The History of The Hen Fever Part 25

should positively insist that this extraordinary man (if he can be proved to be sane) should at once accept from them one of the largest-sized leather medals, to be worn next to his gizzard, for this unexampled disinterestedness, and extraordinary sacrifice of self. O, but _that_ gentleman must be "a brick," indeed!

A journal that alluded to this singular circ.u.mstance, at the time, a.s.serted that this procedure on the part of the president "was highly commendable in the author, if his statements were made through _principle_, rather than through fear to encounter _public opinion_. He stands high in the estimation of the public, and we have ever considered him as strictly honorable in all his business transactions; but we cannot help thinking that 'a screw was loose' somewhere in the matter.

His statements are not very flattering to the judgment of the judges, and show that some of them, at least, were not competent to discharge their duties properly," etc.; while, in _my_ opinion, than this, a more bare-faced piece of _mush_ was never yet perpetrated, in the details even of the hen-trade.

This was emphatically among the "death-throes" of the _mania_. And cards like the following found their way into the newspapers, about this time, in further proof that the valve of this huge balloon had slipped out. An ambitious Western man says:

"I have long been expecting to hear of the swindling operations of a certain dealer, who makes a great display of _pretending_ to have _every_ breed known or bred in this country; and, to my _certain_ knowledge, buys all, or nearly all, of his fowls, as wanted, and as many on _credit_ as he can, but does not _pay_, nor can the _law reach_ him to make him pay. I believe, also, that the papers that advertise for him are doing it for _nothing_--that is, that they are not, and never will be paid for it.

"Such a course, in my opinion, is no better than highway robbery; and I hereby give said person fair warning to act honestly hereafter, or I will point him out in a way that shall not be misunderstood, as I cannot see such rascality perpetrated, and remain silent.

"A man who deals in high-priced fowls, in receiving pay in _advance_, has his customers completely at his mercy, especially when he is not _responsible_ for a copper; and at the rates that fowls sell for--say, from ten dollars to one hundred dollars a pair--purchasers should receive what is promised them,--good specimens of the _pure_ breeds. So far as _weight_ is concerned, a pair of fowls will fall off _a few pounds_ in a journey of a week or less, in a cramped condition, and perhaps without food for a portion of the time; but in other respects justice should be done to the confiding purchaser."

Beautiful!--poetical!--musical! This advertiser, I have no doubt, keeps only _pure_ stock. I do not know who he is; but, if I wanted to buy (which I don't), I should certainly apply to such an honest and justice-loving person, because I should feel a.s.sured, after reading such an advertis.e.m.e.nt, that _that_ man was a professor of religion; and, even if he had the chance, would never fleece me--_over the left_!

Other fanciers, in their utter desperation (as the fever so positively and now rapidly begun to decline), resorted to the printing of the _pedigrees_ of their stock; and the following advertis.e.m.e.nts made their appearance late in 1854:

"By the influence of Mr. Ellibeth Watch (editor of the _London Polkem Chronicler_, and uncle to the Turkish Bashaw with three long tails), I have just procured a few of Prince Albert's famous breed of 'Windsor fowls.' In a letter to me of the 32d day of April, Mr. Watch observes:

'I have positively ordered a trio of _Windsor_ Fowls of Prince Albert, for you. It is THE BEST BREED IN ENGLAND, and they are much run after, and cannot be had without giving previous notice; but you are safe to have yours. I have engaged a friend to choose yours for you; and I consider it _a great thing_ to get them direct from the Prince, for you must be aware that persons generally cannot exactly _pick and choose_ FROM THE PRINCE'S OWN STOCK. I shall employ an efficient person to have them shipped, etc.'"

In due time this remarkable stock arrived in America, and their pedigrees were duly published; the advertiser being "thus particular,"

because (as he a.s.serted) "there had been so much imposition upon the public by irresponsible persons _claiming to have made importations_"!

