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ch 10 Jiang Jiao's Text
I didn’t know what kind of friend he had at a hospital, but I was too lazy to bother about it. Outside the window, I could see snow start to fall. I thought about it, and decided that I’d go to the mall tomorrow to buy him a nice pair of shoes. The TV was very noisy, so I turned it off. At the same time, my phone sounded. I thought it would be Jiang Jiao’s text. But when I looked, it was actually Li Er. “Happy new year!”
I quickly called her back, and she picked up very quickly. She seemed to be outside, it was very noisy. I could hear the sound of fireworks in the background.
“Little Ear,” I said. “I want to see you.”
She didn’t speak for a long time,” What did you just say?”
“I said I wanted to see you.”
“You’re back?”
“Yes,” I said. “I came back.”
“What did you just call me?” she suddenly asked.
“Little Ear,” I said.
“Oh,” she said. “What are you doing?”
“I’m at home,” I said.
“We’re setting off fireworks at Victory Square. If you want, you can come join us!”
When I put down my phone, I tossed on my jacket and headed to Victory Square. Walking from my house, it took about ten minutes to get there. I already saw her from afar. She was wearing a red jacket, her hair was tied up in a cute ponytail. She was standing next to You Ta, who was helping her to light a long firework.
The fireworks lit up her smile. In that moment, I thought of Bala. Logically speaking, she and Bala were completely different. But in that moment, I was a bit confused, as if they were the same person.
I called to her, but she didn’t hear, maybe because she was having too much fun. So I stood at the side and had a smoke, waiting for her to realize I was there.
My cigarette was half gone when she ran over to me, smiling, and said, “Zhang Yang, you’re here. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“How were your final exams?” I asked her.
She laughed, “They were okay.”
You Ta followed over, “Li Er, do you still want to light anymore? Ah, Zhang Yang. I nearly didn’t recognize you.”
I touched my chin. It was already three days since I last shaved.
“I’m not setting off anymore,” Li Er said to You Ta. “I want to have a talk with Zhang Yang.”
You Ta’s face tensed up.
“I’ll be done quickly,” Li Er said to You Ta.
“Okay, you guys talk. I’ll go over there,” You Ta said, and then he left.
The lights around the square were dim. Li Er glanced at me, and then she laughed.
I asked her, “What are you laughing about?”
She said, “It’s New Year’s, but you didn’t shave or get a haircut. You’re like a caveman.”
I touched my chin and asked her, “There are so many people lighting fireworks. Do you know which is the one you sent to the sky?”
She thought for a moment and then responded, “Sometimes I know, sometimes I don’t.”
“Go get a firework. I’ll take you someplace,” I said.
She looked like she was hesitating. but after a short moment, she responded, “Okay.”
“Then go get a firework.”
She went to get one. After a moment, she came back with a bunch of fireworks. She said to me, “You Ta’s watching me. He just asked where I was going. What do we do?”
I reached out and grabbed her arm, then said one word, “Run!”
Then I pulled her after as I ran. She turned at You Ta’s shouts, but she didn’t hesitate or slow down at all. Like that, she held onto a bundle of fireworks and followed me to the edge of the city. We ran until we reached that abandoned house.
“Where is this place?” she asked, panting
“A haunted house,” I teased her.
She wasn’t afraid though, just looked around, very interested.
“You came here with Bala before, right?” she asked. She was a very smart girl.
“Come, let’s go to the rood.” I took the fireworks from her arms. I started climbing up first, and reached my hand out to help her.
She waved her hand, saying, “You go up first. I can get up on my own.”
I climbed up quickly and waited for her. She climbed up halfway and then stopped there. I knew she was afraid, but I didn’t move, just folded my arms and watched her. She lifted her head and looked up at me. Against the darkness, I could see the white of her eyes clearly. The carried a bit of shyness and also fear. I reached out my hand, “Come on, Little Ear.”
She finally reached out and put her hand in my palm. A small hand that felt like it didn’t have any bones. I only pulled gently, and she already climbed up.
Maybe because it had rained the past two days, the roof was a bit wet. I pulled her over to a dryer spot and said, “Look, this should be the best place to set off fireworks.”
