The Life and Letters of Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley Volume I Part 6

Have a good-humoured letter from Harriet, and a cold and even sarcastic one from Mrs. Boinville. Sh.e.l.ley reads the _History of the Illuminati_, out of Barruel, to us.

_Wednesday, October 12._--Read _Political Justice_. A letter from Marshall; Jane goes there. When she comes home we go to Cheapside; returning, an occurrence. Deliberation until 7; burn the letter; sleep early.

_Thursday, October 13._--Communicate the burning of the letter. Much dispute and discussion concerning its probable contents. Alarm.

Determine to quit London; send for 5 from Hookham. Change our resolution. Go to the play. The extreme depravity and disgusting nature of the scene; the inefficacy of acting to encourage or maintain the delusion. The loathsome sight of men personating characters which do not and cannot belong to them. Sh.e.l.ley displeased with what he saw of Kean. Return. Alarm. We sleep at the Stratford Hotel.

_Friday, October 14_ (Sh.e.l.ley).--Jane's insensibility and incapacity for the slightest degree of friendship. The feelings occasioned by this discovery prevent me from maintaining any measure in security.

This highly incorrect; subversion of the first principles of true philosophy; characters, particularly those which are unformed, may change. Beware of weakly giving way to trivial sympathies. Content yourself with one great affection--with a single mighty hope; let the rest of mankind be the subjects of your benevolence, your justice, and, as human beings, of your sensibility; but, as you value many hours of peace, never suffer more than one even to approach the hallowed circle. Nothing should shake the truly great spirit which is not sufficiently mighty to destroy it.

Peac.o.c.k calls. I take some interest in this man, but no possible conduct of his would disturb my tranquillity.... Converse with Jane; her mind unsettled; her character unformed; occasion of hope from some instances of softness and feeling; she is not entirely insensible to concessions, new proofs that the most exalted philosophy, the truest virtue, consists in an habitual contempt of self; a subduing of all angry feelings; a sacrifice of pride and selfishness. When you attempt benefit to either an individual or a community, abstain from imputing it as an error that they despise or overlook your virtue. These are incidental reflections which arise only indirectly from the circ.u.mstances recorded.

Walk with Peac.o.c.k to the pond; talk of Marian and Greek metre. Peac.o.c.k dines. In the evening read Cicero and the _Paradoxa_. Night comes; Jane walks in her sleep, and groans horribly; listen for two hours; at length bring her to Mary. Begin _Julius_, and finish the little volume of Cicero.

The next morning the chimney board in Jane's room is found to have walked leisurely into the middle of the room, accompanied by the pillow, who, being very sleepy, tried to get into bed again, but sat down on his back.

_Sat.u.r.day, October 15_ (Mary).--After breakfast read _Political Justice_. Sh.e.l.ley goes with Peac.o.c.k to Ballachy's. A disappointment; it is put off till Monday. They then go to Homerton. Finish _St.

Leon_. Jane writes to Marshall. A letter from my Father. Talking; Jane and I walk out. Sh.e.l.ley and Peac.o.c.k return at 6. Sh.e.l.ley advises Jane not to go. Jane's letter to my Father. A refusal. Talk about going away, and, as usual, settle nothing.

_Wednesday, October 19._--Finish _Political Justice_, read _Caleb Williams_. Sh.e.l.ley goes to the city, and meets with a total failure.

Send to Hookham. Sh.e.l.ley reads a part of _Comus_ aloud.

_Thursday, October 20._--Sh.e.l.ley goes to the city. Finish _Caleb Williams_; read to Jane. Peac.o.c.k calls; he has called on my father, who will not speak about Sh.e.l.ley to any one but an attorney. Oh!

philosophy!...

_Sat.u.r.day, October 22._--Finish the _Life of Alfieri_. Go to the tomb (Mary Wollstonecraft's), and read the _Essay on Sepulchres_ there.

Sh.e.l.ley is out all the morning at the lawyer's, but nothing is done....

In the evening a letter from f.a.n.n.y, warning us of the Hookhams. Jane and Sh.e.l.ley go after her; they find her, but f.a.n.n.y runs away.

_Monday, October 24._--Read aloud to Jane. At 11 go out to meet Sh.e.l.ley. Walk up and down Fleet Street; call at Peac.o.c.k's; return to Fleet Street; call again at Peac.o.c.k's; return to Pancras; remain an hour or two. People call; I suppose bailiffs. Return to Peac.o.c.k's.

Call at the coffee-house; see Sh.e.l.ley; he has been to Ballachy's. Good hopes; to be decided Thursday morning. Return to Peac.o.c.k's; dine there; get money. Return home in a coach; go to bed soon, tired to death.

_Thursday, October 25._--Write to Sh.e.l.ley. Jane goes to f.a.n.n.y.... Call at Peac.o.c.k's; go to the hotel; Sh.e.l.ley not there. Go back to Peac.o.c.k's. Peac.o.c.k goes to Sh.e.l.ley. Meet Sh.e.l.ley in Holborn. Walk up and down Bartlett's Buildings.... Come with him to Peac.o.c.k's; talk with him till 10; return to Pancras without him. Jane in the dumps all evening about going away.

