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I wasn't sure when it happened. Really, it could have been anytime between her showing up during mine and Duke's fight that afternoon and the night before in bed with her. It could have been the first time she let me kiss her or put my hands on her or take her without anything between us.
I had no idea.
But there was no denying it.
I hadn't recognized it right at first or was just chalking it up to being attraction or some superficial s.h.i.t like that. But the warm feeling in my chest, the way just hearing her laugh made me smile from across a f.u.c.king room, or how hearing her threaten to 'put a cap in my a.s.s' on Grand Theft Auto made me happier than any G.o.dd.a.m.n s.e.xual experience ever had. It was the way s.e.x wasn't just s.e.x anymore. Even when we were f.u.c.king- dirty, rough, hot, even then it wasn't just f.u.c.king. It was deeper than that.
I loved her.
And as the cliche went, I lost her.
I had looked back out the slot in the door to see Reeve, of all f.u.c.king people, come to her rescue and lead her away as she broke down.
I walked behind the bar, going right to the bottle of whiskey and drinking out of it.
"That ain't gonna help," Laz warned as he walked past. But he left it at that. There was no lecture. The last thing I needed was a lecture of the evils of alcohol from some holier than thou recovered b.a.s.t.a.r.d.
It wasn't going to help; but it was going to numb the stabbing feeling in my chest a bit. I knew that at least.
"Hey Renny," Lo's voice called, curious, as she walked up to the bar, head c.o.c.ked to the side.
"'Sup, Lo?"
"Do you have any idea where Repo keeps the pickling spices?"
It went over my head for a second before her brow slowly raised and I remembered a threat she made before things finally started for me and Mina. She had made a veiled threat about pickling my c.o.c.k like Rasputin.
"I f.u.c.king tried, Lo," I said, tipping up the bottle for another long swig.
"Did you?" she asked, brows drawing together. "Because it looks a h.e.l.l of a lot like you woke up in a mood this morning and conned me into letting you take Mina out to give her a 'surprise' and obviously led her into some kind of f.u.c.ked up scenario. That doesn't sound like trying to me. It sounds like you just want to be able to do whatever the f.u.c.k you want to do and everyone else is just supposed to deal with that. Well, news-f.u.c.king-flash, that isn't how relationships work."
"She wouldn't give me anything, Lo," I said, shaking my head, feeling the booze start to kick in, leading me more toward the dark side than the happy drunk I was hoping for.
"What are you talking about? She gave you everything. I have known that girl since she was nineteen years old. If you think the Mina you first met was cool, Renny, the one who came to me was about as warm as f.u.c.king liquid oxygen. It took her years to be able to do something as simple as laugh around most of us. The girl that has been in this clubhouse the last few days is the Mina I always knew she would be if she let her guard down- warm, sweet, f.u.c.king happy. That is everything. What more could you have wanted from her?"
"Her past," I admitted, suddenly not understanding why that had been so important to me in the first place.
"Right," she said, eyes angry. "Because heaven f.u.c.king forbid Renny doesn't get the answers he wants right when he wants them. It's only been a couple days. You couldn't have given her more time than that?"
She was right.
She was f.u.c.king right and I had nothing to defend myself with.
There was no excuse.
"Maybe this is insensitive," Lo said, her tone holding no apology, "but maybe consider some f.u.c.king therapy."
With that little death blow, she stormed away toward the bas.e.m.e.nt where I could hear one of the kids in the middle of an epic s.h.i.t-fit.
"Alright, what we got here?" Cyrus asked, walking behind the bar, tilting his head up at the shelves of liquor on the back bar. "I'm usually more of a whiskey guy myself, but you've had your mouth all over that one. Brothers or not, we're not swapping spit. So... vodka it is," he said, taking the bottle off the shelf and grabbing a gla.s.s.
"What are you doing?"
"Day drinking is fine. Drinking over a woman is fine too. But those things can't be done at the same time and alone. So, here's to those who wish us well; the rest can go to f.u.c.king h.e.l.l," he declared, clinking his gla.s.s to my bottle, and throwing it back. "Mother f.u.c.king s.h.i.t," he declared when he slammed his gla.s.s back on the bar. "Forgot how much vodka burns."
"You realize we're bikers, right?" I asked, shaking my head. "We don't have to do the responsible drinking thing. I can drink alone during the day over a woman."
