The Kitchen House Part 30

"I found papers," I whispered.

"What kind of papers?" she whispered back.

"I'll tell you when I get back," I said, "but you must promise to keep this a secret."

"I will." She nodded. I trusted her as I did no other.

Papa and I argued when I insisted that he saddle Barney. He guessed immediately where I was going. The weather wasn't stable, he said, and we had no idea when Marshall would return. Besides, he told me, Rankin was more likely to come down to the barn during the winter season. I dared not tell Papa of Belle's papers, nor of my need to see Will. I stubbornly held my ground. In spite of the grim look on his face, I insisted that he do as I asked, then I rode off at a gallop. I did not turn back to wave; instead, my hand felt for the package that Sukey and I had bound against my breast.

I was almost halfway there before I dared to slow my horse to a walk. It was then, from behind me, that I heard the neigh of another horse. I reined Barney in and turned to face the oncoming rider. Of course it was Rankin.

"Well, Mrs. Pyke," he said, "I was hoping that I might catch up to you. I was wondering where you were going at such a speed, but now that we are near his house, I'm not wondering no more." He smiled. "Will Stephens is quite a friend of yours, isn't he?" When I did not answer, he reached for the reins of my horse and turned us toward home. "You know your husband don't want you out here." horse and turned us toward home. "You know your husband don't want you out here."

I cracked my whip smartly across his wrist. Barney, responding to the crop, jumped ahead, and I gave him his rein when he headed for home.

I WAS READY FOR MY WAS READY FOR MY husband when he came to my room that evening. At my request, f.a.n.n.y had taken Elly to the nursery for the night. Sukey refused to leave my side, so she and I sat playing cards. When I heard Marshall's footsteps on the stairs, my hands began to tremble. Sukey whispered, "Don't worry, Miss Abby, I'm staying here with you." husband when he came to my room that evening. At my request, f.a.n.n.y had taken Elly to the nursery for the night. Sukey refused to leave my side, so she and I sat playing cards. When I heard Marshall's footsteps on the stairs, my hands began to tremble. Sukey whispered, "Don't worry, Miss Abby, I'm staying here with you."

"Please go, stay with Mama," I whispered, but she shook her head. When Marshall entered, Sukey rose, as was the order. Marshall strode over to me and slapped my face. Sukey gasped.

"Where were you going?" he asked.

I kept my eyes down. "I went out for a ride."

This time the force of his slap threw me from the chair. He came at me again, and before I could prevent it, Sukey charged him. She bit deep into his arm, and Marshall yelled a profanity as he threw her from him. To my great surprise and relief, he abruptly left the room. Sukey and I were comforting each other when Marshall returned with Papa George.

"Take her," Marshall said, waving toward Sukey. "Get rid of her!"

"No," I pleaded, holding Sukey to me. "Please, Marshall, she did nothing wrong."

"You let your nigra bite me, and you say she did nothing wrong!" he shouted.

"She was only trying to stop you."

"Stop me? Stop me!" He turned to Papa, who was standing back at the door. "George, I said get in here and take her out!" he said. Sukey's arms were locked around me, but Marshall ripped her away and tossed her at Papa George. "Get her out of here!"

Papa's eyes flamed, and his body shook, and for one terrible moment I thought that he might refuse Marshall's command. Yet he contained himself, and with an uncommon gentleness, he convinced Sukey to come with him. moment I thought that he might refuse Marshall's command. Yet he contained himself, and with an uncommon gentleness, he convinced Sukey to come with him.

I fell to my knees after they left. "Marshall! Please! Please! Don't harm her. Where will you send her?"

"She will go to the quarters, where she belongs."

"But what about Elly?" I pleaded, trying another approach. "She is so attached to her."

"Elly has others to care for her," he said.

"But Sukey's never lived down there, it will be too hard on her!"

"This is all your doing, Lavinia," he said. "You dare to embarra.s.s me! You go to meet another man!"

Still on my kness, I begged him. "Please, Marshall. Punish me, not Sukey. Don't take her from me. She's like my own child."

He kicked at me. "Get up! You disgust me! The t.i.tles you give these nigras. You say she's like your child. You call them Papa and Mama like they're kin to you! More of this and I will rid you of them all."

After he left the room, I ran to the window. Blackness loomed up and prevented me from seeing out. The house was quiet; no one dared stir. I locked my door before I went to my tall linen press. Shaking, I unwrapped Belle's papers from my bodice. When I hid them on the top shelf, I placed them behind the hatbox that held the laudanum bottles. After little deliberation, I poured a generous amount of the black liquid into my sherry gla.s.s, drank it, and waited for it to quiet me.

