The Last Temptation of Christ Part 13

But the companions were not in the mood. Crowded together by the fire, they would mumble a few words halfheartedly, then once more become mute. It was as though they were walking over burning coals. They stared at the door, anxious to leave. Judas got up and went and stood on the threshold. He detested the sight of these cowards who were all upside down with fear. Look how they had run, how fast they had reached Jerusalem from the Jordan; look how theyad gone, their hearts in their mouths, and burrowed into this out-of-the-way tavern! And now, their ears sticking up like rabbitsa, they trembled and stood on tiptoe, ready to flee. ... To h.e.l.l with you, brave Galileans, he said to himself. Thank you, G.o.d of Israel, for not fashioning me in their image. I was born in the desert; Iam made of Bedouin granite, not of soft Galilean soil. Every one of you fawned on him and was lavish with oaths and kisses; while nowa"aDonat fail me, legs!aa"all you want is to save your own hides. But Ia"the savage, the devil, the cutthroata"I shall not abandon him. I shall wait here until he returns from the Jordan desert, in order to see what he has to say; and then I shall make my decision. I donat care about my own hide. Only one thing torments me, and thatas the suffering of Israel.

He heard a low-voiced argument within the tavern. He turned.

aI say we should go back to Galilee where thereas security,a said Peter. aDonat forget our lake, boys!a He sighed. He saw his green boat flowing over the blue surge, and his heart swelled. He saw the pebbles, the oleanders, the nets loaded with fish. Tears came to his eyes. aLetas go, lads,a he said, acome on, letas go!a aWe gave him our word wead wait for him in this tavern,a said Jacob. aItas only right we keep our promise.a aWe can arrange matters,a suggested Peter, aby instructing the Cyrenian to tell him, if he comes, thata"a aNo, no!a Andrew objected. aHow can we forsake him in this wild city? Weall wait for him here.a aI say we should return to Galilee,a Peter repeated obstinately.

John grasped the othersa hands and shoulders. aBrothers,a he besought them, athink of the Baptistas final words. He raised his arms under the executioneras sword and shouted, aJesus of Nazareth, leave the desert. I am departing. Return to mankind. Come, do not forsake the world!a Those words have a deep significance, friends. G.o.d forgive me if I utter a blasphemy, but ...a His heart stopped. Andrew clasped his hand.

aSpeak, John. What terrible presentiment is it that you donat dare reveal?a aBut if our master is the ...a he stammered.

aIs what?a Johnas voice was soft, gasping, full of terror: a... the Messiah!a They all shook. The Messiah! They had been with him for such a long time, and the idea had never entered their heads! At first they had taken him for a good man, a saint who was bringing love to the world; then for a prophet, not a wild one like the prophets of old, but gay and domesticated. He was lowering the kingdom of heaven to earth: in other words, he was bringing justice and a comfortable, contented way of life. He called the ancestral G.o.d of Israel aFather,a and no sooner did he do so than hard-necked, obstinate Jehovah sweetened and everyone became his child. ... But now, what was this word which had escaped Johnas lipsa"Messiah! In other words: the sword of David, Israelas omnipotence, war! And they, the disciples, his first followers: they were great lords, tetrarchs and patriarchs around his throne! As G.o.d had angels and archangels surrounding him in heaven, so they, the disciples, were the ethnarchs and patriarchs upon the earth! Their eyes gleamed.

aI take back what I said, lads,a exclaimed Peter, blushing terribly. aI shall never leave him!a aNor I!a aNor I!a aNor I!a Judas spat angrily and banged his fist on the door. aYou d.a.m.ned stalwarts!a he screamed at them. aAs long as you believed him sickly and weak, you couldnat get away fast enough. But now that you smell grandeur: aI shall never leave him!a One day every single one of you will forsake hima"mark my wordsa"while I alone shall not betray him. Simon of Cyrene, be my witness!a The innkeeper had been listening to them and sn.i.g.g.e.ring behind his drooping mustache. He caught Judasas eye. aBah, just look at them! And they want to save the world!a But his nostrils caught a smell from the oven. aThe head is burning!a he shouted, and with one bound he was in the yard.

The bewildered companions looked at each other.

aSo, thatas why the Baptist froze when he saw him,a said Peter, tapping his forehead.

Once they got started, their minds swelled and swelled.

aAnd did you all see the dove over his head while he was being baptized?a aIt wasnat a dove, it was a flash of lightning.a aNo, noa"a dove. It was cooing.a aIt wasnat cooing; it was talking. I heard it with my own ears say: aSaint! Saint! Saint!a a aIt was the Holy Spirit!a said Peter, his eyes filling with wings of gold. aThe Holy Spirit came down from heaven and we all turned to stone, donat you remember! I wanted to take a stop and go closer, but my foot was numba"how could I move! I wanted to scream, but my lips would not part. The winds stood still; reeds, river, men, birdsa"every single thing turned to marble from fear. The Baptistas hand was the only moving thing: slowly, slowly, it baptized.a aI didnat see anything and I didnat hear anything,a said Judas, incensed. aYour eyes and ears were drunk.a aYou didnat see, redbeard, because you didnat want to see,a Peter rebuked him.

