The Illuminatus! Trilogy Part 49

Those who have kept alive the ancient traditions of magick, such as the Ordo Templi Orientalis, will realize that the essential secret is s.e.xual (as Saul tries to explain in the Sixth Trip) and that more light can be found in the writings of Wilhelm Reich, M. D., than in the current Soviet research. But Dr. Reich was jailed as a quack by the U.S. Government, and we would not ask our readers to consider the possibility that the U.S. Government could ever be Wrong about anything.

Any psychoa.n.a.lyst will guess at once the most probable symbolic meanings of the Rose and the Cross; but no psychologist engaged in psi research has applied this key to the deciphering of traditional magic texts. The earliest reference to freemasonry in English occurs in Anderson's "Muses Threnody," 1638: For we be brethren of the Rosey Cross We have the Mason Word and second sight but no parapsychologist has followed up the obvious clue contained in this conjunction of the v.a.g.i.n.al rose, the phallic cross, the word of invocation, and the phenomenon of thought projection. That the taboos against s.e.xuality are still latent in our culture explains part of this blindness; fear of opening the door to the most insidious and subtle forms of paranoia is another part. (If the magick can work at a distance, the repressed thought goes, which of us is safe?) which of us is safe?) A close and objective study of the anti-LSD hysteria in America will shed further light on the mechanisms of avoidance here discussed. A close and objective study of the anti-LSD hysteria in America will shed further light on the mechanisms of avoidance here discussed.

Of course, there are further offenses and affronts to the rationalist in the deeper study of magick. We all know, for instance, that words are only arbitrary conventions with no intrinsic connection to the things they symbolize, yet magick involves the use of words in a manner that seems to imply that some such connection, or even ident.i.ty, actually exists. The reader might a.n.a.lyze some powerful bits of language not generally considered magical, and he will find something of the key. For instance, the 2 + 3 pattern in "Hail Eris"/"All hail Discordia" is not unlike the 2 + 3 in "Holy Mary, Mother of G.o.d," or that in the "L.S./M.F.T." which once sold many cartons of cigarettes to our parents; and the 2 + 3 in Crowley's "Io Pan! Io Pan Pan!" is a relative of these. Thus, when a magician says that you must must shout "Abrahadabra," and no other word, at the most intensely emotional moment in an invocation, he exaggerates; you may subst.i.tute other words; but you will abort the result if you depart too far from the five-beat patttern of "Abrahadabra." shout "Abrahadabra," and no other word, at the most intensely emotional moment in an invocation, he exaggerates; you may subst.i.tute other words; but you will abort the result if you depart too far from the five-beat patttern of "Abrahadabra."*

But this brings us to the magical theory of reality.

Mahatma Guru Sri Paramahansa Shivaji* writes in writes in Yoga for Yahoos: Yoga for Yahoos: Let us consider a piece of cheese. We say that this has certain qualities, shape, structure, color, solidity, weight, taste, smell, consistency and the rest; but investigation has shown that this is all illusory. Where are these qualities? Not in the cheese, for different observers give quite different accounts of it. Not in ourselves, for we do not perceive them in the absence of the cheese ...

What then are these qualities of which we are so sure? They would not exist without our brains; they would not exist without the cheese. They are the results of the union, that is of the Yoga, of the seer and seen, of subject and object ...

There is nothing here with which a modern physicist could quarrel; and this is the magical theory of the universe. The magician a.s.sumes that sensed reality sensed reality-the panorama of impressions monitored by the senses and collated by the brain-is radically different from so-called objective reality. About the latter "reality" we can only form speculations or theories which, if we are very careful and subtle, will not contradict either logic or the reports of the senses. This lack of contradiction is rare; some conflicts between theory and logic, or between theory and sense-data, are not discovered for centuries (for example, the wandering of Mercury away from the Newtonian calculation of its...o...b..t). And even when achieved, lack of contradiction is proof only that the theory About the latter "reality" we can only form speculations or theories which, if we are very careful and subtle, will not contradict either logic or the reports of the senses. This lack of contradiction is rare; some conflicts between theory and logic, or between theory and sense-data, are not discovered for centuries (for example, the wandering of Mercury away from the Newtonian calculation of its...o...b..t). And even when achieved, lack of contradiction is proof only that the theory is not totally false is not totally false. It is never, in any case, proof that the theory is totally true is totally true-for an indefinite number of such theories can be constructed from the known data at any time. For instance, the geometries of Euclid, of Gauss and Reimann, of Lobachevski, and of Fuller all all work well enough on the surface of the earth, and it not yet clear whether the Gauss-Reimann or the Fuller system works better in interstellar s.p.a.ce. work well enough on the surface of the earth, and it not yet clear whether the Gauss-Reimann or the Fuller system works better in interstellar s.p.a.ce.

If we have this much freedom in choosing our theories about "objective reality," we have even more liberty in deciphering the "given" or transactional sensed reality sensed reality. The ordinary person senses as he or she has been taught to sense -that is, as they have been programmed by their society. The magician is a self-programmer. Using invocation and evocation-which are functionally identical with self-conditioning, auto-suggestion, and hypnosis, as shown above-he or she edits or orchestrates sensed reality like an artist.*Everybody, of course, does this unconsciously; see the paragraph about the cheese. The magician, doing it consciously, controls it.

This book, being part of the only serious conspiracy it describes-that is, part of Operation Mindf.u.c.k-has programmed the reader in ways that he or she will not understand for a period of months (or perhaps years). When that understanding is achieved, the real import of this appendix (and of the equation 5 = 6) will be clearer. Officials at Harvard thought Dr. Timothy Leary was joking when he warned that students should not be allowed to indiscriminately remove dangerous, habit-forming books from the library unless each student proves a definite need for each volume. (For instance, you have lost track of Joe Malik's mysterious dogs by now.) It is strange that one can make the clearest possible statements and yet be understood by many to have said the opposite.

