The Human Boy and the War Part 7

And Rice said:

"Get the man a revolver."

And Barrington said:

"He's got one."

And Rice said:

"Of course he has. And if we get him another, then he'd have two, and that means six less Germans some day, very likely."

But Barrington didn't approve.

"We want a testimonial that has nothing to do with actual battle," he said. "The War won't last for ever, and we ought to buy something useful, and also ornamental, that Hutchings will be able to employ in everyday life when all is over. We want something that will catch his eye a hundred times a day and pleasantly remind him and his family of his heroic past--and us."

"An heirloom, in fact," said Thwaites.

But I argued that practical comforts at the critical moment would be far better than an heirloom for future use, because if he didn't have the mouth-guard and filter and so on, he might die; and where would the heirloom come in then?

I said:

"What's the good of knowing you've got a silver ink-pot, or a tea-kettle, or a cellaret full of whisky at home, when you're perishing for a wholesome drink on the field?"

And Barrington said that was petty, and so did Thwaites. They seemed to think that the remembrance of our testimonial safe at home would carry Hutchings safely through all the horrors of the campaign.

It turned out that I had rather touched up Barrington, for he had actually been thinking about a silver ink-pot, and Thwaites had been thinking about a cellaret with three bottles of various spirits; but I told them flatly I didn't agree with them. Then they asked Sutherland his idea, and he said it wasn't so much what we should like as what Hutchings would.

He said:

"Perhaps a very fine meerschaum pipe, mounted in silver with an inscription, would do, because there you have a creature comfort of the first cla.s.s and also a testimonial which would not wear out. And a pipe would be far more to Hutchings, either in war or peace, than an ink-pot, or, in fact, anything of that sort."

And Rice said:

"Why not get the man a sword? He could use it in the War, and, if all went well, he could hang it up in his home afterwards; and if there was blood on it, then he'd have great additional pleasure every time he looked at it. And so would his family."

Barrington rather liked the sword; but he said cla.s.sy swords were frightfully expensive, and he doubted whether we should run to it. Then the committee broke up, to meet again when we found how the subscriptions came in.

Unfortunately, this department of the testimonial was very slow.

Mitch.e.l.l, with great trouble, wrote out a list of the whole school, and was allowed to put it on the notice-board. Cla.s.s by cla.s.s he wrote it--one hundred and thirty-two boys he wrote--with money columns and a line leading from each boy to the money column. On it, in large ornamental letters, Nicholson, who was a dab at printing, put the words--

TESTIMONIAL FUND TO LIEUTENANT HUTCHINGS, FROM MERIVALE SCHOOL.

Then we all waited breathlessly for the result in the money column.

There was some delay, because everybody, of course, wrote home on the subject and mentioned it in the next Sunday's letters; and we pointed out to the kids that a good and useful thing to write home about, and something at least to fill two pages, would be the Hutchings testimonial. Whether they made the appeal or not, of course, none could tell, but if they did, the response was fearfully feeble. When questioned, they said that their people at home had done such a frightful lot for the War already that further cash for Hutchings was out of the question; while other parents wrote back, not that they had done much for the War, but that the War had done much for them in a very unfavourable manner. The result was apparently the same in each case, and the Lower School, all except Peterson in the Third, responded very badly to the appeal. He produced ten bob, much to our amazement, and there was one other ten bob, secured by Abbott through his mother, because his father was at the Front and still unwounded. As for the Sixth, who headed the list, we all gave three bob to a man, except Barrington, who gave five. The Fifth came out at about one and tenpence a head, which was fair, without being particularly dazzling; but the Fourth fell away a good deal. And after that there was a hideous array of blanks.

Mitch.e.l.l said it was probably owing to the utter failure of the dividends of the parents of the Lower School; and as we could not apparently make bricks without straw, we considered how to tackle the Lower School. There is no doubt the failure was genuine, for many of them had even their pocket-money reduced; so Pegram--who had only subscribed a shilling himself, by the way--proposed that the kids should be invited to give property instead of cash.

