."

How lucky, Emma thought. Since she was just a kid she had known two things about the Kerrigan family. They had very obvious struggles; life for them had never been easy. But they had enough familial loyalty and love to glue them together. Emma had always envied that because she'd never had it.

Emma's problems began long before she lost her boyfriend to her best friend.

Emma was a bit too young to understand her placement in the family when her father married Rosemary Caliban, but it didn't take her long to instinctively know she was only loved by her father, and her father was a lonely, unhappy, broken man.

His wife gone, John Shay married someone who appeared, on the surface, to be a good match. A woman who was willing to help raise Emma. But Rosemary was a stern woman with a mean side and a streak of jealousy a mile wide. She brought a daughter to the marriage, produced a second and clearly preferred both of them to Emma. Once Emma was an adult and could look back on it she supposed it didn't help that people often remarked on how pretty she was. And her daddy couldn't stop himself from commenting on how much she resembled her late mother, with her chestnut hair and large dark eyes. Rosemary undoubtedly despised hearing that, and who wouldn't?

Emma remembered Rosemary doing subtle things to show her favoritism. She'd fold Anna's and Lauren's clothes and toss Emma's on the bed, took her two girls shopping and to lunch while Emma was with Riley, never inviting her. Emma even suspected the gifts she got at Christmas were of lesser value and almost never fit. Rosemary would help her daughters with the kitchen cleanup when it was their turn but Emma was left on her own. When John Shay stepped in to help Emma, she knew he had noticed and that made her feel worse, not better. When her father died it was the Kerrigan family that comforted her more than her own. It was obvious Rosemary didn't miss John much.

It wasn't long before a man moved in-her new stepfather, Vince Kingston. Vince wasn't gentle and sweet like her father had been. He was a cra.s.s idiot who made crude and suggestive remarks to his new stepdaughters, but Rosemary just ignored him. Emma gave him a wide berth, as did Anna and Lauren. Emma wasn't quite sure where she belonged. Or if she belonged anywhere at all.

That was always an issue with her, that she had no real family. This seemed especially important during her high school years, and when her father died...it seemed hopeless. She felt so self-conscious, as if everyone at school knew she was basically an orphan. And who was there for her through the confusion and sadness? Riley, Adam, their mother, June, and Riley's grandparents. They were the family she always longed for.

It was like Adam was always watching over them all.

On her second gla.s.s of wine, fortified with a little cheese and fruit, she asked him about his grandparents. She knew they had pa.s.sed away, but hadn't heard until they'd been gone awhile.

"Well, Grandpa died when I was twenty-two. He wasn't sick long. Cancer took him quickly. Gram just went along, died in her sleep a year later. I was twenty-three and had just finished my teaching degree. My grandparents left the house to Mom, of course. It took me five more years to move out, get my own place. Riley and Maddie took a little longer and for the life of me I'm not sure why they even bothered-they're at Mom's all the time." He laughed. "But then, so am I. I check on her a lot. I do the guy ch.o.r.es around the house and try to take her out to dinner regularly. I hate her always cooking for all of us, even though she loves to cook. She volunteers with a bunch of church ladies, taking meals to the elderly and infirm."

Emma looked down. "I missed your family. Your mother most of all. I think she was more family to me than Rosemary ever was."

"And she misses you. You know, it wouldn't look like you're giving in to stop by the house and say h.e.l.lo. There's no commitment involved. It might be time to rethink this feud."

She laughed uncomfortably. "You don't understand. I'm not angry anymore. It's just... We can't be friends again, Adam."

"Who? Me and you?"

"Oh, I like the idea of being your friend," she said with a little laugh. "Especially since you know these nifty little hideaways where you can have wine under the stars. But I can't have you trying to work things out between me and Riley. We're done."

He gave her a steady, half-amused look. "Really, Emmie Cat? After all you've gone through in the past few years, you're worried about friendship with Riley?"

"We wouldn't trust each other anyway..."

He laughed. "It's been over fifteen years. You don't have to trust her. Who cares if you trust her? You don't even have to like her. But when you think about things, you'll figure out she was never your enemy."

"She wasn't exactly my friend!"

"If she'd been a better friend, maybe you could've married Jock. I'm sure that would've been great."