aAnd your lordship, straw-beard, saw because you wanted to see. You had an appet.i.te to see the Holy Spirit, so it was the Holy Spirit you saw. And whatas more, now you make these numbskulls see it too. Youall have to answer for the consequences.a Jacob, so far, had been chewing his fingernails and listening, without speaking. Now, however, he could contain himself no longer. aWait a minute, lads,a he said, adonat explode like gunpowder. Come, letas discuss this thing sensibly. Do you really think the Baptist said those words before they cut off his head? It seems very unlikely to me. First of all, which one of us was there to hear him? And then thereas this also: even if he said the words to himself, he would never have voiced thema"because head have known the king would hear about it, would send spies to find out who this man was, this Jesus in the desert, would catch him and cut off his head as well. As my father says, two and two make four. So, letas not allow our heads to get too swelled.a But Peter became angry. aTwo and two make fourteen, thatas my opinion, and d.a.m.n it! let logic and our brains say what they will. Give us something to drink, Andrew. Weall drown our minds in order to clear our sight!a A tall, ungainly man with shrunken cheeks, barefooted, wearing a white sheet wrapped about him and a string of amulets around his neck, rushed into the tavern and put his palm to his breast in the sign of greeting.

aFarewell, brothers. Iam leaving, going to G.o.d. Do you have any commissions to place with me?a Without waiting for an answer, he departed at a run and entered the next house.

At this moment the innkeeper appeared with the platter, and a delicious aroma invaded the room. His eye fell on the gangling lunatic.

aHave a good trip,a he called to him. aSend our kindest regards! ... Thereas another one for you!a He laughed. aBah, itas true the end of the world has already come: the place is full of maniacs. This one says he saw G.o.d two nights ago when he went out to take a p.i.s.s. From that moment on, how could he deign to live! He even refuses to eat. aIave been invited to heaven,a he says. aIall eat there.a Well, heas dressed himself in his shroud and is going a quick round of all the doors. He accepts commissions, says goodbye, and leaves. You see what happens when you get too close to G.o.d! Take care, ladsa"I say it for your own gooda"donat go too near him. I worship his grace, but from a distance. Keep clear!a He placed the platter with the lambas head in the middle of the table. His lips, eyes and ears were laughing.

aFresh head!a he called. aJohn the Baptist! Eat hearty!a John felt nauseous and drew back. Andrew, who had put out his hand, held it in the air. The head, posed on the tray, looked at them one by one, dimly, with its wide-open motionless eyes.

aSimon, you scoundrel,a exclaimed Peter, ayouall disgust us and we wonat be able to touch it! How can I pick out the eyes now? Iad love them as an appetizer, but itall be just like eating the eyes of the Baptist.a The innkeeper burst into laughter. aDonat worry, dear Peter,a he said, aIall eat them myselfa"but not before the dainty tongue, bless it! which shouted: aRepent! Repent! The end of the world has come!a Unfortunately, his own end came first, poor thing.a He took out a knife, sliced away the tongue and downed it in one gulp. Then he bolted a full gla.s.s of wine, and sat admiring his two barrels.

aAll right, forget it, lads. I feel sorry for you. Iall change the subject so that the Baptistas head will go out of your minds and youall be able to eat the lambas. ... Well, then, can you imagine who painted that gem of a c.o.c.k and a pig that you admire there on the barrels? Your gracious host, with his own hands, if you please. And can you guess why a c.o.c.k and a pig? How could you, you idiotic Galileans! I must therefore disentangle the mystery for you and enlighten your infinitesimal brains!a Peter looked at the head and licked his chops, but still did not dare put out his hand to remove the eyes and eat them. The Baptist was continually in his mind. The prophetas eyes had gaped in the same way when they regarded mankind.

aSo, listen,a continued the innkeeper, aand enlighten, as I say, your infinitesimal brains. ... When G.o.d finished the world (why did the blessed fellow go to all that trouble anyway?) and washed the mud off his hands, he called all the newborn creatures and proudly asked them, aSay, birds and beasts, how do you like the world I built? Do you find anything wrong with it?a They all straightway began to bleat, bray, moo, meow, and twitter: aNothing! Nothing! Nothing!a a aBless you,a said G.o.d. aBy my faith, I donat find a single defect either. My hands deserve congratulations.a But he glimpsed the c.o.c.k and the pig, who, heads bowed, were not breathing a word. aHalloo, pig!a shouted G.o.d, aand you, Your Excellency the c.o.c.k, why donat you speak? Maybe the world I created doesnat please you? Perhaps something is missing?a But they still did not say a word. The devil, you can be sure, had hissed instructions into their ears: aTell him that something is indeed missinga"a low-growing plant which makes grapes that you crush, put in barrels and turn into wine.a a aLook here, beasts, why donat you speak?a G.o.d shouted again, raising his gigantic hand. And then at last the two of them (the devil gave them courage) lifted their heads. aMaster craftsman, what can we say to you? Congratulations to your hands; your world is finea"touch wood! But it lacks one low-growing plant which makes grapes which you crush, put in barrels and turn into wine.a a aAh, so thatas it! Now Iall show you, you scoundrels,a said G.o.d in a fit of temper. aItas wine you want from me, is it, and drunkenness and brawls and vomiting? Let the vine be born!a He rolled up his sleeves, took some mud, fashioned a vine plant, planted it. aWhoever overdrinks,a he said, ahear my curse: may he have the mind of a c.o.c.k and the snout of a pig!a a The companions burst out laughing, forgot the Baptist and buried their faces in the roast head. Judas was first and foremost. He split the skull in two and filled his hands with lamb brains. When the innkeeper saw the pillage he became frightened. They wonat even leave me a bone, he thought.

aSay, lads,a he shouted, aitas fine for you to eat and drink, but donat forget the late John the Baptist. Ah, his poor head!a a They all froze with their portions in their hands; and Peter, who had chewed the eye and was getting ready to swallow it, choked. It would be disgusting to swallow it, but such a pity to, spit it out. What should he do? Of them all, only Judas was not bothered. The innkeeper filled the gla.s.ses.

aMay his name be long enshrined in our memories. Alas! his poor decapitated head. ... But hereas to yours, lads!a aAnd to yours, you old fox,a said Peter, gulping down the eye.

aDonat worry,a answered the innkeeper, aIam not a bit afraid. I keep my nose out of G.o.das business and I donat give a d.a.m.n about saving the world! Iam an innkeeper, not an angel or archangel like your worships. At least Iave saved myself from that fate.a With this, he grabbed what was left of the head.