Now I never entertained the slightest objections to this sort of advertis.e.m.e.nt,--not _I_, i'faith! On the contrary, I deem all this kind of thing very excellent, in its way, to be sure. The more the merrier.

"The people" want it, and let them have it, say I.

But, at the same time, though the "Porte-Monnaie I owe 'ems" declare that their unrivalled stock comes from Prince Albert's yards, I feel very well a.s.sured that all this is a mere guy, it being very well known that His Royal Highness is not engaged in the hen-trade particularly, and of course has something else to do besides supplying even the "Porte-Monnaie Company" with his pigs and chickens.

It was a rare undertaking, this importing live stock (with any expectation of selling it) in the fall of 1854! But we shall soon see who were the final victims of the "fever."

CHAPTER x.x.xVIII.

THE PORTE-MONNAIE I OWE 'EM COMPANY.

It has been said, with much of truth, that "two of a calling rarely agree;" and this applies with force to those engaged in the "hen-trade."

Messrs. Mormann and Humm, whom I have before spoken of, couldn't long agree together, and their "dissolution" soon appeared; and, from the ashes of the professional part of this firm, there suddenly arose an entirely new dodge, under the big-sounding t.i.tle of

"THE PORTE-MONNAIE I OWE 'EM COMPANY."

The presiding genius of this concern was one Doctor Bangit,--an old friend of mine, who had been through wars enough to have killed a regiment of ghouls, who was among the earliest advocates and supporters of the "New England Mutual Admiration Society," who was one of the very first physicians employed in prescribing for the hen fever in this country, and who, I _supposed_, had had sufficient experience not to embark (at this late day) in such a ridiculous enterprise as this so clearly seemed to be.

But the doctor saw his victims in prospective, probably; and, though he had run the hummery of the fowl-fever so far into the ground that, in his case, it would surely never know a day of resurrection, still he was ambitious and hopeful; and he flattered himself (and some others) that the _last man_ who bought live stock had _not_ yet turned up! And so the doctor pushed on, once more.

The "BLOOD STOCK" of the "_Porte-Monnaie I owe 'em Company_"[12] was thus advertised, also:

"IN ADDITION to the genuine, unadulterated Prince Albert fowls, the 'Porte-Monnaie I owe 'ems' offer pigs, with tails on, of the Winsor, Unproved Ess.e.x, Proved Suffolks, Yorkshire, Wild Indian, Bramerpouter, Siam, Hong-Kongo, Emperor Napoleons, and Shanghae Breeds; most of them of new styles, and warranted to hold their colors in any climate.

"Also, Welsh Rarebits--bred from their Merino buck 'Champum,' of England (that _didn't_ take the first prize at the National Show, because Mr.

Burnham's 'Knock.u.m' did!), whose ears are each thirty-three feet longer than those of our best pure-bred jacka.s.ses, and wider than five snow-shovels, by actual measurement.

"Also, A-quack-it fowls; as Swans (_Porte-Monnaie I owe 'em_ strain), Two-lice, Hong-gong, Brumagem and other Geese. Ruin and Ailsburied Ducks, and Pharmigan Pigeons (blue-billed).

"Also, every breed of Gallinaceous fowls,--Games and other bloods already noted,--together with every species of pure and select blood-stock, which has been secured in Europe, Asia, Africa, and the Arctic Ocean, with reference to QUALITY, without regard to _price_.

"==>We can furnish pedigrees to all buyers who desire them, which will be endorsed by the faculty of Riply College, Iowa.