"Yeah, well, I'm f.u.c.king bored," he shrugged. "Besides, that looked brutal. She wasn't even yellin' at me and I think my b.a.l.l.s shrank."
I snorted at that, shaking my head, and raising the bottle again. "Yeah," I agreed.
"Mina doesn't strike me as the crazy chick type so I'm a.s.suming you actually f.u.c.ked up."
"You have no idea."
"She also don't seem like the forgiving sort either."
"Nope," I agreed.
So then we drank. We drank until G.o.dd.a.m.n every part of me was numb except my f.u.c.king brain which just kept rolling over the events of the day over and over until I blessedly pa.s.sed out on the foot of my bed.
I was pretty sure I only made it there because Cyrus half-carried me.
He was shaping up to be a good brother, all said and done.
"Up," a curt voice demanded a while later, kicking my boot hard enough to make my body jolt.
"f.u.c.k off," I growled, my head slamming, every bit of me feeling dried out.
"Sorry to break it to you, but you're a G.o.dd.a.m.n grown man with responsibilities," Laz's voice said, sounding as casual as ever and when I craned my head to look over at him, he was relaxed, hands down at his sides, face almost expressionless. "You want to get s.h.i.tfaced, that's your business. Lord knows I can't judge you for it, but you need to get your a.s.s up and function."
"Thanks for the lecture, probie," I growled. "You can kindly f.u.c.k off now."
"See now," he said, clicking his tongue. "I would. Except Reign and the guys are half an hour out and I believe your a.s.s was supposed to be in charge. Get up. Get some ibuprofen. Drink some water. And at least pretend you were keeping an eye on things all day like you were supposed to."
"s.h.i.t," I hissed, pushing up to a seated position and cradling my head in my hands for a long minute, still mostly-drunk.
"Half a bottle of Jack," Laz observed, kicking it with his boot. "You're going to be suffering for a while."
With that, he grabbed the bottle and headed out and I dragged myself into the bathroom, drinking handfuls of water and splashing it on my face. I reached into the cabinet and took four ibuprofen then went back into the other room to change, fairly sure I reeked of booze.
When I walked into the common room ten minutes later, feeling not quite so dead, but not anywhere near sober, I found Cyrus still holding his bottle of vodka and Reeve with four beers in front of them.
"You stopped drinking before I did," I said to Cyrus, brows drawn together.
"Figured it'd look a lot better if we were all trashed when they got back. Like we did some brotherly bonding or some s.h.i.t," Cyrus said, saluting me with the bottle and taking a swig that he clearly didn't want.
"Renny, you look like s.h.i.t," Maze said as she walked up, shaking her head at me.
"Thanks, Violet. Always the charmer."
Penny walked out after her, excitement like a live wire inside her, her body too small to be able to contain it all. She was practically bouncing.
"Who got the call?" I asked, not seeing Lo anywhere and my phone wasn't in my pocket.
"Well after your cell wouldn't stop ringing for ten minutes straight," Summer said, walking over to where it was sitting on the bar, "I answered it."
I didn't try to defend my actions and I knew I was bound to be dealing with some coldness among the women when they figured out what happened so I might as well get used to it.
"Everyone alright?"
"Yeah," she said, nodding, reaching up to put her long red hair into a ponytail. "Reign said it was b.u.mps and bruises."
I didn't want to tell her that Reign's version of b.u.mps and bruises likely meant Superglue st.i.tches and broken ribs. She would see soon enough anyway.
"That'd be them," Cyrus observed as the sound of car doors met us.
It was all of two minutes before the front door burst open and brought our brothers back in.
"You said b.u.mps and bruises!" Summer snapped as soon as Reign crossed the threshold, the entire front of his white tee dripped with dried blood, most of which was likely his if his black eye that hinted at a busted nose and the huge gash down his cheek was anything to go by.
"Babe," he said, giving her a very tired smile and holding his arms out.
And she f.u.c.king flew at him, big belly and all.
"That's sweet and all, but where the f.u.c.k is my woman?" Cash asked, walking in next, looking less blood-stained than his brother but walking slow and favoring his right side like he had bruised or busted some ribs.
I had no f.u.c.king idea where Lo was.
"She's on her way back," Maze supplied, giving me a knowing look. "She had to deal with something. Where is, oh," she breathed out when Repo walked in- all kinds of f.u.c.ked up.