Peter opened his mouth, but suddenly his breath was taken away: a huge man, wild and pock-marked, had appeared on the threshold and was looking inside. The companions drew back into a corner. Peter hid behind Jacobas broad shoulders.

aBarabbas!a growled Judas, scowling. aCome in.a Barabbas bent his thick neck and perceived the disciples in the half light. His ugly face laughed sarcastically. aIam delighted to find you, my lambs. Iave gone halfway to China to dig you out.a The innkeeper got up, grumbling, and brought him a cup.

aYouare just the one we needed, Captain Barabbas,a he murmured. He bore a grudge against him because every time he came to the tavern he became drunk, began brawls with the Roman soldiers who pa.s.sed by, and it was the innkeeper who got into trouble. aDonat start your old tricks again, pig-c.o.c.k!a aListen, as long as the impure tread the land of Israel, I keep my fists up, so get any other idea out of your head. Bring food, lousy horse-hide!a The innkeeper pushed forward the platter of bones. aEat. Youave got teeth like a dogas: they break bones.a Barabbas emptied his cup in one gulp, twisted his mustache and turned to the companions. aAnd where is the good shepherd, my lambs? I have an old account to settle with him.a His eyes were spitting fire.

aYouare drunk before you even start drinking,a Judas said to him severely. aYour valiant exploits have already caused us enough bother.a aWhat do you have against him?a John dared to ask. aHeas a holy man. When he walks he looks at the ground so that he wonat step on the ants.a aSo that an ant wonat step on him, you mean. Heas afraid. Is he a man?a aHe rescued Magdalene from your claws, and now you cry over spilled milk,a Jacob had the courage to say.

aHe crossed me,a Barabbas growled, his eyes growing cloudy, ahe crossed me, and heas going to pay for it!a But Judas grabbed him by the arm and took him to one side. He spoke to him softly, hurriedly, with anger. aWhat business do you have here? Why did you leave the mountains of Galilee? The brotherhood chose them for your hide-out. Others are a.s.signed here in Jerusalem.a aAre we fighting for freedom or arenat we?a Barabbas objected in a rage. aIf we are, Iam free to do whatever enters my head. I came to see for myself about this Baptist with his signs and great wonders. Maybe heas the One weave been waiting for, I said to myself. If so, let him come without more delay, take the lead, and begin the slaughter. But I arrived too late. Theyad already cut off his head. ... Judas, youare my leadera"what have you got to say?a aI say you should get up and leave. Donat mix in other peopleas business.a aI should leave? Are you serious? I came because of the Baptist and I hit upon the son of the Carpenter. Iave been hunting him for ages, and now that G.o.d has set him right in front of my nose, you say I should give him up?a aLeave!a Judas commanded him. aThatas my business. Donat stick your hand in it.a aWhatas your purpose? The brotherhood, for your information, wants him killed. Heas an emissary of the Romans: they pay him to shout about the kingdom of heaven so that the people will be hoaxed into forgetting the earth and our slavery. But you, now ... Whatas your purpose?a aNothing. I have my own account to settle. Beat it!a Barabbas turned and threw a last glance at the companions, who were listening with c.o.c.ked ears. aSee you soon, my lambs,a he shouted at them maliciously. aNo one gets away this easily from Barabbas. Youall see, weall talk the matter over again.a He disappeared in the direction of the David gate.

The innkeeper winked at Peter. aHeas given him his orders,a he said to him softly. aCall that a brotherhood! They kill one Roman and the Romans kill ten Israelites. Not ten, fifteen! Watch out, lads!a He leaned over to Peter and hissed in his ear: aListen to me: donat trust Judas Iscariot. These redbeards ...a But he stopped. The redbeard had just reseated himself on his stool.

John was troubled. He got up, stood in the doorway and looked up and down. The teacher was nowhere in sight. The day had begun; the streets were filled with people. Beyond the David gate all was forsaken: pebbles, ashes, not a single green leafa"nothing but standing white stones: tombstones. The air stank from the carca.s.ses of dogs and camels. So much wildness frightened John. Everything here was stone: stone the faces of men, stone their hearts, stone the G.o.d they worshiped. Where was the Merciful Father that the teacher had brought them! Oh, when would the beloved master appear so that they could return to Galilee!

