The Life and Death of Doctor Faustus Made into a Farce Part 8

_Scar. and Har._ O' o, o'----

_The End of the Second Act._

ACT III.

SCENE _a Wood_.

Mephostopholis _and Dr._ Faustus.

_Faust._ How have I been delighted by thy Art; and in Twelve Years have seen the utmost Limits of the s.p.a.cious World; feasted my self with all Varieties; pleasur'd my Fancy with my Magick Art, and liv'd sole Lord o'er every Thing I wish'd for.

_Meph._ Ay, _Faustus_, is it not a splendid Life?

_Faust._ It is my Spirit; but prithee now retire, while I repose my self within this Shade, and when I wake attend on me again.

_Meph._ _Faust_, I will. [_Exit._

_Faust._ What art thou, _Faustus_, but a Man condemn'd. Thy Lease of Years expire apace; and, _Faustus_, then thou must be _Lucifers_: Here rest my Soul, and in my Sleep my future State be buried.

_Good and bad Angel descends._

_Good An._ _Faustus_, sweet _Faustus_, yet remember Heav'n. Oh! think upon the everlasting Pain thou must endure, For all thy short s.p.a.ce of Pleasure.

_Bad An._ Illusions, Fancies, _Faustus_; think of Earth. The Kings thou shalt command: The Pleasures Rule. Be, _Faustus_, not a whining, pious Fool. [_Ascend._

_Enter_ Horse-courser.

_Hors._ Oh! what a couz'ning Doctor was this: I riding my Horse into the Water, thinking some hidden Mystery had been in 'em, found my self on a Bundle of Straw, and was drag'd by Something in the Water, like a Bailiff through a Horse-pond. Ha! he's a Sleep: So ho, Mr. Doctor, so ho. Why Doctor, you couz'ning, wheedling, hypocritical, cheating, chousing, Son of a Wh.o.r.e; awake, rise, and give me my Mony again, for your Horse is turn'd into a Bottle of Hay. Why Sirrah, Doctor; 'sfoot I think he's dead. Way Doctor Scab; you mangy Dog. [_pulls him by the Leg._ 'Zounds I'm undone, I have pull'd his Leg off.

_Faust._ O help! the Villain has undone me; Murder.

_Hors._ Murder, or not Murder, now he has but one Leg I'll out-run him.

[_Exit._

_Faust._ Stop, stop him; ha, ha, ha, _Faustus_ has his Leg again, and the Horse-courser a Bundle of Hay for his Forty Dollars. Come, _Mephostopholis_, let's now attend the Emperor. [_Exit_ Faust. _and_ Meph.

_Enter_ Horse-courser, _and_ Carter, _with Pots of Ale_.

_Cart._ Here's to thee; and now I'll tell thee what I came hither for: You have heard of a Conjurer they call Doctor _Faustus_.

_Hors._ Heard of him, a Plague take him, I have Cause to know him; has he play'd any Pranks with you?

_Cart._ I'll tell thee, as I was going to the Market a while ago, with a Load of Hay, he met me, and askt me, What he should give me for as much Hay as his Horse would Eat: Now, Sir, I thinking that a little would serve his Turn, bad him take as much as he would for Three Farthings.

_Hors._ So.

_Cart._ So he presently gave me Mony, and fell to Eating: And as I'm a cursen Man, he never left Yeating and Yeating, 'till he had eaten up my whole Load of Hay.

_Hors._ Now you shall hear how he serv'd me: I went to him Yesterday to buy a Horse of him, which I did; and he had me be sure not to ride him into the Water.

_Cart._ Good.

_Hors._ Ad's Wounds 'twas Bad, as you shall hear: For I thinking the Horse had some rare Quality, that he would not have me know, what do me I but rides him in the Water; and when I came just in the midst of the River, I found my self a Straddle on a Bottle of Hay.

_Cart._ O rare Doctor!

_Hors._ But you shall hear how I serv'd him bravely for it; for finding him a Sleep just now in a By-Field, I whoop'd and hollow'd in his Ears, but could not wake him; so I took hold of his Leg, and never left pulling till I had pull'd it quite off.

_Cart._ And has the Doctor but one Leg then? That's Rare. But come, this is his House, let's in and see for our Mony; look you, we'll pay as we come back.

_Hors._ Done, done; and when we have got our Mony let's laugh at his one Leg: Ha, ha, ha. [_Exeunt Laughing._

_Enter_ Hostess.

_Host._ What have the Rogues left my Pots, and run away, without paying their Reck'ning? I'll after 'em, cheating Villains, Rogues, Cut-purses; rob a poor Woman, cheat the Spittle, and rob the King of his Excise; a parcel of Rustick, Clownish, Pedantical, High-shoo'd, Plow-jobbing, Cart-driving, Pinch-back'd, Paralytick, Fumbling, Grumbling, Bellowing, Yellowing, Peas-picking, Stinking, Mangy, Runagate, Ill-begotten, Ill-contriv'd, Wry-mouth'd, Spatrifying, Dunghill-raking, Costive, Snorting, Sweaty, Farting, Whaw-drover Dogs. [_Exit_

_Enter_ Faustus.

_Faust._ My Time draws near, and 20 Years are past: I have but Four poor Twelve Months for my Life, and then I am d.a.m.n'd for ever.

_Enter an_ Old Man.

_Old M._ O gentle _Faustus_, leave this d.a.m.n'd Art; this Magick, that will charm thy Soul to h.e.l.l, and quite bereave thee of Salvation: Though thou hast now offended like a Man, do not, oh! do not persist in't like a Devil. It may be this my Exhortation seems harsh, and all unpleasant; let it not, for, gentle Son, I speak in tender Love and Pity of thy future Misery; and so have hope that this my kind Rebuke, checking thy Body, may preserve thy Soul.

_Faust._ Where art thou, _Faustus_? Wretch, what hast thou done? O Friend, I feel thy Words to comfort my distressed Soul; retire, and let me ponder on my Sins.

_Old M._ _Faustus_, I leave thee, but with grief of Heart, Fearing thy Enemy will near depart. [_Exit._

_Enter_ Mephostopholis.

_Meph._ Thou Traytor, I arrest thee for Disobedience to thy Sovereign Lord; revolt, or I'll in piece-meal tear thy Flesh.

_Faust._ I do repent I e'er offended him; torment, sweet Friend, that old Man that durst disswade me from thy _Lucifer_.

_Meph._ His Faith is great, I cannot touch his Soul; but what I can afflict his Body with I will.

_Enter_ Horse-courser _and_ Carter.

_Hors._ We are come to drink a Health to your wooden Leg.

_Faust._ My wooden Leg; what dost thou mean, Friend?

_Hors._ Ha, ha! he has forgot his Leg.