IN THE MORNING, MAMA WHISPERED to me that Sukey hd been taken to Ida's cabin and forbidden to bring any of her belongings. Everyone was warned that if they helped me contact her, they would be sold immediately. I remembered well the warning Marshall had given me. If he would take Sukey away from me, I did not doubt he would remove any of the others. After that, I dared not question anyone about Sukey. to me that Sukey hd been taken to Ida's cabin and forbidden to bring any of her belongings. Everyone was warned that if they helped me contact her, they would be sold immediately. I remembered well the warning Marshall had given me. If he would take Sukey away from me, I did not doubt he would remove any of the others. After that, I dared not question anyone about Sukey.

Desperate, I wrote to Mr. Madden, then remembered that Marshall was sure to intercept all of my correspondence, so I burned the letter later that night.

Over the next weeks, I went to Marshall on two separate occasions to plead my case. On my first approach, Marshall warned me to let the subject go. The second time, I again implored him to change his mind. He laughed bitterly at my attachment to Sukey, calling her my long-lost child. Who was her daddy? he asked. Reckless in my desperation, I slapped him. I demanded that I be allowed to see her. He looked at me through eyes that I did not recognize. The next afternoon he sent Mama to tell me that Sukey had been sold. Mama's eyes were swollen and her face contorted when she gave me the news.

"I supposed to tell you that Sukey gone."

"Gone where?" I wailed.

"She been sold."

"No, Mama! No! Not Sukey, Mama! Not Sukey!" I cried. But Mama was as grief-stricken as I, and she looked at me helplessly while tears streamed down her face. I ran to the window. Surely there was still time.

"They took her durin' the night. She gone," Mama said.

I stared at Mama, not willing to believe her.

She came close to whisper in my ear. "Miss Abinia, I got to go downstairs. Masta Marshall waitin' on me."

"For what, Mama?" I asked.

"He say he don't want me babyin' you no more. He say if I do, he gonna sell me next." Her frightened face told me that she did not see this as an idle threat. I stared after her as she left the room. A wooden chair that stood against the wall felt weightless when I picked it up. I smashed it against the bed with such force that both the bedpost and the chair shattered. Still I continued to batter away. When nothing was left in my hands, I sank to the floor and gave way to my grief.

FOLLOWING THE SALE OF S SUKEY, I refused to go to the dining room for my meals, and Marshall did not send for me. We did not see each other, as I stayed upstairs when I knew he was about.

Marshall had driven home his point. Everyone was afraid. After the sale of Sukey, no one felt safe. I felt that my whole family blamed me for her exile, and why would they not? I was responsible. Furthermore, I was terrified that Marshall would misinterpret any exchange I had with them, so I kept any conversation brief. I grieved for Sukey as I had no other, and ashamed of my part in the matter, I closed myself off from any consolation my family might have offered.

In complete despair, I relied heavily on the laudanum; soon I depended on it to function. I had already discovered that the drug was not difficult to obtain; it was easily ordered by mail. Every morning, dissolved in a gla.s.s of water, a few drops dulled my reality. Hours later, when exhaustion overtook me, another dose with wine gave me a boost to help me finish out the day. In the evening, alone in my room, I schemed. I would leave, find Sukey, and help her to escape. Late into the night, I drew maps of the woods as I remembered them, planning our route, only to burn them for fear of Marshall's discovery. When sleep eluded me, a heavier dose of opium carried me into sleep. I continued this way, believing the opiate my friend, while its ever tightening arms wrapped around me.

During that time Marshall continued on with Beattie, though he found other diversions as well: He began to bet on the horses, and he developed a pa.s.sion for cardplaying.

f.a.n.n.y let me know that he sold people from the quarters to pay off debts. Meg wrote, and I ignored her pleas for communication. As my need for laudanum took over, I felt more helpless than ever, and with each pa.s.sing year, I burrowed deeper into oblivion. I scarcely wept when Mama told me that Will Stephens had married.

CHAPTER FIFTY

1810

Belle

IT'S FIVE YEARS THAT S SUKEY'S gone. gone.

In that time, Beattie gets two more boys from Marshall. She got him figured out, and now he spends more time in the kitchen house than he does in the big house. Mama says if Marshall cares about anybody, it's Beattie. Beattie says he don't hardly even get on her no more. He just comes to sleep. Sometimes, she says, he even plays with the babies. Most times, though, he's too drunk to know where he's at.

Will Stephens tell us that Marshall's losing the whole place from playing cards and betting the horses. He's getting rid of more and more land, and he's even selling off people from the quarters. I get worried that he'll sell my Jamie, but Will Stephens says that's never gonna happen. Marshall knows Will Stephens is watching out to buy Jamie if that day ever comes.