Peter rose. His endurance had given out. aBrothers, letas go! He wonat come.a aI hear him approaching,a whispered John timidly.

aWhere do you hear him, clairvoyant?a said Jacob, who did not care for his brotheras dream phantasies. Like Peter, he was impatient to find the lake and his boats once more. aWhere do you hear him, can you tell me?a aIn my heart,a the younger brother answered. aIt is always the first to hear, the first to see.a Jacob and Peter shrugged their shoulders, but the innkeeper snapped, aDonat scoff. The boy is right. Iave heard say thata" Wait, the thing they call Noahas ark, what do you think it is? Manas heart, of course! Inside sits G.o.d with all his creatures. Everything drowns and goes to the bottom while it alone sails over the waters with its cargo. This heart of man knows everythinga"yes! donat laugha"everything!a Trumpets blared, a din arose, the people in the streets made way. The companions became suspicious and flew to the door. Beautiful, nimble adolescents were conveying a litter decorated in gold; and lying inside stroking his beard was a blubbery notable, with clothes of silk, golden rings and a face greasy with easy living.

aCaiaphas, the high goat-priest!a said the innkeeper. aHold your noses, lads. The first part of the fish to stink is the head.a He squeezed his nostrils and spat. aHeas on his way again to his garden to eat, drink and play with his women and pretty boys. Confound it, if I were only G.o.d ... The world hangs from a single thread. I would cut that threada"yes, by my wine!a"I would cut it and let the world go to the devil!a aLetas leave,a Peter said again. aItas not safe here. My heart has eyes and ears too. aLeave,a it shouts to me. aLeave, all of you, you miserable creatures!a a He said that he heard his heart and as he said so he actually did hear it. Terrified, he jumped up and grasped a staff which he found in a corner, Seeing him, the others all jumped up too. His terror was contagious.

aSimon, you know him. If he comes, tell him weave gone off to Galilee,a Peter instructed.

aAnd whoas going to pay,a said the innkeeper anxiously. aThe head, the wine ...a aDo you believe in the next life, Simon of Cyrene?a asked Peter.

aOf course I do.a aWell, I give you my word Iall pay you there. If you want, Iall put it in writing.a The innkeeper scratched his head.

aWhat? Donat you believe in the afterlife?a said Peter severely.

aI believe, Peter. d.a.m.n it, I believea"but not quite that much. ...a

Chapter Twenty.

BUT WHILE they were talking, a blue shadow suddenly fell over the threshold. They all recoiled. Jesus stood in the doorway, his feet b.l.o.o.d.y, his clothes covered with mud, his face unrecognizable. Who was it: the sweet teacher or the savage Baptist? His hair fell in twisted plaits down to his shoulders, his skin was now baked and roughened, his cheeks sunken and his eyes grown so large they invaded his entire face. His forcefully clenched fist, his hair, cheeks and eyes were identical with those of the Baptist. The open-mouthed disciples looked at him silently. Could the two men have joined and become one?

He killed the Baptist, he ... he ... thought Judas as he stepped aside to let the disquieting newcomer pa.s.s. He observed how Jesus strode over the threshold, how he stared at each of them severely, how he bit his lips. ... Heas taken everything from him, everything; heas plundered his body, Judas reflected. But his soul, his wild words? Heall talk now, and we shall see. ...

They were all quiet for some time. The atmosphere of the tavern changed. The innkeeper crouched silently in the corner and stared goggle-eyed at Jesus, who came forward slowly, biting his lips. The veins in his temples had swelled. Suddenly they all heard his wild, hoa.r.s.e voice. The companions shuddered, for this was not his own voice; it was the voice of the fearful prophet, the Baptist.

aYou were leaving?a No one answered. They had formed a bulwark, one behind the other.

aYou were leaving?a he repeated angrily. aSpeak, Peter!a aRabbi,a Peter answered in an unsure voice, aJohn heard your footsteps in his heart and we were just going out to welcome you.a Jesus frowned. He was overcome by bitterness and anger, but restrained himself.

aLet us go,a he said, turning toward the door. He saw Judas, who was standing off to one side looking at him with his hard blue eyes.

aAre you coming, Judas?a he asked him.

aIam with you to the death. You know that.a aNot enough! Do you heara"not enough. Till beyond death! ... Let us go!a The innkeeper flew out from his cramped position between the wine barrels. aGood luck, lads,a he cried, aand good riddance! Have a nice trip, Galileans, and when the happy time comes and you enter Paradise, donat forget the wine I treated you toa"and the head!a aYou have my word,a Peter answered him, his face serious and afflicted. He felt ashamed at having lied to the teacher out of fear. Jesusa angry frown was a sure sign he had detected the lie. He was silently scolding him: Peter, coward, liar, traitor! Confound it, when will you become a man? When will you conquer fear? When will you cease turninga"windmill!

Peter stood in the tavernas entranceway, waiting to see in which direction the master would go. But Jesus, motionless, had c.o.c.ked his ear and was listening to a bitter, monotonous melody sung by high, cracked voices from beyond the gate of David. It was the lepers. They had strewn themselves in the dust and were holding out the stumps of their arms to the pa.s.sers-by while softly singing the majesty of David and the mercy of G.o.d, who had given them leprosy to enable them to pay for their sins here on earth, so that tomorrow in the future life their faces would shine like suns forever and ever.

Jesus grew bitter. He turned toward the city. The stores, workshops and taverns had opened; the streets had filled with people. How they ran and shouted, how the sweat poured from their bodies! He heard a fearful bellowing from horses, men, horns and trumpets: the holy city seemed to him a frightful beast, sick, its entrails filled with leprosy, madness and death.

The bellowing in the streets continued to increase, the men to run here and there. What is their hurry? Jesus asked himself. Why are they running, where are they going? He sighed. All, alla"to h.e.l.l!

He was troubled. Was it his duty to stay here in this cannibalistic city, to climb upon the roof of the Temple and shout, aRepent, the day of the Lord has comea? These unfortunate, panting people who ran up and down the streets had more need of repentance and comforting than the serene fishermen and plowmen of Galilee. Iall stay here, thought Jesus. Here I shall first announce the destruction of the world, and the kingdom of heaven!

