The Life She Wants Part 19

"Of course I did, what do you think? Okay, I was an idiot and I thought maybe me and Riley would be friends with benefits for a while till I was ready, you know. But I was eighteen. And let me tell you about those Kerrigans..." He whistled. "You don't have five minutes to think with them, know what I'm saying? Riley's grandpa went straight to my dad and threatened to lock me up, for what, I don't know-we were over eighteen. Adam coldc.o.c.ked me and told me to never set foot near his sister again or he'd kill me. Riley-Riley said I'd ruined her life, caused her to lose her best friend and I'd be lucky if she ever even let me see my child. And you never came back. I was so screwed. I couldn't win."

Emma was frowning. "You really cared about her?"

"I was a little slow, okay? I admit it-I didn't speak up fast enough."

"And Maddie told you where to find me tonight? What does Maddie know about it?"

"Everything," Jock said. His expression was composed and confident.

She tilted her head to look at him. He hadn't changed too much, actually. His hair was still a little s.h.a.ggy but he had that handsome square jaw, pretty blue eyes and brows a little thick and bushy. And the lashes. Whew, girls would sell their mothers for some of those lashes.

"Everything?" Emma asked.

"I'm real close with Maddie. 'Course Maddie's real close with everyone. She's got a kind of gift. She knows how to make people feel okay about themselves. I told Maddie the truth a long time ago. I told her her mama was embarra.s.sed about it all, maybe still upset about it. And I told her it was my fault because it was. But I wanted her to know-I really cared about her mom."

"But, Jock-you didn't even go to the hospital when she was born!"

"Yes, I did. I just waited for the Kerrigan clan to clear out. No point in getting my blood all over the maternity ward! But I went. I went a lot. The nurses knew the family was p.i.s.sed-they let me in after hours. And I snuck over to her house when Adam and Riley weren't around. Took me a year to get Maddie to my house so my mom could fuss over her. In the end, Riley's fair. Plus, there was June. June put a stop to all the fighting and stuff, for Maddie's sake."

"Well," Emma said. "You didn't carry a torch long, did you? You got married, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I'm so brilliant-that was me showing just how smart I am. Maddie was around ten or so and I figured Riley had no reason to hold off on us getting together. I thought it all through-I'd been helping with Maddie, keeping her sometimes, giving Riley whatever I could for support-I know it wasn't much but I didn't have much of a job back then. So I worked it all out in my head and ran it by Riley-we could be a family. Something about the way I did it really p.i.s.sed her off. I mean really p.i.s.sed her off. She said, 'In your dreams, Jock.' So I did the most rational thing I could think of-I married this woman I worked with. She had two kids, she was crazy about me. I wanted to have a home. It didn't take me long after Riley shut me down to realize once I grew up a little bit, I wanted to be a family man. Turns out she wasn't crazy about me for long. But you know me, Emma-I'm such an idiot, I think there was a part of me that was gonna show Riley- See, someone wants me. I actually thought Riley might be a little jealous. So trust me, I learned my lesson."

"My G.o.d, you have to tell her all this, Jock! You should tell Riley you screwed up when you were eighteen but you really care about her."

"Nah, that ship has sailed," he said. "I'm not good enough for her anyway. You know how smart she is? I'm just lucky we don't fight anymore. We get along okay. Maddie's happy. Maddie-she's incredible. You know Maddie's even proud of me? Me? I don't do much to brag about but I play some mean softball and Maddie comes to my games. All my friends and their families know her." He laughed. "Riley even came to a game once. She left like her pants were on fire, but h.e.l.l-she did come."

"You used to play some serious football, as I recall," Emma said, her voice soft.

"Only for fun after high school," he said. "I've been with Mackie's Electronics for a long time and I do all right now. To tell the truth, I do better than all right-I have the management of a store. I have a mortgage. A house and a mortgage. Riley won't take support money anymore so she said just put some aside for Maddie for college. I'm sure Riley thinks I just ignored her, but I didn't. I think Maddie can pick any college by now. Not that she's going to need tuition-she's the smartest kid in school. Like her mom was. Riley was valedictorian."

Emma laughed. "Yeah. I was there."

"So I'm sorry, Emma. Sorry I cheated on you. I should've broken it off with you when we stopped talking, when I started hanging out with Riley. If I'd done that one thing..."

"Well, it's all behind us now. You were forgiven a long time ago."

"You okay, Emma? I heard about how bad things got for you. Anything I can do?"

"Nah. I have a job. I'm back in a town I know. I have a few friends."

"Maybe you could count me as a friend," he said. "No ulterior motives," he said, holding up his hands. "But if you need anything..."

"That's very nice, thanks. Right now I have to go. I worked all day and seeing both you and June... By the way, Riley doesn't know I had dinner with June."

"I know. Maddie said we're not exactly keeping secrets, but we're not talking about it."

