The Inspector-General Part 15

KHLESTAKOV. In my opinion what you want is this--you want people to respect you and to love you sincerely. Isn't that so?

POSTMASTER. Exactly.

KHLESTAKOV. I'm glad you agree with me. Of course, they call me queer.

But that's the kind of character I am. [Looking him in the face and talking to himself.] I think I'll ask this postmaster for a loan.

[Aloud.] A strange accident happened to me and I ran out of cash on the road. Can you lend me three hundred rubles?

POSTMASTER. Of course. I shall esteem it a piece of great good fortune.

I am ready to serve you with all my heart.

KHLESTAKOV. Thank you very much. I must say, I hate like the devil to deny myself on the road. And why should I? Isn't that so?

POSTMASTER. Quite so. [Rises, draws himself up, with his sword in his hand.] I'll not venture to disturb you any more. Would you care to make any remarks about the post office administration?

KHLESTAKOV. No, nothing.

The Postmaster bows and goes out.

KHLESTAKOV [lighting a cigar]. It seems to me the Postmaster is a fine fellow, too. He's certainly obliging. I like people like that.

SCENE V

Khlestakov and Luka Lukich, who is practically pushed in on the stage.

A voice behind him is heard saying nearly aloud, "Don't be chickenhearted."

LUKA [drawing himself up, trembling, with his hand on his sword]. I have the honor to present myself--School Inspector, t.i.tular Councilor Khlopov.

KHLESTAKOV. I'm glad to see you. Take a seat, take a seat. Will you have a cigar? [Offers him a cigar.]

LUKA [to himself, hesitating]. There now! That's something I hadn't antic.i.p.ated. To take or not to take?

KHLESTAKOV. Take it, take it. It's a pretty good cigar. Of course not what you get in St. Petersburg. There I used to smoke twenty-five cent cigars. You feel like kissing yourself after having smoked one of them.

Here, light it. [Hands him a candle.]

Luka Lukich tries to light the cigar shaking all over.

KHLESTAKOV. Not that end, the other.

LUKA [drops the cigar from fright, spits and shakes his hands. Aside].

Confound it! My d.a.m.ned timidity has ruined me!

KHLESTAKOV. I see you are not a lover of cigars. I confess smoking is my weakness--smoking and the fair s.e.x. Not for the life of me can I remain indifferent to the fair s.e.x. How about you? Which do you like more, brunettes or blondes?

Luka Lukich remains silent, at a complete loss what to say.

KHLESTAKOV. Tell me frankly, brunettes or blondes?

LUKA. I don't dare to know.

KHLESTAKOV. No, no, don't evade. I'm bound to know your taste.

LUKA. I venture to report to you--[Aside.] I don't know what I'm saying.

KHLESTAKOV. Ah, you don't want to say. I suppose some little brunette or other has cast a spell over you. Confess, she has, hasn't she?

Luka Lukich remains silent.

KHLESTAKOV. Ah, you're blushing. You see. Why don't you speak?

LUKA. I'm scared, your Hon--High--Ex--[Aside.] Done for! My confounded tongue has undone me!

KHLESTAKOV. You're scared? There IS something awe-inspiring in my eyes, isn't there? At least I know not a single woman can resist them. Isn't that so?

LUKA. Exactly.

KHLESTAKOV. A strange thing happened to me on the road. I ran entirely out of cash. Can you lend me three hundred rubles?

LUKA [clutching his pockets. Aside]. A fine business if I haven't got the money! I have! I have! [Takes out the bills and gives them to him, trembling.]

KHLESTAKOV. Thank you very much.

LUKA [drawing himself up, with his hand on his sword]. I will not venture to disturb you with my presence any longer.

KHLESTAKOV. Good-by.

LUKA [dashes out almost at a run, saying aside.] Well, thank the Lord!

Maybe he won't inspect the schools.

SCENE VI

Khlestakov and Artemy Filippovich.

ARTEMY [enters and draws himself up, his hand on his sword]. I have the honor to present myself--Superintendent of Charities, Court Councilor Zemlianika.

KHLESTAKOV. Howdeedo? Please sit down.

ARTEMY. I had the honor of receiving you and personally conducting you through the philanthropic inst.i.tutions committed to my care.

KHLESTAKOV. Oh, yes, I remember. You treated me to a dandy lunch.

ARTEMY. I am glad to do all I can in behalf of my country.