They tell me my Jamie's real smart. He reads all the time. Mama says he talks real good and sounds like he comes from the big house. They say he has no trouble pa.s.sing for white. The times I miss him, I tell myself, Maybe this is the way he'll get free. Maybe one day he'll go off and live like a white boy.

They're saying Lavinia uses drops the same as Miss Martha. Lavinia's still up and moving around, but Mama says there's nothing coming from her eyes no more. The only thing she still cares about is her Elly.

That little Elly, Mama says, sure is something. She looks like Lavinia, but she got more sa.s.s and spark in her than Lavinia ever have. Most of the time, she's out running and playing with Moses, Beattie's oldest boy, but she gets along good with my Jamie, too. have. Most of the time, she's out running and playing with Moses, Beattie's oldest boy, but she gets along good with my Jamie, too.

A couple of times I hide up in the trees, thinking to see Jamie when he goes down to the barns, but this last time Papa says, "Don't come here no more. Rankin's got a nose for trouble."

Ben says after Sukey got sent off, Papa's scared of everything. Papa 'specially don't like it when he hears that Ben's helping people run. Ben fixed a place to hide them in his house, but we don't talk about that to n.o.body. We think maybe Will Stephens knows, but he don't say nothing. Lucy don't like it one bit. She's afraid for her little ones.

This place here is growing. Will Stephens finally got married. We all know he was waiting to see what's happening with Lavinia. One time Will goes over there to see how she's doing. He goes to the front door, like a gentleman, and asks to see Lavinia. Marshall comes to the door, puts a gun to Will, and tells him he'll shoot the next time he sees him.

When Will sees for himself that he can't do nothing, he don't go back. Last year he marries a girl at church, and we all like her good enough. For sure, she nothing smart to look at. She's real white with yellow hair, and she looks like she don't have no eyelashes. She don't laugh too much, and she sure does talk about the good Lawd even more than Mama Mae ever done. Don't you know, her name's Martha, so here I go, calling another woman Miss Martha.

Lucy works up at the big house. I stay down here doing the cooking and looking out for the babies. Lucy's happy. She says never in her whole life did she think that she'd get to work in a big house. I say I never did think that I'd be working in a kitchen and looking out for babies that some woman have with my man. We laugh, 'cause it's the sorry truth.

Ben means everything to Lucy and me, but some days Lucy comes and says, "Belle, you take that man, I don't ever want to see him again!" Other times I say, "Lucy, he's all yours! Keep him away from me." So that's the way it works out for us, both with the same man. 'Course, there's times I think Ben wants a place for himself to get away from two women who each got their own way. man. 'Course, there's times I think Ben wants a place for himself to get away from two women who each got their own way.

My George is gonna be six years old this Christmas. He writes his name already, and my name, too. He call me Mama Belles, and the way he says it, those two words I can never hear enough. He lives with me from the time before he can walk, and Lucy don't never say she don't want me taking over this child.

Ben asks, "What you gonna do when it time for him to work the fields?"

I say, "I'm getting George ready for the big house. He's not going down to those fields."

Ben and Lucy think that George takes the place of my Jamie, but they don't see it right. Each boy got half my heart.

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

1810

Lavinia

MUCH OF THE LAND WAS sold by the spring of 1810. I kept myself dosed with laudanum as everything fell away. Marshall was seldom present on the farm, and the few times when I did see him, our meetings were cold and brief. I made sure that Elly was taken to her father when he asked to see her, but those times were infrequent. f.a.n.n.y, who accompanied Elly on these visits, told me that Marshall appeared ill at ease with his daughter. sold by the spring of 1810. I kept myself dosed with laudanum as everything fell away. Marshall was seldom present on the farm, and the few times when I did see him, our meetings were cold and brief. I made sure that Elly was taken to her father when he asked to see her, but those times were infrequent. f.a.n.n.y, who accompanied Elly on these visits, told me that Marshall appeared ill at ease with his daughter.

"He don't know what to say, 'cause the older that lil girl get, the more she look like you," f.a.n.n.y explained.

My daughter was the light of f.a.n.n.y's world. To f.a.n.n.y's sorrow, she and Eddy did not have children, so she treated Elly as her own. Every morning after f.a.n.n.y fed and dressed Elly for the day, they had their own small ritual. "And who is f.a.n.n.y to her little darlin'?" f.a.n.n.y would ask. Elly's arms would go around her neck for their morning hug, and her words always made f.a.n.n.y laugh out loud. Elly would draw out the words and mimick her perfectly: "f.a.n.n.y, you know you just my bes' blessin'!"

f.a.n.n.y was also Miss Martha's nurse. On the whole, my mother-in-law's mental health had stabilized. There were days, though, when the sharp cry of an animal from the outdoors might cause her extreme alarm. She would call for me then-"Isabelle! Isabelle!"-and if I did not come running, the only other who could settle her was Jamie. She was as obsessed with Jamie as ever, and though I knew its eccentricity, in that unusual household, it no longer seemed that peculiar.