See, in the crazy anger department, Wolf took home first place. But Repo was a very close second when he was p.i.s.sed. And if his bruised and bloodied face was anything to go by, he had gone in whatever he had gone into way too hot and bloodthirsty.
"You can shoot the top off a bottle of beer at like a thousand yards and you go in using your fists," Maze said, rolling her eyes at him for a second before smiling and stepping into his arms.
Penny moved in beside me, genuinely seeming like she might jump out of her skin with antic.i.p.ation as we waited for the final member to walk back in.
Then he did.
But he wasn't alone.
No, he was pulling a man along with him. A man with his hands cuffed behind his back.
He was tall and strong with long dark hair that he had in a bun at the crown of his head and a full dark beard. His eyes were dark too- almost black. Everything about him elicited the immediate feeling of danger.
The man was dangerous.
It was also almost painfully clear he was not Italian.
If I had to put my money on anything, it would be Romanian.
"Reign..." Summer said, stiffening, pulling away from her husband. I could practically hear her brain screaming: there are kids here.
"This f.u.c.k is Edison. We found him chained up in Little Ricky's bas.e.m.e.nt," Reign supplied, waving a careless hand toward the men.
"Smells like a gin joint in here," Repo observed suddenly. I stiffened, thinking it was chastis.e.m.e.nt, before he broke into a grin. "Forgot what that was like. It's like old times."
"Penny," Duke said suddenly and I realized the bouncy, happy Penny had deflated beside me.
Because if I thought Repo was a mess, Duke took the cake. One of his eyes were almost swollen shut; his lip was split; there was a long gash down the side of his neck, and his hands were so ripped open that the healing process was going to be long and painful because anytime he stretched his fingers, it was going to rip scabs open.
Her head turned, looking up at me a little hopelessly.
"Fell in love with a biker, blondie. Get used to blood," I told her, pushing her forward and she slowly closed the s.p.a.ce between her as Edison moved out of the way, watching Penny with an interest that wasn't s.e.xual in the least as she walked up to Duke, refusing to step into his arms.
"I don't want to hurt you," she insisted about half a second before Duke grabbed her and lifted her off her feet by her a.s.s as his lips claimed hers.
"Since when do you guys take prisoners?" Lo asked, having come in from the garage unnoticed, her eyes looking over Edison.
"Long story, sweetheart," Cash said, giving her a small smile. "I can tell you all about it in bed," he told her, grabbing her and pulling her down the hall.
"Lame a.s.s party with only three of you drinking," Reign declared, tucking his woman under his arm and walking toward us.
"Is is a victory one now?" Cyrus asked, looking almost green from the booze he had been downing for my benefit.
Reign looked over to me, nodding. "We can walk around again without having to worry," he said. "We gotta go wash up and see our kids. After that, we'll fill you in. Whoever is sober enough to be trusted around fire, make some food. It's going to be a late night," he added before moving off toward the hall.
"Yeah, I better clean up too," Duke said, putting Penny back on her feet as Repo and Maze disappeared. "You can keep an eye on him for a bit, right?" he asked as he reached into his pocket for a key and unlocked one of Edison's wrists, moving them forward and cuffing them in the front. "Give him something to drink too," he said as Edison walked over toward us.
"Vodka, whiskey, gin, beer or tequila?" Cyrus asked as the silent, intimidating presence moved to stand beside where he was sitting.
"Vodka," he ground out, his voice so low and gravely it was almost hard to understand.
"Here you go, man," he said, handing him the bottle he had been holding. "Think I'm cured of vodka for the next year or five."
Edison closed both his hands around the bottle and brought it up, tipping his head back and chugging the contents.
"That's not juice, man," Cyrus half-laughed as he kept downing the clear liquid.
He didn't bring the bottle down until the crazy mother f.u.c.ker drank almost all of what was left- which was two-thirds the bottle.
"Haven't had a drink in three months," he supplied in that same guttural growl of his.
"It'll do you no good if it all comes back up though," Cyrus said, shaking his head.
"Been drinking since I was thirteen. Save for that first time, I've never been sick. But thanks for the warning. Where the f.u.c.k am I right now?" he asked, looking around the room with its lack of windows or any real decoration.
"The Henchmen MC compound," I supplied, motioning toward my cut as I did so.