Emma laughed. That was what keeping secrets was. She made a decision-she was going to tell Riley about dinner with June. If it made her angry, she'd have to get over it. Emma was relatively sure Riley wouldn't fire her. In fact, she might have to tell about Adam, too. Now for that, Riley might fire her.

Jock was right. Those Kerrigans could really close ranks. But what should you expect from a family that had to stick together to survive?

She shook hands with Jock, wished him luck, thanked him for making amends. By the time she got to Adam's house it was almost eleven. The front door was unlocked. He had a fire going and was nursing a drink.

"I had almost given you up for lost," he said.

"For a little while there I thought I was lost. My night started with your mom and Beatrice..."

"I know Beatrice," he said with a chuckle.

"And ended with Jock waiting for me so he could apologize for cheating on me-sixteen years ago."

Adam was tempted to beg for every moment of time Emma would spare him, to keep her close, to possess her. Hold her. But he knew she had to untangle her life. And he was part of it. She said, very clearly, she needed to try to build her life as a woman before she thought of herself as part of a couple.

Last night in the glow of the fire she'd asked him, "Were you too hard on Jock? Did you scare him too much? Discourage him too much? Because it turns out he always cared for Riley. I mean, I think he loved her. And he adores Maddie."

"He was an irresponsible idiot," Adam said. "Then. Back then, I mean. I know he's gotten better over time. And don't kid yourself, he's not afraid of me!"

"He did a lot of stupid things," she said.

"That's an understatement."

"So did I," she said. "So did Riley. You appear to be the only perfect one."

But he'd lost his temper with Jock. He'd hated Jock. He didn't hate him anymore but he wasn't crazy about him.

Emma went home to help Penny rake up some dead leaves in her garden, to shop for her lunch supplies for the week, to launder her uniform. But she did invite him to share a pizza and a movie later. He knew that meant he'd somehow manage to spend the night. So he planned to spend some of his Sat.u.r.day checking on his mother and buying another big box of condoms.

He'd had plenty of s.e.x in his adult life. Great s.e.x, as a matter of fact. But he'd never had a woman who wanted him like Emma wanted him. She unfolded like a rose in full bloom when he touched her. She said his name with a kind of breathy awareness that turned him on so much, he was completely helpless. He'd always thought of himself as a man with great control, but he lost that with her. He teased her until she became a little wild and then he was done for-he went crazy with her and they blew up together. He thought he knew why it was that way with them. He was in love with her.

After the weekend, Emma found herself actually looking forward to work on Monday morning, even though it was getting particularly difficult cleaning with Christmas approaching and all the decorations littering the houses. She'd never seen her own Christmas decorations looking shabby or dusty! She now realized she must have had an excellent cleaning crew.

Makenna had no trainees this week so in addition to working with Emma, Dellie and Shawna, she was visiting other teams at either Riley or Nick's request. Makenna was part of quality control. "The fabulous four rides on," Shawna said of their team. "I'm glad they haven't moved you to another team, Emma. I like working with you."

"Why?" she asked before she could think.

"You're a hard worker and stay in a good mood," Shawna said.

"She's still happy she got work," Dellie said. "She'll turn into one of us before you know it."

"If I have to push someone along all day..." Shawna made a face. "It just puts me in a temper." Then she launched into a litany of shortcomings about team members who didn't meet her expectations, everything from laziness to lying.

In ten minutes they pulled up to their first house, the Christensens'. They cleaned here twice a week but it hardly needed once. Mrs. Christensen, Makenna had informed them, knew if they missed a piece of lint or a hair on the bathroom countertop. They were here every Monday and Thursday. Emma hoped she wouldn't get the vacuum cleaner-those tracks had to be perfect. The house was huge.

This was where Bethany, the fifteen-year-old with the carved-up desk lived.

"How long have you been cleaning the Christensens' house?" Emma asked.

"I don't know," Shawna said. "I've been on it a year, I think. Dellie, how long?"

Before Dellie could answer, Makenna jumped in. "The company's been in that house four years now, but we've changed teams a few times. A couple of times Mrs. Christensen found the cleaning unsatisfactory and the other times it was just time for a schedule change. New people on the job usually freshens things up."

As luck would have it, Emma was a.s.signed the dusting, vacuuming and linens upstairs. This time she meant to take a closer look in the bedrooms. Maybe there was a mystery to unravel. Maybe she'd spy some evidence of a visiting grandmother or another child. She'd like to at least see a picture of Bethany, the girl who threw away the expensive new clothes.

The bathrooms and kitchen in this five thousand square foot custom home were usually fast work-Mr. and Mrs. Christensen had very demanding jobs and long hours. They didn't seem to do much cooking, and the only even slightly challenging bathroom was the master bath. There wasn't even much kitchen trash. Since they weren't contracted to clean the refrigerator, it was against the rules to look in it but Emma had an aching desire to know what kind of food was there.

She went to vacuum and dust Bethany's room first, fiercely curious. As she started ripping off the linens she found that the lump in the bed was Bethany. The girl shrieked and Emma jumped back, crying out.