Jamie was thirteen years old that summer. The previous spring he had grown very tall; he had a thin build and, but for his one eye, a beautiful face with finely carved features. f.a.n.n.y best described him to Mama: "He too pretty for a boy," she said.

Jamie was unusually fastidious. He insisted that his clothes fit perfectly, and he always kept his softly curled hair carefully tied back with a black satin ribbon. I tried to love him as I did Elly, but there was something about him that would not let me close. He was never disagreeable with Miss Martha, nor was he to me, but if anyone else crossed him, he would call up an air of superiority that caused Mama to remark more than once that he was "thinkin' too high on hisself."

Through the years Papa tried to interest Jamie in outdoor activities. He taught Jamie to ride, and when Marshall was away, he even taught him to hunt with the shotgun that was kept locked in the barn. But Jamie's time with Papa was limited, and for the most part, Jamie remained indoors. His pa.s.sion was books, and he spent hours at a desk in the blue room, where he read, wrote, and studied poetry. His other fascination was with birds; in this he often reminded me of Meg. Jamie's most prized possession was a book about North American birds that I had given to him. After days spent poring over the book, he announced that one day he would go to Philadelphia to meet the ornithologist who had published it. His determination left no doubt that he would make it happen.

The blue room held stacks of other books, and it became routine in the evenings to gather in Miss Martha's room and listen as Jamie read aloud. Miss Martha had coached him, and his elocution was superb. In many ways, those evenings saved me. Uncle Jacob always came to my room to fetch me. If I argued lethargy, if I told him that I was not feeling well, one look from his old brown eyes was enough to remind me of my duty to the household. I was often in a stupor when I took his arm and he led me to Miss Martha's rooms. After he would seat me, he'd pull a wooden chair from the blue room and sit quietly behind me. The evening almost always ended with Elly dozing on Uncle Jacob's lap.

BEATTIE AND M MARSHALL'S OLDEST CHILD, Moses, was six years old that summer, a year younger than Elly. They were constant playmates. Moses, was six years old that summer, a year younger than Elly. They were constant playmates.

In the first years, Beattie tried to keep Moses from the big house, but after a time Mama Mae must have told her that I did not care if he came to play with Elly. In truth, Moses, with his easygoing manner and his deeply dimpled face, so reminded me of Beattie as a child that I welcomed his happy presence.

I no longer concerned myself on Beattie's behalf. I knew that she had found her own way of coping. I was happy to learn that she invited Elly into the kitchen house and treated her there with kindness. Beattie and I saw little of each other, as I no longer went down to the kitchen house; I never knew when Marshall was about.

In the last months of the summer of 1810, Marshall was seldom home. His drinking and gambling had worsened, and I could only guess how close we were to complete disaster. That summer many of our workers had already been sold, and the few people left in the quarters were so worn out that I do not know how they survived.

I saw no way out. Tormented by my inability to act, I paced in an opium haze during the night when everyone slept. Where was the solution? Marshall was aware of all my expenditures, so how could I finance an escape? And overcoming that, whom would I take with me?

There were Elly and, of course, her beloved f.a.n.n.y. But what of Miss Martha? I felt extremely protective toward her. And Mama Mae! How could I leave her? She was my foundation, and I could not envision life without her. In these later years I had only two disagreements with Mama. One was about Jamie. The other had to do with my laudanum use.

All along I knew of Mama's objection to Jamie's presence in the house and the resulting dependency between Miss Martha and Jamie. Whenever Mama suggested that we separate the two, I always pleaded for more time. I could not forget Miss Sarah's visit and the disastrous results when Jamie was removed for those few days. Besides, Jamie was as attached to Miss Martha as she was to him. They spent long hours in each other's company, though Miss Martha often slept while Jamie wrote or studied. Jamie was always respectful toward me, but there were times-after his thirteenth birthday in particular-when he was particularly insolent with f.a.n.n.y. I corrected him, but he continued until f.a.n.n.y finally complained to Mama Mae. days. Besides, Jamie was as attached to Miss Martha as she was to him. They spent long hours in each other's company, though Miss Martha often slept while Jamie wrote or studied. Jamie was always respectful toward me, but there were times-after his thirteenth birthday in particular-when he was particularly insolent with f.a.n.n.y. I corrected him, but he continued until f.a.n.n.y finally complained to Mama Mae.