"Compared to who I did marry? Might've been, yeah! At least it wouldn't have been Richard. But determined to have a better life than the one I left behind, I-" She paused for a moment. "All right, all right," she said. "Don't think I haven't looked at it from that angle. But please, don't get ideas about reuniting us."

He put up his hands, palms toward her. "Heaven help me." He took a sip of his wine. "The truth? I wish the two of you could make amends. You were always stronger together than apart. I refuse to believe you still mourn the loss of Jock. It just seems that now, after everything, staying mad at my sister wouldn't be very high on your list of priorities."

After what she'd been through with Richard, there was a part of her that wished she'd married Jock, let him ruin her life, that she'd never left California, never met Richard. She shook her head. "That's certainly true-my priorities are completely different now. And I don't really think of our situation as a feud. I'm sure if we ran into each other we'd be perfectly cordial. Even friendly. But the days of slumber parties are over. I have to get on my feet. I didn't think I'd start off with a great job, but I thought I'd get a decent job, even after not working for nine years. I have a degree. With my experience, I could make a d.a.m.n good concierge or event planner. Turns out that even though I didn't do anything wrong, I also have a shady past by a.s.sociation. Even though I wasn't arrested, people don't trust me. They're afraid I was his partner in crime. After all, he had several employees who rolled over on him, took deals to testify. People suspect me, think I didn't testify because I was protecting him. I didn't testify because I had nothing relevant to say. Let that be a lesson to you, Adam. Don't hang around with felons. Sitting in the courtroom while they're being tried might help them, but it won't do much for you."

"Why'd you come back, Emmie?" he asked. "I thought you'd disappear and we'd never see you again."

"I had nowhere to go," she said. "Oh, I thought about going somewhere I could be unknown but you know what? Someone's going to figure me out eventually and then it'll only be worse. I will have added deception to suspicion. Besides, my credentials are in my name! And I couldn't stay back there. I was a leper. Not only couldn't I even get a job with McBurger back east, there were also hostile people who wanted revenge on me just for being a.s.sociated with Richard. I was in hiding for months. Around here I've found some resistance, but I did manage to get a job. A small job, but a job. Maybe when people see I'm a hard worker, it'll ease up. I'm a little afraid to think about how long that might take." She took a sip of her wine. "I have to admit, I didn't think it would be this hard. Have you ever tried to make it on minimum wage?"

He just gave her a wan smile. Of course he had. When they'd moved to town, June had worked two jobs-cleaning houses and waitressing. She worked all the time. Emma remembered when June soaked her feet at the end of a long day, so sore, so weary. And that after just losing her husband.

"How'd you end up with Richard Compton?" he asked.

"Oh, the usual way. I met him when I was out with friends. In a restaurant. I was in the bar with my girlfriends and he was having dinner with clients. We had a nice conversation. He was clearly interested, which was flattering. He asked for my number and I wouldn't give it to him. I took his business card but he intimidated me, so I didn't plan to call him. A few weeks later he showed up in the store where I worked-he'd been back at that restaurant and one of my friends told him where I worked. I made him work really hard for a date, but honestly? I was completely smitten. Richard was very handsome, very cla.s.sy. So charming. You don't weasel people out of a hundred million dollars by being an a.s.shole. He could charm the pants off anyone.

"I didn't know how rich my husband was when I married him. I mean, I knew he was successful and lived well, but I didn't know much more than that. I certainly didn't know he was getting rich illegally. Had I known, do you think I could have stayed with him? But it's not like I ever saw a tax return. I didn't have a key to a safe-deposit box or anything. I didn't know there was a safe in his study. I guess because there was another larger and visible safe, the police never expected it, either. It was hidden behind a bookcase. Richard was not what you'd call transparent."

Adam frowned. "Didn't you sign the tax return?"

She shook her head. "We filed separate returns-Richard took care of it. There was a prenup, a generous prenup that would settle me with more money than I'd ever know what to do with. Of course I came to understand about his wealth, that he could afford almost anything. He never questioned what I needed."

In vitro, Emma? What the h.e.l.l. Knock yourself out.

But, Richard, you'll have to have a few tests...

No problem. I'll schedule us with the best doctor in the city.

"This is a whole new world," she said. "No one is going to pity me, learning how to live on two hundred a week after nine years with a Manhattan apartment and a vacation home in the islands. But... Well. Once I get a second job or a decent first job, things should be easier."