_Wednesday, October 26._--A visit from Sh.e.l.ley's old friends;[10] they go away much disappointed and very angry. He has written to T. Hookham to ask him to be bail. Return to Pancras about 4. Read all the evening.

_Thursday, October 27._--Write to f.a.n.n.y all morning. We had received letters from Skinner Street in the morning. f.a.n.n.y is very doleful, and C. C. contradicts in one line what he had said in the line before.

After two go to St. Paul's; meet Sh.e.l.ley; go with him in a coach to Hookham's; H. is out; return; leave him and proceed to Pancras. He has not received a definitive answer from Ballachy; meet a money-lender, of whom I have some hopes. Read aloud to Jane in the evening. Jane goes to sleep. Write to Sh.e.l.ley. A letter comes enclosing a letter from Hookham consenting to justify bail. Harriet has been to work there against my Father.

_Tuesday, November 1._--Learn Greek all morning. Sh.e.l.ley goes to the 'Change. Jane calls.[11] People want their money; won't send up dinner, and we are all very hungry. Jane goes to Hookham. Sh.e.l.ley and I talk about her character. Jane returns without money. Writes to f.a.n.n.y about coming to see her; she can't come. Writes to Charles. Goes to Peac.o.c.k to send him to us with some eatables; he is out. Charles promises to see her. She returns to Pancras; he goes there, and tells the dismal state of the Skinner Street affairs. Sh.e.l.ley goes to Peac.o.c.k's; comes home with cakes. Wait till T. Hookham sends money to pay the bill. Sh.e.l.ley returns to Pancras. Have tea, and go to bed.

Sh.e.l.ley goes to Peac.o.c.k's to sleep.

These are two specimens of the notes constantly pa.s.sing between them.

MARY TO Sh.e.l.lEY.

_25th October._

For what a minute did I see you yesterday. Is this the way, my beloved, we are to live till the 6th? In the morning when I wake I turn to look on you. Dearest Sh.e.l.ley, you are solitary and uncomfortable. Why cannot I be with you, to cheer you and press you to my heart? Ah! my love, you have no friends; why, then, should you be torn from the only one who has affection for you? But I shall see you to-night, and this is the hope I shall live on through the day. Be happy, dear Sh.e.l.ley, and think of me! I know how tenderly you love me, and how you repine at your absence from me. When shall we be free of treachery? I send you the letter I told you of from Harriet, and a letter we received yesterday from f.a.n.n.y; the history of this interview I will tell you when I come. I was so dreadfully tired yesterday that I was obliged to take a coach home. Forgive this extravagance, but I am so very weak at present, and I had been so agitated through the day, that I was not able to stand; a morning's rest, however, will set me quite right again; I shall be well when I meet you this evening.

Will you be at the door of the coffee-house at 5 o'clock, as it is disagreeable to go into those places. I shall be there exactly at that time, and we can go into St. Paul's, where we can sit down.

I send you _Diogenes_, as you have no books. Hookham was so ill-tempered as not to send the book I asked for. So this is the end of my letter, dearest love.

What do they mean?[12] I detest Mrs. G.o.dwin; she plagues my father out of his life; and these----Well, no matter. Why will G.o.dwin not follow the obvious bent of his affections, and be reconciled to us?

No; his prejudices, the world, and _she_--all these forbid it. What am I to do? trust to time, of course, for what else can I do. Good-night, my love; to-morrow I will seal this blessing on your lips. Press me, your own Mary, to your heart. Perhaps she will one day have a father; till then be everything to me, love; and, indeed, I will be a good girl, and never vex you. I will learn Greek and----but when shall we meet when I may tell you all this, and you will so sweetly reward me?

But good-night; I am wofully tired, and so sleepy. One kiss--well, that is enough--to-morrow!

Sh.e.l.lEY TO MARY.

_28th October._

MY BELOVED MARY--I know not whether these transient meetings produce not as much pain as pleasure. What have I said? I do not mean it. I will not forget the sweet moments when I saw your eyes--the divine rapture of the few and fleeting kisses. Yet, indeed, this must cease; indeed, we must not part thus wretchedly to meet amid the comfortless tumult of business; to part I know not how.

Well, dearest love, to-morrow--to-morrow night. That eternal clock!

Oh! that I could "fright the steeds of lazy-paced Time." I do not think that I am less impatient now than formerly to repossess--to entirely engross--my own treasured love. It seems so unworthy a cause for the slightest separation. I could reconcile it to my own feelings to go to prison if they would cease to persecute us with interruptions. Would it not be better, my heavenly love, to creep into the loathliest cave so that we might be together.

