The Lame Daoist Priest Chapter 102

Chapter 102: Helping a Crime Investigation

Translator: Udeze

Editor: Chrof

Old Chen said, "Just think, from where did these robbers get such submachine guns? It was understandable if civilians could get pistols, but the likes of a.s.sault rifles are not that simple. Which means they are an organized and disciplined bunch. To have them spit out what they know will prove very troublesome and difficult, so I want to ask you for help."

Right as he was done talking, Old Chen's cell phone suddenly buzzed. He picked it up and yet did not say a word as a look of disbelief then covered his face and he cried out with an incredulous expression, "WHAT"

I just sat still while my mind was wandering. I could tell something wrong just happened. In all honesty, I really did not want to help the cops, at all. I was also held as a hostage, and yet they just abandoned me like that? More so, I had to go to the Zhang Family to treat my illness, so I had no time to help them.

Old Chen spoke some words before hanging up the phone and then spoke to me in all seriousness, "Xiaolong, you don't have any choice but to help us this time. Those three robbers are dead!"

"What? That's impossible! I did not hit them that hard. They will at most faint but won't claim their lives!"

"Don't get me wrong!" Old Chen shook his head, "You didn't kill them, but after the preliminary interrogation, those dangerous criminals turned out to have a highly poisonous pill inside their mouth. It seems like they took a special capsule containing lethal poison in their mouth before they performed the robbery. The capsule's outer skin itself can't be dissolved by saliva so its grade of safety is very high. But in case something happens to them, they still can bite and chew it directly."

I frowned at the revelation and then said, "Why do I feel it's like the trick in the movie?"

"Not really," corrected Old Chen. "Such a technique has long existed in reality and what people see in the movies was just a reference of what already existed in the real world. This is definitely a group of organized and disciplined criminals! Xiaolong, you are obliged to render your help!

I stood up and said, "Uncle Chen, though I'd love to help you, I really can't. I have two reasons for that. Firstly, I'm very busy lately and will be away tomorrow for a couple of days before I go back. Secondly, the last time I helped the police it just gave me conflicts with gangsters, causing me to be in anxiety for a long time. I don't want to let it ever happen again."

Old Chen apologetically said, "You just need to help interrogate their ghosts this time. You will never get involved in cases more than this. Is that alright with you?"

Those criminals had killed three hostages and their ghosts indeed should be interrogated to solve the case. It was a form of respect and moral responsibility to give account to the family members of the deceased. Since I only needed to catch ghosts for interrogation, it would not take much of my time, so I nodded and said, "Alright, then. The souls of the dead won't be too far from their dead body. Where are the corpses of those criminals then?"

"They are stored at the Forensic Center. We are currently examining the poison in their body, as well as investigating their ident.i.ties."

"If anything, I'm going to escort my girlfriend back home first and I also need to take some of my props and call my a.s.sistant to get there." Then, I walked out of the room.

Xiaoling had just been terrified enough. At this time, she was sitting on a chair outside waiting for me. She looked so frightened that her face was down. I hugged her shoulder and comforted her, "Sis Xiaoling, don't be afraid. With me by your side, you will never be in danger."

She stood up and hugged my arm and looked touched. "It's really great to have you, Xiaolong."

I smiled at her and said, "Anyways, the police now need some help from me, so I'm going to escort you back to my house first. I'll hurry back as soon as I finish helping them, okay?"

"Alright. Then I'll accompany Auntie since you're busy."

I stroked her hair twice and said, "Let's go then."

After sending Xu Xiaoling to my home, I straightly headed to the copy shop. Right as I entered the shop, I heard Jiannan humming a song, 'Pink Memories', so my curiosity was piqued and I asked him, "Looking at you this happy, did you win a lottery or something?"

Jiannan grinned happily and said, "Guess it, Bro. My girlfriend is no longer a Cancer!"

I was struck and froze. Only after a long time did I react, raising my thumb at him and praised, "d.a.m.n, awesome!"

Jiannan burst into laughter and said, "Hahaha, when will you try Sis Xiaoling's 'zodiac constellation' then, Big Bro?" His face was really that of perverted old gramps when he particularly emphasized that 'constellation' word. [1]

I just smiled happily when I thought about Xu Xiaoling. Then I glanced at Jiannan and said, "You done with your whistling? Get your a.s.s to pack up and bring some spells. We're going to the Forensic Center."

"What is up, Big Bro? Business?" Asked Jiannan excitedly.

"Nope, just doing some favors for the police. Anyways, stop chattering, will you? Just go find the charms!"

Jiannan had saved more than 1,000 charms in the past few months, all of which were bundled in stacks for each respective type. I thought it was like a stack of yuan bills when I saw it, reminding me about the robbery that happened in the morning. Jiannan then put the rest of the stack in his s...o...b..x and asked in a magnanimous fashion, "Are they enough, Big Bro?"

"Enough. Just nuff said, you're too much." I quickly said.

After locking the door, I and Jiannan took a cab and headed straight to the Forensic Center. As I got off the car, I just simply told him about what had happened in the bank. With a look full of regret, this fella said, "Darn it. If I knew such a good thing happened, I would have followed you to the bank, Bro."

"What the h.e.l.l you wanna do if you were there? Farting? Can you even face five submachine guns? You would definitely turn into a honeycomb immediately right after you run your mouth"

I just straightly ignored him and called the Old Officer Chen to ask him where he was. The old man said he was inside the examination room of the Forensic Center and would immediately come out to meet me.

We waited at the entrance for about 3 minutes. Old Chen then came out as I briefly introduced Jiannan to him, telling him that he was my a.s.sistant.

