The Honourable Mr. Tawnish Part 2

"Alas, what a divine creature is man, after all!" sighs Mr. Tawnish, with a shake of the head, "small matter of wonder if I cannot attain unto so high an estate; for I beg you to observe that though I am tolerably efficient in the use of my weapon" (here he laid his hand lightly upon the silver hilt of his small-sword), "though I can tell a spavined horse from a sound one, and can lose a trifle without positive tears, yet--and I say it with a sense of my extreme unworthiness--I have an excessive and abiding horror of mud, or dirt in any shape or form.

But is there no other way, Sir John? In remote times it was the custom in such cases to set the lover some arduous task--some enterprise to try his worth. Come now, in justice do the same by me, I beg, and no matter how difficult the undertaking, I promise you shall at least find me zealous."

"Come, Jack," cries Bentley, suddenly, "smite me, but that's very fair and sportsmanlike! How think you, d.i.c.k?"

"Why, for once I agree with you, Bentley," says I, "'tis an offer not devoid of spirit, and should be accepted as such."

Jack sat down, took two gulps of wine, and rose again.

"Mr. Tawnish," says he, "since these gentlemen are in unison upon the matter, and further, knowing they have the good of the Lady Penelope at heart as much as I, I will accept your proposition, and we will, each of us, set you a task. But, sir, I warn you, do not delude yourself with false hopes; you shall not find them over-easy, I'll warrant."

Mr. Tawnish bowed, with the very slightest shrug of his shoulders.

"Firstly, then," Jack began, "you must--er--must--" Here he paused to rub his chin and stare at his boots. "Firstly," he began again, "if you shall succeed in doing--" Here his eyes wandered slowly up to the rafters, and down again to me. "Curse it, d.i.c.k!" he broke off, "what the devil must he do?"

"Firstly," I put in, "you must accomplish some feat the which each one of us three shall avow to be beyond him."

"Good!" cries Jack, rubbing his hands, "excellent--so much for the first. Secondly--I say secondly--er--ha, yes--you must make a public laughing stock of that quarrelsome puppy, Sir Harry Raikes. Raikes is a dangerous fellow and generally pinks his man, sir."

"So they tell me," nodded Mr. Tawnish, jotting down a few lines in his memorandum.

"Thirdly," ended Bentley, "you must succeed in placing all three of us--namely, Sir Richard Eden, Sir John Chester, and myself--together and at the same time, at a disadvantage."

"Now, sir," says Jack, complacently, "prove your manhood equal to these three tasks, and you shall be free to woo and wed the Lady Penelope whenever you will. How say you, d.i.c.k and Bentley?"

"Agreed," we replied.

"Indeed, gentlemen," says Mr. Tawnish, glancing at his memoranda with a slight frown, "I think the labours of Hercules were scarce to be compared to these, yet I do not altogether despair, and to prove to you my readiness in the matter, I will, with your permission, go and set about the doing of them." With these words he rose, took up his hat, and with a most profound obeisance turned to the door.

At this moment, however, there came a trampling of feet upon the stairs, another door was thrown open, and in walked Sir Harry Raikes himself, followed by D'Arcy and Hammersley, with three or four others whose faces were familiar. They were all in boisterous spirits, Sir Harry's florid face being flushed more than ordinary with drinking, and there was an ugly light in his prominent blue eyes.

Now, it so happened that to reach the street, Mr. Tawnish must pa.s.s close beside him, and noting this, Sir Harry very evidently placed himself full in the way, so that Mr. Tawnish was obliged to step aside to avoid a collision; yet even then, Raikes thrust out an elbow in such a fashion as to jostle him very unceremoniously. Never have I seen an insult more wanton and altogether unprovoked, and we all of us, I think, ceased to breathe, waiting for the inevitable to follow.

Mr. Tawnish stopped and turned. I saw his delicate brows twitch suddenly together, and for a moment his chin seemed more than usually prominent--then all at once he smiled--positively smiled, and shrugged his shoulders with his languid air.

"Sir," says he, with a flash of his white teeth, "it seems they make these rooms uncommon small and narrow, for the likes of you and me--your pardon." And so, with a tap, tap, of his high, red-heeled shoes, he crossed to the door, descended the steps, turned up the street, and was gone.

"He--he begged the fellow's pardon!" spluttered Jack, purple in the face.