He said:

"If they all yield up something they value, we can collect the goods in a ma.s.s and have a sale, and the proceeds of the sale can go to the Hutchings Testimonial."

The committee approved of this, excepting Thwaites, who thought nothing of it; but when asked to give his objections, he merely said:

"Wait and see."

Which we did do, and found that Thwaites was wonderfully right, and had looked on ahead much farther than us. The kids agreed willingly to subscribe in goods, and were only too delighted to do so; but when it came to the point, the goods of the kids proved utterly worthless in the open market. It was a revelation, in a sort of a way, to see the things the kids valued and honestly thought were worth money. In fact, Preston said it was pathetic, and Pegram said we had a good foundation for a rubbish heap, but nothing more. They brought string and screws and nails, also the gla.s.s marbles from a certain make of ginger-beer bottle, and knives fearfully out of order, and corkscrews, and padlocks without keys, and a few threadbare story books, and three copies of _Hymns Ancient and Modern_, and two old horseshoes, and catapults and bullets and shot and charms. They also brought three steel watch-chains and one leather one; and Percy Minimus offered a watch-chain made from his mother's hair, so he said; but n.o.body bid for it, naturally, for who on earth wants a watch-chain made out of somebody else's mother's hair?

There was also a bottle imp, fourteen indiarubber b.a.l.l.s and seven golf b.a.l.l.s--all worn out--two kids' cricket bats unspliced, three pairs of tan gloves--new but small--and one pair of wool ones, eight neckties, not new, and a silk handkerchief, given to Tudor in case he had a cold in his head, but not required up till now, and therefore new. Among other items was half a packet of Sanatogen, also from Tudor, a box of chocolate cigarettes, several conjuring tricks, mostly out of order, and three guinea-pigs alive. Of other live things were included a white rat, with pink eyes and a hairless, pinkish tail, and a dormouse, which Mathers said was hibernating, though Mitch.e.l.l thought was dead. It proved alive, on applying warmth, and fetched fivepence. Lastly, there was a chrysalis, into which a remarkable caterpillar, found by Hastings on the twenty-first of last September, had turned; and as n.o.body knew the species of moth to be presently produced by it, Hastings thought it worth money, and put a reserve of two-pence on it. But the chrysalis was long overdue, and so it did not reach the reserve; and so Hastings, who was still hopeful, bought it back for that sum. As a matter of fact, it never turned into anything, and was found to be quite hollow when examined.

There was a good deal of other trash hardly worth mentioning, and many lots at the sale did not produce any offer at all, let alone compet.i.tion; and the owners of these lots thankfully got them back again, though, of course, sorry that they commanded no market value.

And some kids were much surprised to find their rubbish had no value at all in the eyes of the larger world, so to speak.

One way and another, the sale realized eight shillings and fourpence, chiefly owing to the generosity of Rice, who gave the absurd sum of two shillings for the guinea-pigs, which were not even the chrysanthemum variety of pig, with wild and tousled hair, but just sleek, ordinary pigs, and known to be far past their prime. One, in fact, had a bald head.

The Hutchings Testimonial now stood at four pounds fourteen shillings and sevenpence; and thanks to a windfall in the shape of five shillings from Cornwallis, who had a birthday and got a pound for it, we were now practically up to a fiver. In fact, I myself flung in the fivepence.

But we were far from satisfied, for, as Mitch.e.l.l with his mathematical mind pointed out, five pounds spread over one hundred and thirty-two boys amounts to the rather contemptible smallness of ninepence and one-eleventh a boy. We raised the question of inviting the masters to come in, from Dr. Dunston downwards, and some fondly thought that Dunston would very likely give another five pounds to double ours; but Barrington said he had reason to fear this would not happen, because, from rumours dropped between Brown and Fortescue, which he had accidentally overheard while working in Fortescue's study, he believed that a good many parents were putting the moratorium in force on the Doctor; and Fortescue seemed to think that it was quite within human possibility that the Doctor might put the moratorium in force on him and Brown, with very grave results to their financial position. But Brown said the moratorium was over long ago, and could not be revived against them.