The Rite of Shiva, as performed by Joe Malik during the SSS Black Ma.s.s, contains the central secret of all magick, very explicitly, yet most people can reread that section a dozen, or a hundred times, and never understand what the secret is. For instance, Miss Portinari was a typical Catholic girl in every way-except for an unusual tendency to take Catholicism seriously-until she began menstruating and performing spiritual meditations every day.* One morning, during her meditation period, she visualized the Sacred Heart of Jesus with unusual clarity; immediately another image, distinctly shocking to her, came to mind with equal vividness. She recounted this experience to her confessor the next Sat.u.r.day, and he warned her, gravely, that meditation was not healthy for a young girl, unless she intended to take the oath of seclusion and enter a convent. She had no intention of doing that, but rebelliously (and guiltily) continued her meditations anyway. The disturbing second image persisted whenever she thought of the Sacred Heart; she began to suspect that this was sent by the Devil to distract her from meditation. One morning, during her meditation period, she visualized the Sacred Heart of Jesus with unusual clarity; immediately another image, distinctly shocking to her, came to mind with equal vividness. She recounted this experience to her confessor the next Sat.u.r.day, and he warned her, gravely, that meditation was not healthy for a young girl, unless she intended to take the oath of seclusion and enter a convent. She had no intention of doing that, but rebelliously (and guiltily) continued her meditations anyway. The disturbing second image persisted whenever she thought of the Sacred Heart; she began to suspect that this was sent by the Devil to distract her from meditation.

One weekend, when she was home from convent school on vacation, her parents decided she was the right age to be introduced to Roman society. (Actually, they, like most well-off Italian families, had already chosen which daughter would be given to the church-and it wasn't her. Hence, this early introduction to la dolce vita.) la dolce vita.) One of the outstanding ornaments of Rome at that time was the "eccentric international businessman" Mr. Hagbard Celine, and he was at the party to which Miss Portinari was taken that evening. One of the outstanding ornaments of Rome at that time was the "eccentric international businessman" Mr. Hagbard Celine, and he was at the party to which Miss Portinari was taken that evening.

It was around eleven, and she had consumed perhaps a little too much Piper Heidseck, when she happened to find herself standing near a small group who were listening raptly to a story the strange Celine was telling. Miss Portinari wondered what this creature might be saying-he was reputedly even more cynical and materialistic than other international money-grubbers, and Miss Portinari was, at that time, the kind of conservative Catholic idealist who finds capitalists even more dreadful than socialists. She idly tuned in on his words; he was talking English, but she understood that language adequately.

"'Son, son,'" Hagbbard recited, "'with two beautiful women throwing themselves at you, why are you sitting alone in your room jacking off?'"

Miss Portinari blushed furiously and drank some more champagne to conceal it. She hated the man already, knowing that she would surrender her virginity to him at the earliest opportunity; of such complexities are intellectual Catholic adolescents capable.

"And the boy replied," Hagbard went on, "'I guess you just answered your own question, Ma.'"

There was a shocked silence.

"The case is quite typical," Hagbard added blandly, obviously finished. "Professor Freud recounts even more startling family dramas."

"I don't see ..." a celebrated French auto racer began, frowning. Then he smiled. "Oh," he said, "was the boy an American?"

Miss Portinari left the group perhaps a bit too hurriedly (she felt a few eyes following her) and quickly refilled her champagne gla.s.s.

A half-hour later she was standing on the veranda, trying to clear her head in the night air, when a shadow moved near her and Celine appeared amid a cloud of cigar smoke.

"The moon has a fat jaw tonight," he said in Italian. "Looks like somebody punched her in the mouth."

"Are you a poet in addition to your other accomplishments?" she asked coolly. "That sounds as if it might be American verse."

He laughed-a clear peal, like a stallion whinnying. "Quite so," he said. "I just came from Rapallo, where I was talking to America's major poet of this century. How old are you?" he asked suddenly.

"Almost sixteen," she said fumbling the words.

"Almost fifteen," he corrected ungallantly.

"If it's any affair of yours-"

"It might be," he replied easily. "I need a girl your age for something I have in mind."

"I can imagine. Something foul."

He stepped further out of the shadows and closer. "Child," he said, "are you religious?"

"I suppose you regard that as old-fashioned," she replied, imagining his mouth on her breast and thinking of paintings of Mary nursing the Infant.

"At this point in history," he said simply, "it's the only thing that isn't old-fashioned. What was your birthdate? Never mind-you must be a Virgo."

"I am," she said. (His teeth would bite her nipple, but very gently. He would know enough to do that.) "But that is superst.i.tion, not religion."

"I wish I could draw a precise line between religion, superst.i.tion, and science." He smiled. "I find that they keep running together. You are Catholic, of course?" His persistence was maddening.

"I am too proud to believe an absurdity, and therefore I am not a Protestant," she replied-immediately fearing that he would recognize the plagiarism.

"What symbol means the most to you?" he asked, with the blandness of a prosecuting attorney setting a trap.

"The cross," she said quickly. She didn't want him to know the truth.

"No." He again corrected her ungallantly. "The Sacred Heart."

Then she knew he was of Satan's party.

"I must go," she said.

"Meditate further on the Sacred Heart," he said, his eyes blazing like a hypnotist's (a cornball gimmick, he was thinking privately, but it might work). "Meditate on it deeply, child. You will find in it the essential of Catholicism -and the essential of all other religion."

"I think you are mad," she responded, leaving the veranda with undignified haste.