"N.B. The 'Winsor' breed of pigs imported by us is a great addition to the already fine hog stock of the United States, and is fully _equal_, if not _superior_, to any other breed. They are the very choicest of the royal stock which is so much admired in England. We are in possession of the shipping papers of these splendid pigs. The freight and incidental expenses on them, alone, amount to about six hundred dollars. They ought to be fine pigs. Three hundred dollars a _pair_ for the pigs from this splendid stock would be _low_, taking their great value into consideration. We have often heard of Prince Albert's stock of pigs, but until G.P. Burnham, Esq., of Russet House, Melrose, first imported this superb stock into this country, no American was ever honored with a shy at this extraordinary breed of swine. The company, at great expense and trouble, prevailed upon Mr. Burnham to part with a few of his second-rate samples; and they have now no doubt that they will be able to 'beat him all to rags,' in a few months, since they have been lucky enough to get them from him _pure_ly bred (probably!).

"P.S. Of these pigs, which gained the first prize and gold and silver medal at London in December, 1863, and the first prize and gold and silver medal in Birmingham, were from Tibby, by Wun-eyed Jack. Old Pulgubbin's pigs gained a prize at Mutton-head in 1729, and one at London in 1873."

Still, notwithstanding all this extra flourish of trumpets, the "Porte Monnaie I owe 'em Company" is well-nigh defunct. It was started, unfortunately, about five years and eight months "too late in the season."

Yet, as I honor talent and enterprise, wherever they may be shown, I trust that this a.s.sociation may be galvanized into successful operation--as, _perhaps_, it will!

[12] I trust that this a.s.sociation may not be confounded with the "_Fort Des Moines Iowa Company_." The difference will plainly be seen, of course.

CHAPTER x.x.xIX.

A SATISFACTORY PEDIGREE.

In the course of my live-stock experience, and especially during the excitement that prevailed amidst the routine of the hen-trade, I found myself constantly the recipient of scores and hundreds of the most ridiculously unreasonable and meaningless letters, from the fever-struck (and innocent) but uninitiated victims of this epidemic.

In England, amongst other nonsense bearing upon this subject, the more cunning poultry-keepers resorted to the furnishing of _pedigrees_ for the birds they sold. This trick worked to admiration in Great Britain for a time, and the highest-sounding names were given to certain favorite fowls, the progeny of which ("with pedigree attached") commanded the most extravagant and ruinous prices, in the English "fancy" market.

For instance, I noticed in the London papers, in 1852, an account given of the sale of "two splendid cinnamon-colored chickens, out of the famous c.o.c.k 'Jerry,' by the noted hen 'Beauty,' sired by 'Napoleon,'

upon the well-known 'Queen Dowager,' grandsire 'Prince Albert,' on 'Victoria First,'" &c. &c., which brought the handsome sum of one hundred and sixty pounds (or about eight hundred dollars). And, soon afterwards, the same dodge was adopted on this side of the Atlantic. The "Porte-Monnaie I owe 'em Company" have _now_ an advertis.e.m.e.nt in several New York and Western papers, concluding thus:

"To all who desire it, we will furnish authentic pedigrees of our stock of _all_ descriptions, which may be relied on for their accuracy."

This sort of thing was rather too much for my naturally republican turn of mind; and, though I could endure _almost_ anything in the humbug of this bubble, I couldn't swallow _this_. I received from New York State, one day, the following spicy epistle:

"MR. BURNHAM.

"SIR: I have been a live-stock breeder for some years in this and the old country, and I was desirous to obtain only _pure_-blooded fowls when I ordered the 'Cochins' of you last month. I asked you for their _pedigree_. You have sent none. What does this mean? I paid you your price--seventy-five dollars--for three chickens. What have you sent me? Am I dealing with a gentleman? Or are you a mere shambles-huckster? What are these fowls bred from? Perhaps I may find myself called upon to speak more plainly, sir. I hope not. Who _are you_? I sent for a pedigree, and I want it. _I must have it_, sir. You will comprehend this, I presume. If you do not, I can enlighten you further.

"In haste,

I smiled at the earnestness of this letter, the more particularly when I reflected that this gentleman always supplied to his patrons a thing he called a pedigree, for all the animals he sold--so intricate, conglomerated and lengthy, that no one would ever venture to dispute the authenticity and reliability of the doc.u.ment he sent them.