Then two things of considerable importance happened on the subject of the Hutchings Testimonial. Firstly, we heard that Hutchings might come to Merivale for a week or so before returning to his regiment; and, secondly, Mitch.e.l.l made a very interesting offer concerning the five pounds now deposited with him. He said, very truly, that money breeds money in skilled hands, and that no financier worthy of the name ever lets his talent lie hid in a napkin, but far from it. He said to the committee:

"It's like this. We are now a fortnight from the holidays, and the holidays will be five weeks long. Five and two are seven, therefore it follows that for seven weeks this five pounds is doing nothing whatever.

This would be untrue to the science of political economy and banking.

Therefore I propose that I send the five pounds to my father and ask him to invest it in his business. My father, John Septimus Mitch.e.l.l, Esquire, is a member of the Stock Exchange of London, and would, no doubt, very easily turn our five pounds into six, or even seven, in the course of seven weeks. This would greatly increase the power of the committee and the extent of the testimonial for Hutchings. And then, at the beginning of next term, we shall be able to buy and present the testimonial in person to Hutchings."

Well, knowing Mitch.e.l.l, it was rather a delicate question in a way; but what he said was sound finance, as Barrington admitted, and Barrington himself felt thoroughly inclined to trust Mitch.e.l.l. We went into a sort of private committee, after Mitch.e.l.l had gone, and though I and Thwaites voted against, the majority was in favour of agreeing to the suggestion of Mitch.e.l.l. Therefore it was done.

Then Mitch.e.l.l sent the five pounds to his father, and gave us the cheering news that his father had received it and agreed to invest it at interest; and Mitch.e.l.l handed Barrington a doc.u.ment from his father to show all was being rightly managed on the Stock Exchange about it. And Barrington kept the doc.u.ment carefully, as it was legal, and had a penny stamp on it.

We next returned to the question of the testimonial itself, and still could not agree about it, though we were now able to argue on the basis of seven pounds instead of five. We had agreed about a sword, but unfortunately found, on inquiries, that a sword worthy to be called a presentation sword would cost about fifty pounds, and ought to have rubies and emeralds in the handle, which was, of course, out of the question. Many things were suggested, but none, somehow, met the case, and we fairly kicked ourselves to think that a committee like us were such a lot of fatheads. And, of course, dozens of the chaps asked us about it, and were rather surprised we couldn't think of the right thing. Proposals were showered in, but all to no purpose, and the end of the term actually arrived without anything being settled. It was then agreed that we should all think hard about the form of the testimonial during the holidays, and Barrington hoped that events at the Front might develop and help us to hit on a happy idea. And we all hoped so, too. As for Mitch.e.l.l, he said that he thought very likely Hutchings would rather have the money than anything else; but that was, of course, what Mitch.e.l.l himself would rather have had, though far below the mind of a patriotic man like Hutchings. And Thwaites said rather scornfully to Mitch.e.l.l that no doubt he would rather have money than an heirloom to hand down to the future generations; and Mitch.e.l.l said that he undoubtedly would, because money was out and away the best possible sort of heirloom, and everybody knew it at heart, even though they might pretend different.

Then the holidays took place, and the prizes were decidedly skimpy, which was a disappointment to those who got them and a comfort to those who didn't. Nothing of any consequence occurred to me during the holidays, and I had no idea for Hutchings worth mentioning; and when we all returned, we found the committee as a whole were in the same position as before. There were many suggestions made, certainly, but none that pleased the entire committee. Then a dreadful thing upset the situation, and for three days the darkness of returning to school was made darker still by a sensational rumour. Mitch.e.l.l did not turn up on the appointed afternoon, and it was whispered that he wasn't coming back at all! Presently the whisper grew into a regular roar, so to speak, and Brown announced the tremendous news that Mitch.e.l.l had left altogether, and might be going straight into his father's business of being a stockbroker on the Stock Exchange, London.