But two weeks later, during her morning meditation, she suddenly understood the Sacred Heart. At lunchtime she disappeared-leaving behind a note to the Mother Superior of the convent school and another note for her parents- and went in search of Hagbard. She had even more potential than he realized, and (as elsewhere recorded) within two years he abdicated in her favor. They never became lovers.*

The importance of symbols-images-as the link between word and primordial energy demonstrates the unity between magick and yoga. Both magick and yoga-we reiterate-are methods of self-programming employing synchronistically connected chains of word, image, and bio-energy.

Thus, rationalists, who are all puritans, have never considered the fact that disbelief in magick is found only in puritanical societies. The reason for this is simple: Puritans are incapable of guessing what magick is essentially all about. It can even be surely ventured that only those who have experienced true love, in the cla.s.sic Albigensian or troubadour sense of that expression, are equipped to understand even the most clear-cut exposition of the mysteries.*

The eye in the triangle; for instance, is not primarily a symbol of the Christian Trinity, as the gullible a.s.sume-except insofar as the Christian Trinity is itself a visual (or verbal) elaboration on a much older meaning. Nor is this symbol representative of the Eye of Osiris or even of the Eye of Horus, as some have ventured; it is venerated, for instance, among the Cao Dai sect in Vietnam, who never heard of Osiris or Horus. The eye's meaning can be found quite simply by meditating on Tarot Trump XV, the Devil, which corresponds, on the Tree of Life, to the Hebrew letter ayin ayin, the eye. The reader who realizes that "The Devil" is only a late rendering of the Great G.o.d Pan has already solved the mystery of the eye, and the triangle has its usual meaning. The two together are the union of Yod Yod, the father, with He He, the Mother, as in Yod-He-Vau-He Yod-He-Vau-He, the holy unspeakable name of G.o.d. Vau Vau, the Holy Ghost, is the result of their union, and final He He is the divine ecstasy which follows. One might even venture that one who contemplates this key to the ident.i.ties of Pan, the Devil, the Great Father, and the Great Mother will eventually come to a new, more complete understanding of the Christian Trinity itself, and especially of its most mysterious member, is the divine ecstasy which follows. One might even venture that one who contemplates this key to the ident.i.ties of Pan, the Devil, the Great Father, and the Great Mother will eventually come to a new, more complete understanding of the Christian Trinity itself, and especially of its most mysterious member, Vau Vau, the elusive Holy Ghost.*

The pentagram comes in two forms but always represents the fullest extension of the human psyche-the male human psyche in particular. The pentagram with one horn exalted is, quite naturally, a.s.sociated with the right-hand path; and the two-horned pentagram with the left-hand path. (The Knights Templar, very appropriately, inscribed the head of Baphomet, the goat-headed deity who was their equivalent of Pan or the Devil, within the left-handed pentagram in [image]

such wise that each "horn" contained one of Baphomet's horns.) It is to be observed that the traditionally sinister* left-hand pentagram contains an internal left-hand pentagram contains an internal pentagon pentagon with one point with one point upward upward, whereas the right-hand pentagram contains an internal pentagon pentagon with one point with one point downward; downward; this nicely ill.u.s.trates the Law of Opposites. this nicely ill.u.s.trates the Law of Opposites. The pentagon in the Sacred Chao is tilted from the perpendicular so that it cannot be said to have any points directly upward or directly downward-or perhaps can be said to have 1 1/2 points up and 1 1/2 points down The pentagon in the Sacred Chao is tilted from the perpendicular so that it cannot be said to have any points directly upward or directly downward-or perhaps can be said to have 1 1/2 points up and 1 1/2 points down-thereby ill.u.s.trating the Reconciliation of Opposites.

All that can be said against the method of the left-hand pentagram, without prejudice, is that this form of the sacrament is always destructive of the Holy Spirit, in a certain sense. It should be remembered that the right-hand pentagram method is also destructive in most cases, especially by those pract.i.tioners so roundly condemned in Chapter 14 of Joyce's Ulysses Ulysses-and this group is certainly the majority these days. In view of the ecological crisis, it might even be wise to encourage the left-hand method and discourage the right-hand method at this time, to balance the Sacred Numbers.

Very few readers of the Golden Bough Golden Bough have pierced Sir Prof. Dr. Frazer's veil of euphemism and surmised the exact method used by Isis in restoring life to Osiris, although this is shown quite clearly in extant Egyptian frescoes. Those who are acquainted with this simple technique of resurrecting the dead (which is have pierced Sir Prof. Dr. Frazer's veil of euphemism and surmised the exact method used by Isis in restoring life to Osiris, although this is shown quite clearly in extant Egyptian frescoes. Those who are acquainted with this simple technique of resurrecting the dead (which is at least partially at least partially successful in successful in all all cases and totally successful in most) will have no trouble in skrying the esoteric connotations of the Sacred Chao-or of the Taoist yin-yang or the astrological sign of cancer. The method almost completely reverses that of the pentagrams, right or left, and it can even be said that in a certain sense it was not Osiris himself but his brother, Set, symbolically understood, who was the object of Isis's magical workings. cases and totally successful in most) will have no trouble in skrying the esoteric connotations of the Sacred Chao-or of the Taoist yin-yang or the astrological sign of cancer. The method almost completely reverses that of the pentagrams, right or left, and it can even be said that in a certain sense it was not Osiris himself but his brother, Set, symbolically understood, who was the object of Isis's magical workings. In every case, without exception, a magical or mystical symbol always refers to one of the very few In every case, without exception, a magical or mystical symbol always refers to one of the very few* variations of the same, very special variety of human sacrifice: the "one eye opening" or the "one hand clapping;" and this sacrifice cannot be partial-it must culminate in death if it is to be efficacious variations of the same, very special variety of human sacrifice: the "one eye opening" or the "one hand clapping;" and this sacrifice cannot be partial-it must culminate in death if it is to be efficacious. The literal-mindedness of the Saures, in the novel, caused them to become a menace to life on earth; the reader should bear this in mind. The sacrifice is not simple. It is a species of cowardice, epidemic in Anglo-Saxon nations for more than three centuries, which causes most who seek success in this field to stop short before the death of the victim. Anything less than death-that is, complete oblivion-simply will not work Anything less than death-that is, complete oblivion-simply will not work.* (One will find more clarity on this crucial point in the poetry of John Donne than in most treatises alleging to explain the secrets of magick.) (One will find more clarity on this crucial point in the poetry of John Donne than in most treatises alleging to explain the secrets of magick.) [image]