“When I get back, You Ta will probably destroy me.”
“Are you afraid?” I asked her.
She laughed, “If I were afraid, I wouldn’t have followed you. Let’s set off the fireworks.”
“Okay.” I took out my lighter and helped her light the longest firework. It shot straight to the sky, and the sky became as magnificent as her smile. She jumped up excitedly, “It’s so beautiful! Zhang Yang, there’s only the firework I set off here!”
I was a bit dumbfounded.
She turned to look at me. With a smile, she asked, “What are you thinking about? Are you thinking of Bala?”
I scared her a bit, “If you say those two words again (her name), be careful, I might take you out!”
She laughed. When she finished laughing, she suddenly asked me, “Do you still remember Xu Yi?”
Bulls.h.i.t.
Li Er continued, “You wouldn’t know, but something’s happened to his family.”
“What?” I pretended that I wasn’t interested, but for some reason, my heart jumped.
“Something happened to his dad, and he was arrested by the police. And his mom is sick, living in the hospital. I heard it was cancer. She won’t live long.”
I tried to keep my cool.
“Why don’t you have any reaction?” Li Er asked me.
“What kind of reaction should I have?” I asked her.
“You should be happy.” Li Er picked up a long firework. “You have Xu Yi so much. Isn’t this the ending you always wanted?”
I grabbed her arm, “What exactly did Bala tell you? Tell me!”
“I also want to know,” she smiled, not trying to pull away.
“You have to tell me today.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then I’ll force you to say it!” I tore the firecracker from her grasp, and in one swift move, pulled her into my arms. This nasty little witch. If she really thought I wouldn’t do anything to her, then she was very wrong!
Our faces were very close. Her body was very soft, and I could very obviously feel her shaking. It took all my strength to stop myself from kissing her. We were at a stalemate for about a minute. I don’t know if it was because she was cold or scared, but her lips started turning purple. In the end, she caved and said, “Okay, Zhang Yang, I’ll talk.”
I let go of her and released a sigh of relief.
She turned toward me and told me, “The day I went to hospital, I only found Bala’s room with the boss'(?) help When I got there, she was already in a bad condition. The bed was surrounded by people. When Bala saw me, her eyes lit up. She raised her left hand and told me, ‘Little Ear, come over here.’ So I went over. Bala’s face was very pale, like a piece of white paper, no color at all. She said to me, ‘Little Ear, there’s something I want to say to you.’ I bent over and then Bala reached out and grabbed onto my shoulder, pulling me in close. Her lips approached my ear, but they weren’t warm. They were ice cold. When she finished speaking to me, her arm just dropped down from my shoulder…”
“So what did she say to you?” I couldn’t help and interrupted her.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I really want to know too.”
“Cut the c.r.a.p!”
“Zhang Yang, I’m not lying to you,” Li Er said. “If you don’t believe me, I can show you my medical records. When I was born, the hearing in my left ear was very bad. Often times, especially when I’m anxious, I won’t be able to hear from it. But when Bala spoke to me, she spoke to my left ear!”
“She spoke to my left ear!” she cried out again, tears sliding down her face.
I couldn’t stop myself from holding her. Her warm tears had already opened up my ice-cold heart, leaving me temporarily disoriented.
d.a.m.n it!
I sent Li Er home at 10 in the evening. It was the street by the noodle shop. We were both silent. That day, I sent her all the way to her building. When I was about to leave, I asked her, “Will you get scolded?”
“Probably,” she said. “But I’m not afraid.”
“Okay,” I said. “If You Ta dares do anything to you, I’ll help you!”
She smiled, and we said goodbye. I watched as she left. After about five steps, Li Er suddenly turned around and brought her hands around her mouth. She shouted out, “Zhang Yang, Happy New Year!”
I returned her greetings. But I just mouthed the words, not making any sound.
She c.o.c.ked her head to the side and smiled, then went up.
Not long after I returned home, he came back with an empty thermos.
I asked him,” Where did you go?”
He said, “The hospital.”
“Who did you send the soup to?”
He said, “A friend.”