Andrew could not restrain his sorrow. He approached Jesus. aRabbi,a he said, athey seized the Baptist and killed him!a aIt does not matter,a Jesus calmly replied. aThe Baptist had sufficient time to do his duty. Let us hope, Andrew, that we shall have enough to do ours!a He saw the eyes of the Forerunneras former disciple fill with tears. aDonat be sad, Andrew,a he said to him, patting his shoulder. aHe did not die. The only ones who die are those who are too late to become immortal. He was not too late. G.o.d granted him time.a As he said this, his mind was enlightened. Truly, everything in this world depended on time. Time ripened all. If you had time, you succeeded in working the human mud internally and turning it into spirit. Then you did not fear death. If you did not have time, you perished. ... Dear G.o.d, Jesus silently implored, give me time, that is all I ask of you. Give me time. ... He felt he still had much mud within him, much of man. He was still subject to anger, fear, jealousy; when he thought of Magdalene his eyes grew misty; and just last night, as he secretly gazed at Lazarusa sister Mary ...

He blushed from shame and immediately made his decision: he would leave this city. The hour of his death had not yet come; he was still not ready. ... Dear G.o.d, he again implored, give me time, time and nothing else. ... He nodded to the companions. aCome, my partisans, let us return to Galilee. In G.o.das name!a The companions raced toward the lake of Gennesaret like aching, hungry horses returning to the beloved stable. Judas the redbeard was again in the lead. He was whistling. He had not felt his heart so contented for years. The teacheras face, voice and fierceness since his return from the desert pleased him immensely. He killed the Baptist, he said over and over again to himself. He took him with him; lamb and lion joined and became one. Can the Messiah be lamb as well as lion, like the ancient monsters? ... He marched along, whistling and waiting. This silence canat last, he reflected. One of these nights before we reach the lake, he will open his mouth and speak. Heall tell us the secret: what he did in the desert, whether or not he saw the G.o.d of Israel, and what the two of them talked about. Then I shall judge.

The first night pa.s.sed. Jesus, without speaking, looked at the stars. Around him, the tired companions slept. But Judasas blue eyes sparkled in the darkness. He and Jesus sat up all night, one opposite the other, but did not utter a word.

At dawn they started out again. They left the stones of Judea behind them and reached the white soil of Samaria. Jacobas well was deserted: not a single woman came to draw water and refresh them. They pa.s.sed rapidly over the heretical soil and then saw their beloved mountainsa"snow-capped Hermon, graceful Tabor, holy Carmel.

The day grew dim. They lay down under a thickly foliaged cedar and watched the sunset. John p.r.o.nounced the evening prayer: aOpen your doors to us, Lord. The day declines, the sun falls, the sun disappears. We come to your doors, Lord. Open them to us. Eternal, we beseech you, forgive us. Eternal, we beseech you, have mercy upon us. Eternal, save us!a The air was dark blue. The sky had lost the sun and not yet found the stars. Unadorned, it fell upon the earth. Jesusa supple, long-fingered hands, pressed against the soil, shone white in the uncertain half light. Within him, the evening prayer was still circulating and doing its work. He heard the trembling hands of men beat desperately on the doors of the Lord, but the doors did not open. The men were knocking and shouting. What were they shouting?

He closed his eyes in order to hear distinctly. The birds of the day had returned to their nests; the night birds had not yet opened their eyes. The villages of mankind were far away: you heard neither the tumult of men nor the barking of dogs. The companions mumbled the evening prayers, but they were sleepy and the holy words sank within them without reverberation. Inside him, however, Jesus heard men beat on the doors of the Lorda"on his own heart. They were beating on his warm human heart and crying, aOpen! Open! Save us!a Jesus grasped his breast as though he too were knocking at his heart and begging it to open. And while he struggled, believing himself all alone, he felt someone watching him from behind. He turned. Judasas cold, inflamed eyes were pinned upon him. Jesus shuddered. This redbeard was a proud, untamable beast. Of all the companions, he felt him the closest to him and yet the furthest away. It seemed that he need explain himself to none other, only to him. He held out his right hand.

aJudas, my brother,a he said, alook: what am I holding?a Judas strained his neck in the half light in order to see. aNothing,a he answered. aI donat see anything.a aYou will see it shortly,a said Jesus smiling.

aThe kingdom of heaven,a said Andrew.

aThe seed,a said John. aRabbi, do you remember what you told us by the lake the first time you parted your lips and spoke to us? aThe sower has come out to sow his seed. ...a a aAnd you, Peter?a Jesus asked.

aMaster, what can I say to you? If I ask my eyes: nothing. If I ask my heart: everything. Between the two, my mind swings like a bell.a aJacob?a aNothing. Forgive me, Rabbi, but youare not holding a single thing.a aLook!a said Jesus, and he violently lifted his arm. And as he lifted it high and brought it forcefully down, the companions became frightened. Judas was so happy he blushed a bright rose and his whole face gleamed. He grasped Jesusa hand and kissed it.

aRabbi,a he shouted, aI saw! I saw! Youare holding the Baptistas ax!a But straightway he felt ashamed and angry because he had not been able to restrain his joy. He withdrew again and leaned against the trunk of the cedar.