A. YIN-YANG; B. SACRED CHAO; C. OUROBOROS, THE SERPENT EATING ITS OWN TAIL; D. ASTROLOGICAL SIGN OF CANCER; E. SWASTIKA; F. ROMAN CATHOLIC SACRED HEART; G. HEXAGRAM.

The symbolism of the swastika is quite adequately explained in Wilhelm Reich's Ma.s.s Psychology of Fascism Ma.s.s Psychology of Fascism.

Ouroboros, the serpent eating its own tail, is chiefly emblematic of the Ma.s.s of the Holy Ghost.*

The Roman Catholic symbolism of the Sacred Heart is strikingly overt, especially to readers of Frazer and Payne-Knight. In essence, it is the same notion conveyed by the cartoonist's conventional rendering of Cupid shooting his arrow into a red pulsating heart. This is the basic meaning of the Dying G.o.d and the Resurrection. The identification of Christ with the pelican who stabs its own heart with its beak (to feed its young) is an a.n.a.logous rendering of the same motif. We repeat that it was only because the Saure family so misread these simple symbols that they became cruel and s.a.d.i.s.tic.

In essence, then, the basic symbols, of magic, mythology, and religion-whether Eastern or Western, ancient or modern, "right-hand" or "left-hand"-are so simple that only the pernicious habit of looking for alleged "profundities" and "mysteries" prevents people from automatically understanding them almost without thinking. The meaning of the hexagram-the female equivalent of the male pentagram -was explicated by Freud himself, but most students, convinced that the answer could not be so elementary and down-to-earth, continue to look into the clouds.

The same principles apply to written symbols. The all-important name YOD HE VAU HE, for instance, has traditionally been scanned in various ways, of which the most significant correlations are given in the following table: [image]

The traditional lion-man-eagle-bull symbolism also fits this table,* as do Joyce's Four Old Men in as do Joyce's Four Old Men in Finnegans Wake Finnegans Wake; it can also be found in the Aztec codices and Buddhist mandalas. it can also be found in the Aztec codices and Buddhist mandalas.

The essential and original meaning, of course, is a program for a ritual, and the ritual is magick. The four letters are simply the four beats in Wilhelm Reich's formula: muscular tension electrical charge electrical discharge muscular relaxation. In short, as Freud once noted, every s.e.xual act involves, at a minimum, four parties. The father and son provide a "fist" and a "nail;" the mother and daughter provide two "windows." The case of the Chicago schizophrenic killer William Heirens, who experienced o.r.g.a.s.m when climbing through windows, demonstrates that this symbolism does not have to be taught and is inherent in the human mind, although always subject to the distortion exemplified by the Saures.

Finally, the universal blessing given on page 218 is intimately involved with the YHVH formula: I bless Ra, the fierce sun burning bright I bless Isis-Luna in the night I bless the air, the Horus-Hawk I bless the earth on which I walk The fiery father, the watery mother, the airy son, and the earthy daughter are all there, just as they are in every alchemical formula.* But we say no more at this point, lest the reader begin seeking for a 5 = 4 equation to balance the 5 = 6. But we say no more at this point, lest the reader begin seeking for a 5 = 4 equation to balance the 5 = 6.

We conclude with a final warning and clarification: Resort to ma.s.s sacrifice (as among the Aztecs, the Catholic Inquisition, and the n.a.z.i death camps) is the device of those who are incapable of the true Rite of the Dying G.o.d.