I asked again,” What friend?”
He ignored me and headed to the sink to wash the thermos. I followed after him, grabbed the thermos, and threw it to the ground. It rolled to the floor, splashing water all around.
I screamed at him, “Do you have no self respect?! Are you doing this to let everyone laugh at you? Will that make you happy?”
He looked at me with his old eyes, saying one word at a time, “I did what I should do.”
“She doesn’t love you. She didn’t even want her own son. Such an evil woman, this is her retribution. Retribution doesn’t deserve sympathy! I’m telling you, if you go the hospital again, I’m not letting you go!”
“Yang’er,” he grabbed me. “Calm down. Sit down and listen to me, okay?”
“I have nothing to say to you!” I pushed him away. “In any case, you’re not allowed to go to the hospital again. Otherwise, I’ll never come back to this place. Never!”
“There’s no one to take care of her. Something happened to their family. Her son is away, and was embarra.s.sed, so he didn’t come back for the new year,” he explained to me. “I can’t just leave her like that. No matter what, we once had affections for each other…”
“Enough,” I cut him off. “You call that affection?”
“Zhang’er,” he said. “There are some things I’ve never told you. Actually, she isn’t your biological mother. She is Xu Yi’s biological mother, so that year, she chose to go back. As she should have.”
Shocked, I stared at him. But I knew, he wasn’t lying.
“Listen to me,” he sat down on the old sofa with a big block in it. He told me about it slowly. “Many years ago, your mother was a a great beauty here. A lot of men chased her or admired her. I was one of them. But she only liked Xu Ruiyang. His family was very wealthy, but his mother was very strong. So in the beginning, they dated secretly, and on one knew about it. One day, she became pregnant with his child. That was Xu Yi. This wasn’t something that could be hidden anymore. Xu Ruiyang’s mother was furious when she found out. She ordered them to break up, and she told her to get rid of the child. Xu Ruiyang finally gave in, and brought it up with her, to end their relationship. Your mother was heartbroken, but she still loved Xu Ruiyang. No matter what, she refused to go to the hospital for an abortion. In order to keep her child, she ended up on my doorstep one rainy night. She knelt down and asked me to marry her.”
I asked, “And you just agreed?”
“Yes,” he said. “I liked her for many years already. It was my one chance, so of course I couldn’t let it go. But we never thought that after the child was born, the Xu family would come to take him. They said the child was their family’s and couldn’t be left outside. The left 10 thousand dollars, took the child and left. My mother, your grandmother, felt that this was a very humiliating situation. So she went to the children’s welfare center, brought you back, and we raised you as our own. Your grandmother did this on her own. We’re not even very clear about it.”
“But for her, you payed so much and endured so much. And the Xu family did so much to hurt her. Why did she choose that guy?”
“Perhaps that’s just the way of life,” he sighed. “When you were two years old, Xu Ruiyang’s mother pa.s.sed away. He wanted her to return, and she missed Xu Yi. So she made that decision. I know that you’ve hated her all these years, but she’s already like this now. She doesn’t have much longer to live. Zhang’er, I hope you can go to see her. She’s always missed you. Actually, you know, these past years, my health hasn’t been well so I haven’t been working. She’s given us not a small amount of financial aid. When there was news of you, she was happy too…”
I asked with a tremble, “Then, who are my biological parents?”
He said, “I don’t know. Actually, after your grandmother pa.s.sed away, I tried to find your parents before. But that year, the welfare center already wasn’t there anymore. There was nowhere to investigate. Yang’er, you can blame me. I know, I’ve been useless this life. I didn’t have a good job, and I didn’t make a lot of money. I always made you suffer difficulties. But my love for you, it’s real. I swear, it’s all real…”
“That’s enough!” I cut him off.
He looked at me, despondent. His eyes were all bloodshot.
I wanted to get up, put on my jacket, carry my bag, and leave. But something seemed to be keeping me stuck to the chair, and I couldn’t get up.
The bell rang for 12 o’clock. Outside, there was a deafening sound of fireworks. They lit up the whole city, illuminating the 19 years that I thought I knew but was actually completely ignorant of.