Jesusa voice was heard, tranquil and grave. aHe brought it to me and placed it at the roots of the rotted tree. That is why he was born: to bring it to me. He could do no more. I came, stooped, picked up the axa"that is why I was born. Now begins my own duty: to chop down the rotted tree. I believed I was a bridegroom and that I held a flowering almond branch in my hand, but all the while I was a wood-chopper. Do you remember how we danced and promenaded in Galilee, proclaiming the beauty of the world, the unity of heaven and earth, and how Paradise would presently open up for us to enter? Friends, it was all a dream. Now we are awake.a aIs there no kingdom of heaven, then?a Peter cried out, terrified.

aThere is, Peter, there isa"but within us. The kingdom of heaven is within us; the Devilas kingdom is without. The two kingdoms fight. War! War! Our first duty is to chop down Satan with this ax.a aWhich Satan?a aThis world about us. Courage, friendsa"I invited you to war, not to a wedding. Forgive me, for I did not know myself. But whoever among you thinks of wife, children, fields, happiness, let him leave! There is nothing to be ashamed of. Let him rise, say goodbye to us quietly and leave with our blessing. There is still time.a He was silent. He swept his eyes over the companions. No one moved. The Evening Star, like an immense drop of water, rolled behind the cedaras black boughs. The night birds shook their dark wings and awoke. A cool breeze flowed down from the mountains. And suddenly, in the sweetness of the eventide, Peter jumped forward and shouted, aRabbi, Iam with you in this war cheek by jowla"to the death!a aThose are boastful words, Peter, and I donat like them. We are pa.s.sing along a difficult road. Men will oppose us, Petera"for who desires his own salvation? When did a prophet ever rise up to save the people and the people not stone him to death? We are marching along a difficult road. Hold on to your soul for dear life, Petera"it must not escape. The flesh is weak; donat trust it. ... Do you hear? Itas you Iam talking to, Peter.a Peteras eyes suddenly brimmed with tears. aDonat you have faith in me, Rabbi?a he murmured. aThe man you look at in that way and do not trust: one day he will die for you.a Jesus put his hand on Peteras knee and stroked it. aItas possible ... possible ...a he murmured. aForgive me, dearest Peter.a He turned to the others. aJohn the Baptist baptized with water,a he said, aand they killed him. I shall baptize with fire. I am making that clear to you tonight so that youall know it and wonat complain to me when the dark times crush down upon us. Before we even set out, Iam informing you which way weare headed: toward deatha"and after we die, immortality. This is the way. Are you ready?a The companions grew numb. This voice was severe. It no longer frolicked and laughed; it was calling them to arms. In order to enter the kingdom of heaven, then, would they have to go by way of death? Was there no other road? They were simple men, poor illiterate day laborers, and the world was rich and all-powerfula"how could they take up arms against it? If only the angels could descend from heaven and come to their aid! But none of the disciples had ever seen an angel walk on earth and help the poor and despised. They remained silent therefore, secretly measuring and remeasuring the danger. Judas watched them out of the corner of his eye and chuckled with pride. He alone did not calculate. He went to war despising death, caring nothing for his body and less for his soul. He had but one great pa.s.sion, and it would be a supreme joy to destroy himself for that pa.s.sionas sake.

Peter finally opened his mouth. He was the first to speak. aRabbi, will angels come down from heaven to help us?a aWe are G.o.das angels on earth, Peter,a Jesus replied. aThere are no other angels.a aBut do you think we can manage all by ourselves, Master?a asked Jacob.

Jesus rose. The bridge of his nose was quivering. aGo away,a he shouted. aAbandon me!a aI wonat forsake you, Rabbi,a cried John. aIam with you to the death!a aMe too, Rabbi,a Andrew exclaimed, and he hugged the teacheras knees.

Two large tears rolled from Peteras eyes, but he did not speak; and Jacob, who was a strapping young man, bowed his head in shame.

aAnd you, Judas, my brother?a Jesus asked, seeing the mute redbeard gaze savagely at all the rest.

aI donat bother with words,a Judas bl.u.s.tered, aand I donat blubber like Peter. As long as you hold the ax, Iam with you. You abandon it: I abandon you. Iam not following you, as you very well know. Iam following the ax.a aArenat you ashamed to talk like that to the rabbi?a said Peter.

But Jesus was glad. aJudas is right,a he said. aFriends, I follow the ax myself.a They all stretched out on the ground, their backs against the cedar. In the sky the stars multiplied.

aFrom this moment onward,a Jesus said, awe unfurl G.o.das banner and set out for war. A star and a cross are embroidered on the flag of the Lord. G.o.d be with us!a They were all silent. They had made their decisions; their hearts had become valorous.

aI shall speak once more in parables,a Jesus said to the companions, who had finally been swallowed up by the darkness. aOne last parable before we depart for battle. ... Know that the earth is fastened on top of seven columns, and the columns on water, and the water on clouds and the clouds upon the winds, and the winds on the tempest, and the tempest on a thunderbolt. And the thunderbolt rests at G.o.das feet, like an ax.a aI donat understand,a said John, blushing.

aJohn, son of the Thunderbolt!a Jesus replied, caressing his beloved companionas hair. aYou will understand when you grow old and go to become an ascetic on an island and the heavens open above you and your mind catches fire!a He was silent. It was the first time he had so clearly seen what G.o.das thunderbolt was: a burning ax at the feet of the Lord; and hanging from this ax like a string of beads were the tempest, wind, cloud and water: the entire earth. Though he had lived for years with men, for years with the Holy Scriptures, no one had ever revealed to him this terrible secret. What secret: that the thunderbolt is the Son of G.o.d, the Messiah. It was the Messiah who was going to cleanse the world.

aFellow partisans,a he saida"and Peter perceived two flames, like horns, suddenly fly out from his foreheada"aI went to the desert, as you know, to meet G.o.d. I was hungry, thirsty, broiling hot. I sat curled up on a rock and called G.o.d to appear. Wave after wave of devils pounded over me, broke, frothed and then turned around and flowed back. First were the devils of the body, then the devils of the mind and lastly the all-powerful devils of the heart. But I held G.o.d before me as a shield of bronze, and the sand around me filled with fragments of claws and teeth and horns. And then I heard a great voice above me: aRise, take the ax brought you by the Forerunner, strike!aa aWill no one be saved?a Peter cried.