* The basic Christian Science mantra, known as "The Scientific Statement of Being," no less, is as follows: "There is no life, truth, intelligence nor substance in matter. All is infinite mind and its infinite manifestation, for G.o.d is all in all, Spirit is immortal truth: matter is mortal error. Spirit is the real and eternal; matter is the unreal and temporal. Spirit is G.o.d and man is His image and likeness. Therefore man is not material, he is spiritual." The fact that these statements are, in terms of the scientific criteria, "meaningless," "non-operational," and "footless" is actually totally irrelevant. The basic Christian Science mantra, known as "The Scientific Statement of Being," no less, is as follows: "There is no life, truth, intelligence nor substance in matter. All is infinite mind and its infinite manifestation, for G.o.d is all in all, Spirit is immortal truth: matter is mortal error. Spirit is the real and eternal; matter is the unreal and temporal. Spirit is G.o.d and man is His image and likeness. Therefore man is not material, he is spiritual." The fact that these statements are, in terms of the scientific criteria, "meaningless," "non-operational," and "footless" is actually totally irrelevant. They work They work. Try them and see. As Aleister Crowley, no friend of Mrs. Eddy's, wrote, "Enough of Because! May he be d.a.m.ned for a dog!"* Look up the etymology of that word some time and see if it means anything. Look up the etymology of that word some time and see if it means anything.* A glance at the end of Appendix Beth will save the reader from misunderstanding the true tenor of these remarks. A glance at the end of Appendix Beth will save the reader from misunderstanding the true tenor of these remarks.* Aleister Crowley again, under another pen-name. Aleister Crowley again, under another pen-name. See the anthology See the anthology Perception Perception, edited by Robert Blake, Ph.D., and especially the chapter by psychologist Carl Rogers, which demonstrates that people's perceptions change while they are in psychotherapy. As William Blake noted, "The fool sees not the same tree that the wise man sees."* Do you believe that? Do you believe that?* These two signs of growth often appear at the same time, being DNA-triggered openings of the fourth neural circuit. These two signs of growth often appear at the same time, being DNA-triggered openings of the fourth neural circuit.* They were quite good friends, though, and he did f.u.c.k her occasionally. They were quite good friends, though, and he did f.u.c.k her occasionally.* This book has stated it as clearly as possible in a number of places, but some readers are still wondering what we are holding back. This book has stated it as clearly as possible in a number of places, but some readers are still wondering what we are holding back.* This being has more in common with the ordinary nocturnal visitor, sometimes called a "ghost," than is immediately evident to the uninitiated. Cf. the well-doc.u.mented a.s.sociation of poltergeist disturbances with adolescents. This being has more in common with the ordinary nocturnal visitor, sometimes called a "ghost," than is immediately evident to the uninitiated. Cf. the well-doc.u.mented a.s.sociation of poltergeist disturbances with adolescents.* This a.s.sociation, attributing diabolism to the left-hand path, is oversimplified, prejudiced, and superst.i.tious. In general, it can be said that the left-hand pentagram is suitable for both invocations and evocations, whereas the right-hand pentagram is suitable only for evocations, and that is the only important difference. (It is a.s.sumed that the reader understands the pentagram as an exclusively male symbol.) This a.s.sociation, attributing diabolism to the left-hand path, is oversimplified, prejudiced, and superst.i.tious. In general, it can be said that the left-hand pentagram is suitable for both invocations and evocations, whereas the right-hand pentagram is suitable only for evocations, and that is the only important difference. (It is a.s.sumed that the reader understands the pentagram as an exclusively male symbol.) Cf. the Tarot trumps II and III-the Magus, holding one arm upward and one downward, and the High Priestess, sitting between the pillars of Day and Night. (The Priestess is also a.s.sociated with the Hebrew letter Cf. the Tarot trumps II and III-the Magus, holding one arm upward and one downward, and the High Priestess, sitting between the pillars of Day and Night. (The Priestess is also a.s.sociated with the Hebrew letter gimmel gimmel, the camel, and part of the meaning of this symbolism is contained in the shapes of the camel's back and the Hebrew letter.) This makes it quite useless for summoning werewolves. The Sacred Chao, however, is intended to teach a philosophical lesson, not to attract individuals with dubious pastimes. This makes it quite useless for summoning werewolves. The Sacred Chao, however, is intended to teach a philosophical lesson, not to attract individuals with dubious pastimes.* Fewer than seventy, according to a cla.s.sical enumeration. Fewer than seventy, according to a cla.s.sical enumeration.* The magician must always identify fully with the victim, and share every agonized contortion to the utmost. Any att.i.tude of standing aside and watching, as in a theatrical performance, or any intellectualization during the moments when the sword is doing its brutal but necessary work, or any squeamishness or guilt or revulsion, creates the two-mindedness against which Hagbard so vehemently warns in The magician must always identify fully with the victim, and share every agonized contortion to the utmost. Any att.i.tude of standing aside and watching, as in a theatrical performance, or any intellectualization during the moments when the sword is doing its brutal but necessary work, or any squeamishness or guilt or revulsion, creates the two-mindedness against which Hagbard so vehemently warns in Never Whistle While You're p.i.s.sing Never Whistle While You're p.i.s.sing. In a sense, only the mind dies.* See Israel Regardie, See Israel Regardie, The Tree of Life The Tree of Life.* YOD, the fiery father, is the lion (fire-sign); HE, the watery mother, is man as humanity; VAU, the air spirit, is eagle; final HE, earth, is bull. YOD, the fiery father, is the lion (fire-sign); HE, the watery mother, is man as humanity; VAU, the air spirit, is eagle; final HE, earth, is bull. Marcus Lyons (i.e., the lion) is the fiery father; Matt Gregory (i.e., the ego) is the watery mother; John McDougall (i.e., eagle) is the airy son; Luke Tarpey (taur, the bull) is the earthy daughter. Marcus Lyons (i.e., the lion) is the fiery father; Matt Gregory (i.e., the ego) is the watery mother; John McDougall (i.e., eagle) is the airy son; Luke Tarpey (taur, the bull) is the earthy daughter.* In this connection-and also, In this connection-and also, en pa.s.sant en pa.s.sant, as an indication that Adolf Hitler's link with the Illuminati was not invented for this work of "fiction"-we suggest that the reader look into The Morning of the Magicians The Morning of the Magicians, by Pauwels and Bergier.

APPENDIX YOD.

OPERATION MINDf.u.c.k.