Regardless of all else, the new year had come.
I didn’t know what kind of friend he had at a hospital, but I was too lazy to bother about it. Outside the window, I could see snow start to fall. I thought about it, and decided that I’d go to the mall tomorrow to buy him a nice pair of shoes. The TV was very noisy, so I turned it off. At the same time, my phone sounded. I thought it would be Jiang Jiao’s text. But when I looked, it was actually Li Er. “Happy new year!”
I quickly called her back, and she picked up very quickly. She seemed to be outside, it was very noisy. I could hear the sound of fireworks in the background.
“Little Ear,” I said. “I want to see you.”
She didn’t speak for a long time,” What did you just say?”
“I said I wanted to see you.”
“You’re back?”
“Yes,” I said. “I came back.”
“What did you just call me?” she suddenly asked.
“Little Ear,” I said.
“Oh,” she said. “What are you doing?”
“I’m at home,” I said.
“We’re setting off fireworks at Victory Square. If you want, you can come join us!”
When I put down my phone, I tossed on my jacket and headed to Victory Square. Walking from my house, it took about ten minutes to get there. I already saw her from afar. She was wearing a red jacket, her hair was tied up in a cute ponytail. She was standing next to You Ta, who was helping her to light a long firework.
The fireworks lit up her smile. In that moment, I thought of Bala. Logically speaking, she and Bala were completely different. But in that moment, I was a bit confused, as if they were the same person.
I called to her, but she didn’t hear, maybe because she was having too much fun. So I stood at the side and had a smoke, waiting for her to realize I was there.
My cigarette was half gone when she ran over to me, smiling, and said, “Zhang Yang, you’re here. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“How were your final exams?” I asked her.
She laughed, “They were okay.”
You Ta followed over, “Li Er, do you still want to light anymore? Ah, Zhang Yang. I nearly didn’t recognize you.”
I touched my chin. It was already three days since I last shaved.
“I’m not setting off anymore,” Li Er said to You Ta. “I want to have a talk with Zhang Yang.”
You Ta’s face tensed up.
“I’ll be done quickly,” Li Er said to You Ta.
“Okay, you guys talk. I’ll go over there,” You Ta said, and then he left.
The lights around the square were dim. Li Er glanced at me, and then she laughed.
I asked her, “What are you laughing about?”
She said, “It’s New Year’s, but you didn’t shave or get a haircut. You’re like a caveman.”
I touched my chin and asked her, “There are so many people lighting fireworks. Do you know which is the one you sent to the sky?”
She thought for a moment and then responded, “Sometimes I know, sometimes I don’t.”
“Go get a firework. I’ll take you someplace,” I said.
She looked like she was hesitating. but after a short moment, she responded, “Okay.”
“Then go get a firework.”
She went to get one. After a moment, she came back with a bunch of fireworks. She said to me, “You Ta’s watching me. He just asked where I was going. What do we do?”
I reached out and grabbed her arm, then said one word, “Run!”
Then I pulled her after as I ran. She turned at You Ta’s shouts, but she didn’t hesitate or slow down at all. Like that, she held onto a bundle of fireworks and followed me to the edge of the city. We ran until we reached that abandoned house.
“Where is this place?” she asked, panting
“A haunted house,” I teased her.
She wasn’t afraid though, just looked around, very interested.
“You came here with Bala before, right?” she asked. She was a very smart girl.
“Come, let’s go to the rood.” I took the fireworks from her arms. I started climbing up first, and reached my hand out to help her.
She waved her hand, saying, “You go up first. I can get up on my own.”
I climbed up quickly and waited for her. She climbed up halfway and then stopped there. I knew she was afraid, but I didn’t move, just folded my arms and watched her. She lifted her head and looked up at me. Against the darkness, I could see the white of her eyes clearly. The carried a bit of shyness and also fear. I reached out my hand, “Come on, Little Ear.”
She finally reached out and put her hand in my palm. A small hand that felt like it didn’t have any bones. I only pulled gently, and she already climbed up.
Maybe because it had rained the past two days, the roof was a bit wet. I pulled her over to a dryer spot and said, “Look, this should be the best place to set off fireworks.”