To add to this, Hutchings was now staying at Merivale with the Doctor for a few days before going back to the War, and he had already heard about the testimonial, and was undoubtedly in a great state of excitement about it. His wounds had taken an unexpectedly long time to heal, but he was now quite ready for renewed activity at the Front, and was, in fact, going back on the following Friday with other healed, heroic men.

Our position had now become extremely grave, and we held a committee meeting instantly, and Thwaites and I were in the position of the late Lord Roberts when he clamoured for an army and couldn't get one, because we had strongly advised that Mitch.e.l.l should not be allowed to send the money to his father; but the committee had outvoted us. I was dignified myself, and did not remind the committee of my views; but Thwaites did, and there was a good deal of bitterness in the remarks of the committee, till Barrington reminded us of the legal doc.u.ment which we had preserved with such care. He said that he was not in the least alarmed, and felt sure that, whatever Mitch.e.l.l might be, the father of Mitch.e.l.l was a man of honour, and would not risk his position on the Stock Exchange of London for a paltry seven pounds.

So we wrote to the address on the legal doc.u.ment, stating the case and saying politely, but firmly, that we expected the seven pounds by return of post. We added that we trusted Mitch.e.l.l's father implicitly, and that as the matter was very urgent, owing to Mr. Hutchings being just off again to the Front, we hoped that he would be so good as to give it his personal attention the moment he received our letter. This we all signed, to show how many people were interested and that it was a serious affair.

For three very trying days we heard nothing, and the school was in a fair uproar, and the committee got itself very much disliked. Then, when we had decided to put the matter into the hands of Dr. Dunston, Mitch.e.l.l himself wrote to me and sent a cheque signed by his father.

But it was not for seven pounds, I regret to say. In fact, it was not even for six. His wretched father had merely sent us back our five pounds with sevenpence added! Mitch.e.l.l explained that we had received four per cent. for our money, and that he was sorry nothing better could be done for the moment, owing to the Stock Exchange being very much upset by the War. And he asked us for a stamped receipt for the money, which we sent him in very satirical language, and said that no doubt his father had made the two pounds himself. And we promised faithfully that when we grew up and had dealings on the Stock Exchange of London, they wouldn't be with Mitch.e.l.l and his father. Barrington, by the way, wouldn't sign this piece of satire, which was invented by Tracey. All the same, we sent it, but Mitch.e.l.l never answered it, and soon afterwards he turned up again, having merely been ill and not going to leave at all. Hutchings was going on the following Friday and something had to be done at once. The committee, which was now fairly sick of the sight of one another, met again--for the last time, I'm glad to say--and the question being acute, as Thwaites said, we proposed and seconded that a master, or two, should be invited to help us with ideas. Then I thought of something still better, and suggested that we should simply and straightforwardly go to Hutchings himself and ask him what he most wanted in the nature of an heirloom that could be got for five pounds and sevenpence; and everybody gladly seconded this idea, though, of course, it was not so impressive as making a presentation with a few dignified words and the whole school present, as we had meant to do.

However, we went to Hutchings, and he was much pleased, and said it was ripping of us all, and promised, the morning before he went, to try and get us a half-holiday as a memory of him. This was good, but still better was the great ease with which Hutchings decided what he wanted.

He said:

"I'll tell you what I'll do. On my way through London to Dover I'll buy a pair of field-gla.s.ses, and I'll have inscribed somewhere on them--

'To LIEUTENANT T. HUTCHINGS, FROM MERIVALE SCHOOL.'"

We agreed gladly to this, and so did everybody, and several chaps, who had suggested this very thing and been turned down, reminded us afterwards.

At any rate, Hutchings got them, and wrote to Barrington, from a direction he couldn't name, to say he'd got them, inscribed and all, and that they were splendid gla.s.ses, and that we might picture him often using them on the field, to mark the enemy's position or sweep the sky for aeroplanes; which was very agreeable to us to hear, and showed all our trouble was by no means in vain. And, in return, we wrote to Hutchings and told him we were very pleased to know about the gla.s.ses, and were glad to inform him that we had got the half-holiday, and that though it unfortunately poured without ceasing all the time, it was quite successful in every other way.