"A more disgraceful exhibition was never seen," says I, "the fellow's a rank coward!" As for Bentley, he only fumbled with his wine-gla.s.s and grunted.

The departure of Mr. Tawnish had been the signal for a great burst of laughter from the others, in the middle of which Sir Harry strolled up to our table, nodding in the insolent manner peculiar to him.

"They tell me," said he, leering round upon us, "they tell me your pretty Penelope takes something more than a common interest in yonder fop; have a care, Sir John, she's a plaguey skittish filly by the looks of her, have a care, or like as not--"

But here his voice was drowned by the noise of our three chairs, as we rose.

"Sir Harry Raikes," says I, being the first afoot, "be you drunk or no, I must ask you to be a little less personal in your remarks--d'ye take me?"

"What?" cries Raikes, stepping up to me, "do you take it upon yourself to teach me a lesson in manners?"

"Aye," says Bentley, edging his vast bulk between us, "a hard task, Sir Harry, but you be in sad need of one."

"By G.o.d!" cries Raikes, clapping his hand to his small-sword, "is it a quarrel you are after? I say again that the wench--"

The table went over with a crash, and Raikes leaped aside only just in time, so that Jack's fist shot harmlessly past his temple. Yet so fierce had been the blow, that Jack, carried by its very impetus, tripped, staggered, and fell heavily to the floor. In an instant myself and Bentley were bending over him, and presently got him to his feet, but every effort to stand served only to make him wince with pain; yet balancing himself upon one leg, supported by our shoulders, he turned upon Raikes with a snarl.

"Ha!" says he, "I've long known you for a drunken rascal--fitter for the stocks than the society of honest gentlemen, now I know you for a liar besides; could I but stand, you should answer to me this very moment."

"Sir John, if you would indulge me with the pleasure," says I, putting back the skirt of my coat from my sword-hilt, "you should find me no unworthy subst.i.tute, I promise."

"No, no," says Bentley, "being the younger man, I claim this privilege myself."

"I thank you both," says Jack, stifling a groan, "but in this affair none other can take my place."

Raikes laughed noisily, and crossing the room, fell to picking his teeth and talking with his friend, Captain Hammersley, while the others stood apart, plainly much perturbed, to judge from their gestures and solemn faces. Presently Hammersley rose, and came over to where Jack sat betwixt us, swearing and groaning under his breath.

"My dear Sir John," says the Captain, bowing, "in this much-to-be-regretted, devilish unpleasant situation, you spoke certain words in the heat of the moment which were a trifle--hasty, shall we say? Sir Harry is naturally a little incensed, still, if upon calmer consideration you can see your way to retract, I hope--"

"Retract!" roars Jack, "retract--not a word, not a syllable; I repeat, Sir Harry Raikes is a scoundrel and a liar--"

"Very good, my dear Sir John," says the Captain, with another bow; "it will be small-swords, I presume?"

"They will serve," says Jack.

"And the time and place?"

"Just so soon as I can use this leg of mine," says Jack, "and I know of no better place than this room. Any further communication you may have to make, you will address to my friend here, Sir Richard Eden, who will, I think, act for me?"

"Act for you?" I repeated, in great distress, "yes, yes--a.s.suredly."

"Then we will leave it thus for the present, Sir John," says the Captain, bowing and turning away, "and I trust your foot will speedily be well again."

"Which is as much as wishing me speedily dead!" says Jack, with a rueful shake of the head. "Raikes is a devil of a fellow and generally pinks his man--eh, d.i.c.k and Bentley?"

"Oh, my poor Jack!" sighed Bentley, turning his broad back upon Sir Harry, who, having bowed to us very formally, swaggered off with the others at his heels.

"Man, Jack," says I, "you'll never fight--you cannot--you shall not!"

"Aye, but I shall!" says Jack, grimly.

"'Twill be plain murder!" says Bentley.

"And--think of Pen!" says I.

"Aye, Pen!" sighed Jack. "My pretty Pen! She'll be lonely awhile, methinks, but--thank G.o.d, she'll have you and Bentley still!"

And so, having presently summoned a coach (for Jack's foot was become too swollen for the stirrup), we all three of us got in and were driven to the Manor. And I must say, a gloomier trio never pa.s.sed out of Tonbridge Town, for it was well known to us that there was no man in all the South Country who could stand up to Sir Harry Raikes; and moreover, that unless some miracle chanced to stop the meeting, our old friend was as surely a dead man as if he already lay in his coffin.