“When I get back, You Ta will probably destroy me.”
“Are you afraid?” I asked her.
She laughed, “If I were afraid, I wouldn’t have followed you. Let’s set off the fireworks.”
“Okay.” I took out my lighter and helped her light the longest firework. It shot straight to the sky, and the sky became as magnificent as her smile. She jumped up excitedly, “It’s so beautiful! Zhang Yang, there’s only the firework I set off here!”
I was a bit dumbfounded.
She turned to look at me. With a smile, she asked, “What are you thinking about? Are you thinking of Bala?”
I scared her a bit, “If you say those two words again (her name), be careful, I might take you out!”
She laughed. When she finished laughing, she suddenly asked me, “Do you still remember Xu Yi?”
Bulls.h.i.t.
Li Er continued, “You wouldn’t know, but something’s happened to his family.”
“What?” I pretended that I wasn’t interested, but for some reason, my heart jumped.
“Something happened to his dad, and he was arrested by the police. And his mom is sick, living in the hospital. I heard it was cancer. She won’t live long.”
I tried to keep my cool.
“Why don’t you have any reaction?” Li Er asked me.
“What kind of reaction should I have?” I asked her.
“You should be happy.” Li Er picked up a long firework. “You have Xu Yi so much. Isn’t this the ending you always wanted?”
I grabbed her arm, “What exactly did Bala tell you? Tell me!”
“I also want to know,” she smiled, not trying to pull away.
“You have to tell me today.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then I’ll force you to say it!” I tore the firecracker from her grasp, and in one swift move, pulled her into my arms. This nasty little witch. If she really thought I wouldn’t do anything to her, then she was very wrong!
Our faces were very close. Her body was very soft, and I could very obviously feel her shaking. It took all my strength to stop myself from kissing her. We were at a stalemate for about a minute. I don’t know if it was because she was cold or scared, but her lips started turning purple. In the end, she caved and said, “Okay, Zhang Yang, I’ll talk.”
I let go of her and released a sigh of relief.
She turned toward me and told me, “The day I went to hospital, I only found Bala’s room with the boss'(?) help When I got there, she was already in a bad condition. The bed was surrounded by people. When Bala saw me, her eyes lit up. She raised her left hand and told me, ‘Little Ear, come over here.’ So I went over. Bala’s face was very pale, like a piece of white paper, no color at all. She said to me, ‘Little Ear, there’s something I want to say to you.’ I bent over and then Bala reached out and grabbed onto my shoulder, pulling me in close. Her lips approached my ear, but they weren’t warm. They were ice cold. When she finished speaking to me, her arm just dropped down from my shoulder…”
“So what did she say to you?” I couldn’t help and interrupted her.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I really want to know too.”
“Cut the c.r.a.p!”
“Zhang Yang, I’m not lying to you,” Li Er said. “If you don’t believe me, I can show you my medical records. When I was born, the hearing in my left ear was very bad. Often times, especially when I’m anxious, I won’t be able to hear from it. But when Bala spoke to me, she spoke to my left ear!”
“She spoke to my left ear!” she cried out again, tears sliding down her face.
I couldn’t stop myself from holding her. Her warm tears had already opened up my ice-cold heart, leaving me temporarily disoriented.
d.a.m.n it!
I sent Li Er home at 10 in the evening. It was the street by the noodle shop. We were both silent. That day, I sent her all the way to her building. When I was about to leave, I asked her, “Will you get scolded?”
“Probably,” she said. “But I’m not afraid.”
“Okay,” I said. “If You Ta dares do anything to you, I’ll help you!”
She smiled, and we said goodbye. I watched as she left. After about five steps, Li Er suddenly turned around and brought her hands around her mouth. She shouted out, “Zhang Yang, Happy New Year!”
I returned her greetings. But I just mouthed the words, not making any sound.
She c.o.c.ked her head to the side and smiled, then went up.
Not long after I returned home, he came back with an empty thermos.
I asked him,” Where did you go?”
He said, “The hospital.”
“Who did you send the soup to?”
He said, “A friend.”
I asked again,” What friend?”