"Oh, my G.o.d, I'm sorry! I didn't know you were in bed!"

Bethany grabbed for her covers. "I stayed home today."

"Oh, honey, are you sick?"

"Sort of," she said, burrowing back into her bed. "Sick of school."

"Oh. Can I get you anything? Call someone to look after you?"

"I'm fifteen! I look after myself!"

"Right," Emma said. "Would you like me to skip your room?"

"Yes. Just go. And look..." She talked from under the covers. "Just...don't say anything."

She's frail, Emma thought. Thin and pale and completely miserable. Who does she miss every day?

She moved on to the parents' room. Why did they have a cleaning service at all? They were immaculate. She stripped the bed, applied new linens, began dusting the furniture and heard Dellie in the bathroom, cleaning. She leaned against the door frame. "Skip the girl's bathroom," Emma said softly. "She's home, sick in bed, asked me to leave her room."

"All rightie," Dellie said. "I bet she's cutting school."

"No, she's sick," Emma said. Then she wondered why she was protecting the girl. She went back to dusting the bureau. A drawer was ajar an inch and impulsively, irrationally, she pulled it open a bit. Then a bit more. And there it was-the thing that was the root of all the pain and forced order in this house-a family portrait in a frame, hidden from sight, lying atop folded clothes. Mom, Dad and Bethany. A plumper, slightly younger Bethany who smiled as if the very sun was inside her. They were a beautiful, happy family a few years ago. Bethany was robust, rosy, healthy. That Bethany was gone now and in her wake, terrible pain.

She closed the drawer and felt her face catch fire. Her hands shook a little while she tried to concentrate on her dusting. If anyone knew, she would be fired. She would have to be fired.

What had happened to this family? Why was the only picture in evidence hidden in a drawer?

Then, later, as she pushed the vacuum around the room, she realized something significant-it was the father's drawer. How strange that seemed. She could envision the father demanding all the pictures be removed and the mother clinging to one. But it was the father holding on...and the mother's a.s.sistant was buying Bethany clothes.

Emma knew without even thinking about it that the next time they cleaned, the next time she had vacuuming and dusting, she would look in the mother's drawer. Look for a picture.

Then she thought of her stepmother. Rosemary dispensed with Emma's father's personal effects quickly, and the pictures soon followed because less than a year after his death Rosemary remarried. Emma kept pictures, however. So had her little sister, Lauren.

The next house was a filthy mess. It took too much of their time but it removed all that conjecture about Bethany and her family from Emma's mind for a while.

Makenna left them for a while to go with Nick and check a few crews. The next house wasn't bad, but messier than usual. The lady of the house was at home because her arm was in a sling. "Fell and dislocated my shoulder and might've injured my rotator cuff, but I had X-rays and it will be fine," she explained. "I'm just resting it and the doctor said to keep in immobilized for a few days." Then she laughed and said, "I could have gone to work, I just can't fix my hair with one arm!"

Then she stayed out of the way. When they were finished and back in the van, they took a break to eat a little lunch. "Fell my fine a.s.s," Shawna said. "That's about her fifth fall this year!"

Emma almost choked on her drink. So-that was one of the households they knew too much about.

"It's possible she's clumsy," Emma said. "Isn't it?"

"Humph," was the answer. "She's being kicked around. Know how I know? Because I see it in her eyes and I've seen it before. When I looked in the mirror."

"Oh, dear G.o.d, Shawna," Emma said.

"Don't waste pity on me-I found the way out, even if you never get all the way out. If he isn't still out there posing a threat then he's in here," she said, tapping her head.

"Don't you worry none about Shawna," Dellie said. "Her boys are as big as he is and they take good care of their mama."

"They do. Now we're gonna get over to Ms. Fletcher's... She's the clumsy one."

"I think I might know what makes her so clumsy," Dellie said. Then the two of them cackled madly.

"What?" Emma asked.

"She's a wino," Shawna said. And they giggled some more.

It had taken her a while, but now Emma figured it out-she was hearing all this gossip because Makenna wasn't with them. Makenna was part of the executive trio with Riley and Nick, the holders of the holy grail, the policy manual. Violation of the policies got you fired.

"What's up with the Christensen house?" Emma bravely asked.

Shawna shrugged. "Career couple."

"Someone's got a little OCD going on there. I vote for her."

"Could be him," Dellie said. "We wouldn't know, they're never home. It's an easy house."

"Not a speck of dust anywhere."

"You gotta wonder why they hired a cleaning crew," Shawna said.

"For the carpet tracks," Dellie said.

"You gotta wonder why they had a kid," Emma ventured.

"Yeah, poor kid. Typical."

"Typical?"

"All they think about is work and money. Everything has to be perfect," Dellie said.

"I like it that way better than the Brewsters-those boys have every toy and gadget ever invented, they're sloppy, with no manners or respect and-" Shawna said.