Mary, love, we must be united; I will not part from you again after Sat.u.r.day night. We must devise some scheme. I must return. Your thoughts alone can waken mine to energy; my mind without yours is dead and cold as the dark midnight river when the moon is down. It seems as if you alone could shield me from impurity and vice. If I were absent from you long, I should shudder with horror at myself; my understanding becomes undisciplined without you. I believe I must become in Mary's hands what Harriet was in mine. Yet how differently disposed--how devoted and affectionate--how, beyond measure, reverencing and adoring--the intelligence that governs me! I repent me of this simile; it is unjust; it is false. Nor do I mean that I consider you much my superior, evidently as you surpa.s.s me in originality and simplicity of mind. How divinely sweet a task it is to imitate each other's excellences, and each moment to become wiser in this surpa.s.sing love, so that, const.i.tuting but one being, all real knowledge may be comprised in the maxim [Greek: gnothi seauton]--(know thyself)--with infinitely more justice than in its narrow and common application. I enclose you Hookham's note; what do you think of it? My head aches; I am not well; I am tired with this comfortless estrangement from all that is dear to me. My own dearest love, good-night. I meet you in Staples Inn at twelve to-morrow--half an hour before twelve. I have written to Hooper and Sir J. Sh.e.l.ley.

_Journal, Thursday, November 3_ (Mary).--Work; write to Sh.e.l.ley; read Greek grammar. Receive a letter from Mr. Booth; so all my hopes are over there. Ah! Isabel; I did not think you would act thus. Read and work in the evening. Receive a letter from Sh.e.l.ley. Write to him.

[Letter not transcribed here.]

_Sunday, November 6._--Talk to Sh.e.l.ley. He writes a great heap of letters. Read part of _St. Leon_. Talk with him all evening; this is a day devoted to Love in idleness. Go to sleep early in the evening.

Sh.e.l.ley goes away a little before 10.

_Wednesday, November 9._--Pack up all morning; leave Pancras about 3; call at Peac.o.c.k's for Sh.e.l.ley; Charles Clairmont has been for 8. Go to Nelson Square. Jane gloomy; she is very sullen with Sh.e.l.ley. Well, never mind, my love--we are happy.

_Thursday, November 10._--Jane is not well, and does not speak the whole day. We send to Peac.o.c.k's, but no good news arrives. Lambert has called there, and says he will write. Read a little of _Petronius_, a most detestable book. Sh.e.l.ley is out all the morning. In the evening read Louvet's _Memoirs_--go to bed early. Sh.e.l.ley and Jane sit up till 12, talking; Sh.e.l.ley talks her into a good humour.

_Sunday, November 13._--Write in the morning; very unwell all day.

f.a.n.n.y sends a letter to Jane to come to Blackfriars Road; Jane cannot go. f.a.n.n.y comes here; she will not see me; hear everything she says, however. They think my letter cold and _indelicate_! G.o.d bless them.

Papa tells f.a.n.n.y if she sees me he will never speak to her again; a blessed degree of liberty this! He has had a very impertinent letter from Christy Baxter. The reason she comes is to ask Jane to Skinner Street to see Mrs. G.o.dwin, who they say is dying. Jane has no clothes.

f.a.n.n.y goes back to Skinner Street to get some. She returns. Jane goes with her. Sh.e.l.ley returns (he had been to Hookham's); he disapproves.

Write and read. In the evening talk with my love about a great many things. We receive a letter from Jane saying she is very happy, and she does not know when she will return. Turner has called at Skinner Street; he says it is too far to Nelson Square. I am unwell in the evening.

_Journal, November 14_ (Sh.e.l.ley).--Mary is unwell. Receive a note from Hogg; cloth from Clara. I wish this girl had a resolute mind. Without firmness understanding is impotent, and the truest principles unintelligible. Charles calls to confer concerning Lambert; walk with him. Go to 'Change, to Peac.o.c.k's, to Lambert's; receive 30. In the evening Hogg calls; perhaps he still may be my friend, in spite of the radical differences of sympathy between us; he was pleased with Mary; this was the test by which I had previously determined to judge his character. We converse on many interesting subjects, and Mary's illness disappears for a time.

_Thursday, November 15_ (Sh.e.l.ley).--Disgusting dreams have occupied the night.

(Mary).--Very unwell. Jane calls; converse with her. She goes to Skinner Street; tells Papa that she will not return; comes back to Nelson Square with Sh.e.l.ley; calls at Peac.o.c.k's. Sh.e.l.ley read aloud to us in the evening out of Adolphus's _Lives_.

_Wednesday, November 16._--Very ill all day. Sh.e.l.ley and Jane out all day shopping about the town. Sh.e.l.ley reads _Edgar Huntley_ to us.

Sh.e.l.ley and Jane go to Hookham's. Hogg comes in the meantime; he stops all the evening. Sh.e.l.ley writes his critique till half-past 3.

_Sat.u.r.day, November 19._--Very ill. Sh.e.l.ley and Jane go out to call at Mrs. Knapp's; she receives Jane kindly; promises to come and see me. I go to bed early. Charles Clairmont calls in the evening, but I do not see him.

_Sunday, November 20._--Still very ill; get up very late. In the evening Sh.e.l.ley reads aloud out of the _Female Revolutionary Plutarch_. Hogg comes in the evening.... Get into an argument about virtue, in which Hogg makes a sad bungle; quite muddled on the point, I perceive.