OM was originally instigated by Ho Chih Zen, of the Frisian Liberation Front, who is the same person but not the same individual as Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst, author of The Honest Book of Truth The Honest Book of Truth. The guiding philosophy is that originally proposed in The Theory of Games and Economic Behavior The Theory of Games and Economic Behavior by von Neumann and Morgenstern: namely, that the only strategy which an opponent cannot predict is a random strategy. The foundation had already been laid by the late Malaclypse the Younger, K.S.C., when he proclaimed, "We Discordians must stick apart." This radical decentralization of all Discordian enterprises created a built-in random factor even before Operation Mind-f.u.c.k was proposed. To this day, neither Ho Chih Zen himself nor any other Discordian apostle knows for sure who is or is not involved in any phase of Operation Mindf.u.c.k or what activities they are or are not engaged in as part of that project. Thus, the outsider is immediately trapped in a double-bind: the only safe a.s.sumption is that anything a Discordian does is somehow related to OM, but, since this leads directly to paranoia, this is not a "safe" a.s.sumption after all, and the "risky" hypothesis that whatever the Discordians are doing is harmless may be "safer" in the long run, perhaps. by von Neumann and Morgenstern: namely, that the only strategy which an opponent cannot predict is a random strategy. The foundation had already been laid by the late Malaclypse the Younger, K.S.C., when he proclaimed, "We Discordians must stick apart." This radical decentralization of all Discordian enterprises created a built-in random factor even before Operation Mind-f.u.c.k was proposed. To this day, neither Ho Chih Zen himself nor any other Discordian apostle knows for sure who is or is not involved in any phase of Operation Mindf.u.c.k or what activities they are or are not engaged in as part of that project. Thus, the outsider is immediately trapped in a double-bind: the only safe a.s.sumption is that anything a Discordian does is somehow related to OM, but, since this leads directly to paranoia, this is not a "safe" a.s.sumption after all, and the "risky" hypothesis that whatever the Discordians are doing is harmless may be "safer" in the long run, perhaps. Every aspect of OM follows, or accentuates, this double-bind. Every aspect of OM follows, or accentuates, this double-bind.*

OM projects vary from the trivial to the colossal.

An example of the former is a rubber stamp owned by Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, which says SEE MENTAL HEALTH RECORDS. (Dr. Malignatus casually picked this up from a public-health clinic while n.o.body was looking.) Any mail which Dr. Malignatus considers impertinent or insulting- especially if it comes from a government office-is stamped with this motto and sent back, otherwise untouched. This causes considerable puzzlement to various bureaucrats.

An example of the latter is Project Jake, instigated by Harold Lord Randomfactor. Once or twice a year, a public servant who has distinguished himself by more than common imbecility is selected as target for a Jake and all Discordian cabals are alerted-including the various branches of the Erisian Liberation Front, the Twelve Famous Buddha Minds, the St. Gulik Iconistary, the Earl of Nines, the Tactile Temple of Eris Erotic, the Brotherhood of the l.u.s.t of Christ, Green & Pleasant Enterprises, Society for Moral Understanding and Training, the In-Sect, the Golden Apple Panthers, the Paratheo-Anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, Sam's Cafe, the Seattle Group, the Stone Dragon Cabal, the Universal Erisian Church, and the Young Americans for Real Freedom.* On Jake Day, the public servant being honored receives mail from On Jake Day, the public servant being honored receives mail from all all of these, on their official letterheads (which are somewhat weird, it must be granted), asking for help in some complicated political matter that pa.s.ses all rational understanding. The official so honored can conclude either that he is the target of a conspiracy composed entirely of lunatics, or that the general public is much more imaginative and less stodgy than he had previously a.s.sumed. of these, on their official letterheads (which are somewhat weird, it must be granted), asking for help in some complicated political matter that pa.s.ses all rational understanding. The official so honored can conclude either that he is the target of a conspiracy composed entirely of lunatics, or that the general public is much more imaginative and less stodgy than he had previously a.s.sumed.

Between the trivial and the colossal there is a variety of OM which can be called the chronic.

Most notable is the honorary membership. Not wishing to exclude anybody from membership in the Erisian movement for such a technicality as being non-Erisian, the legendary Malaclypse the Younger invented several honorary Aneristic groups. It is now the tradition for any Discordian cabal to appoint anybody to one of these groups if his or her behavior is notably Aneristic. For instance, a high-school princ.i.p.al who has given a particularly stirring a.s.sembly speech on some such topic as "The Draft as a Protection for Our Freedoms" (or "Taxation as a Protection for Our Property" or any of the other oxymorons beloved by educators) might thereafter receive some such mailing as this: ORDER OF THE PEAc.o.c.k ANGEL.

House of Apostles of Eris() Safeguard this letter; it is an important historical doc.u.ment.( ) Burn after reading-subversive literature.( ) Ignore and continue what you were doing before opening this.Dear () Sir ( ) Madam ( ) Fido:It has recently come to Our ears that you, in your official capacity as princ.i.p.al of Aaron Burr High School, said in a public meeting, with your bare face hanging out, that death by napalm is "really no more painful than a bad cold" and that Orientals have "tougher epidermi than whites and feel less acutely."In Our official capacity as High Priest of the Head temple of the House of Apostles of Eris, We congratulate you for helping to restore American education to its rightful position as the envy and despair of all other (and, hence, lesser) educational systems.You are hereby appointed a five-star General in the Bureau of the Division of the Department of the Order of the Knights of the Five-Sided Castle, Quixote Cabal, with full authority to shrapnel your friends and bomb your neighbors.If you have any answers, We will be glad to provide full and detailed questions.In the Name of La Mancha,Theophobia the Elder, M.C.P.

High Priest, Head templeHail Eris-All hail Discordia-Kallisti This doc.u.ment will be stamped with such legends as OFFICIAL-DO NOT USE THIS PAPER AS TOILET TISSUE; SE-CREDIT-FOR YOUR EYES ONLY; QUIXQTE LIVES, etc., all in the most tasteful blues and reds, together with Easter Bunny seals, ribbons, and whatever other decorations it pleases the local cabal to attach. Often it will be accompanied by a b.u.t.ton or an armband, making the possessor a five-star General, adorned with a cla.s.sic rendition of the Knight of the Mournful Countenance. Copies, of course, will be sent to the radical students at the school to guarantee that the princ.i.p.al being honored will see and hear many references to Don Quixote in following days, lest he think he is dealing with a single "harmless lunatic." (The official signal of the Knights of the Five-Sided Castle, needless to say, is a pentagon with a golden apple inside.) Other groups to which individuals may be given honorary membership for conspicuously Aneristic behavior are: the Hemlock Fellowship-for academic leaders who have taken strong actions to protect students from disturbing ideas and/or to deny tenure to controversial teachers or professors; the St. Famine Society for War Against Evil-for people who have exhibited unusual concern for the moral behavior of their neighbors;*