But Jesus did not hear. aAll at once my arm grew heavy as if someone had wedged an ax into my grasp. I started to get up, but as I did so I heard the voice once more: aSon of the Carpenter, a new flood is lashing out, not of water this time, but of fire. Build a new ark, select the saintly, and place them inside!a The selection has begun, friends. The ark is ready; the door is open still. Enter!a They all stirred. Creeping forward, they swarmed around Jesus as if he were the ark and they were trying to go in.

aAnd I heard the voice again: aSon of David, as soon as the flames subside and the ark casts anchor in the New Jerusalem, mount your ancestral throne and govern mankind! The old earth will have vanished, the old sky will have disappeared. A new heaven will stretch itself over the heads of the saints. The starsa"and the eyes of mena"will shine seven times brighter than ever before.a a aRabbi,a Peter again cried, aall of us who have fought the fight with you must not die before we see that day and sit to the right and left of your throne!a But Jesus did not hear. Plunged in the fiery vision of the desert, he continued. aAnd for the last time I heard the voice over my head: aSon of G.o.d, receive my blessing!aa Son of G.o.d! Son of G.o.d! each one shouted to himself, but no one dared open his mouth.

All the stars had now appeared. They were hanging low tonight, halfway between sky and men.

aAnd now, Rabbi,a Andrew asked, awhere do we begin our military life?a aG.o.d,a Jesus answered, atook earth from Nazareth and fashioned this body of mine. It is therefore my duty to begin the war in Nazareth. It is there that my flesh must commence its transformation into spirit.a aAnd afterward weall go to Capernaum,a said Jacob, ato save my parents.a aAnd then to Magdala,a suggested Andrew, ato get poor Magdalene and put her in the ark too.a aAnd then to the whole world!a shouted John, pointing to the east and west.

Peter heard them and laughed. aIam wondering about our bellies,a he said. aWhatall we eat in the ark? I suggest that we take along only edible animals. Goodness gracious, what use have we for lions and gnats?a He was hungry, and his mind and thoughts were on food. The others all laughed.

aAll you can think about is dinner,a Jacob scolded him. aWeare speaking here about the salvation of the world.a aThe rest of you have the same thought I have,a Peter objected, abut you wonat admit it. I say frankly whatever comes into my head, whether good or bad. My mind goes round and round, and I go round and round with it. Thatas why the gossips call me Windmill. Am I right, Rabbi, or am I not?a Jesusa face brightened into a smile. An old story came to his mind. aOnce upon a time there was a rabbi who desired to find someone who could blow the horn so skillfully and loud that the faithful would hear and come to the synagogue. He announced therefore that all good horn-blowers should present themselves for an audition. The rabbi himself would choose the best. Five camea"the most skilled in town. Each took the horn and blew. When they all had finished, the rabbi questioned them one by one: aWhat do you think of, my child, when you blow the horn?a The first said, aI think of G.o.d.a The second: aI think of Israelas deliverance.a The third: aI think of the starving poor.a The fourth: aI think of orphans and widows.a One only, the shabbiest of the lot, stayed behind the others in a corner and did not speak. aAnd you, my child,a the rabbi asked him, awhat do you think of when you blow the horn?a aFather,a he answered, blushing, aI am poor and illiterate and I have four daughters. Iam unable to give them dowries, poor things, so that they can get married like everyone else. When I blow the horn, therefore, I say to myself: G.o.d, you see how I toil and slave for you. Send four husbands, please, for my daughters!a aHave my blessing,a said the rabbi. aI choose you!a a Jesus turned to Peter and laughed. aHave my blessing, Peter,a he said. aI choose you. You have food on your mind, and you talk about food. When you have G.o.d on your mind youall talk about G.o.d. Bravo! Thatas why men call you Windmill. I choose you. You are the windmill which will grind the wheat into bread so that men may eat.a They had one piece of bread. Jesus divided it. Each manas share was only a mouthful, but the rabbi had blessed it, and they were filled. Afterward they leaned against one anotheras shoulders and slept.

All things sleep, relax and grow during the nighta"even stones, water and souls. When the companions awoke in the morning, their souls had branched out and invaded every inch of their bodies, filling them with a.s.surance and joy.

They started out before dawn. The air today was cool. Clouds gathereda"it was an autumn sky. Late-journeying cranes flew by, carrying the swallows toward the south. The carefree disciples ate up the road: heaven and earth had joined in their hearts, and even the humblest stone glistened, filled with G.o.d.

Jesus marched all alone in front. His mind was sluggish; it hung on the mercy of G.o.d. He knew that he had finally burned his bridges behind him and could no longer turn back. His fate marched in front and he was following it. Whatever G.o.d decided, that was what would take place. ... His fate? Suddenly he again heard the mysterious footsteps which had been mercilessly following him for such a long time. He strained his ear and listened. They were rapid, heavy, decisive. But now they were not behind him; they were in front, guiding him. ... Itas better, he reflected, better. Now I can no longer lose my way. ...