He ignored me and headed to the sink to wash the thermos. I followed after him, grabbed the thermos, and threw it to the ground. It rolled to the floor, splashing water all around.
I screamed at him, “Do you have no self respect?! Are you doing this to let everyone laugh at you? Will that make you happy?”
He looked at me with his old eyes, saying one word at a time, “I did what I should do.”
“She doesn’t love you. She didn’t even want her own son. Such an evil woman, this is her retribution. Retribution doesn’t deserve sympathy! I’m telling you, if you go the hospital again, I’m not letting you go!”
“Yang’er,” he grabbed me. “Calm down. Sit down and listen to me, okay?”
“I have nothing to say to you!” I pushed him away. “In any case, you’re not allowed to go to the hospital again. Otherwise, I’ll never come back to this place. Never!”
“There’s no one to take care of her. Something happened to their family. Her son is away, and was embarra.s.sed, so he didn’t come back for the new year,” he explained to me. “I can’t just leave her like that. No matter what, we once had affections for each other…”
“Enough,” I cut him off. “You call that affection?”
“Zhang’er,” he said. “There are some things I’ve never told you. Actually, she isn’t your biological mother. She is Xu Yi’s biological mother, so that year, she chose to go back. As she should have.”
Shocked, I stared at him. But I knew, he wasn’t lying.
“Listen to me,” he sat down on the old sofa with a big block in it. He told me about it slowly. “Many years ago, your mother was a a great beauty here. A lot of men chased her or admired her. I was one of them. But she only liked Xu Ruiyang. His family was very wealthy, but his mother was very strong. So in the beginning, they dated secretly, and on one knew about it. One day, she became pregnant with his child. That was Xu Yi. This wasn’t something that could be hidden anymore. Xu Ruiyang’s mother was furious when she found out. She ordered them to break up, and she told her to get rid of the child. Xu Ruiyang finally gave in, and brought it up with her, to end their relationship. Your mother was heartbroken, but she still loved Xu Ruiyang. No matter what, she refused to go to the hospital for an abortion. In order to keep her child, she ended up on my doorstep one rainy night. She knelt down and asked me to marry her.”
I asked, “And you just agreed?”
“Yes,” he said. “I liked her for many years already. It was my one chance, so of course I couldn’t let it go. But we never thought that after the child was born, the Xu family would come to take him. They said the child was their family’s and couldn’t be left outside. The left 10 thousand dollars, took the child and left. My mother, your grandmother, felt that this was a very humiliating situation. So she went to the children’s welfare center, brought you back, and we raised you as our own. Your grandmother did this on her own. We’re not even very clear about it.”
“But for her, you payed so much and endured so much. And the Xu family did so much to hurt her. Why did she choose that guy?”
“Perhaps that’s just the way of life,” he sighed. “When you were two years old, Xu Ruiyang’s mother pa.s.sed away. He wanted her to return, and she missed Xu Yi. So she made that decision. I know that you’ve hated her all these years, but she’s already like this now. She doesn’t have much longer to live. Zhang’er, I hope you can go to see her. She’s always missed you. Actually, you know, these past years, my health hasn’t been well so I haven’t been working. She’s given us not a small amount of financial aid. When there was news of you, she was happy too…”
I asked with a tremble, “Then, who are my biological parents?”
He said, “I don’t know. Actually, after your grandmother pa.s.sed away, I tried to find your parents before. But that year, the welfare center already wasn’t there anymore. There was nowhere to investigate. Yang’er, you can blame me. I know, I’ve been useless this life. I didn’t have a good job, and I didn’t make a lot of money. I always made you suffer difficulties. But my love for you, it’s real. I swear, it’s all real…”
“That’s enough!” I cut him off.
He looked at me, despondent. His eyes were all bloodshot.
I wanted to get up, put on my jacket, carry my bag, and leave. But something seemed to be keeping me stuck to the chair, and I couldn’t get up.
The bell rang for 12 o’clock. Outside, there was a deafening sound of fireworks. They lit up the whole city, illuminating the 19 years that I thought I knew but was actually completely ignorant of.
Regardless of all else, the new year had come.