the Flat Earth Society-for legislators or citizens' groups dedicated to preventing the dissemination of "modernistic" ideas in education;*

the Fat j.a.p Anti-Defamation League-for Women's Liberationists and others who have found good ideological reasons to object to the English language; the Fraternal Order of Hate Groups-given to allegedly libertarian groups only if they have engaged in conspicuously authoritarian behavior and and have developed a philosophical line proving that said behavior is actually libertarian. (That group which has found the best libertarian justification for opposing liberty receives the Annual William Buckley Memorial Award and joint membership in the St. Famine Society for War Against Evil.); have developed a philosophical line proving that said behavior is actually libertarian. (That group which has found the best libertarian justification for opposing liberty receives the Annual William Buckley Memorial Award and joint membership in the St. Famine Society for War Against Evil.); the First Evangelical and Reformed Rand, Branden, and Holy Gait Church-for those who are simultaneously rationalists and dogmatists; the Part-of-the-Solution Vanguard Party-for any Supreme Servant of the People who has shown inordinate zeal in banishing most of the people as Parts-of-the-Problem.

Other aspects of Operation Mindf.u.c.k include: Project Eagle. Day-glo posters have been printed which look like the old Eagle proclamation saying TO THE POLLS YE SONS OF FREEDOM. The new, improved Discordian posters, however, have one slight word change, and say cheerfully BURN THE POLLS YE SONS OF FREEDOM. Like the old ones, they are posted in prominent places on election day. Project Pan-Pontification Project Pan-Pontification. Since the Rev. Kirby Hensley founded the Universal Life Church and started ordaining everybody everybody as a minister of the gospel, the Paratheo-Anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric has decided to raise the stakes. They are now distributing cards stating: as a minister of the gospel, the Paratheo-Anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric has decided to raise the stakes. They are now distributing cards stating: THE BEARER OF THIS CARD.

IS A GENUINE AND AUTHORIZED.

POPE.

So Please Treat Him Right GOOD FOREVERGenuine and authorized by the HOUSE OF APOSTLES OF ERIS. Every man, woman and child on Earth is a genuine and authorized Pope.

Similar cards, with "Him" replaced by "Her" and "Pope" by "Mome," are being prepared for Woman's Liberationists.

Project Graffito (and (and Project b.u.mpersticker) Project b.u.mpersticker). Anybody can partic.i.p.ate by inventing a particularly Erisian slogan and seeing that it is given wide distribution. Examples: Your Local Police Are Armed and Dangerous; Legalize Free-Enterprise Murder: Why Should Governments Have All The Fun?; Smash the Government Postal Monopoly; If Voting Could Change the System, It Would Be Against the Law; Your Local Police Are Armed and Dangerous; Legalize Free-Enterprise Murder: Why Should Governments Have All The Fun?; Smash the Government Postal Monopoly; If Voting Could Change the System, It Would Be Against the Law; etc. etc.

Citizens Against Drug Abuse. This organization possesses elegant letterheads and is engaged in a campaign of encouraging Congressmen to outlaw catnip, a drug which some young people are smoking whenever marijuana is in short supply. The thought behind this project is that, the government having lost so much credibility due to its war against pot (a recent ELF survey showed that in some big cities a large portion of the under-25 population did not believe in any of the moon shots and a.s.sumed they were all faked somewhere in the American Desert), a campaign against this similar but more comical herb will destroy the last tattered shreds of faith in the men in Washington.

* The double-bind, first defined by anthropologist Gregory Bateson, is a situation in which you must choose between two alternatives both of which are unpleasant. A beautiful example, suggested by Mr. William S. Burroughs: Condition a draftee so that he will immediately obey either the order 'Stand up" or the order. "Sit down," if given by a superior officer, then have two officers simultaneously order him to stand up and sit down. Obeying the first order means disobeying the second, and obeying the second means disobeying the first. Presumably, the subject would wig out. The double-bind, first defined by anthropologist Gregory Bateson, is a situation in which you must choose between two alternatives both of which are unpleasant. A beautiful example, suggested by Mr. William S. Burroughs: Condition a draftee so that he will immediately obey either the order 'Stand up" or the order. "Sit down," if given by a superior officer, then have two officers simultaneously order him to stand up and sit down. Obeying the first order means disobeying the second, and obeying the second means disobeying the first. Presumably, the subject would wig out.* All these are real groups, currently active in the U.S.A. (Do you believe that?) All these are real groups, currently active in the U.S.A. (Do you believe that?)* Annual meetings are held on the Feast of St. Famine at the Casa de Inquisitador in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. Annual meetings are held on the Feast of St. Famine at the Casa de Inquisitador in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.* Members receive a handsome banner proclaiming Members receive a handsome banner proclaiming IN YOUR HEART YOU KNOW IT'S FLAT IN YOUR HEART YOU KNOW IT'S FLAT.

APPENDIX KAPH.

THE ROSY DOUBLE-CROSS.

Saul, Barney, Markoff Chaney, and Dillinger were all puzzled that a man like Carmei would bring a suitcase full of roses with him when fleeing to Lehman Cavern. Those who knew Carmei in Las Vegas were even more perplexed when this fact was made public. The first readers of this romance were not only puzzled and perplexed but petulant, since they knew Carmei had loaded his briefcase with Maldonado's money, not with roses.