Rejoicing, he lengthened his stride. It seemed to him that the feet were hurrying, so he hurried too. He advanced, whispering aOnward! Onward!a to the invisible guide; stumbled forward over rocks, jumped ditches, ran. Suddenly he uttered a cry. He felt a horrible pain in his hands and feet, as though he had been pierced by nails. He collapsed onto a rock, the sweat pouring over him in cold granules. For a moment his head swam. The earth sank away from under his feet and a fierce dark ocean spread itself out before him. It was deserted but for a tiny red skiff which sailed bravely along, its sails puffed out, ready to burst. ... Jesus looked and looked, then smiled. aIt is my heart,a he murmured, ait is my heart. ...a His head became steady again, the pains subsided, and when his disciples arrived, they found him tranquilly seated on the rock and smiling.

aOnward, lads, faster!a he said, and he rose.

Chapter Twenty-One.

IT IS SAID that the Sabbath is a well-fed boy at rest on G.o.das knees. With him rest the waters, birds refrain from building their nests, and men do not work. They dress, ornament themselves and go to the synagogue to watch the rabbi unroll the holy scroll with its Law of G.o.d written in red and black letters and to hear the learned search every word, every syllable and discovera"with great arta"the will of G.o.d.

It is the Sabbath today. At this very moment the faithful are leaving the synagogue of Nazareth, their eyes still dazzled by the visions which Simeon, the old rabbi, called up before them. The light in their eyes is so strong they all stumble like blind men. They disperse throughout the village square and promenade slowly under the tall date palms to recover their equilibrium.

Today the rabbi had let the Scriptures fall open according to chance. They opened to the prophet Nahum. He placed his finger, again according to chance, and it fell upon the following sacred text: aBehold, upon the mountain are heard the feet of him who brings good tidings!a The old rabbi read these words, reread them, worked up steam. aItas the Messiah!a he screamed. aHeas coming. Look around you, look within you. The signs of his coming are everywhere. Within us: wrath, shame, hope, and the cry, aWeave had enough!a ... And outside: look! Satan sits on the throne of the Universe. He holds and caresses manas rotten body on one knee; on the other, manas prost.i.tuted soul. The years which the prophets prophesied have comea"and it is G.o.d who speaks through the mouths of the prophets. Open the Scriptures. What do they say? aWhen Israel is hurled from its throne and our holy soil is trodden by barbarian feet, the end of the world will have come!a And what more do the Scriptures say: aThe last king will be dissolute, unlawful, atheistic; his children will be unworthy. And the crown will slip from Israelas head.a The dissolute and unlawful king came: Herod! I saw him with my own eyes when he called me to Jericho to heal him. I took along my secret herbsa"I knew all about such lorea"and went. I went, and from that day on, I have not been able to eat meat, for I saw his putrescent flesh; I have not been able to drink wine, for I saw his blood filled with worms. I have retained his stench in my nostrils for over thirty years. ... He died; his carca.s.s rotted. His sons came: trivial, unworthy dregs. The royal crown slid from their heads. ...

aThe prophecies, therefore, have been fulfilled: the end of the world is here! A voice resounded by the Jordan: aHeas coming!a A voice resounds within us: aHeas coming!a Today I opened the Scriptures and the letters drew together and cried, aHeas coming!a Iave grown old, my eyes are dim, my teeth have fallen out, my knees grown slack. I rejoice! I rejoice because G.o.d gave me his word. aSimeon,a he said, ayou shall not die before you see the Messiah.a Thus the nearer I come to death, the nearer to us comes the Messiah. Courage, my children. There is no slavery, no Satan, there are no Romans. There is only the Messiah, and he is coming! Men, strap on your arms: this is war! Women, light the lamps, the bridegroom arrives! We do not know the hour or exact momenta"it may be today, it may be tomorrow. Keep the vigil! I hear the stones of the near-by mountains shift under his feet. Heas coming! Go out, perhaps you will see him!a The people went out and dispersed under the tall date palms. The rabbias words were extremely disorganized and his auditors struggled to forget them completely so that the roaring flames would subside and their souls could once more dispose themselves around cares still at hand. And while they promenaded, anxiously awaiting the hour of noon when they could return to their homes and by talking, arguing and eating forget the sacred wordsa"look! there with his torn clothes, barefooted, his face a flash of lightning, was the son of Mary. The four disciples flocked timidly behind him; and bringing up the rear, dark-eyed and unsociable, was Judas the redbeard.

The burghers were astonished. Where did this riffraff come froma"and was that not the son of Mary in the lead?

aLook how he walks. He puts out his arms and flaps them like wings. G.o.d has swelled his head and heas trying to fly.a aHeas mounting a rock and gesturing. Heas going to speak.a aLetas go and amuse ourselves!a Jesus had indeed stepped onto a rock in the middle of the square. Laughing, the people gathered around, glad that this clairvoyant had appeared. Now they would be able to forget the rabbias grave words. aThis is war,a he had told them. aKeep the vigil; heas coming!a He had been booming this hymn into their ears for years and years, and they were sick of it. Now, thank G.o.d, the son of Mary would help them relieve their minds.

Jesus waved his arms, signaling them all to gather around him. The place filled with beards, skullcaps and striped robes. Some of the crowd were munching dates to deceive their hunger, others sunflowers, and the oldest and most G.o.d-fearing were telling long chaplets with beads made of tiny knots of blue cloth each containing a text from the Holy Scriptures.