The Idiot at Home Part 8

I am glad I am not like one of these, But am myself-- A ton of coal--jetty in my blackness and luminous in my bituminosity.

Lying here in the cellar content and not bothering a bit.

Not needing income or clothes, and wearing no hat, and with no complexion to bother about.

Happy and serene about my duty, Certain that I shall succeed when the time for action comes; Knowing that I shall burn, And in the burning glow like the polar star.

Cackling and crackling, Hissing and smoking, Full of heat, A satisfaction to mankind, And never worth less than $5.65, delivered!

Ah, me! What bliss to be a ton of coal!

I am content."

The Poet nodded his pleasure at the effort. "It is charmingly put," he said. "I must confess, my dear Idiot, that the idea of contentment is the last one that I should ever have extracted from contemplation of a binful of anthracite, and yet when I consider how you put it I wonder it has not occurred to every one. You have the manner of the Whitman parodist down fine, too."

"Thank you," said the Idiot. "It is entirely natural to me. I think, too, that using the Whitman lack of form carries with it the notion of the coal sliding down the chute, don't you? Coal runs into the cellar in such an irresponsible, formless way, eh?"

"Precisely," smiled the Poet. "You have the right notion about that. The form of a poem should really be adapted to the substance. It should be descriptive, always. Tennyson's 'Charge of the Light Brigade' has in its rhythm nothing more or less than the clatter of the horses' hoofs as they and their riders dashed through the valley of death at Balaklava.

And how vividly Southey's brook comes before the mind in its mad rush downward as one reads that wonderfully lyrical poem. Why don't you write a book of household poetry? You seem to me to be eminently well qualified to undertake it."

"I intend to," said the Idiot. "In fact, I've begun it already. Written five or six. Like to see 'em?"

"Indeed I should," said the Poet. "Anything you do interests me."

The Idiot went to his desk and took from it a few pages of ma.n.u.script.

"Here is a thing on pokers I did the other night. I called it 'The Song of the Poker Bold.'" And then he read these lines:

"Warder of the grate am I, Ever standing near; Poking, poking all day long, Knowing naught of fear.

"Keeping coals up to their work, Setting them aglow, Minding not the scorching heat, Rather like it so.

"Knocking ashes right and left, Flirting with the tiles; Bossing tongs and seeing that The brazen kettle biles.

"And the little girls and boys As they watch me pause, Wishing that I'd talk and tell 'Bout old Santa Claus!

"Cracking jokes with crickets on The merry hearth, elate; Happy lot indeed is mine-- Warder of the grate!"

"Splendid!" cried the Poet, clapping his hands with enthusiasm.

"Splendid! A good stiff pokeresque lyric, and your characterization of the poker as the 'Warder of the Grate' gives it a flavor of romance. You could almost imagine the implement going out into a mediaeval world in search of knightly adventure--a sort of hearth-stone Quixote. Have you tackled the clothes-pin yet?"

"Yes," replied the Idiot. "Indeed, my first effort was a lyric on the clothes-pin. I started one night to do the contents of the kitchen-dresser drawer in French forms, but the first thing I took out was an egg-beater, and it wouldn't go, so I did the clothes-pin lyric. I call it

"FIDELITY

"Blow, ye winds, I fear ye not; Blast, ye simoon, Sere and hot!

"Hurricane, And cyclone, too, Blow, I have no Fear of you.

"Lacking beauty, Lacking grace, Lacking handsome Form and face;

"Lacking soul And intellect, Still I stand up, Proud, erect.

"For the Fates Have given me Wondrous great Tenacity.

"And success, Both fair and fine, Comes to him Who holds his line.

"Burrs can stick And so can glue-- Mucilage, Stratena, too;

"But there's nothing Holds so fast As the clothes-pin To the last."

"And you gave up the egg-beater altogether?" asked the Poet, restraining a natural inclination to find flaws in the construction of the clothes-pin poem.

"Oh no," said the Idiot, "I knocked off a little quatrain on that. I called it 'The Speedy Egg-Beater,' and it goes like this:

"Great Maude S. can beat all steeds, However speedy be their legs; But I distance her with ease When it comes to beating eggs."

"I really think that you would have done better to give up the egg-beater," said the Poet, grown critical. "I've no patience with one-rhymed quatrains. Now if you had written:

"Great Maude S. can beat all steeds, However speedy be their legs; But despite her doughty deeds; I can beat her beating eggs,

"I should not have objected."

"I accept the amendment," replied the Idiot, meekly. "I realized the weakness of the thing myself, and thought of changing it into a couplet, where you only need one rhyme. How's this on a 'Carpet-Tack'?"

[Ill.u.s.tration: "'FOR THOUGH I'M BUT A CARPET-TACK

AFAR FROM MOIL AND STRIFE,

NO ONE CAN EVER TRULY SAY

THAT MINE'S A POINTLESS LIFE'"]

"However dull the day, However dull the skies, However dark the night may be, My spirits ever rise.

"For though I'm but a carpet-tack, Afar from moil and strife, No one can ever truly say That mine's a pointless life."

"That is very good," said the Poet. "I think almost any editor of any comic paper would be willing to pay you three dollars for that. It is as good as your poem on a ton of coal--simple in its expression and sweet in sentiment."

"I thought you'd think so," said the Idiot. "It struck me so. I've got one on a screw-driver, too, that is very much of the same order, and conveys a moral lesson to the reader who is always reaching out after the unattainable. It reads as follows:

"I cannot tool a tally-ho, I cannot drive a nag; I dare not hold the ribbons On a hack or rumbling drag.

"I could not guide the reins upon A simple billy-goat, And I should hesitate to try To drive a can-al boat.

"But I don't mind these things at all, For I can drive a screw, And I am happy, for that's just What I was meant to do."

[Ill.u.s.tration: "'I SHOULD HESITATE TO TRY TO WRITE A CAN-AL BOAT'"]

"The fourth line of the second verse is weak, but otherwise it's good,"

commented the Poet. "It's not a _can_-al boat; it's a can-_al_ boat, and all the poetic license in the world wouldn't excuse your taking such a liberty with language."

"I appreciate that," said the Idiot. "But I don't see how I could get around it."

"There's only one way," said the Poet. "I think if you omitted that verse altogether you'd improve the poem."