The explanation, as is usually the case when seeming magick has occurred, was simple: Carmei was the victim of the oldest swindle in the world, the okkana borra okkana borra (gypsy switch). It was his custom to transport his earnings to the bank in the same suitcase which he used when looting Maldonado's safe. His figure, and the suitcase, were well known to the shadier elements in Las Vegas, and among these were three gentlemen who decided early in April to intercept him during one of his journeys and remove the suitcase from his possession, using, as young people say, "any means necessary;" they even considered striking him upon the temple with a blunt instrument. One of the gentlemen involved in this project, John Wayne Malatesta, however, had a sense of humor (of sorts) and began to devise a plan involving a nonviolent gypsy switch. Mr. Malatesta thought it would be amusing if this could be carried off smoothly and Carmel, arriving at the bank, opened a case full of horse manure, human excrement, or something else in equally dubious taste. The other two gentlemen were persuaded that this might indeed be worth a laugh. A subst.i.tute suitcase was purchased, and a plan was devised. (gypsy switch). It was his custom to transport his earnings to the bank in the same suitcase which he used when looting Maldonado's safe. His figure, and the suitcase, were well known to the shadier elements in Las Vegas, and among these were three gentlemen who decided early in April to intercept him during one of his journeys and remove the suitcase from his possession, using, as young people say, "any means necessary;" they even considered striking him upon the temple with a blunt instrument. One of the gentlemen involved in this project, John Wayne Malatesta, however, had a sense of humor (of sorts) and began to devise a plan involving a nonviolent gypsy switch. Mr. Malatesta thought it would be amusing if this could be carried off smoothly and Carmel, arriving at the bank, opened a case full of horse manure, human excrement, or something else in equally dubious taste. The other two gentlemen were persuaded that this might indeed be worth a laugh. A subst.i.tute suitcase was purchased, and a plan was devised.

Two changes were made at virtually the last minute. Mr. Malatesta learned from Bonnie Quint (a lady whose company he often enjoyed, at $100 a throw) that Carmel suffered acutely from rose fever. A more hilarious image occurred to him: Carmel opening the case in the bank and starting to sneeze spasmodically while trying to figure out where the switch had been made. The roses were purchased, and the caper was set for the next day.

When Carmel, Dr. Naismith, and Markoff Chaney collided, Malatesta and his a.s.sociates abandoned the switch idea: Two collisions in a few minutes would be more than a man like Carmel would accept without profound suspicion. They therefore decided to follow him to his house and revert to the more old-fashioned but time-proven technique of the sudden rap on the skull.

When Bonnie Quint left after her violent interview with Carmel, the bandits prepared to enter. To their amazement, Carmel came running out, threw his suitcase into his jeep, and then ran back in. (He had forgotten his candies.) "It's G.o.d's will," Malatesta said piously.

The switch was made, and they took off for points south in a great hurry.

Several weeks after the crisis had pa.s.sed, a state trooper found a car with three dead men in it off the road in a ditch. His own symptoms were self-diagnosed while he waited for the coroner's crew to arrive, and he received the antidote in time.

The empty suitcase in the car caused only minor speculation: A Gila monster had obviously eaten most of one side of it to shreds. "Whatever they had in there," the trooper said later, "must have been pretty light. The wind blew it all over the freaking desert."

APPENDIX TETH.

HAGBARD'S BOOKLET After prolonged pleading and vehement prayers of entreaty, the authors finally prevailed upon Hagbard Celine to allow us to quote some further illuminating pa.s.sages from his booklet Never Whistle While You're p.i.s.sing. Never Whistle While You're p.i.s.sing.* (Before we made these frantic efforts, he wanted us to publish the whole thing.) (Before we made these frantic efforts, he wanted us to publish the whole thing.) Here, then, are some of the keys to the strange head of Hagbard Celine: I once overheard two botanists arguing over a d.a.m.ned Thing that had blasphemously sprouted in a college yard. One claimed that the d.a.m.ned Thing was a tree and the other claimed that it was a shrub. They each had good scholarly arguments, and they were still debating when I left them.

The world is forever sp.a.w.ning d.a.m.ned Things-things that are neither tree nor shrub, fish nor fowl, black nor white-and the categorical thinker can only regard the spiky and buzzing world of sensory fact as a profound insult to his card-index system of cla.s.sifications. Worst of all are the facts which violate "common sense," that dreary bog of sullen prejudice and muddy inertia. The whole history of science is the odyssey of a pixilated card-indexer perpetually sailing between such d.a.m.ned Things and desperately juggling his cla.s.sifications to fit them in, just as the history of politics is the futile epic of a long series of attempts to line up the d.a.m.ned Things and cajole them to march in regiment.

Every ideology is a mental murder, a reduction of dynamic living processes to static cla.s.sifications, and every cla.s.sification is a d.a.m.nation, just as every inclusion is an exclusion. In a busy, buzzing universe where no two snow-flakes are identical, and no two trees are identical, and no two people are identical-and, indeed, the smallest subatomic particle, we are a.s.sured, is not even identical with itself from one microsecond to the next-every card-index system is a self-delusion. "Or, to put it more charitably," as Nietzsche says, "we are all better artists than we realize."

It is easy to see that the label "Jew" was a d.a.m.nation in n.a.z.i Germany, but actually the label "Jew" is a d.a.m.nation anywhere, even where anti-Semitism does not exist. "He is a Jew," "He is a doctor," and "He is a poet" mean, to the card-indexing center of the cortex, that my experience with him will be like my experience with other Jews, other doctors, and other poets. Thus, individuality is ignored when ident.i.ty is a.s.serted.

At a party or any place where strangers meet, watch this mechanism in action. Behind the friendly overtures there is wariness as each person fishes for the label that will identify and d.a.m.n the other. Finally, it is revealed: "Oh, he's an advertising copywriter," "Oh, he's an engine-lathe operator." Both parties relax, for now they know how to behave, what roles to play in the game. Ninety-nine percent of each has been d.a.m.ned; the other is reacting to the 1 percent that has been labeled by the card-index machine.