While walking into the building, Old Chen asked me, "Well, Xiaolong, there's also someone else you know of here."

'My acquaintance? Is there anyone I know of working here?' Feeling intrigued, I then asked, "Uncle Shu, you meant… it's that woman forensic I met here last time, isn't it?

"Yep, that's right. Turns out you still remember her."

"Yeah, I still remember her. Well, it is rather coincidental indeed. Anyways, is she also in charge of this case this time?"

"Yup." Old Chen nodded, "There's also a foreigner inside too. An American forensic doctor, who comes to China for academic exchanges. He wants to see the examination and investigate the work process of Chinese forensic doctors. Also, remember to be friendly when you meet him, got it?"

Jiannan interjected and patted his chest, "You can rest your worries about that. I'll be friendly when I'm communicating with him."

My face must have looked strange when I stared at Jiannan. I recalled this fella had grown up in something like a mental hospital. Could it be that he learned English by himself there? He seemed to be full of confidence about it. As my head began to be filled with doubts, Old Chen had already pushed the door to a room.

Just as I entered the room, I could see two people stood inside, one of which was the female forensic doctor I had seen last time, while the other one was a tall, burly Afro-American. Before Old Chen introduced this black guy, Jiannan had already taken the initiative to talk to him with a smiling face, "h.e.l.lo, wǒ yě yòng fù yán jié～～." [2]

Holly molly! Was that even f.u.c.king English?! Oh, G.o.d. This was really so disgraceful that I facepalmed myself!

Taking this marvel of nature here was seriously a mistake!

I really couldn't help but wonder. How could there be a woman who fell for such exotic goods like this guy? But particularly speaking about it… Jiannan's girlfriend was rather pretty, so this b.a.s.t.a.r.d was so d.a.m.n lucky, roping her that cheaply! If anything, that line from the ads was indeed spoken by a foreigner woman with a strange accent, but it was not in English, like, literally!

Old Chen and the female doctor were also caught by a surprise, blushing and embarra.s.sed; whereas the black man just looked puzzled and asked, "Eh, eh… What?"

The female forensic wiped her sweat off and conversed with the black guy in English. She explained that Jiannan was just joking and that, in fact, he was very friendly. The black guy quickly extended his hand to shake hands with Jiannan, "h.e.l.lo, nice… to… meet… you."

Yet, Jiannan still repeated that line with its strange accent to reply to him, "Wǒ yě yòng fù yán jié ~~."

I quickly pulled Jiannan's clothes and said, "You are not to say anything in English anymore from now on."

"Big Bro, you can't stop me conversing with this American friend of mine in English!" rebuked Jiannan with his usual innocent eyes.

I was left speechless for a few seconds as I nodded and said, "You wanna converse with him? Fine. But can you change your current English's line?"

"No?" Jiannan said, "I only know this sentence and learned it from ads. It's already very difficult to find an American, yet you don't want me to properly show off?"

Speaking to him was really such a torment that I almost wept. I wiped my face and fought back the urge to kick this buffoon. "Fine. Just do your socializing stuff show off with your foreigner friend slowly, got it? I'm gonna deal with the business first."

I was really too lazy to talk and pay attention to him anymore, so I looked at the female forensic and said, "h.e.l.lo, Dr. Liu. Nice to meet you again."

"Ah, Officer Chen told me that you knocked down three armed robbers in the bank this morning. That was amazing!"

I just smiled in reply and exchanged a few words with her before calling over Jiannan.

At this time, this brother of mine was still talking to the black guy. But no matter what the black fella said, he always replied, " Wǒ yě yòng fù yán jié ~~."

I quickly called him over and said, "Hey, just stop speaking 'I also use Fu Cleaning Lotion' for now, will you? Take a look around this room and see whether there are any ghosts."

"There were two ghosts just now, but they ran away when you came… Ah, that's right." Jiannan turned around to the black man and said that sacred line again, "I also use Fu Cleaning Lotion."

"Oh, that's nice!" The black guy really thought that Jiannan was really a funny guy. Although he didn't understand what Jiannan was talking about, he still answered in a friendly manner.

"They ran? Can you describe what those two ghosts look like? Come here and look at these dead bodies and see whether you can recognize those ghosts as two of these five dead robbers!" After saying that, I took Jiannan to see the faces of the dead.

He then pointed to the two dead bodies, "They seem to be the ghosts of these two dead bodies."

After getting Jiannan's confirmation, I fell into thoughts, confused. If those ghosts were really the ghosts of these robbers, then why did they run away instead of rushing at me to exact their revenge? Even though new ghosts were unable to harm a human, they would not have to be scared like that, no?

Just when I was still thinking about it, Jiannan suddenly shouted, "They're back, Big Bro. The two that just ran and now there are four of them!"

At this time, I could also sense a Yin Qi approaching! It was needless to say that a few ghosts were trying to attack me. However, they were just new ghosts with a bit of Yin Qi on their spiritual bodies. A human wouldn't have any particular reaction even if they b.u.mped into these ghosts. But I had been in contact with and exposed to ghosts all the time, so I was very sensitive to Yin Qi and could sense their arrival.

I spoke to Jiannan in a whisper, "Catch them!"

At the same time, I clipped out a Moon Charm from my pocket and formed a sword seal with my fingers as the Moon Charm instantly ignited out of the blue. When that foreigner saw the scene, he exclaimed loudly, "What the f.u.c.k? That's awesome!"

Note:

[1] 星座: literally could mean constellation but also mean stay/sleep overnight, pun intended.

[2] Jiannan spoke 我也用妇炎洁, a slogan in this ad at 0:07 where a foreign woman approaches and says it in a strange accent and tone. The phrase literally means, I also use.