The Humors of Falconbridge Part 34

"Truly, he can," quoth the deacon; "and Saul can go right along with me."

The lobsters were dashed into a piece of Manilla sack, thrown across the shoulders of the juvenile Saul, and away they went at the heels of the deacon, to the depot; here Saul dashed down the "poor creturs" until their bones or sh.e.l.ls rattled most piteously, and as the deacon handed a "three cent piece" to Saul, the long and wicked claw of one of the lobsters protruded out of the bag--opened and shut with a _clack_, that made the deacon shudder!

"Those fellows are plaguy awkward to handle, are they not, my son?" says the deacon.

"Not _werry_," says the boy; "they can't bite, cos you see they's got pegs down here--_hallo!_" As Saul poked his hand down towards the big claw lying partly out of the open-mouthed bag, the claw opened, and _clacked_ at his fingers, ferocious as a mad dog.

"His peg's out," said the boy--"and I can't fasten it; but here's a chunk of twine; tie the bag and they can't get out, any how, and you kin put 'em into yer pot right out of the bag."

"Yes, yes," says the deacon; "I guess I will take care of them; bring them here; there, just place the bag right in under my seat; so, that will do."

Presently the cars began to fill up, as the minute of departure approached, and soon every seat around the worthy deacon was occupied.

By-and-by, "a middle-aged lady," in front of the deacon, began to _fussle_ about and twist around, as if anxious to arrange the great amplitude of her _drapery_, and look after something "bothering" her feet. In front of the lady, sat a _slab_-sided _genus_ dandy, fat as a match and quite as good looking; between his legs sat a pale-face dog, with a flashing collar of bra.s.s and tinsel, quite as gaudy as his master's neck-choker; this canine gave an awful--

"_Ihk!_ ow, yow! yow-oo--yow, ook! yow! _yow!_ YOW!"

"Lor' a ma.s.sy!" cries the woman in front of the deacon, jumping up, and making a desperate splurge to get up on to the seats, and in the effort upsetting sundry bundles and parcels around her!

"Yow-_ook!_ Yow-_ook!_" yelled the dog, jumping clear out of the grasp of the juvenile _Mantillini_, and dashing himself on to the head and shoulders of the next seat occupants, one of whom was a st.u.r.dy civilized Irishman, who made "no bones" in grasping the sickly-looking dog, and to the horror and alarm of the entire female party present, he sung out:

"Whur-r-r ye about, ye brute! Is the divil _mad_?"

"Eee! Ee! O dear! O! O!" cries an anxious mother.

"O! O! O-o-o! save us from the dog!" cries another.

"Whur-r-r-r! ye _divil!_" cries the Irish gintilman, pinning the poor dog down between the seats, with a force that extracted another glorious yell.

"Ike! Ike! Ike! oo, ow! ow! Ike! Ike! Ike!"

"Murder! mur-r-r-der!" bawls another victim in the rear of the deacon, leaping up in his seat, and rubbing his leg vigorously.

"What on airth's loose?" exclaims one.

"Halloo! what's that?" cries another, hastily vacating his seat and crowding towards the door.

"O dear, O! O!" anxiously cries a delicate young lady.

"What? who? where?" screamed a dozen at once.

"Good _conscience!_" exclaims the deacon, as he dropped his newspaper, in the midst of the din--noise and confusion; and with a most singular and spasmodic effort to dance a "_high_land fling," he hustled out of his seat, exclaiming:

"Good conscience, I really believe they're out."

"Eh? What--what's out?" cries one.

"Snakes!" echoes an old gentleman, grasping a cane.

"Snappin' turtles, Mister?" inquire several.

"Snakes!" cried a dozen.

"Snappers!" echoes a like quant.i.ty of the dismayed.

"Snapper-r-r-r-rs!"

"Snake-e-e-es!" O what a din!

"Halloo! here, what's all this? What's the matter?" says the conductor, coming to the rescue.

"That man's got snakes in the car!" roar several at once.

"And snappin' turtles, too, consarn him!" says one, while all eyes were directed, tongues wagging, and hands gesticulating furiously at the astonished deacon.

"Take care of them! Take care of them! I believe I'm bitten clear through my boot--catch them, Mr. Swallow!" cries the deacon.

"Swallow 'em, Mr. Catcher!" echoes the frightened dandy.

"What? where?" says the excited conductor, looking around.

"Here, here, in under these seats, sir,--_my lobsters, sir_," says the deacon, standing aloof to let the conductor and the man with the cane get at the _reptiles_, as the latter insisted.

"Darn 'em, are they only lobsters!"

"Pooh! Lobsters!" says young Mantillini, with a mock heroic shrug of his shoulders, and looking fierce as two cents!

"Come out here!" says the conductor, feeling for them.

"Take care!" says the deacon, "the plaguy things have got their pins out!"

"Why, they are _alive_, and crawling around; hear the old fellow,--take care, Mr. Swaller--he's cross as sin!" says the man with the cane--"wasn't that a _snap_? Take care! You got him?" that indefatigable a.s.sistant continued, rattling his tongue and cane.

"I've got them!" cries the conductor.

"Put them in the bag, here, sir," says the deacon.

"Take them out of this car!" cries everybody.

"Plaguy things," says the deacon. "I sha'n't never buy another _live lobster!_"

Order was restored, pa.s.sengers took their seats, but when young Mantillini looked for his dog, he had vamosed with the _Irishman_, at "the last stopping place," in his excitement, leaving a quart jug of whiskey in lieu of the dandy's dog.

The Fitzfaddles at Hull.

"Well, well, drum no more about it, for mercy's sake; if you must go, you must _go_, that's all."